Originally posted February 24, 2007

Chapter 1: Empty Halls

AU: a short and angsty kind of story. Sasunaru, character death and language.

-o0o-

It's quiet and honestly I'm surprised. Too many movies have lead my train of thought to believe that I would hear screaming and see all sorts of sick and twisted faces. But I've seen none and I've heard no sounds. It's as if all life freezes in this place. A fellow ANBU stands guard at the door. I give him a slight nod of my head, which he returns, and moves to open the door for me. His blue monkey mask watches me carefully as I step into the room, I don't even need to turn my head towards him to know that.

I may have come back but I was still untrusted among the ANBU. A lot of them don't believe I deserved the quick acceptance I received when I came back. Even I don't think I deserved it. But there was nothing I could do as the villagers (and my fans) accepted me and pushed forward so that I would get my position. A place in the ANBU, though I would never be a captain or even a squadron leader; too many shinobi bear a grudge against me. Then again, after what I did, who would place their lives in my hands?

The bare bulb hanging from the top of the ceiling make the white room even more brighter. My eyes squint against the glare but I move forward all the same. My steps are even as I cross the soft floor, steady against the dips and sinks of the white plush. There he is, off in the corner, with his back turned to me. This way I can pretend that everything is alright. But that's if you don't listen. I can hear his voice, whispering softly as he makes all sorts of strange remarks, his boisterous attitude not apparent as he speaks gently into the stuffed fox's ear. Suddenly he realizes he's not alone, and he turns to stare at me; puzzled sky blue eyes gazing up at him from under wild blonde spikes.

Then the confused male smiles brilliantly at me, his eyes filling up with mirth. "Hey teme! Long time no see, eh?" I saw him just yesterday. "Come, come sit with me. I'll introduce you to all of my friends." The stuffed animals show no signs of life in their painted black eyes. "I got more friends then you, even Sakura-chan has been nicer to me. I guess that means I won, eh?" I have no idea what he's talking about. Sakura hasn't come to see him in weeks. He closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them I can see he's gone again. He cocks his head at me, his brow furrowed slightly as he tries to figure out who I am. I try my hardest to not cry.

He gets to his feet, he's still shorter than me, and grabs hold of my sleeve. "Hey, are you lost? You seem lost. Are you looking for someone?" I don't say anything, I'm afraid what might come out of my mouth. He looks to the right and when his eyes land on me again, he breaks into a large fox grin, his cheeks tinged pink. "Hey mister, I'm hungry. When is dinner? Are we gonna have chicken again tonight? Can we have ice-cream instead of jello? I really hate jello." I can't help it; I nod my head and he lets go of my sleeve, bouncing off around the room as he cries out in a sing-song voice 'ice-cream, ice-cream!'. He bounds back over to me and wraps his arms around me, cuddling into my chest. "Thanks sir."

I pat his head, my expression that of one who just lost someone. I don't even need to see my reflection to know. It's the feeling...when it comes then I know that my mask has disappeared and my lips will be tugged in a frown, my eyes wet with unshed tears. He cuddles up closer to me and I'm forced to sit down, him sitting on my lap as I rest my head against the pillow walls. I count slowly in my head, my thoughts making the silent 'tick' 'tocking' of a clock as I keep track of the time. My visits were restricted to half an hour a day, and I didn't feel like making trouble by losing track of the time. Eventually the dobe fell asleep in my arms, and I moved to place him on the small cot placed among the blonde's collection of dolls.

I have five minutes before I must leave. That's when he decided to wake up again. He spots me and is up on his feet, pointing an accusing finger at me. "What are you doing in my room, teme! Kakashi-sensei's rubbing off on you." As if dobe, Kakashi hasn't been able to face me ever since I returned. "What are you staring at bastard? Get out! I'll come for training but I don't need you hanging all over me, ya know?" We don't have training anymore. We're not even in gennin teams anymore. "Hang on. Just let me get dressed." But you don't have any other clothes, just the ones you're wearing. I watch as he shuffles around the room, apparently not aware that his room is padded with only a door, toy animals and a small cot. All the while he shoots insults at me.

Eventually even the old him fades away and he seats himself among the stuffed animals again, picking up the stuffed fox. He looks so innocent as he speaks sweetly to the little fox, patting its fur as if the doll was really alive. I can't help but wonder, 'what has happened to you?' Has he really forgotten our battle the last time we were together? Does he not remember that I had called him my best friend, then beat him and had left him for dead, there by the waterfall? I move to step toward him but I hear the door open, and the ANBU stepped inside. I cast him a small glance and I know my time is up. The blonde notices it too cause he's looking up at me, eyes questioning before settling into some state of understanding. "You're leaving already?"

I give the ANBU another glance and he nods his head. Only one more minute. "Well, that's fine teme. Go and do what you have to. But just pull that pole out from your ass, okay?" He's smiling and it pains me even more. "Well, off with ya. And remember, I'm going to be Hokage one day so you're going to have to speak when you're having conversation with me." But you're already Rokudaime, there was a whole ceremony in your honor. The guard moves toward me and I turn around to face him, stepping lightly pass him. "See ya later, Sasuke!" My breathing stops short for a second before I take another breath, as I continue on. I hear the guard shut and lock the door, as I walk away from the room, stepping down the empty hallway.

I hate coming here, but if I didn't I know I would hate myself more. The others had stopped coming to visit him, a few months back. They say it's because it pains them too much to see him like this. What about me then? It hurts me more than anything, more than it hurts them, but I still come. If I don't then I know he would notice and I can't stand to picture him all alone. His situation has been like this before I even came back. Maybe if I had come sooner things would have been better, I don't know. The sky is too blue once I get outside, the sun too bright. The day should never be this beautiful if he is locked up inside. I know life isn't fair but I can't help but complain. Did the dobe ever really deserve this? Wasn't he the one who tried as hard as possible to do the right thing, wasn't he the one with the strongest heart and most pure dreams?

I feel hollow as I return to my apartment. My phone blinks red and I know there will be a bunch of useless messages from people I couldn't care less about. I don't even feel like dealing with the shit of everyday life. Or I should say their everyday life. My everyday life is always vanishing. I walk to the bathroom and stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. Perhaps I should stop going to see him. My skin is paler than usual, and the bags under my eyes give me a haunted look. If I wasn't staring at myself I would think I was gazing at a corpse. I know that the visits are doing this to me but I'm too weak to up and abandon my daily routine. I can't abandon him.

I start the shower and stick myself under the cold spray, slowly counting. Then the memories come back to me, and I can see his face again. My breathing becomes ragged and I have to lean against my arm to support myself. It hurts so much...too much...I can't breathe, the world feels dizzy but I'm still standing. Something hot pricks my eyes before my eyes are drowned in seas of salt. I can't hold the tears back anymore. I cry as I sink to my knees, howling and screaming wordless cries at the sky. The pain is unbearable, I want it to end. But more than anything I want him to be better, to be like he once was. Not this...not totally useless. My head hurts as I try to steady myself. The water freezes my skin but I'm much to numb to care. If only, if only...

"Forgive me Naruto..."