Title: Journey to Relationship

Main characters: Logan Mitchell, James Diamond

Side Characters: Kendall, Camille, Joanna, Brooke, Jennifer (Only mentioned)

Warning: Slash Jagan

Universe: AU, where BTR doesn't exist, Logan is three years younger than James

Summary: Since the moment Logan was born, they had belonged to each other.

A/N: I wonder why when it comes to Jagan it is easier to imagine scenes instead of making plots. Here is just a jumble together of scenes of different time sets creating one big picture. I think the point of views keep changing, but I hope it doesn't confuse much.

This story was written for Big Time Rush Oneshot Day on February 6, 2012. (though super duper late ^^;)

He had been playing that Nintendo DS in his hand for three hours now he got bored. With a sigh, James looked at the window, trying to find out where exactly his parents brought him to. The road was familiar, so wherever they headed was some place James had ever visited.

They finally stopped in front of a white painted house. James also recognized the blue fences, the small yet carefully taken care garden, and the woman who just came out. That was Mrs. Mitchell, one of his mom's closest friends. James actually liked her because she was kind and often offered him cookies, but he was just not in the mood to smile sweetly when all his wanted right now was home.

"Mom can I just stay here again?"

"No, James. You've been in the car during our shopping. Now get out and greet Mrs. Mitchell and her newborn baby!" Brooke ordered.

Oh yeah, the last time James met Mrs. Mitchell, she had big tummy. Now she looked just thin and normal. So the baby had been born. Suddenly the three-year-old got curious to see what the baby would look like.

As Mrs. Mitchell showed the room, James quickly ran towards the cradle. There he was face-to-face with a baby boy with doe eyes, cute dimply smile with drool all over his cheeks. And James was dazed. Never before he saw something radiated so so much adorableness.

"James, meet your little brother Logan," said Mrs. Mitchell.

The word "brother" got James even more thrilled. Carefully, as if the baby was very fragile, James lifted his hand and poked Logan lightly on the untainted cheek. He was surprised when Logan actually caught his finger and giggled.

"Hi Logan, I'm your big brother, James."

Logan let out a baby giggle again when James poked his forehead.

"Really? I can have all these?"

James nodded vigorously, half panting for having brought such heavy box full of toys. "I am going to go into elementary school after all. I won't have time to play these dinos and ultramans. If you like them you can have them."

Logan looked at the box with gleaming eyes. But then he frowned, "If you go to elementary school, won't you have time to play with me?"

"Aww, is little Logie gonna miss me?" James pulled the younger boy into his lap and ruffled his mushroom hair. The boy's pout was a clear enough answer. "Don't worry. This is like my second home. I can always come here to see you and study here."

"Promise?"

"Of course."

Logan took a power ranger zord then played with the robot a little. Smiling, he looked up to James who was watching him intently. "I like them. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome. Actually I have more boxes stacked in the storage. I'll get them next time."

"You don't have to, you know?"

"If it makes you happy then I have to." The words only made Logan clung tighter to James, strings of gratitude muffled in his chest.

From a distance Joanna Mitchell and Brooke Diamond watched them with adoring looks in their eyes, very glad that their sons got along so well even though there were three years gap between their ages.

School bell rang about an hour ago, but the school area was still crowded. Some were playing basketball at the court, some were just chatting at the corridors, eating at the canteen or doing other things. James was walking towards the school parking lot with his current girlfriend when his peripheral vision caught a kid cornered by two bigger boys.

James was not a hero of justice or anything. Any other kid, he would just ignore. But this was Logan.

"Sorry, I can't walk you home today. Got something to do," he informed Kirana then coolly walked off. The girl looked displeased, but James gave no care about it. He could easily find other girl if Kirana broke up with him, but Logan, there was only one irreplaceable special Logan.

The bullies were junior high students. Honestly James was a bit intimidated by the fact. However, his height actually gave him some confidence. Plus, James had been taking martial arts as his extracurricular activities. If needed, he could just practice the techniques he had learnt. So he faced them alone.

Recognizing the boy who was challenging him was a popular pretty boy from sixth grade, the bullies just made fun of him. "What? You're gonna sacrifice that pretty face of yours to save that nerd? Is he your brother? Cousin? Or you're just trying to be a hero here?"

"True. You shouldn't get into any kind of fight. I don't want to have to marry you if you get some permanent injuries in that girly face." They laughed at James's face.

Logan only looked at James pleadingly, face dirty with tears and snot. The boy's eyes begged James to just leave him alone. James ignored the plea and in a spare of second he kicked those guys in the stomach. They were taken by surprise, not having a chance to dodge. As they were groaning on the ground, James quickly pulled Logan and ran at lightning speed.

