AN: Warning Will Robinson, Warning
I recently saw the episode where Gil left CSI and I was not happy, I have been a Gil/Nick fan for a while and was never that happy with the Gil/Sara story arc in the series. But that's just me. So I decided to write a fix for the ending of Gil's story. While it was painful to write Nick's death, for me it was the only way I could be happy with Gil leaving to head off into the sunset with someone else.
So be warned.
This is a death fic, but it is also a life fic. It starts of as slash but ends up somewhere else. There is probably something in here for everyone, but this was mainly written for me. If anything I have wanred you about offends you then simply don't read any further. As with all of my fics so far there is no graphic sex scenes in this story, just a little love and some peoples feelings. You have been warned.
They had been hunting a serial killer for over a week, he'd come to their attention after his last kill. It had been brutal, and he'd taken the opportunity to taunt them about what he'd been doing, taunting them about who he had taken and how so many others suffered because of his power. His targets were always people who had come from large families, people who would be missed by many. Then he'd struck at the team, they'd been closing in on him and he'd retaliated.
He'd taken Nick.
The team had been working around the clock for 2 days, working nonstop since they'd realised that Nicky had been taken. They had been starting to worry that they wouldn't be able to find him, find the killer, before they finally got a lead that led them tracking down where the killer was holding Nick.
The team arrive in the early hours of the morning, just before sun rise. Brass and Cath had entered with the other cops clearing the way as they go, Greg had followed with Gil as the way is cleared and they know it is safe for them. The room where Nick is being held and tortured is one of the last ones to be cleared.
No one had been sure what to expect from the place, but none of them had been expecting what they had found. The warehouse was old and in a rundown area. Perfect for the killers needs, a place for him to hide, to perfect his craft. And he'd worked at it. The warehouse was teaming with evidence for them to process. Tools that he'd used, animals that he'd practiced on and blood covering many of the surfaces. This place would remain in their memories for years to come. They all knew it.
They had gone in hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. They knew that their perp wasn't going to give up without a fight, and they hadn't been disappointed. He'd gone down fighting. But in the end they had taken him down.
Permanently.
Nick had been taken two days ago from out the front of Gil's place by the killer. He was drugged and taken to the warehouse where he'd been systematically tortured. He was used as a punching bag, had a few broken bones, rope burns around his wrists and burns from the tazer that the killer had gotten a hold of. But by far the worst had been the many cuts he'd been inflicted with. They varies in depth, some very shallow but as time went on the cuts got deeper and closer to major arteries and veins. By the time that the team found him Nick was fading fast. He was almost beyond pain now and was barely hanging on. He was still tied to the chair that the killer had left him.
Nick barely had the strength left to struggle when he felt himself being released and it took him a few minutes to realise that he has been rescued. But he also knows that his rescue has come too late.
Gil is the one who reaches Nick first, he unties him and eases him off of the chair. It doesn't take him long to assess just how badly injured Nicky is, and he gathers him close and begs Nicky to stay with him. Pleads with him, he doesn't care that they are surrounded by other cops, by those who may not have known about the two of them. The only thing that matters to him now is that he has found Nick, that he stays with him, that Nick continues to fight. He doesn't care that he can feel the tears in his eyes.
Nick rallies himself enough to realise where he is, what's happening and who's holding him. He is very calm but he also feels the sadness well up in him as he realises that he is causing his lover so much pain.
The warehouse is full of activity as police continue to search and make sure that the situation is under control. The team gather around Nick and Gil and provide a shield against the turmoil that surrounds them, none of them are paying any attention to anyone or anything other than Nick.
Gil pleads with Nick to stay with him, and demands to know what's keeping the EMT's. Apparently they were caught up with a road accident on their way to the warehouse, another one had been dispatched but wouldn't be there for about 10 minutes.
Nick reaches up to Gil's face and smiles.
"Love you."
"I love you to Nicky, stay with me."
Nick's smile fades, he wishes that he could stay, that he wasn't the cause of Gil's pain. But he knows that his time is short.
"It'll be all right," he dropped his hand to Gils heart. "everything will work out all right Gil."
