AN: Everything in bold italics are the lyrics to the song.

Anything in "speech marks" is taken from Blood Captain

I missed out a bit of speech towards the end since I didn't want it to drag out to long.

The fic's a bit confusing since Its suppose to show what Lorcan's thinking and I presume his thoughts would have gotten a bit confusing in all his grief…(Well, I can dream can't I?!) ;)

Also it's a good idea to listen to the song, 'cause it rocks!

And I will hopefully have a new chapter of 'Memories' out by the end of the week.

Disclaimer: Vampirates and all related characters are owned by Justin Somper. Forgive Me is preformed by Evanescence.

R&R

"We only want what's best for you"

"And the best thing for me is never to see you again?"

Lorcan nodded sadly.

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

He could see the heartbreak in her eyes. She had gone through so much just to be here now, she had offered to give up everything just to stay by his side and now he was telling her to just leave. The words tasted like poison on the tip of his tough, even as he spoke them.

I felt the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you

"Yes I know it's difficult but, in time you'll come to see I'm right"

It was a lie of course; but he had to do this, the alternative was to terrible to bare, but that didn't mean he was happy about it: He hated the broken expression on her face and the cold, empty look she gave him, but most of all he hated himself for saying those words. Did she know he didn't mean it?

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

He could see a mixture of anger and sorrow in her eyes, she never had been good at hiding her feelings from him, he could read them easily no matter how much she tried to hide them but her heart was like an open book; He had always loved that about her.

Lorcan expected her to hate him, just as he hated himself, it would have been easier for both of them. But instead her voice was cold and distant,

"I don't think so, I don't think I'll ever thank you for this."

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

He hadn't meant it. Surly she must have seen through his thinly disguised lie?

"Don't go now, Don't run away while your upset"

"I just need some time to myself, to think this through"

She left him and he just watched her go. He wanted to call out to her; to tell her to stop, to tell her he was sorry but he didn't. This was for the best, wasn't it? He just wanted her to be happy and she said she was just thinking it through so she wasn't gone yet so there was still time. But then why did he get the feeling something wasn't right?

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."

Hadn't he already caused enough trouble by lying about her mother? What if this had been the finale straw? What if he lost her for good this time? He stood up from his bed he had been sitting on. He had to find her, he had to apologise. He followed the sound of her cries as best her could. He remembered how it had felt the first time she had left, he couldn't let that happen again.

The sound of sobbing stopped, he tried to head to where he last heard her desolated tears. He couldn't find her. Wandering round in despair, he wanted nothing more than to collapse and give up, feeling sorry for himself. 'No!' He had to do this, he had to find her before it was to late. 'To late for what?' a voice asked in his head, 'To late for you to be together?' 'Be quite!' Lorcan shouted inside his head, but their was no one to shout at; he was only expressing his own doubts, 'You already know you'll never have a happily ever after…'

"No!" This time it was Grace's voice that answered his doubts.

But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

He ran towards her voice, "What's going on here?"

"Lorcan!" Grace gasped

The vampire, Johnny -that was his name, said something but he didn't hear; all he saw how much pain she was in and her bound hands and the hand round her neck.

He felt anger washing over him and grabbed the vampires arm, "Let her go!" It wasn't working, he needed to find another way to save her, instantly dark thoughts of the past entered his mind, Johnny said something again but he didn't register it, "Just let her go"

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

He could read the despair in Grace's expression. He raised his hand to Johnny's neck and watched grimly as his ring dug into the vampires flesh, while pulling Grace to safety. He untied the ropes, not daring to look her in the eye. He winced when he saw the extent of her bruises, What if he had lost her?

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

"Is it bad? I hardly dare look."

"It's pretty bad, I'm afraid. You're going to need pot's of that elder salve." He pushed their fight from his mind, he needed to make sure she was okay first. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Johnny stagger to his feet, "They're only surface cuts, nowhere near as deep as the cuts you've inflicted on her."

"What are you talking about? I've never hurt Grace. Not once." He said confused, How could he ever hurt her, it would be like stabbing his own heart.

"Oh, really? Because that's not the way she tells it."

He glanced at Grace, horrified at himself, he couldn't have hurt her and not have realised it, could he? No it wasn't possible, he would never harm a hair on her head that was one thing he was sure of. "What are you talking about? I never hurt Grace. Grace tell him-" Then he realised what Johnny had meant, he had hurt her. And it had been a lot worse than the bruises she had gotten from Johnny, he could see it in her eyes and he was so sorry.

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

"Oh, stop whingeing. It's time for you to grow up and become a man. It's time for you to make up your mind about Grace. It's like you hot one moment, cold the next. She doesn't know where she stands with you none of us do."

Lorcan felt a mixture of feelings wash over him: shame, guilt and anger all mixed together. "My feelings for Grace are…complicated"

"Complicated! Complicated? That's as lame as we might have expected from you. Look at the fact, amigo. She came all the way up this mountain to help you She's been living with vampires for moths now. Why the way she tells it, she even offered to be your donor And how do you repay her. You tell her that it's all a big mistake and she should go back to her regular little life and forget you."

"No." He glanced back and forth between Grace and Johnny, what had gone on between them? Had Grace betrayed him? Heaven know he deserved it, but still the thought filled his head with jealousy. "It wasn't like that." he never meant to hurt her.

"Then tell us."

He couldn't. And they continued to argue,

"No, you don't know what your talking about. I told you before my feelings for Grace are-"

"Yeah, yeah, we know - complicated."

He couldn't lie anymore, He grabbed Graces arm and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I do have feelings for you, Grace. The very strongest of feelings" And forgive me, please he pleaded sightlessly in his head as he held her. He kissed her forehead.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you