Tony Stark wasn't ready to die.
He knew he wasn't ready because he had already cheated death so many times. He survived an explosion, his own weapon turned against him, thanks to the quick thinking of Yinsen, though Yinsen himself would not be so lucky. He had left Tony with a thought though.
"Don't waste this."
So he hadn't. He continued to survive. He survived the betrayal of Obadiah ripping the arc reactor from his chest while he laid paralyzed on the couch, fear squeezing its icy grip around his heart, not for himself but for what Obadiah alluded he'd now do to Pepper. But he survived that moment and the subsequent explosion that would claim his former mentor. He survived Palladium poisoning thanks to his own father's life work. He survived the fall from the wormhole, saving the earth from Loki and Thanos, an event that would subsequently haunt him even to this moment, fueling every action or reaction from there on out. Finally he was spared on Titan thanks to Strange and lucky flip of a coin that saved him from turning to dust.
No, Tony was not ready to die, but he knew death was not a mistress that he could cheat forever.
When Strange turned to him, face stricken under the burden of his knowledge, he knew that his game of roulette had reached its inevitable conclusion. The one in fourteen million chance to put the world back together. The reason death had returned him so many times. He knew what had to be done.
Captain Marvel lost her struggle for the gauntlet with Thanos and Tony immediately sprang into action, countering Thanos with his own attacks. What the purple titan didn't realize was Tony slyly transferring the infinity stones over to his own metal hand. Yet another fail safe he had created if the worst should happen. It seemed that this moment was always meant for him.
Thanos batted his body away soon enough but his own arrogance clouded what was right before him. He sneered at Tony as he fastened his hand within the gauntlet. "You see? I am..inevitable." He snapped his fingers but instead of the large crackle of power, all he got was a metal on metal clank before he finally realized that the stones were missing.
The raw power Tony felt illuminating up and down his body was incredible but dangerous. He could already feel it scorching at his exposed skin beneath the suit. He concentrated fast, envisioning Thanos and his army becoming nothing but dust as he had done to this universe before. His mind raced with a thousand I love yous and apologies but his voice was filled with confidence and resolve, his life coming full circle.
"And...I...am...Iron Man."
The deafening snap exploded all around them. The last thing that Tony heard was Thanos calling out before the world went white.
Tony had expected his death to be harsh and painful, as scorching as a raging fire. Instead, he felt nothing. The initial aching and burning pain from wielding the stones was non existent. The blinding light slowly faded giving him time to adjust his eyes time to adjust. He was no longer in his damaged battle armor. Instead he wore a black, long sleeved t-shirt and dark pants. The Infinity Stones were nowhere to be seen. The only proof that Tony was able to find that the battle hadn't been a dream were the scars peeking out from his dark sleeves. White, spidery, vein like scars crawled from his fingertips on his right side to his shoulder and across part of his face and chest. They felt smooth and soft to the touch, like they had been a part of his body forever.
It was then that he finally took in his surroundings in surprise. No longer was he in the desolate ruins of the Avengers he was surrounded by the lush green forest of his lakeside home. Everything looked as it did when he last was here. He slowly made his way towards the house, Pepper's wind chimes swaying in the breeze, creating a melodic tune. It was all very surreal. He shouldn't be here, he knew, but at the same time he didn't want to be anywhere else.
The greenhouse and hydroponics lab laid just beyond the vegetable garden to his right, the crops slowly flourishing under what had been his and Pepper's attention. He remembered how happy Pepper had been with that addition, kneeling beside her in the field digging dirt and planting seeds. He had kissed her dirt streaked face until they couldn't remember their own names.
Morgan's fort was still set up near their favorite tree beside the lake. An empty table and chairs set up for a tea party that never happened. A pang of guilt struck him then, wondering if his little girl would ever understand why he had done what he did when he could have been home with her forever. She was smart though and embodied Pepper's practical nature. He had to believe that she would trust his actions.
Then again, he couldn't even be sure of what happened. One moment he was in battle, the next he wasn't. He could feel the panic begin to bubble inside of his chest as he reached the porch steps and slowly slid back against them, against the house that he and Pepper had built together what felt like a million lifetimes ago. What was happening to him?
"Tony…" a familiar voice called out in the haze of Tony's panic. He didn't even see Rhodey coming until he leaned forward and gripped his shoulder, a sad smile forming across his lips. He was no longer in his armor either but he looked no worse for wear. He did notice Rhodey's eyes shined with pride but almost just as quickly were overshadowed by a blanket of grief. His eyes brimmed with unshed tears and grim reserve. Tony wanted to ask him how he had gotten here but his chest was so tight, he couldn't force any sound from his body.