Gil felt his heart breaking, he knew that his lover was saying goodbye to him, but he didn't think he could face the future without Nick. He was never supposed to outlive his Nicky.
He felt Nick fading, heard is breath become shallower, slower.
"Please Nicky, fight, stay!"
"love...you...always..."
And then Nick Stokes was gone. It was quiet and peaceful, he just slipped away between on breath and the next but all his team felt it the moment he left.
None more so than Gil.
The quiet pleading that he'd been doing since he'd released Nicky, the silent tears that had fallen as he'd held his lover could no longer be denied. Gil Grissom sat on the dirty floor of the ware house and cried for his lover, his partner, his life.
Once again he was covered in the blood of a loved one. Six months ago it had been Warrick. This time is was so much worse. This time it was Nick's blood and he didn't know how he was going to go on. Nick had told him that he'd be all right. But right now, for the first time ever, he didn't believe his lover.
He didn't know how long he sat there holding Nick's lifeless body. He knew it must have been a while, the other cops were mostly gone. He could see Greg and Riley quietly working the scene. Catherine was hovering nearby with Jim, talking quietly to the EMT's and some other cop. He saw David approach Cath and Jim. And he knew that it was almost time. Time to let his lover go. But he wasn't sure if he could do it. He held onto Nick a little tighter.
Catherine approached Gil on her own, wanting to shield her friend as much as she could, give him the time he needed to accept that his lover was dead. But he hadn't moved much for some time now, and it was time for them to take Nick's body back to the lab.
"Gil."
He was silent for a minute, hoping that she would leave him alone. But when he realised that she wasn't going, and what she wanted he uttered one single word.
"No."
"It's time. Let us take care of him now. David's here to take care of him, let me take care of you."
"I can't Cath, he can't be dead."
Catherine crouched down next to Gil and hugged him. And if she cried a little herself? Well she was only human wasn't she? When she felt him relax his hold on Nick a little she gave David the go ahead to move closer.
She watched as Gil helped David move Nick into the body bag, as he caressed Nick's face gently on last time and as he lent down and gently kissed Nick's forehead.
It had been one hell of a year for all of them. First Sara leaving them suddenly. The job finally taking its toll on her. Then Warrick was murdered. Their family was hurting, it was crumbling. But they had pulled together, were finally coming out stronger, closer.
But now with Nick gone, she didn't think that this family could pull together again. Nicky had been the heart and soul of their family, so open and friendly and loyal. When he had been hurt they all hurt, and now he was dead and she knew that her family would never be the same again.
It had been a week since Nick had died, and now Gil was standing in their home getting ready to go to his funeral. He stood in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection. It was like looking at a stranger. He no longer recognised the man he saw in front of him.
He was waiting for Nick's family to arrive. They were all going to the funeral together. It was what Nicky would have wanted. His family was all here. All his brother and his sisters, their partners and their children. The Stokes clan had descended on Las Vegas on mass. He loved the time that he and Nicky had spent with his family over the years, treasured the memories and the feeling of acceptance and inclusion that he'd been met with when Nicky had told his family about them, not long after that had come out to their family at the lab.
They had had a good life together. Full of the usual ups and downs that most couples have. And a few extra to go along with it. But they had been good for each other.
And now it was over.
They had plans for their future. Gil was retiring and Nicky was going to take some time off. Together they were going to travel and do research. He was going to write another book and Nicky was going to take the photos for it. It was perfect, it had been so close. The forms had been submitted and Ecklie had signed off on them. They only had a couple of weeks to go before they'd be off on their adventure.
He heard the knock at the door.
He sighed and pulled himself together. It was time to say goodbye to Nicky one last time.
The church ceremony was a blur. He remembered entering the church with Nick's family surrounding him, and his family right behind them. He sat in the front row of the church next to Nick's mother, with Catherine behind him, within reach. He wasn't surprised at the turn out. Nicky had been loved by all who knew him, cops and victims. He'd made such a difference with his life.
