HUD: Just a little one shot inspired by 'Do I Wanna Know?' by Arctic Monkeys. I heard the song, then this wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it.
Enjoy!
Tony Stark sat alone in his Manhattan penthouse, swirling amber liquid around half melted ice in his favourite glass. God what was he thinking? He rested his chin on his palm with a sigh.
The music he had running in the background paused. He waited to hear if it would start again. When it didn't, he pressed a button on his phone and exhaled. The tones drifted lazily back to him, and he sighed again. He really wasn't in the right mood for this shit.
Tony knew it, dammit, he had known this would happen. He's a fucking genius, but yet he still played into this trap. Could it be called a trap? Both parties were involved and open, but it seemed he only received the negative.
He kept staring at his phone over his glass. It was almost that time, the same time nearly every night. The phone would light, as it has in the past, and Tony would answer and that would be it.
Not tonight.
Tonight, he had some shit to say. Tony swallowed the rest of his drink and reached for the bottle. He swirled the liquid around, further dissolving the ice but too rooted to get more. Tonight, he would finally ask - why him? Of all the fucking people on the planet, why him?
The song - which was not at all anything Tony would normally listen to - ended again. The billionaire sighed, running his hands over his face. He had enough drink at this point for vocal clarity, which was all he needed, but he was still trembling. This was huge - life changing, career changing, possibly house changing. He couldn't leave things the way they were, oh no. He knew this would not be met with open arms, but Tony was a curious creature and goddammit, he needed to know.
But he wasn't sure he even wanted to.
Tony reached for the phone to get the song playing again, this time he managed to hit repeat. He had listened to this song for nights now after mistakingly hearing it in one of his limos. Happy had mumbled his apology, but Tony stopped him from changing it. It was nearly word for word his own situation, his own - ugh - feelings. He bought the album for that one song, by some odd British band, and played it on repeat. He actually found himself falling asleep to it from time to time, waking up with his head on the top of his bar and his glass still clutched in his hand. He chose never to mention the blanket that always found its way around his shoulders on those nights - no, not now. Save it. The genius exhaled and inhaled deeply, eyes sliding close. He was a fucking mess.
Tony drummed his fingers to the melodic bass, deep and drawn out. It was loud enough to take over his mind, but not enough to be disturbing. He was only waiting, after all, for his phone to go off - oh, it was. Tony opened his eyes, gaze resting on his lit screen. It said one word, by an unmarked number, but Tony knew it because he answered the message nearly every night.
Available? it read. Tony blinked. He could say no, but he was too worked up for that. He could say yes, and then things could be like every other night, but he wasn't having that either. It was now or never, and this may be his last chance. Tony Stark was known for his bravado and cocky confidence, but even he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep the charade. He downed the rest of his drink and messaged back.
Yes. One word, very simple, and no different than any other time. He rose from his stool, knowing that he had only a few more moments before he wasn't alone anymore. After gathering a handful of fresh ice cubes, he took his seat again and grabbed for his scotch. One thing after another, routinely - he needed even the smallest of that with what was about to happen.
One sip and two more song cycles later, he felt that familiar presence. He wasn't alone anymore, but that didn't stop his hands from shaking. He wrapped both of his hands around his glass as he waited to be acknowledged.
"Well, this is surprising." Tony's eyes slid closed. "Wallowing in your own self pity tonight, Stark?"
Tony knew the owner of the voice well enough to know the tone was teasing at its worse, but it didn't prevent the sting from his vulnerable mood.
"You could say that," he answered, tone defeated. That must have gotten his guest's attention, because the chair across from his slid out. Tony still wouldn't look.
"You have my attention, Stark. Obviously you agreed to a meeting to speak, so do so."
"What's the point?" Tony asked, finally looking up. Every time he looked at him, he couldn't breath properly. Now wasn't any different.
Loki Laufeyson sat calm, cool, and collected across from him, as if he couldn't be bothered by a bomb going off right beside him. Which, knowing how Loki was Loki, wouldn't surprise Tony in the slightest. His hair had grown a few inches over the course of their rendezvous, but other than that the god looked no different than their first meeting - as flawless as ever. He had taken to wearing Midgardian clothing around Tony, which only hurt the genius further, and tonight he wore a dark green sweater and - Tony would assume - relaxing slacks. His expression was calm and patient, but Tony knew better. That expression wouldn't last long.
"You have to clarify," Loki answered, tone even. Tony looked down, regretting answering his phone.
"Why?" Tony answered, spinning his glass in his hand. "You just, I mean, I - ugh, this sucks." He chuckled, rubbing his palms up his face and ending in his hair, scratching his scalp. Tony smiled apologetically at Loki. Now or never. "What is this for you?"