Tony's mind flashed to the times they had spent together before and after he became Iron Man. Rhodey had been like a brother to him and always stood by his side, even when Tony was wrong. He told him as much while Rhodey was recovering in the hospital after the airport battle. Rhodey cracked a joke to hide the tears that had formed.
"You did it Mr. Stark," another voice spoke from his side. "You did it sir, we won."
Tony was pulled from his reverie at the voice of his young protege. The kid who he had lost and gone to hell and back for was here and alive, desperately grasping at his hands. The kid he had loved like his own. Peter never was one to hide his emotions and feelings, even now clinging to Tony as the tears unabashedly fell from his face. He wished that he could give him another hug, but the weight that he felt from before had grown heavier on his chest and his mind was racing.
Relief resounded throughout his body when Peter told him that they had won. He at least knew one thing for certain though he was beginning to suspect that he hadn't made it back like the others. Tony lost focus from Peter completely. His speaking, his hand that gripped him, the sobs that he failed to keep at bay. Inside his mind was spinning and he felt like he was having another panic attack though it had been years since his last one.
Had the Infinity Stones brought him to this place to die?
"Hey," came a soft whispered voice and the fog from his mind started to clear, the spinning slowing and allowing him to focus. His Pepper brought a hand up to rest at the spot his arc reactor had been for so many years.
"Hey, Pep," he hoarsely whispered back, feeling grounded as he was finally able to speak and raised his hand to cover hers on his chest. She was so beautiful. Had he told her that enough? He suspected he wouldn't get another chance to but he tried to communicate all of his love and admiration through his eyes.
"Friday?" Pepper asked aloud, never taking her eyes off of him. He felt all her love reflected back to him at that point and his heart had never felt so full.
"Life functions critical."
So, he was dying. His rational mind tried to tell him this was all some kind of fever dream, a delirium from the injuries he had sustained, but he felt no pain. He didn't even really feel afraid anymore. Since Pepper captured his gaze he began to feel a sense of peace wash over his body, cleansing all the hurts and sadness.
One thing was still missing though. Morgan. He hoped against hope that she would someday forgive him for this sacrifice play but all of his insecurities began to claw their way back. If he was dying in this ethereal plain, then who would be there to protect her? Who would be there to comfort her in his absence and make up her silly stories at bedtime? If he died he couldn't see her grow up, would never see her graduate, or get married. Have children of her own. He wouldn't know if she ever loved him more than 3000 if he were to go now.
Despair filled his mind once again and he lost his focus from Pepper's calming smile. He had to hold on, he could be saved somehow. He couldn't give up the fight now when he was still needed so much. But he was so tired.
"Tony, look at me," her voice broke through his thoughts again with a gentleness that demanded his attention and he struggled to turn back towards her, into those deep blue eyes. Tears were quickly filling up but she never faltered, even now. His strong, amazing wife.
"We're gonna be okay," she nodded and smiled again at him.
Tony's mind began to steady once more and he knew that Pepper was right. They would be okay. Morgan would always have her mother...and Peter...and Rhodey...and even Happy. She would be surrounded by the same people that had always taken care of him and given him the love and support he needed. He would miss her fiercely though. She had stolen his heart away the moment he first held her in his arms. He would miss those sweet brown eyes so much like his own, filled with all of the wonders and curiosities of the world. The way her small hand would fit into his when they'd walk down to the dock to go fishing. The way she'd hug him with all of her tiny might, her face in the crook of his neck as she would tell him she loved him. No, tell him she loved him 3000.
He knew the rest of the Avengers would be there as well to pick up his mantle and ensure that the world and his daughter would be safe and able to grow up in peace.
From the moment he had come out of that cave, his life had been building to this moment. He had saved everyone. Yinsen had once said that he was the man with everything - and nothing. That was true no longer. He wondered for the briefest moment what Yinsen would think of him now, surrounded by his loved ones in his final hour, and pride surged from within.
"You can rest now," Pepper added softly with a smile. She had asked him once, before all this had been set in motion if he would be able to rest knowing that he could have done something to save everyone. Pepper had always known his heart better than anyone and though this was the very thing that she had feared the most, she was still here to hold his hand through it all, making sure he would be okay. She would mourn for him of course, but she would come out the other side okay.
Tony looked Pepper in the eyes one more time, feeling the strength to remain in her world lessen with each breath. His grip on Pepper's hand loosened and slowly fell back down to his side. Tony resolved that he would wait for her here. Forever if he had to. He knew she would come. She always did.
Tony Stark felt calm in those last moments between the living world and the next. No more fear or pain or regret. Only calm warmth and love.
Peace, in his time.