Noticing that Logan's short legs were a hindrance, James picked the boy up bridal style and ran towards Logan's house. Mrs. Mitchell gave him funny looks, but at that time, all James and Logan cared was safety from those bullies.

Since that incident, James insisted that they had to go to school and go home together. The older boy couldn't risk his favourite brother getting bullied anymore. With that decision, it automatically meant getting dumped by Kirana. Eventually, he practically stopped dating yet he didn't mind it one bit. Walking with Logan proved to be a lot more fun.

After James graduated, he planned to continue studying in Los Angeles. His dream was to be a pop star afterall, and L.A. seemed to be able to offer that chance Minnesota couldn't. The news of course saddened Logan. "So you'll just go to L.A. and leave me alone?"

Logan was wearing this puppy look that normally would get James to do whatever he wanted. But James wore even stronger expression, "Logan, please? This is my dream." His eyes bore into Logan's soul and Logan knew he would end up supporting whatever best for James, even if it were against his will.

"Can I go with you? I don't mind transferring schools. I'm so used to be with you. You're my brother."

Surprisingly Mrs. Mitchell trusted Logan into James's hand.

James had a friend named Kendall who wanted to continue study in L.A. too. Their whole family would move as well. So with some discussion they agreed to rent an apartment together. But since Logan came into the picture, at the end it was decided that James and Logan rented another apartment just near the Knights. Joanna and Brooke paid Jennifer Knight some money for her to ensure that James and Logan got food, school fee, and other needs under control.

"Logan, help me with my English homework!"

"How can you ask about your homework to a kid three years younger than you?" Logan shook his head disbelievingly, uncaringly, as he was too caught up with the book he was reading.

"Yes I can. Because you're one guy with brain while I am not."

Logan sighed, closing the book. This was not the first time he lost to James's plea. Actually, he always did everything James asked him to do. "Why don't you study with Kendall? Doesn't he have the same homework?"

"Please. You're far more excellent teacher."

"Fine, give me your homework." Logan left his bed to go to James's room. It irritated him sometimes, that James was the one who needed help but the said boy didn't bother moving a foot from his room. "What is it abou― shit!"

Logan was totally unprepared for the sight. Sure, since he was able to remember he had seen James fully naked countless times. But teenage hormones and curiosity about his own sexual preference had him blushing even just by seeing a topless James. Plus, the older boy's chest being defined and perfect was no help at all. "Why aren't you dressed properly?"

"This is home, Logie. This is my own room. I can run naked if I want."

The younger sighed and entered the room, willing his eyes not to wander too much. "Your room is air conditioned. You cannot run naked because I'll be the one who has to take care of you if you catch cold."

James only laughed. He patted his bed for Logan to sit, surrounded by books that weren't even opened. "Oh Logan, what would I be without you?"

"I don't know. Alone, failed class, a mess?" Logan answered jokingly. Both knew that was the truth spoken without any intention to be proud or offending. "Seriously. You're supposed to be the mature one."

As Logan came closer, James pulled him into his embrace instead, the position they always used to cuddle. Logan sat comfortably on James's laps. James got a hand circling Logan's waist and the other ruffling his now spiky hair. Which made Logan blush even more. "About us, I can easily forget how old we are. Like this, you are the baby brother. See?"

James could feel Logan nodding as the boy relaxed into his chest. However, after a few minutes of just cuddling like that, as always Logan would ruin the moment by being the responsible one, "Homework, James. Cuddle later."

As always James would let out his heaviest sigh so loudly then the two settled for the work. At the end Logan did most of the work, though.

Logan was in ninth grade when he was sure that he liked men, more than women. He had ever tried dating Camille, her classmate and close friend, and he liked her a lot. But then he realized it was not anywhere close to his feelings towards one particular guy. James. Logan had always seen James as a big brother, so it was difficult to actually find out when Logan first fell for him. All he knew, he got extremely upset and very jealous when James brought Kendall into his room and fuck, Logan could hear everything from his own room.

The very first person who made him question about his sexual orientation was ironically Kendall. Since knowing the blond was gay, Logan had been wondering if he was too because he actually enjoyed it when he first tried watching gay porn. He just failed to know that James had the same interest. Because, James had dated a lot of girls before. Logan thought it hurt because James didn't even tell him that he liked men. Apparently, when Logan thought back, he never liked it when James dated girls either. So in his room, Logan tried imagining it was him the one James banged next door. Logan tried imagining it was him who made James sound like that. He hoped he would find it disgusting, because James was a brother. Yet he ended up coming hard into his blanket.

So yeah, since then Logan slowly distanced away. James only saw him as a brother after all.

Unfortunately James wouldn't let Logan escape from this just like that.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked by the door of Logan's room, face all worried and sad. Logan had been ignoring him a lot these days, refusing to help him with his studies, even replying his questions just shortly and sometimes harshly.

