Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto unless you're talking about the food because I have some of that.

"They're gaining on us, un!" yelled Deidara in alarm, skipping form tree to tree with Sasori. They could hear their four pursuers behind them.

"Stating the obvious isn't going to help! C'mon, hurry up! We're almost in town." said Sasori, he was equally alarmed as Deidara although he didn't show it.

"It's all my fault…yeah." moaned Deidara, remembering the events that lead to this.

Flashback

Deidara walked along the forest floor with his companions. He was utterly bored.

"Got any ideas on what to do, hmm?" he asked his friends.

"Steal money from unsuspecting travelers?" offered a strange man whose masked face only revealed two glowing eyes.

"That's a crappy idea, Kakuzu. We always do that!" scoffed a pale haired man who was clutching a pendent against his heart.

"Now, now. Hidan, Kakuzu don't fight. What do you think we should do, hmm? Sasori-no-Danna?" asked Deidara.

His question seemed to be aimed at a crimson haired man, another one of his three friends.

"I think we-"

But before Sasori could answer something else caught Deidara's attention.

"What do we have here, hmm?" wondered Deidara as a group of four people appeared in his field of vision.

He could see them but they probably couldn't see him because of the thick bushes that lined the forest.

There was a pink haired woman, a man whose hair resembles a duck's bottom, a masked man with a huge sword and a guy(girl?) who appeared to be equipped with needles. None of the people interested Deidara, only what they were holding. It was a beautifully sculpted clay phoenix.

"What is that, un?" asked Deidara, completely mezmerized by the clay bird's artistic beauty.

"It's another one of the Uchiha's clan's big fancy weddings. That's Itachi Uchiha's gift to his brother Tobi and Tobi's soon to be wife. It's being shipped in specially from a far away village and it's being guarded by four elite ninjas. Better watch out, one of them is rumored to an Uchiha." said Kakuzu who was always knowledgeable on current events, he thought knowledge was valuable as money.

"You couldn't be thinking of stealing it, could you?" guessed Hidan. "Now that's what I'm talking about! No more amateurish crap, this is the big league!"

"I don't think this is a good idea guys…" said Sasori skeptically, wary of the consequences should they fail.

"Don't be a wuss, you square!" insulted Hidan.

"Three VS. one, un." said Deidara. "Majority rules, we steal the statue. Those snobs probably won't miss one little thing anyway."

A plan was formed Deidara would set off an explosion and lure one of the guards to the sound. They would fight them one on one. It didn't work that way though, when Deidara hid behind a bush and set off the explosion all four guards went to the where the noise of the explosion came from.

'That was too easy.' thought Hidan and Kakuzu as they bagged the unguarded statue. But as they returned to their hideout only to find that it was taken over by at least a quarter of Konoha's Uchiha military police force. They began to surround them.

"Crap…We are so f-"

"If I don't survive there is something I want you to know Hidan…"

"What?"

"I-"

But before another word was uttered the ninjas surrounded them and they were captured.

Deidara and Sasori retuned to the hideout later so they saw the danger and ran away…but the four original guards spotted them and is now hot on their heels.

End Flashback

Once they were in town Sasori quickly dragged Deidara into the nearest alley in an attempt to lose the people following them.

They ran into the nearest house, not knowing that destiny was now the puppet master and they were the puppets.

"What does this say, hmm?" asked Deidara, handling a note over to Sasori since he didn't know how to read himself.

Unconcealed surprise appeared in Sasori's eyes as he read the note aloud to Deidara.

"Dear Mom and Dad, I cannot bear to marry someone I don't know or love. If you think I was going to agree with this arranged marriage you were wrong. I have chosen to runaway with my true love, Sai. In time I hope you would learn to forgive me. Your loving daughter, Ino."

Sasori looked at the abandoned wedding clothes around the room. "I have a idea but we must hurry." said Sasori.

"Why me, hmm?"

"You're more feminine."

"Am not!"

"Just bear with this…"

Sasori held the kunai against Deidara's throat. Deidara's expression was unfathomable since it was covered by a veil but there was no doubt he was pissed off.

"Let me escape or Tobi Uchiha's bride will die!" threatened Sasori. The guards backed way cautiously except for the man with a duck bottom like haircut who stepped forward. The pink haired woman raised a hand to stop him. "Don't Sasuke-kun! He'll hurt Ino-chan!" The guy(girl?) with hair tied up in a bun pulled out a few needles and the man with the huge sword simply relaxed, perhaps in trust of the needle wielder's abilities.

