Disclaimer: Seriously people, it's called a fanfiction for a reason. I own myself

~~~~~~~~t(* V *)~~~~~~~~

"Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit."

-Anonymous

Let me first introduce our main character of this story before we do anything else. Our main character's name is Rae Lee, an average girl in high school, Jr. if you want to be nit-picky. She has thick dirty blonde hair with the tips of it dyed a black color, although most of the time it's feint since she's rather lazy when it comes to dying it. She has hazel eyes with a part in the left eye having a slight brown section in it, it's actually called sectorial heterochromia, look it up if you don't know what it is.

She has a decent face, you know you could distinguish her as a female like many other girls out there. The thing was she wasn't ugly, but not a model either. She was, as I said before, a very average girl. The school year just started and she was extremely upset by it, being surrounded by people she referred to as 'peasants'.

"You know, I could've told them all this."

D-did you just break the fourth wall?!

"This is a crack-fic, obviously I did."

Well stop it, I'm the narrator!

"You're literally me, I'm just in a written format. Seriously, even my name is just your middle name split into to sections."

Shut up.

"Excuse me, I'm the protagonist."

Many people had now turned to Rae as she walked home.

"Great, now people think I'm talking to myself."

You are, now just act natural and walk normally.

"You got it, dude."

As Rae walked home she noticed a box by the side of her house. She slowly approached it and noticed it moved slightly. "What the fuck…?" She asked while opening the box and seeing a blue cat with black eyes staring at her. "Okay well my dad is allergic to cats and you're kind of weird looking so I'm just gonna walk away now." She said to herself.

Take the cat.

"I don't want to take the cat.

Take the damn cat, it's the center of this fucking story!

"But dad's allergic…"

What dad?

"Wait…holy shit what did you do to my dad?"

And I ask again, what dad are you referring to? Also I got rid of your family, sent them on a vacation to a far off land and they won't be back until the end of the story.

"So you're holding my family hostage so I can continue this damn story…?"

Yes, now take the cat back home.

"Okay kitty, since my family is being held hostage I'm taking you with me." Rae said while picking up the cat who struggled in her grasp. "Shut up, this is all your fault!" Rae hissed while throwing the cat carefully into her oversized jacket pocket before continuing on her way home. It was a long walk and usually she'd usually have her sister drive her home but due to a certain, amazing by the way, narrator I have forced her to walk home.

"Pissed off at you."

Nobody cares!

Rae eventually got home and lazily unlocked the door and saw her small pug run up to her and she let out a sigh. "Great, now I have to take care of you all by myself…" Rae grumbled as the dog let out a weird look before burping and running away. "Fuck you too, Lily!" Rae said while going and sitting on her couch. She pulled out the cat who was glaring at her.

"Oh shit…forgot I had a pencil in my pocket." She said while looking at the small cut on the cat's ear.

"Wait…how did a mechanical pencil hurt you…?"

Magic

She sighed before fixing the wound and looking at the cat. "What now?" She asked herself…or should I say she asked me.

You're supposed to be suspecting it being in the Akatsuki and being Kisame right now. After you decide it's impossible you then go ahead and name it something stupid then for the rest of the chapter and possibly the next chapter you talk about taking care of the cat that seems human. Then you give it a bath and it turns into his real form, and he'll be naked.

"So…give him a bath then?"

No, follow the damn plot that everyone uses!

"Well fuck you too…" Rae mumbled before looking at the cat. "I swear you remind me of Kisame from the Akatsuki in that anime I know everything about called Naruto since I watch it without fail every single day. But that's totally impossible since this isn't a fan fiction. And by isn't I mean it totally is but I'm not supposed to know that. So I guess I'm going to name you something stupid and cliché…you are now named Jaws." Rae's voice carried on in a bored voice as the cat looked at her with wide eyes.

"He can't hear you, can he?

Only you, buttercup.

"Also I'm schizophrenic, so don't worry if I talk to myself." Rae said as an after thought before picking the cat up. "Let's get you some food. I know, tuna sounds good and since you're only a kitten, despite your true age, I shall give you milk as well. Two percent if you don't mind." She said while grabbing said things and throwing them in a bowl.

"Eat up." Rae said with a small frown while walking and turning the TV on and plopping her legs onto the automan that was in the middle of the living room.

What are you doing?

"Doing what I always do."

No, you need to have an amazing talent that you show to the kitten accidently and the cat will admire you for it.

"I'm a writer, let me just go ahead and write a short story then."

No, you need something that stands out. Ah you know that acoustic guitar that you got a couple months back and you haven't been able to play it since a string broke so you suck at guitar?

"Yes…why?"

You now have the most amazing, silky smooth voice and you can play your perfectly fine guitar and it is so amazing people can cry from it.

"Okay you can kidnap my family, but you can't give me powers."

Fine…sing a song then.

"I don't want to, let me watch TV like I do everyday after school!"

Damn, so grouchy.

"You've been annoying me for a whole hour!"

Fuck it! Give the cat a bath then and turn him back into his form so he can threaten you then you'll offer him a room here!

"I don't want a criminal in my house, I like my things."

I have your family.

"Damn…fine let me get the cat…" Rae then mumbled while looking for the cat/man and grabbed the blue fuzzball before turning on the bath and dumbing some cold water over its head. There was a loud poof of smoke and Rae threw a towel that was near the bath before walking out. "I'll get you clothes…" She called, luckily her dad was tall and had large clothes that easily fit the shark man. Although there was the thought that she'd, no matter what, have to go shopping for him.

"Damn…where do I get the money?"

I gave you a million dollars bitch!

"Then can I buy a cooler house and a car for myself?"

No, it's the story funds for clothes and food. Deal with it.

"Fuck you."

When?

Rae grumbled off before the Shark man came out of the place. "Okay, let me explain." Where her famous last words before being knocked unconscious.

Okay everyone, here is the pilot chapter. So lately I've been tired of all these cliche stories of the Akatsuki characters coming to our world (although granted some are amazingly written and they have a plot) so here is the first chapter for my crack story. Seriously this is the crackiest thing I've ever written besides the story I once wrote about a Jelly Bean who had multiple personality disorder and tried to escape being eaten by a four year old rabbit. Don't ask. Anyway it's late here and I have no idea if I'll continue this story, if you want me to continue then just...I dunno review or some shit. I seriously don't know if I will continue this, I might for my own entertainment.

Also fun fact I actually do have sector heterochromia in my eye, so take that. The character is based off me and I'm the narrator so there you have it. This might even develop into something more than a crack fix, who knows. Well I love you all and goodnight. I have shit to do in my sleep, like dream about my naruto harem. Byes~