"Why would I be mad at you? What did you do?" Logan asked back, sounding innocent but sadness written all over his features.

"Umm… maybe because I'm dating Kendall?"

Straight guess, Logan thought. "Maybe because you never told me you're dating Kendall? You never even told me you're gay. You never told me anything. Or maybe I'm not mad at you so let's stop this pointless talk. I have Math test tomorrow…"

"Math isn't a subject you need to prepare for a test. So talk. Please? I can't have you mad at me, Logan, you're too precious for me."

Bullshit if Logan didn't melt at the words.

James invited himself in knowing that his pleas had just gotten Logan's permission, as usual. He jumped into the bed then stretched his arms, hoping Logan still wanted to do the talking in their cuddle position. But not this time. Logan's feelings were all too messed up that he was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop himself from kissing James if their distance became too short.

His arms fell in disappointment. "Do you hate me?"

"I can never hate you. You're my brother."

"Really? You still think of me as a brother?" James got a bit angry. "You certainly don't act like one these days. You've been treating me like a stranger who just happened to share an apartment. You even refused to cuddle with me!"

At Logan's muteness, James continued, "It all started since Kendall and I started to have relationship. I didn't tell you because you got this disapproval look. It's not that you hate Kendall, because when I'm not around you're still okay with him. It's just our relationship. I didn't tell you because I wanted you to be the one telling me why you're so against us being together. But instead, you push me away." James's voice lowered until there was no more angry tone. "I can't take it if you hate me. Please, Logan? I'd rather break up with Kendall, but only if you have a good reason why I should."

A few minutes later the younger boy was still quiet. As James got frustrated, Logan decided to answer with honesty. Keeping his feelings as secret had been tormenting him enough inside. Better confess now. If James got disgusted at his feelings so be it. He would break his heart, but accepting the fact might be better than false hopes.

"Because I like you too. There. You get the answer. Happy?" Logan scoffed. "You were right. I haven't seen you as a big brother anymore. I have feelings for you. That's why I got jealous over Kendall and all others you've dated. I hate it because you'll never reciprocate my feelings. And I push you away so I can forget this stupid feeling and move on so you don't have to―"

Logan's eyes dilated when suddenly James had leaned over, put his hand behind Logan's neck, pulled him close, and their lips met, instantly making him forget whatever he had to say. It was Logan's very first kiss, yet somehow he was able to reply with the same fervor, same passion and he just moved along creating perfect dance with James's mouth.

It soon turned heated when James used tongue, sweetly lapping every corner of Logan's mouth. Both failed to think straight after that. They let themselves driven by lust and need and when Logan's brain finally could comprehend things, it was already the next morning. They were in their cuddle position, both fully naked but kept warm under the blanket.

After that, no, James and Logan were not dating and having sex everyday if that was what you expected. But James did break up with Kendall. The reason was simple: they both enjoyed what they had had already, why asked for more if it risked things became weirder? So they kissed sometimes, hugged occasionally, cuddled almost every night because they decided to share James's bed at night. But there was no commitment.

When James graduated from his music school, he got some record deals offers from a lot of music production. He signed with Rocque Records and went solo. His career started as just a featured singer for some infamous bands, but as the years went by he got better known. James got his best popularity when he launched his second album. The job made James busy, even rarely stayed at home.

That, terribly upset Logan. Of course he supported James's dream, but still, being away from the one he loved so much hurt. Moreover when he heard this and that gossip about James having affair with this singer or that actress. At this time, the 'no commitment' thing started to worry Logan. He started regretting not making their relationship clear before James had to "leave".

Meanwhile, Logan would soon graduate from his junior high school as well. He had found his own dream: becoming a doctor. Science had always been his favourite, plus Logan was great at it. The thing was, in Los Angeles he could not find good enough med school that could ensure his future. Did he have to make it up to James again?

Probably not. Logan had spent hours to think about it again and again. Maybe Logan should accept the scholarship offer he got and go to Germany, chasing his own dream. It made no difference after all. Logan was here to be with James, to live with him because Logan couldn't handle being far from his "brother". But if it turned like this, that James was barely home, it's better to just try living completely without him.

Because it seemed like James didn't need Logan there the way Logan needed James.

The day he was certain with that decision, Logan couldn't help crying even to sleep.

Logan waited until James returned to the apartment, even if only for a minute or two, to tell him his decision. The thing was, James never came back. He texted Logan sometimes to inform where he was holding a performance, but that's it. Even until winter came. So without telling James anything, he signed the scholarship and the admission to the med school in Germany, even booked the flight ticket. He would start his language learning there in March after all. If James didn't come until he flew there, then Logan would just leave a message or something.

However, James actually showed up at the middle of January.

