Wrong
It was wrong.
That was the only way I could describe it. Wrong.
The problem was, no matter how many times I told myself it was wrong, I always went back. I couldn't stay away. It was as if he was a drug, and I was the one addicted. Yet I knew he was the one using me.
Guys like him, don't like girls like me. Guys like him, they use girls like me. I knew it was only a matter of time before he asked me for something. "Do my homework." Or "Give me your potion, I didn't do mine" Yet even though I knew all this, I couldn't stay away.
I knew he was enjoying himself just as much as I was enjoying myself. There was no denying it, James Potter was good at what he did, and he was good at everything.
That's the part I didn't understand. He was good at everything what did he need me for. I mean other than the sex, I was useless. He could do everything I could, sometimes he could do them better.
I mean look at him, no one should look that good on a broom, flying with ease, scoring goal after goal. Seeing his hair windswept, his cheeks pink from the cold made me remember the first time I had given in.
By the end of sixth year I had accepted the fact that I had fallen for him. I couldn't help it, so there was no sense in denying it. When he cornered me after Quidditch practice two weeks after school had started, I had said no, to a date, force of habit.
Than a new habit started, he pressed me against the wall and whispered "why not?" I just kissed his lips when they came down on mine. When we were both out of breath and he was just gazing over my head a smirk on his face, I pushed him away and walked down the hall. I didn't look around when he called my name just kept walking.
The next day when he kissed me again, I didn't hold it in; I just let myself go knowing I would only get hurt, and that I would have to deal with that when the time came.
Soon on our patrols we would patrol less, make out more. Until that one day, when we came across two students in an abandoned classroom, James just kicked them out, taking off house points. I couldn't look anywhere but the floor. When I finally looked up James was looking at me with a look I had never seen before. The look as I found out was of lust, I lost my virginity that day.
It was wrong, to make love to someone who didn't love you back. To make love, while your partner just had sex. Yet I let myself again and again, pretending that he loved me back.
It was wrong, and I knew I should stop, yet I couldn't. I held onto a small hope that he would come to love me, in the way that I knew I deserved.
As the game ended, I knew James would be looking for me, he would need his after game romp, in the change room, and I was more than willing to give. I walked into the change room, 15 minutes later, hoping it would be empty by now, I was in luck.
I looked at him, as he took off his protective gear; he always was the slowest to get undressed. He looked at me as I came in. A smile I had not been expecting sprang onto his face, I was always waiting for the day, when I would see disappointment.
"Did you see that one goal?" he asked, "The one where I almost fell off my broom."
"Of course, hard to miss."
"What's wrong?" he asked, I was slightly surprised he didn't normally see when I was upset. It was never a good idea to think about how wrong this is when I'm meeting him right after.
"Nothing," I said, the look he gave me, surprised me, he could tell I was lying.
To get his mind off it, I went up to him and kissed him, it was the easiest solution to make him forget.
We were well beyond kissing when he said the words that changed everything.
"I love you."
Once the words were out of his mouth, I couldn't get them out of my head. He couldn't mean it; it was just a thing of the moment. Yet my mind was so concentrated on what he said I didn't even realize as he groaned and came, he lay panting beside me, when he turned and looked at me I knew he could tell something was up.
"You sure you're ok?" he asked.
"Did you mean it," the words left my mouth before I had time to think.
"Mean what?" he looked so confused.
"You said you loved me," than I realized what would happen if he denied it, how I would feel. I was sure I could stand it.
Than he said the most shocking word I had ever heard come from his mouth. "Yes."
I was all prepared to tell him he was lying, he was wrong.
When it hit me, all the gentle caresses, the looks I had taken to be lust, when really it could have been love. I had always thought he chased me because I was a goal, and that when he got me he would dump me. Yet he had got me months ago. Maybe I was the one who was wrong. Wrong to think he couldn't change. Wrong to think he couldn't love me. Just wrong.
"I love you too," I whispered, "I love you so much."
He smiled, and leaned over and kissed me, "Are you ready to make our relationship public than? I'm getting so tired of sneaking around."
All this time I had thought he was ashamed to be seen with me, I was so wrong he cared for me, and it felt so right. It was wrong to love someone this much, but now I knew we both felt so right when we were together.
The End