Hi. This is a songfic about Train wanting to quit Chronos with the song Numb by Linkin Park. It's also got a bit of Zagine thrown in there. Uhm…Not really a pairing for this one, but I guess you can interpret it as a bit of TrainXSaya.
Disclaimer: Do I really have to tell you I don't own Black Cat?
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He hated life. He despised it, loathed it. Every second of his life was full of pressure and hurt, loss and grief. He couldn't stand living this way. Yet he had to. It was either live the way you hate, or die. He was tired of being everything Chronos wanted him to be. He was faithless, lost just under the surface, surrounded by darkness and confusion. Nothing good had ever come out of his life. All he wanted was to be rid of all this pain and grief. But, as long as he was alive, that couldn't be done. "You're just a pet for Chronos. Always doing what they want, like a good little cat." This was true. He was the Black Cat, a merciless, cold-hearted killer. But he didn't know what the world –or the Council of the Elders- wanted him to be, what they expected him to be. He was put under the pressure of walking in their shoes, and every step he took was just another mistake to them.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface,
I don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is just another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
He had become numb, emotionless, devoid of any feeling. His face was a stony mask that hid any emotion apart from malice. Even that wasn't welcome. His body was just an empty vessel that had been sucked dry by Chronos. They treated him like dirt, like their pet. Their toy to do whatever they pleased with. He couldn't feel them there anymore. He was so much more aware now, from all their surprise attacks and dangerous missions. He was the best eraser of the Chrono Numbers, yet all he really wanted was the complete opposite of what they wanted. They wanted him to complete each mission without question, but all he wanted was to be his own person. He wanted to be less like them, the emotionless killers that held one third of the world's economy in their power, and more like himself, a stray cat who lived life on his own terms.
I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware,
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and less like you
They were smothering him, giving him missions that took up every second of his spare time. He knew that they were gripping him too tightly, afraid that they would lose control over their pet. Yet he continued to defiantly refuse to kill his target, to give them what they wanted. They were getting cocky, full of themselves and thought that he would do whatever they ordered him to do like a good cat, just because none of the other numbers refused a mission. He was number XIII, bringer of bad luck with his trusted pistol Hades. But not anymore. They were losing their control on him. Everything that they wanted him to be was falling apart right in front of them, and they didn't like it one bit. Pets weren't supposed to defy their masters. Every step he took was another mistake to them, and he didn't care. Every second that he wasted on them was more than he could take.
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding to tightly, afraid to lose control,
'Cause everything you thought I would be
Has fallen apart, right in front of you,
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is just another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
His eyes were the eyes of a killer. Sharp, cat-like golden eyes that could kill. If you looked close enough, those eyes would lead you down to his core that was so numb (that sounded like Evanescence, Bring Me to Life). His reluctance to complete missions did not go unpunished, but he didn't really care. He hardly listened to all their lectures. Whenever they told him to kill, memories of the man who had ruined his life came rushing back. His mop of dirty blonde hair, tattered black full-cover cloak and malicious smile as gunshots sounded in the air and the two bodies fell to the ground, blood staining their clothes, leaving the young boy before him an orphan…He was just like that man had been, with someone disappointed in him, and he was in danger of failing as he had done. And that was not what he wanted.
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
Whenever gunshots marked the death of another victim, blood flying in the air as he shot, the emptiness in his chest ate away at him. He was hollow, just the empty shell of the boy he used to be. He had faced more sadness in the twenty-one years he had been alive than most people felt in their whole life. And he was a different, numb person because of it. Trying to unravel the hidden feelings deep inside his heart was near impossible. Yet she had done it. Saya, his only friend, had managed to pry open his heart enough to make him smile. But, even though she thought he experienced happiness, it was another mask to hide how numb he was. He was tired and aware, wanting to be more like himself, a unique individual who had the right to live life the way he wanted.
I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware,
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and less like you
He tried to feel happy when he was around her, he really tried, but it seemed that, because he was so numb, his heart was incapable of feeling any emotion. This was drawing him away from everyone, hiding him from the world. He was withdrawn from everyone and everything around him, not feeling them there, living in solitary, only in contact with another human being when he shot them. Saya was the only one he talked to. When things got almost too much to bear and he wanted to breakdown, his heart wouldn't let him. It made him stand solid, hiding any traces of emotion deep within his soul. He was numb, and tired of being what Chronos wanted him to be. But that was about to change. No longer would he be Black Cat of the Chrono Numbers, but Train Heartnet the stray cat, doing whatever he pleased.
I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
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Well, did you like it? I hope you did, 'cause if you don't then I wasted my time. Don't forget to review! Please?