"Hold the kunai like you mean it or they won't believe you, un!" whispered Deidara.

Sasori's tightened his grip on the kunai.

"Put some effort into acting or they'll never fall for it!" he hissed back silently.

"Oh, no! What shall I ever do? I'm too young, pretty, and important to die!" said Deidara in the most feminine voice he could manage. He was very convincing.

Suddenly a needle dug itself into Sasori's hand, causing him to drop the kunai in pain.

Deidara gave him a look. It said it all. 'The ruse is up! Run away and save yourself now, un! I'll be alright by myself, they think I'm the bride!'

Sasori understood yet he was still hesitant. Deidara pushed him away so he obediently fled, unfortunately two people went after him.

"Haku! Zabuza! After him!" commanded the one called Sasuke. "Sakura, check to see is sister-in-law is alright."

Deidara was frozen in dawning horror. 'Did he just call me SISTER-IN-LAW?!'

"Are you alright Ino-chan?" asked Sakura.

"Y-yeah…" said Deidara, still a little dumbfounded.

He was even more surprised when Sakura grabbed his wrist and dragged him forward with Sasuke following behind.

"We're going to be late. Itachi-san is going to be so mad!" groaned Sakura.

'Itachi? Didn't I hear that somewhere before, hmm?' thought Deidara, but he couldn't remember.

'Wait a minute…why am I being led by these two, hmm…to be married?!'

Deidara tried to get way but Sasuke blocked his path. "Now, now Ino-chan. We can't have you wandering off. There are rouge ninjas and thieves out, in fact a groups of them just got captured for attempting to steal Itachi ni-san's present to you and Tobi ni-san! The nerve!"

Deidara's stomach felt like it was tied up in a knot. He had a bad feeling he knew whom Sasuke was talking about.

"Move out of the way duck-butt! I have to use the john, un!" yelled Deidara, trying to think of an excuse to get way from them. Sasuke appeared absolutely stunned by the insult while Sakura stood gaping like a fish. They were both thinking similar thoughts. 'Ino-chan was supposed to be the daughter of an aristocratic family. So why does she speak with the vocabulary of an uncouth peasant?!'

"There isn't a bathroom." Sasuke replied.

"So? I'll just use the bushes, yeah."

"Ino-chan! That's not something a lady says!" gasped Sakura, appalled by Deidara's behavior. "You'll just have to hold it in a little longer Ino-chan. We're almost at the Uchiha family quarters." said Sakura, still unnerved by Deidara.

"Then you'll be married." said Sasuke. "Don't worry, you'll be with Tobi ni-san soon!"

'Married…Married? MARRIED!' the words echoed in Deidara's head and quite frankly he tried to run like hell! But before he knew it, he passed out with a needle protruding from his back. "Sorry Ino-chan." said Sakura remorsefully. "Don't worry Sasuke-kun. It's just a temporary sedative."

"Worry? As if! Good riddance!" the raven haired Uchiha scoffed.

Deidara woke up to the sight of the several large multi room buildings that must have spanned at least a hundred acres. He whistled in surprise, "Dang! That's some pretty impressive crap shacks you got there, hmm?" Sakura and Sasuke, the duo that was carrying Deidara, dropped him in alarm. They were really beginning to suspect Deidara's origins and upbringing. Where did she learn such language?

"Sasuke?! Is that how you're supposed to treat you're brother's soon to be wife?" lectured a man with raven colored hair tied up in a ponytail. He would have probably reacted differently had he heard what Deidara had said, but he didn't and only saw him being dropped. The man glared at Sasuke menacingly with strange blood colored eyes spotted with black.

"No, Itachi ni-san." said Sasuke, helping Deidara back on his feet. He seemed to both fear and respect the man he called his brother. At the same time his eyes changed color, matching his brother's.

'So this is Itachi.' thought Deidara. He studied Itachi's attire. 'Long girly hair tied up in a pony tail? Purple nail and toe polish? What kind of guy has hips like that? Gay, definitely gay, yeah.' thought Deidara, judging Itachi. He somehow failed to notice those same details about himself.