He listened as people spoke about Nicky, his brother, Brass, a sister. Then he'd gotten up and spoken. Just like he'd done at Warrick's funeral six months ago. It had hurt then, but this time it just about killed him to stand up in front of all of those people and talk about his lover.
Then they were at Nicky's graveside. Three rows of seats for his family. Gil sat next to Nicky's mother, again, on one side and Catherine on the other. Both held one of his hands. But he was numb. He listened as if from a distance and the priest gave the final prayers. As Ecklie said a final farewell. As the flag that topped Nicky's coffin was folded and brought over to him. He looked at the flag blankly for a second before accepting it. He held it tight for a second and then handed it over to Nicky's mother. He saw the tears fall as she accepted it from him, he could see that she was touched that he wanted her to have it.
Then he watched as his heart and soul were lowered into the grave. He got up with Nick's family, all of his family and paid his last respect to Nicky as he threw some of the dirt onto the coffin. And then he was guided back to the cars. It was time for the wake.
He hadn't been left alone for a minute since he'd been picked up this morning for Nicky's funeral. Someone from Nicky's family or his was always there with him. He was grateful. So many people had turned up. Some had come from far away. Even Sara had made it, but she was gone again. Not that he'd expected her to stay.
He was about to try and excuse himself from the wake when Nick's father approached him and guided him outside.
"How are you holding up Gil?"
He wasn't sure how to answer that so he remained silent. Part of him still expected Nicky to just walk into the room, smile at him and ask him what's up. But another part of him knew that Nicky was dead and he wouldn't see him again. And that part hurt like hell when he let it surface.
"I got a call this morning, letting me know that our tickets are ready to be collected."
The Judge reached over and gently squeezed Gil's shoulder. He knew of the plans that the couple had made, he'd talked at length with his youngest son about what he and Gil were going to do. He'd been so excited when he'd first mentioned it, and every time that they'd talked about it since then his son's excitement had only grown. He knew that he'd been tough on his son, on all of his children. But he hadn't known any other way to raise them. And they had all turned out to be good people. He'd been happy when Pancho had finally told him about his relationship with Gil. He and his wife had been pleased that their youngest had found happiness. And ok it may not have been in the traditional relationship but who the hell was he to judge. His son was happy and loved. What more could a parent want.
And they'd all seen how good Pancho and Gil had been together. How they completed each other. They had shared many good times together as family over the years that Pancho and Gil had been together, watched them both grow, and it had been a privilege. But now his baby was dead and his partner was hurting. Losing a child was unbearable, losing your partner? Well he just couldn't imagine his life without his wife.
"We were going to tell the rest of the team that we were leaving when we got the tickets." Gil spoke quietly, he was lost. "Instead we're here burying him. It's just not right."
"No, it's not. But it's a risk that you both took when you went into law enforcement." The Judge spoke just quietly. "Did you know how proud Pancho was of you? Whenever we'd talk he always ended up telling us what you were up to. He was so excited about this trip you were planning."
"Today shouldn't be about me. Today is Nicky's day." Gil tried to redirect. He was never comfortable in the spot light. Especially with Nicky's family. He'd always wondered what it would be like to be part of such a big family.
"Gil, it's because it's Nicholas' day that it's also a day about you. About what you have lost, what we have also lost. And it's because my son loved you that he also worried about you."
Gil looked over at the Judge, he could see no blame for what had happened, no hate, no recriminations. Just worry and caring.
"Nick knew the dangers of your profession, hell he knew the dangers of just being who he was. Trouble always seemed to find my boy and he knew it." The Judge reached into his jacket and pulled out a disc. "He worried what would happen to you if something were to happen to him. He asked me to give you this if something should happen to him. He updated it regularly."
Gil hesitantly reached for the disc. He wasn't sure he was ready to see what was on the disc. It would make it so final.
"I got this one only a week ago."
He didn't know what to say. All he could do was look at the disc in his hands. Did he want to watch it? Could he watch it? Was it too soon? Would he ever be really ready to watch whatever it was that Nicky had wanted him to know if the worst happened to him?
