A/N: hello! This story is going to have a lot of angst with it. Here is a full description: Rose Tyler never recovered from Bad Wolf Bay. She has tried moving on, convincing herself that she wasn't good enough for the Doctor. Her world is completely shattered one night after being date raped. She goes through the motions, but it's clear she's gone. What will happen when the Doctor returns? Warning: Doctor goes dark and willingly kills a man. Triggered warning: rape.

The date was not going well. Of course, NO date went well anymore. They weren't him. The Doctor. He had thoroughly destroyed me of all other men. Whether he had planned that or not, I couldn't stop comparing them. And he always won out.

Warm brown eyes popped into my head, sparkling and full of life. I shook my head to clear it.

I'll never be free of him.

I'll admit, some of the men had qualities I would have liked to see in the Doctor. They at least talk about their feelings. Hell, I had one ask me to marry him after he saw me in a coffee shop. He was cute. But knowing he liked honey in his coffee was a turn off. The Doctor only drinks it black.

That's the only way I drink it now, too.

I was resigned to spend another night going home early and just binging on Netflix. But that was okay with me.

Sean turned to me as he pulled up in front of the house. "I hate to ask this, but I had too much water at the restaurant. May I please bother you to use your bathroom?"

"Sure, no bother."

We walked to the door and I stopped. I thought I heard a distant "Rose" but when I glanced behind me, there was nothing.

Five years later and I still pine for him. I'm pathetic.

Flipping the light on, I pointed down the hall to the bathroom. As Sean went that way, I walked into the kitchen and put tea on.

Sean was nice. He was a computer programmer. Worked part time in his father's shop on weekends too. He had a track record when it came to dating and I was sure he would put the moves on me.

Unlike those other women who can't "resist" him, I will be able to politely send him on his way.

He was cute. He had brown hair and brown eyes (they all did). His hair wasn't nearly as nice as the Doctor's. I didn't get the urge to run my fingers through it as I did with him. Sean wasn't as thin either, but he wasn't overweight. He had told me he could bench press 200. Whoopee.

Footsteps approached. I smiled and passed him a cuppa.

"Thanks," he said with a smile.

I smiled back, but it didn't reach my eyes. I turned and looked out the window at the stars.

I wonder where he is now?

I really need to stop. A shooting star passed by the window and for a second, I wished it was the TARDIS.

We drank our tea in silence while listening to the neighbor's dog bark. I chuckled.

"What?" Sean asked, amused.

I shook my head. "That dog barks at a leaf."

He laughed. "Mean leaf."

I laughed too and put my cup in the sink. "Should be grounded."

Following me to the door, he asked for a tour. I sighed.

"Not tonight, Sean."

He smiled. "Okay." Then he leaned in for a kiss.

Why must guys always think I want to kiss them? There's only one man I have any desire to kiss.

I turned my head so he got my cheek. He smiled against it.

"Vixen, aren't you?" he asked. He brought his hand up and turned my head so I was facing him. His eyes grew dark.

My blood began to run cold.

"W-what do you mean?" I asked, trembling.

His hand tightened on my jaw as he pulled me to him. "You blondes are all teases. You clearly ignore a guy's hints and leave us blue balled." He pressed me against the wall with his body, hard. I swallowed.

"I think you should leave."

"Oh I'm not going anywhere."

Kneeing him in the groin, he crumpled. I yanked the door open and faced him.

"Leave. Now."

I was clearly shaking.

He stood up and grabbed the door out of my hands, slamming it. Bench press 200. He had knocked me off balance. Then he grabbed me and pulled me to him.

"Stop resisting, slut."

I began pulling against him, punching him in the chest. He forced his lips on me, holding my head in place. He yanked on my hair, hard. So hard I almost saw stars.

"I bet you're wet."

What the hell?!

I used all my might to struggle against him. He was strong. He started walking me back into the living room, his grip on me painful.

"Blondes always tease guys because they know they can. You're all sluts." He grabbed my left breast, squeezing painfully. "I bet you're tight."

I managed to bite his lip and he made a noise.

"You will pay for that, bitch!"

Then everything went black.

I was aware of a weight on me when I came to. I opened my eyes, feeling the headache.

I focused on Sean's face, directly in front of me.

"About time you came to, slut."

I felt his cock push inside me, roughly. I screamed out.

He covered my mouth.

"You want to live, stay quiet" he hissed. He began thrusting in and out, hard.

I bit his finger. He smacked me.

Tears sprang to my eyes. I pulled my arms free and began clawing at his skin, leaving scratches along the side of his face. He thrust harder.

"Come on babe. The more you resist, the harder." Thrust. "I'm going." Thrust. "To go." He grinned at me wickedly. "Just enjoy it. You know you want to. You know you want this as much as I do."

My whole world had just crumbled down.

"So fucking tight," he said as he slammed into me again.

What clues did I give him that made him think I wanted this?

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that this would be over soon. But Sean had no intention of stopping as he increased the thrusting. I felt a tearing at my entrance as it became more frantic.

"Blondes DO have more fun," he snarled. "And baby, you are probably the best lay I've had in years."

I continued to struggle but it was no use. I hoped beyond hope that someone would come in and help me, but I knew it was futile. Mum and Pete were on a weekend away. Tony was at a sleepover. There was no one.

Not even HIM.

Forcing my leg to bend at the knee so he would have deeper access, he increased his speed even more as he began climaxing. I continued to cry and struggle, to no avail. I didn't even know why I struggled. I should have just laid there and let him have his way with me. Tears continued to fall.

I was giving up. I just thanked god that my birth control was still in place. Not that I needed it.

My brain flashed on the Doctor. On happier times. As I was violated, I recalled his smile. His laughter. The way his hand felt when holding mine. How he wrapped his arms around my waist and would stare into my eyes. How he loved brushing hairs out of my face. How I always felt safe in his embrace. I wished he had been here, so he could have prevented this.

He didn't want me.

A new set of tears began rolling down my check with that thought. I mentally checked out of the rape and only focused on my time in the sky, with him. When I was happy.

Sean jerked a few times and stilled. He removed his hand from my mouth as he placed his lips on mine, roughly. I did not kiss back.

"Like I said, best lay in years."

He hopped off me and stuck himself back into his pants. I curled into a ball on my side as he laughed.

"Thanks, blondie."

I heard his footsteps retreat and the front door slam. I stayed curled up on the floor as fresh tears began to fall.

I hate this world.

A/N: So yeah. Poor Rose. She is going to have a rough time of it in the next few chapters. The Doctor won't make an appearance right away, but there are hints of him throughout the next few chapters. Thanks for reading.