His thoughts broke up as he found himself entering the building, being escorted by Sakura and Sasuke. Deidara couldn't really see well because of the veil covering his face but he could make out what appeared to be a man with a shock of spiky black hair. 'Do all Uchihas have black hair?' wondered Deidara. At first Deidara thought the man was winking but then he noticed a scar over the man's left eye which keep it from opening. Deidara looked around nervously, he didn't want to be married. Especially not to a guy, a guy he didn't know at all by the way. But he was surrounded, Konoha's entire police/military must be invited to this wedding! He finally reached the altar, standing before the Itachi who was sitting on a throne, looking ready to cry. He didn't but blew his nose on a tissue. Standing besides him was Deidara's future husband, Tobi Uchiha.

Deidara frowned at Tobi's goofy smile, Tobi was elated at the thought of being married, the opposite of what Deidara felt.

'I can do it.' thought Deidara, trying to convince himself to say the wedding vows. 'It's just a bunch of words. I have no choice, I can't make it out of here alive if I attempted to escape, un.'

'Why not just blow yourself up?' a little voice in his head said evilly. But Deidara knew he had to live otherwise he wouldn't be able to save Hidan, Kakuzu, and Sasori, who hopefully wasn't captured. Deidara said the vows but just as he was about to say 'I do,' Haku and Zabuza entered the building carrying the lay phoenix statue that Deidara had attempted to steal earlier that day.

"We caught the two thieves but one got away." said Zabuza, although it sounded a little muffled because of the white bandages that covered his mouth. Deidara felt relieved, Sasori-no-danna had escaped.

"Wasn't there four thieves?" asked Haku.

"I'm pretty sure there were three." said Zabuza, although he sounded doubtful himself.

"If you say so…" said Haku, still unsure of how many there really were.

"What do we do about the captured criminals?" asked Zabuza, handing the statue over to Itachi.

"Those filth dare steal from the Uchiha clan? Execute them!" commanded Itachi.

"Sure thing boss man." grinned Zabuza, lifting his giant blade in anticipation of spilling blood.

"No!" yelled Deidara, shocking all the people present. The most surprised was Itachi, who was being defied. Tobi was also surprised, surprised his bride would have the guts to defy Itachi, leader of the Uchiha clan when no one else dared.

'Oh no, I have to explain myself!' realized Deidara, perfectly aware everyone was looking at him in wonder because of his outburst.

"Uh, no…that's what I said yeah. They shouldn't be executed. Today I am going to be married to Tobi-kun right? Such a joyous occasion shouldn't be tainted by death on the same day. It would be bad luck…yeah." said Deidara, desperately trying to find a reason to give so Itachi wouldn't authorize his comrades' executions. Deidara stood there tensely, waiting for Itachi's reply…

Author's Notes: Hanayome means bride. Hence the title means 'Deidara is Tobi's Bride', which is true in this fic. Ino and Deidara have similar haircuts, they could totally pass off as each another. Chan, san and kun are honorifics. Ni-san means brother. In my fan fiction it is AU (Alternate Universe) so Itachi, Sasuke, and Tobi are all brothers. Ages are tweaked so Itachi is the oldest, I decided to make him a somewhat decent older brother in this. He overlooks the revival of the Uchiha clan so he makes sure his younger brothers find brides. Sasuke found a wife himself, that would be Sakura. Tobi doesn't have a wife so what does Itachi go and do? Plan an arranged marriage! Tobi gets engaged to Ino but little does Itachi know Tobi's wife to be standing before him is not Ino, who ran way with Sai, but Deidara! Deidara is not only a thief/rogue ninja, but a GUY! How will this effect Itachi's plans to revive the Uchiha clan? Dramatic music is heard

It's customary to present a gift to a newly wed couple so Itachi sent for a phoenix statue to be delivered. You can see why Deidara wanted to steal it. It's a bird, made of clay, and art. I had a hard time deciding whether or not to make the statue a phoenix or a crow. A crow would make sense because it's Itachi's symbolic creature but I decided on a phoenix instead. Phoenixes are more beautiful, their element is also fire, like Uchihas. A phoenix also represent rebirth or revival which is what Itachi wants for the Uchiha clan. Tobi isn't wearing a mask right now but he will later, it would be vital to the plot. Deidara could not read the note, Deidara's illiteracy will cause problems later in the story. This is my first multi chaptered fic, wish me luck! Sorry for any mistakes there may be…

By the way, do you know what Kakuzu was about to say to Hidan before they got owned? He was supposed to say "I want back the money you borrowed!"

Did you guys think it would be something else…?

Please review! I'll be motivated to update.