"I want you to know, no we want you to know," the Judge said as he looked up and saw his wife at the door, "that no matter what happens, you will always be a part of this family."
That was all it took to choke Gil up.
It had been a week since Nicky's funeral and Gil still felt as if he was working on auto pilot. He got up in the evening, showered and went to work, answered questions that were asked of him and worked the cases that came past him. But he still had trouble believing that Nicky was gone. The last of his family had returned to Texas a few days ago, but the nightly calls from Nicky's mother, and his own, still continued.
After his shift, if he couldn't continue working, he'd go home and look at Nicky's things. He hardly slept. Ecklie had offered him time off, offered to let him leave earlier than he'd planned, had offered to retract his paperwork. Gil didn't know what he wanted to do. So he continued doing what he was doing everyday hoping that the pain would lessen, or that Nicky would walk through the door and tell him to pull himself together.
But this morning something was different. This morning he was sitting on the lounge with a disc in his hand and his laptop in front of him. He been looking for a file that he'd brought home the previous night when he came across the disc that the Judge had given him. The disc that he hadn't been strong enough to watch yet.
It had been nearly two weeks since Nicky had died. And already he was starting to have trouble remembering the exact sound of his lovers voice, his smell. The shirt that he'd curled up with each night was losing Nicky's smell, taking on his own instead.
Maybe it was time to watch the message that Nicky had wanted him to see. Maybe it was time to face the truth of the situation. Maybe it was time to mourn his lover and their future.
He reached over and put the disc in his computer and waited for it to start.
The first thing he saw was Nicky sitting there smiling at him and his heart shattered. But he pressed play.
Nicky was sitting in exactly the same place that Gil was now sitting. But the windows were open and the sun was streaming in behind him. Nicky looked so happy, and wonderful. He would give just about anything to hold him one more time, tell him how much he loved him. But he couldn't. All he could do now was listen to what his lover wanted him to know.
"Hey Gil, I guess if you're watchin this somethin's happened and I'm not with you anymore. For that I'm truly sorry. Never doubt that I love you. I have done since the moment we met." Nicky said as he sat back, a wistful smile on his face. "These past ten or so years have been the best. You gave me more than I ever knew I wanted. Taught me so much both at the lab and at home. I wouldn't change a minute of that for anything."
Gil felt the tears flowing freely down his face.
"I'm sorry if I've messed up our plans. I am, was, lookin forward to our trip man, seeing all those places that we've talked about. Watchin you work with the bugs that capture your imagination. Helping you with your next book! It would have been so fantastic. But the thing I was looking forward to most? Well that would have been just spendin time alone with you."
"Oh Nicky," Gil moaned.
"I don't know what happened, or if we even got started with our trip. But I want you to do something for me Gil. I want you to keep going. I don't want you to give up. Now I know you, you've probably been goin through the motions, just getting by. Bet you've even stopped going to breakfast with the gang if you're still at work. I'm guess you are, I know that I would have found time to update this if we'd already started our adventure."
Gil couldn't help but chuckle at Nick. He knew him so well.
"But please don't. Don't stop living because I'm not there Gil. I want you to keep going. I want you to continue with your dream, write that book that we planned. Travel and see the world. But I also want you to find happiness again Gil. Don't lock yourself away from everyone. Let people in. It's worth it."
"You were always better at that then me Nicky. I'm not sure I can do that." Gil said to the screen. Seeing Nicky was bitter sweet, just as he knew it would be.
"I want you to go and find Sara, Gil. I think she'll be able to help you through this. Don't worry. I know you love me, I know that you never did anything to threaten what we had. But I also know that if I hadn't been around you and Sara probably would have ended up together. Did you know that we still talk? We talked about a lot of things. But we also talked about you."
"What?" Gil was a little shocked by what Nicky had just told him, of what he'd just asked him to do.