"Logan, I'm home!" James shouted from the doorway, half running towards Logan's room. He had missed his little brother so much. Logan hadn't been replying to his text messages so James was worried if something happened. That was why James tried sneaking this day, ditching singing practice in the studio.

However he didn't expect to see Logan's room so tidy. Well, Logan was always tidy, but normally there had to be a book or two stacked on the floor or on the bed, papers full of Math rough works scattered around, or something. What was even weirder, Logan's laptop was on the bed, folded. Usually Logan never used it with battery, he just placed the laptop on his desk, always plugged to the charger.

But the weirdest thing was Logan's expression. There were a lot of emotions there, surprised, missing, disappointed, and others James couldn't decipher. One thing for sure Logan didn't look as happy to meet him again.

"What's wrong?"

"James I'll continue my study in Germany. The flight will be at the end of February," said Logan, as if that was what he had prepared to say to James the moment they came face to face, which was true.

"G―germany? Why so sudden―no it's not sudden. Why didn't you tell me earlier? You could have texted or called me!"

"I could have. But I don't want to," Logan almost faltered the moment he saw the betrayed look on James's face. "I have my own dream, James. I want to be a doctor. I came here with you because I wanted to be with you. I wanted to stay close to a big brother I grew up with. Now that he's gone, I have to chase my own dream. I got this scholarship in a good med school in Germany."

"Is that it? You think I'm gone?" James angrily threw his bag on the floor and sat on Logan's bed, staring deep into his eyes. "Do I have to choose you over my career, Logan? I would. But how can we live forward? We can't rely on our mothers for the rest of our lives, we have to work after we study."

"Exactly. Now I'm going to choose my career over you." The words actually hurt both James and Logan's own heart. "James, please? This is my dream." Logan used the tone James used years ago. It worked on him back then, he hoped it also worked for James this time. Because, if James kept saying lines like "I would choose you over my career but―", Logan was afraid he would end up cancelling his every plan.

James sighed. He knew he couldn't change Logan's mind. Also, he knew he had to support it if it was the best for Logan. "Alright. But I'm not going to sell this apartment. Eventhough I sleep in the studio more than here, eventhough you'll leave for Germany, this apartment is still our home. Come back here anytime, text or call me, I'll be willing to ditch a show if it were for you."

Logan couldn't stop his tears from falling. "Cuddle?" He offered. All Logan wanted was to bury his face on James's neck, have James stroking his hair because it was the most effective way to calm him down.

So the elder did. James climbed up then pulled Logan into his embrace. "I'm gonna miss this a lot." Logan could hear James's voice cracking. "Darn Logan, have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"In what way?"

"In every way. I really really love you. I don't know if I can live without you."

"You haven't told me before, but I know. Cause I love you too. In every way." Logan cried even more when he said that. "You can live without me, though. You have been away for weeks and you survive."

"Nope. I don't survive. I need to know constantly that you are okay and safe here. But since you stopped replying last month, I could not focus anymore. I felt like I had to go home and check if everything's alright… It turns not. You're actually leaving. How can I be okay?"

"There is internet. We can chat every night if you're not busy. I promise I will reply," Logan reassured.

There were few minutes of peaceful silence before James pushed Logan so he boy was above him, gazing straight into the chocolate eyes. "I need to make you mine. I love you in that way too. So I won't be able to take it if you find a hot German Adonis and dump me just because I haven't tied you down."

Logan's eyes were blown wide as he stared back into the hazels. "Are you…serious?"

"Of course. Logan, be my boyfriend? I'll propose you properly later, I'll sneak another time to send you on your departure. There, I'll be ready with rings and ― just, be my boyfriend until then."

It was funny actually, but Logan wouldn't dare laughing at the moment so important for both of them. "Of course. I'm yours. Always. Since I was born."

"I like it. Yes, you've been mine since you were born. So have I been."

James lifted up to kiss Logan in the lips. This time, the kiss was purely innocent, just simple touching of lips as a way to show how much adoration, care, and love they held for each other. It saddened them that they could not do this more often, not in the past not in the mean while, but it was okay. Thanks to those awesome people who invented internet, at least they would be able to chat anytime they wanted.

A few years later, this news was in every magazine and infotainment:

The famous singer James Diamond, right after doing his last stage ever, fetched his male fiancé who had just come back from Germany. They would soon hold a private marriage in Minnesota, their hometown. After marriage, however, they would return to L.A. and live in the apartment they used to share since high school. James claimed that he would not stop singing, he just stopped performing on stages and holding concerts now he wanted to focus on his soon to be family.

On the photo taken below in LAX, we could see how happy they looked, James Diamond the singer and Logan Mitchell the young talented doctor. Fans who initially became antis knowing that James was going to marry a man now turned to give them support and best wishes.

-End-