Loki blinked, obviously surprised, before reigning in his expression as quickly as it had escaped. "I believe myself to have been entirely transparent - "
"If this is transparency, then you sure had me going. I'm staring at a fucking lead wall," Tony snapped, still chuckling at himself. Why did he expect anything else?
"Stark," Loki began, tone warning. Tony shook his head and stood up. He downed the rest of his drink and walked away from the table. The song was still playing, and it gave him some courage.
"See, that right there. My name - " God his hands wouldn't stop shaking. " - is Tony. If you're going to keep coming in here every other fucking night, my name is Tony."
Loki narrowed his eyes in - anger? annoyance? defense? - but he nodded. "That is achievable...Anthony."
Tony paused, mind momentarily derailed. He had agreed? That had to be a good sign, right? "...thanks," he mumbled. He brought a hand up to scratch his goatee, thinking. He had all this planned out, but he never thought Loki would agree to his first thing.
"Obviously that is not all this is about," the god said. He steepled his fingers before him on the table and nodded. "Proceed, Anthony."
Tony gulped. Damn that was sexy, and he knew Loki knew it too. He was toying with him, spinning his emotions to distract him long enough so he would forget what exactly he was upset about. Not tonight; Tony was definitely feeling resolute, and needed this, dammit.
"Do you ever drink?" Tony asked.
"On occasion," Loki answered.
"When you do, do you think of coming here?" Tony locked his gaze with Loki, refusing to let the god look away. Loki held his gaze. "Whether it's drinking or when Thor pisses you off or whatever low points you have, do you think of coming here, of coming to me?" Loki didn't answer, mask perfectly in place. Tony did see his throat working for the barest flash, and it fueled him on.
"Whenever I drink, or get in those pitying moods - yes, much like now - or even just have a bad day, I want to come to you. I - " the genius paused, rubbing his jaw with trembling fingers. This was much harder in practice than theory. "I want you here. I want you near me; not just the nights, but the days, too."
Tony smiled sheepishly, stealing a glance at Loki. The god was still watching, but his expression was still the same. Either Tony was making an idiot of himself, or Loki was feeling something but remained silent. Or Tony could just be imagining the whole thing and already in bed. It wouldn't be the first time.
"I had a dream last night," Tony started again, turning his back to the god. It was easier this way, so he wouldn't see the disgust as it happened. "Usually on the nights you aren't here, I dream of you. They're usually the same - a scene similar to this, me demanding what this is to you. And even in the dreams, you never fucking say anything. I wake feeling too hallow, so I start those mornings with half a bottle of whatever. It's an ongoing thing, until Clint calls me an alcoholic and I fuck with his bow. Then I'm okay, until my phone rings and it's you."
Tony kept his gaze on the wall windows, watching the midnight lights of his city. "Hell, I could be dreaming right now. This is pretty spot on to the last dream. Who knows?" He chuckled, turning. He expected Loki to already be gone, bored with his rant, but he was pleasantly surprised to see the god still sitting, and still listening. Was that another good sign?
"Is there no other for you?" Loki finally asked after some time had passed. Tony, by then, had already downed another glass of scotch and was fetching fresh ice for another.
"By now? No," Tony grinned, laughing at himself. "A year ago? Maybe."
"Explain," Loki asked. It was obviously a command, but it seemed fueled by curiosity and not entitlement. He genuinely wanted to know, wanted to understand Tony's plight. Or the genius could be imagining that, too.
"We've been doing this for what, two years now?" Tony mused, corking his bottle and setting it aside. He could talk easier to his drink than Loki right now. "And it was easy for this to be just sex. That's obviously all we both wanted out of it. But I started noticing things. I wouldn't really look at anyone else, or take up any other offers. Honestly?" Tony paused, expecting there to be a backlash from this. "I haven't slept with anyone else in a year."
That definitely got Loki's attention. He folded his arms on the table, clutching his hands tightly to his elbows. Tony couldn't tell if he was pissed or not, and usually he could read Loki pretty well.
"I thought hard about it," Tony began again. Loki stared at the table top now. "This past year, things have changed for me. I can't keep fighting with you, this hero versus villain shit is getting old. You seem to have no trouble whaling on the Avengers, me included. But I can't bring myself to so much as trip you. I can't keep this up. My thoughts, dreams, feelings, my everything is encompassed by you." He was standing now, crossing to the other side of the table. Loki looked up at him, eyes slightly wider than usual. Tony grabbed the arm rests and spun the stool slowly to face him. Loki didn't move. Tony's song, the one that started all of this, still played low in the background; the genius heard himself repeating a few of the lyrics as he spoke.