"We talked about you and how we both felt about you. Sara and I worked out it out between us a long time ago. We both knew that you were attracted to both of us, but for some reason you chose me. I still have to pinch myself sometimes that you chose me." Nick smiles and settles back again on the lounge. "But I'm gone now and you have to move on. I'm not asking you to forget me Gil. I'm just asking you to keep living. Sara and I talked once, before she left Las Vegas, about what would happen if either of us died." Nick laughed. "I know people thought that we didn't get along, that I saw her as a rival or that she saw me as one for you. But the fact that we both cared for you was in a weird way what drew us together. We were pretty good friends in the end."
Gil had to smile. Nick's ability to be friends with just about anyone never failed to move him. Nicky never lost all of his innocence, all of his wonder about the world that he lived in. It had been one of the things that had first drawn his attention to Nicky, and it was a gift that Nicky had shared with him every day of their lives together. Through Nicky Gil had learned to see the world differently.
"So please Gil. Do this last thing for me, knowing how much I love you and how much I need to know that you will be all right. Go and follow our dream. If you are having trouble coming to terms with my death look for Sara. But most of all, live Gil. That's all I really want for you is to know that you lived, that you made it through loosing me. And maybe just maybe that you found love again because I don't want you to be alone Gil. Not now, not in the future. You are a good man, and you deserve to be happy."
Gil sobbed. All the pain that he'd been holding back since Nicky had died poured out of him.
"I love you Gilbert Grissom. Know that I always will and no matter what happens I'll always be with you."
And with that the image froze on Nicks smiling face.
It had been a week since Gil had watched Nick's message for the first time. He was still talking to both his mother and Nick's mother or father every day. He'd watched Nicky's message at least twice each day. And he'd come to a conclusion. As hard as it would be he knew that Nick was right. He couldn't stop living, he had to follow their dream. It was time for him to leave Vegas. Time for him to try and start living again. And yes time to follow Nicky's request.
He went to work early that day with a purpose. He spoke to Ecklie then headed back to his office to start sorting things out.
He made his announcement to the remainder of his team just after he'd handed out the days jobs. He knew he'd shocked most of them and he knew that the news travelled fast through the rest of the lab. He'd wanted to talk to Catherine before he'd made his announcement, but it just hadn't worked out. But he could see that she understood and later had told him that she'd known that he was leaving even before he'd known himself.
He talked to the travel agent, spoke to his family and then did some research, which thanks to Nicky's phone book turned out to be easier than he'd expected. Spoke to Catherine and asked for her help with his belongings. Then he'd booked his flight and made one more phone call to let Sara know that he was coming.
One year to the day that Nicky died, Gil Grissom released his latest book. He acknowledged the helped he'd received from Sara and various other people along the way. But the dedication was what moved the people who knew him the most.
The dedication read:
This book is dedicated to N.S., the love of my life and the one who inspired me to write this book. You were my love, my light and my inspiration. You made me want to be a better man. I miss you every day a little more than the last. Thank you.
Gil made sure that every member of his family, blood, extended and work, got a copy of the book. He still talked to them all regularly, Nicky had taught him how to open up to people, how to be a part of a family and that was not a gift that he could throw back in Nicky's face.
Two years to the day after Nicky died Gil and Sara welcomed a new life into the world.
A little boy.
They named him Nicholas Warrick Grissom.
He was perfect.
Gil still thought about Nicky every day, still loved him as much as ever. But he had also remembered what Nicky had asked him to do. And when he was having a particularly bad day he'd watch his message again and he'd talk to Sara.
And he was thankful for the last lesson that Nicky had taught him, from his grave.
Nicky had taught him that it was ok to love. Had taught him that his heart was big enough to love more than one person and that even though he still loved Nicky it was all right to let Sara into his heart as well.
He'd never thought he'd have children, he'd never wanted them before he was with Nicky, but he and Nicky had decided that they weren't ready for them. When Sara had discovered she was pregnant it had been a surprise. But it was a good thing.
Yes he missed his Nicky, and he knew that that pain would never leave him. But he was still here and now he had a lot to teach his son. He and Sara would make sure that their son grew up to be a strong, intelligent man who would grow up surrounded by a large family who loved him and would show him how to be the best that he could be.
Just like Nicky had shown them all.
The future lay ahead.
And the future held much for all of them.