Niji — Hey guys. I got the perfect idea for a song fic while listening to There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It yet… Long title. So with Tenshi's help we worked out the details and this is what we got. I promise you, one day soon I will write a chapter story…instead of so many one shots.
Bold and Italic letters are the song lyrics.
DISCLAIMER— Bleach is by Kubo Tite. I wish I was him, but alas I am not.
There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It yet, is by the gods Panic! At the Disco. And Again I am not them.
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"Ichi, why are we even here?" The albino whined for the hundredth time. Here, was the 19th annual Soul Reaper Banquet, some stupid event that the Gotei 13 came up with so that the soul reapers had an excuse to wear tuxedos and ball gowns.
"I'm here because Yamamoto invited me. You're here because…actually I don't know why you're here. You could always be in the inner world." Ichigo stated. To any normal person it would have looked like he was talking to thin air. You see Hichigo had learned to manifest himself into the real world (both soul society, and earth) but he wasn't able to become totally solid. As far a Ichigo knew, he was the only one that could see him
"Its dreary in there, always raining. Plus, Zangetsu won't shut up." Hichigo continued to complain.
"Well deal. Now can you shut up? Where here and I don't want them to think I'm going crazy.
"Fine."
Ichigo and his hollow walked through the double doors, only to see that the room had been done just like it would have if they where in the 1800. The red head sighed.
"Uhm, Kingy. Don't you think you stand out a little?" Hichigo asked. The substitute soul reaper had decided to come in a white suit with black pinstripes.
"Don't you think you are? I mean a top hat and cane. No one can see you." Ichigo whispered back, while trying not to look insane. The albino had chosen the opposite of his companion, a black suit with accentuating off white pinstripes. The main difference though was that Hichigo had chosen to wear a top hat and carry a cane. Where he got them, Ichigo had no idea.
As they walked in a man shouted, "I'll take any overcoats, canes and top hats." At this a wide grin spread across Hichigo's face.
"Please leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the door man. From that moment you'll be out of place and under dressed." On cue of the words overcoat and cane, Hichigo through the two items at the doorman. Keeping with the tempo of his singing, he sauntered over to the first person in reach that was sitting down, which happened to be Tosen. Seems him, Gin and Aizen had decided to crash the party.
"I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it. Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring end." As Hichigo continued to sing he sat on Tosen's lap and swung his arm around his neck. Now Ichigo was just stunned. He had no clue what to do except stare on and watch.
"Please leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the door man. From that moment you'll be out of place and under dressed." On cue again he through is top hat over to the door man. Then he swiftly stood up and pulled Aizen up with him. He then proceeded to pants the ex-captain, as to show that he was now underdressed.
Ichigo stared on, and before he knew he was laughing his ass off.
"I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it. Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring end." He hip-swaggered over to one of the banquet tables and whipped the cloth off, knocking everything off in the process.
"Cause when you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes, woah. Everything goes according to plan." The hollow pranced into the center of the ballroom. Oh this is going to be good, was what was running through the red head's head.
"The new cancer. Never looked better, you can't stand it. Because you say so under your breath you reading lips, when did he get all confident. Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer. Never looked better, and you can't stand it." Swing his hips an snapping his hands, Hichigo Danced around while he sang. noticing Rukia walking towards the bathroom, he followed her. Stopping only briefly at a table that had a box of cigarettes on it. Intrigued, Ichigo followed to the door. After checking to make sure no one was watching, he peeked through the door. What he saw almost made him burst into a new fit of laughter.
"Next is a trip to the Lady's room in vane. I bet you just can't keep up, Keep up with the fashion-nestas." Hichigo knelt down and took a hold of the skirt of Rukia's dress and pulled. There was a loud ripping noise before Hichigo stood back up again. He was now holding a good 15 inches of purple fabric, that had apparently come from Rukia's ankle length skirt. Ichigo did have to admit that it made her dress look a lot better. Of course she didn't even notice..
"Tonight, tonight you are you are, a whispering campaign." The albino pulled close to Rukia's ear and blew in it. She spun around to see what was going on.
"I bet to them your name is cheap," Hichigo took two of his fingers and place them under Rukia's chin. When he said the word cheap he used these fingers to force her head up.
"I bet to them you look like shh-," He placed the same two fingers at the side of her face and when he said shh he forced her face toward the door. Ichigo barely ducked out of the way before she saw him. The hollow then spun her back toward the mirror.
"Talked to the mirror, Oh choke back tears." This worked out perfectly. Rukia was rubbing her cheek where it hurt, mumbling about how she thought she was going crazy and trying to stop herself from crying. Ichigo peeped back through the door. Noticing that Rukia was turned around he stayed to watch the spectical.
"And keep telling your self that 'I'm a diva." Using some power that he didn't even know he had, Hichigo forced himself into Rukia's body. He had her sing ''m a Diva', while snapping her fingers and sway her hips. He then exited her body and continued to sing.
"Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table they just so happen to be laced with Nitro Glycerin." Right when a boom went off outside the washroom Hichigo pointed and smiled. Ichigo ran to see what had happened. There stood Gin, his faced covered in black soot. And for once he wasn't smiling.
"The new cancer. Never looked better, you can't stand it. Because you say so under your breath you reading lips, when did he get all confident. Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer. Never looked better, and you can't stand it." Walking back to the center of the room he began dancing with himself again. Not being able to stand any longer because of how much he was laughing. Ichigo took a seat at one of many of the tables surrounding the dance floor and continued to watch the scene unfold.
Hichigo stopped singing but continued to dance. Not alone this time though. He walked up to the first person he saw who was not dancing, took his hand in his and put the other on his waste, and began to waltz. Shuuhei looked on in horror as he was being lead around the dance floor by an invisible force. After about 7 seconds, Hichigo Backed away from Shuuhei and started dancing with someone new. This time it was Hitsugaya. Ichigo watched in total amusement as the stout Captain started screaming and trying to beat up the invisible force. However Hichigo soon backed away and began singing again.
"Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer. Never looked better, and you can't stand it. Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer. Never looked better, and you can't stand it." Still standing were he had last danced with Hitsugaya, Hichigo looked around. It seemed a crowed had gathered around the area.
"And I know, And I know it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up," He reached out in front of him and pinched one of Matsumoto's large breasts.
"I've never been so surreptitious so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch." Ichigo through a bottle of vodka at the wall over the munch bowl. It shattered spilling vodka into the red liquid. He had been carrying the bottle around while he watched Hichigo, waiting for the perfect time to spike the punch. Seems Hichigo was thinking the same thing.
"And I know, And I know it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up," This time he reached out and pinch one of Rukia's no existent breasts
"I've never been so surreptitious so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch." Ichigo through a bottle of rum into the the punch bowl that sat on a table on the other side of the room. The same thing happened when he though the rum bottle.
"And I know, And I know it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up," Hichigo did the Hichigo thing and instead of finding another girl he turned to Kuchiki and pinched his butt.
"I've never been so surreptitious so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch." Ichigo having spotted the bastard before it was time for him decided a different path. As soon as Hichigo sang punch, the substitute soul reaper had spun around and punched Aizen in the nose. The last thing he heard was a satisfying crack before him and his hollow grabbed there stuff and ran out the door.
"No I see why you came," Ichigo stated as they strolled away from the building that was now in total chaos.
"And aren't you glad?" Hichigo smirked.