"What I'm saying is," he whispered, grip tightening on the stool. "Now I've thought it through. I refuse to fight you, and you can take it however you want, but I'm too busy being yours to fall for someone new. I always want you to stay, and I want you to tell me tonight - does this feeling flow both ways, or am I making a fucking idiot out of myself keeping you here?"
Those bright emerald eyes that haunted Tony each and every night blinked. Tony felt his resolve crumbling the longer Loki was silent. His arms were still crossed over his chest, his eyes bright and blank, and his mask still impeccable. Tony sighed, staring down at the man he loved unrequitedly, and smiled bitterly.
There was one thing Loki had made quite clear very early on in their meetings - no kissing. Perhaps it would be easier for the god to drop him without making that intimate bond, but Tony never understood why. But now, staring the one person he loved in the face without so much as an acknowledgement for laying his heart out, Tony decided he didn't really give a fuck.
Tony leaned forward the last few inches and pressed his lips gently to Loki's. The god froze immediately, and Tony couldn't help but feel smug at finally getting a reaction. He sighed, working his lips softly. Tony closed his eyes, unable to stare at that horrified expression much longer. He felt Loki's fingers graze his cheek, and his heart soared. There was a reaction! Loki returned something, the smallest of touches, and it still meant the world to him. Tony began to smile, reaching up to wrap his hand around -
Nothing. Tony snapped his eyes open, suddenly off balance. He had been leaning his weight with one hand on the stool and the other reaching for Loki - who was suddenly gone. He sighed, feeling his heart crashing. He had never felt so rejected in his entire life. Even the pain his father put him through couldn't touch his current feelings.
Tony chuckled. He should have known, right? Why the hell would he think he was more than a toy to Loki? The god would throw him into a building by day and by night treat him much the same in bed. Perhaps Tony had just imagined it all - the times Loki thought he was sleeping, perhaps he had imagined the soft caresses and tight embrace and tender lips ghosting over his neck and shoulders. Yeah, all in his fucking head. After all, there were some strong arguments that he was certifiably crazy.
"Do I wanna know...?"
Tony sighed and sat in the chair Loki had just been in, resting his head on the table. He continued to sigh heavily. He hadn't felt this low in years. After a few more sighs, he picked his head up from the table and pulled his glass to him. As he was staring into the amber liquid, the first one fell.
He froze, looking at his hand. Another came, and he blinked. He was crying. Tony Stark was crying. He wiped his cheeks, fingers coming back damp. Well.
The glass made a beautiful sound as it shattered against the wall and cascaded onto the hardwood floor. Tony stepped around the debris and stalked to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Tony woke up to an alert from JARVIS that the Avengers were being summoned to Central Park. Tony told them all to fuck off, but Barton happily came upstairs to pull him from bed.
"Woah man, rough night?" Hawkeye grinned, boots crunching the glass, as he opened the genius' door.
"Fuck you," Tony answered. He threw Barton the finger as he covered his head further with his pillows.
"Hey pal, it's not my fault Loki is freezing the park and summoning whatever else he wants," Clint snapped, folding his arms over his chest. "Now be a good adult and get up."
Tony sighed, not wanting to see Loki again for some time. But, since he appeared the only one who didn't want to fight, it made sense that Loki would want to be under his skin.
Tony had JARVIS loop that same song from the night before in his helmet the entire flight. The rest of the Avengers, all except Thor who was in Asgard for some stupid shit, took a helicopter. But Tony, of course, arrived first.
Loki had frozen the lake and summoned a beautiful sheet of snow over the rest of the park. It hardly seemed deadly; in fact, several of the citizens had taken up throwing snowballs and building snowmen at the edge of the storm. Tony touched down, thrusters melting a bit of the snow around him. The snow seemed to fall harder, impeding any clear sight. He saw a figure standing off near the lake, only a dark silhouette in the falling white.
"Tony, the snow has turned into a fucking blizzard up here!" Clint said into his communicator, piloting the craft. "It's too strong for us to even land to walk."
"You're on your own for now," Natasha said. Tony heard Clint curse as Bruce took over.
"Tony, be careful," the doctor whispered. Tony nodded, shutting off his com link. He didn't care that they couldn't see his nod; he started for that lone figure, already knowing who it was. The closer he came, the stronger the wind picked up. It wasn't enough to push him bodily back, but it made the steps harder to take.
"Loki!" He called, eyes watching the figure. His voice died in the now roaring storm. The wind and snow spun wildly, obstructing Tony's view almost completely. The snow turned to ice, pinging and shattering against his suit.
"Sir, the suit has begun to ice over." Tony cursed. He was so close. "Suit now at less than seventy-five perfect functionality." He could see that green cape, unaffected by the weather and nearly still.
"Sir, less than fifty percent and falling rapidly," JARVIS supplied. Tony shook his head and surged on. Just a few more steps; he could see the gleam from his helmet now. He took only two more steps before he suddenly felt very, very cold. Every sensor in the HUD for the suit was flashing red.
"Sir, should you stay more than another forty-five seconds in this environment, the suit will lose all power and there will be no escape. The backup battery can be accessed for a quick retreat immediately - "
"No," Tony whispered, lips quaking. "He's right t-there..."
The figure turned the same time Tony managed to grab the cape. His fingers slid through air. He stumbled, suit finally shutting down, and he couldn't help but chuckle. This was it; he dove into this storm, hoping for what? Certainly not to freeze to death, but that seemed all his luck could give him. He had been chasing after a clone, a constructed image of Loki and not the real thing. Tony managed to roll himself onto his back and open the helmet before he lost all mobility. He watched his breath float up ahead of him in a large cloud.
Wherever he had landed appeared to be the eye of the blizzard. There was no wind or ice, but the cold was still very much around. Tony breathed deep, the air clean and crisp. This wasn't such a bad way to go, he figured. When he couldn't feel his fingers anymore, Tony closed his eyes and waited.
A few snowflakes managed to drift onto his cheeks and tickled his nose. Tony smiled bitterly as they melted. This seemed to be the story of his life for the past few years. Chasing after an image of happiness only to be shot down at every turn, but still he came crawling back. Somehow he had built up this idea in his head that Loki maybe felt the same. Was he just seeing things, assuming signs? It didn't really matter now, because he was going to die in a blizzard created by the man he was in love with. How ironic.
A shadow fell over Tony's face but he didn't open his eyes. He thought maybe something touched his cheek, but his face felt too numb. When he felt a pair of warm lips press against his nearly blue ones, his eyes flew open. Warmth spread through his body, and it wasn't just magic.
Loki was there, leaning over Tony and protecting him from the wrath of the storm. Tony blinked, feeling tears prick his eyes, as he dared to smile; Loki pressed his fingers again to Tony's cheek, and the genius very much could feel it this time as heat flooded all the way to his toes.
"Loki," he whispered, lips still shaking.
"Hmm?" The god said, voice low. He was only a few inches away from Tony, his hair falling over his shoulder and his breath ghosting across Tony's face. The genius smiled brightly, his nearly frozen death all forgotten. He could feel Loki pressed against him, arm braced over his torso with his cape hiding his legs; Loki was actually laying on the ground to save him. Seriously?
"Are you really here?" Tony asked. He could move his lips better now, and the breath he expelled played with the strands of Loki's hair, tickling his nose.
"Do you want me to be?" Loki asked, knuckles still on Tony's cheek. Even the god's usually low body temperature seemed to be impossibly hot to Tony.
"I always want you here. I never want you to go," Tony breathed.
"As you wish," Loki muttered, pressing his lips softly against Tony's. The billionaire sighed, finally, finally able to kiss back after two years of everything else and only one night of honesty. Loki pulled back too soon, and Tony's dead suit stopped him from following. "I suppose I could stay."
"You have no idea how happy you've made me," Tony said. The cold must had made him delirious, because he was certain Loki was smiling back.
"I will tell you this," Loki began. Tony was distracted by the small snowflakes caught in Loki's hair and longed to brush them away, but nodded. "This feeling does, as you say, flow both ways."
Tony's eyes widened as he snapped his gaze back to those now incredibly expressive emerald eyes. Loki was smiling softly, and Tony couldn't thank whatever deity listening enough (honestly, the only god he believed he had on his side was Loki anyway). Loki leaned forward for another kiss which Tony returned happily.
Later, after the storm had suddenly died off, the other Avengers surveyed the winter wonderland relentlessly. There was no sign of Tony or the suit, and they began to fear the worse. Especially after Tony had turned off his com link. In a last ditch effort, Bruce called Tony's personal cell. The genius picked up after five rings.
"Tony," Bruce breathed, relief evident. "Where are you?"
"Back at the Tower," he answered.
"How? We didn't see you leave."
"It's a secret, Brucey," Tony answered. The doctor could hear a very distinctive voice in the background saying some very distinctively naughty things. The team watched as Bruce began to pale. Tony was speaking again: "Remember that thing I told you about?"
"What thing - oh, no."
"Yeah, it's happening. Later!" Bruce stared at his cell, the screen flashing that the call had ended.
"Do I wanna know?" Clint asked, and Bruce just shook his head.
A/N: There we go! Hope everyone enjoyed. Please let me know what you thought; comments, concerns, questions! All in that little box below! See you all soon. ;)