Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and the fact is I probably never will, and if you're reading this, you probably never will either. It's kind of like we're family, because we don't own shit together. At least that's what I tell myself. It's kind of sad to admit, but what are you gonna do?

Chapter 1: How the Story Began

Just Barely ANBU

It was around 9 in the morning when Naruto was woken up from his sleep by a messenger hawk that refused to allow him to go back to sleep. The hawk had landed on his pillow and began to peck his head.

"Arrrgggh! Alright I'm awake now." Naruto muttered as he finally stretched in his bed before reaching for the note attached to the hawk. The hawk lifted its right leg to allow him to remove the note attached to his leg.

"Awww, you're not so bad when you're not pecking my head and being douche." Naruto murmured softly as he began to pat the head of the hawk. Almost as if responding to being called a douche, the hawk let out a loud cry before shitting on Naruto's bed and flying out of the open window. Naruto quickly got up from his bed and chased the bird to his window. "I take back what I said about you, you really are a douche!" Naruto yelled angrily out of his open window towards the bird that was getting farther and farther away.

"Hey Shut up, ya damn lunatic!" yelled one of his neighbors on a lower floor. "Some of us are trying to sleep here." He continued obviously upset at being awoken from his slumber. "You Shut up! You're making more noise than me ya asshole!" Naruto responded in kind. This was starting out to be a shitty day in his opinion. After realizing that the disturbed man wasn't going to continue their impromptu shouting match, Naruto closed the window and finally read the note that had started his day off so badly.

"Naruto I know you're probably still sleeping, but I need you to report to my office by 12. There is something important I need to discuss with you."

"Hmmm, I wonder what Baa-Chan wants?" Naruto wondered out loud as he scratched his head in confusion. It had been a while since Tsunade had called him into her office now that things had cooled off in the Elemental Nations. It had been about 4 months since the Fourth Great War had ended. Madara had escaped after being gravely injured due to a combined effort from Team 7, the 5 Kages, and Obito to finally defeat him. However the victory was not without cost. Obito and the Onoki the Tsuchikage had succumbed to their injuries and died on the battlefield. Kakashi had slipped into coma due to the overuse of his Sharigan, and the rest were either too injured or too tired to chase after the retreating Madara. During the confusion of battle, Orochimaru and the rest of Sasuke's team managed to disappear without a trace. Well, not all of Sasuke's team, Karin and decided to follow Sasuke back to Konoha much to Sasuke's annoyance.

"Well at least things have gotten much better since then." He spoke aloud to himself. And it had. Kakashi had woken from coma two months and had resumed active duty. Sai had replaced Neji on team Gai and had seemed to bond well with Lee for some odd reason. Sasuke had just been released from the ANBU holding cell last month, and was on a 6-month probation. Naruto had claimed responsibility for Sasuke upon his release, and had assured the council that Sasuke was no longer a threat.

Naruto made his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day and decided to wake Kurama up.

"Hey Kurama. Are you up yet?"

"I am now! Now what do you want Naruto?" Kurama snorted before deciding he really didn't care what Naruto wanted because he wanted to go back to sleep. "Never mind, I'm going back to sleep."

"Sheesh, I forgot you weren't exactly a morning person….or a person for that matter. I have to go meet Baa-Chan for a meeting and I wanted you to be ready in case we're sent on a mission."

"Naruto, when was the last time you had to use my charka to defeat an enemy? Sage mode is enough. Now let me go back to sleep or next time you come into the seal I'll eat you!"

"Nah, you really wouldn't eat right Kurama?...Kurama, a little assurance would be great right about now!"

XXXXXXXXXX

After leaving his apartment, Naruto realized he had about an hour left before he had to meet Tsunade and decided to get some ramen for breakfast.

"Hey old man. I'll have my usual." Naruto yelled as he entered the small restaurant and sat on his favorite stool in the middle.

"Well if it isn't our favorite hero! Ayame, fire-up the Uzumaki special!" Teuchi yelled from the backroom as he approached the counter. "It's been too long since I last saw you in here Naruto. Where did you disappear to?"

"I was in here three days ago old man! Is your memory failing you already?" Naruto laughed as he shifted himself forward to better smell the ramen Ayame was cooking in the back.

"I know that!" Replied Teuchi "It's just that three days is a long time to go without ramen for you. You've actually been eating a lot less ramen lately now that I think about it. It's a bit unusual and unhealthy if you ask me!"

Naruto suddenly became depressed as he told Teuchi why he had been missing out on his sweet, mouth-watering ramen lately. "It's Sakura-chan." Naruto mumbled as he began to shift uncomfortably in his as if seeing if the Sakura was nearby.

"Sakura-chan said that I eat too much ramen! What the hell is too much ramen anyway!?" Naruto suddenly shot up from his seat startling the other customers near him. "We fought in the Fourth Great Ninja War to protect the freedom of the great people of Kohona." As he continued to speak, he placed his hands on his hips and took on a more heroic pose. His speech started to gather the attention of people outside the shop. "We fought tooth and nail against the enemy. Fought back to back with our fellow comrades for peace, justice, and freedom. The freedom to sleep past 9am without a bird shitting on my bed. To walk around naked in my own house. And most importantly to eat ramen whenever I damn well please. And do you know why?" Naruto voiced his question to the amused crowd that had started to gather around him.

"Tell us why!" One civilian yelled from within the crowd.

"I'll tell you why random dude" Naruto started speaking again as a fire lit in his eyes. "Because I am a man! So what if ramen is the reason I was so short years ago, and eating it will probably cause me to remain at this height for the rest of my life." Naruto then turned his back to the crowd as he finished his long winded rant. "That is what it means to be a man. Plus Sakura-chan should look in the mirror before complaining about my eating habits." At this point the crowd started to disperse after listening to the assuming rant of their local hero.

"All she eats are those disgusting jam paste things anyway. They won't help your breast grow either Sakura-chan." Naruto placed his hands on his chest and cupped his chest, to better emphasis the lack of breasts on Sakura he was accustomed to seeing.

"Could you repeat that last part again?"

"Sure, I said Sakura-Chan's brea….. oh shit!" Naruto yelled as he finally turned around to see who had asked him that question.

Sakura Haruno was currently not in a good a mood today. First, one of her favorite elderly patients had died due to a bout of incompetence from one of the medical staff. The idiot had mixed up the medication for two different patients… that weren't even on the same floor, or the same side of the building for that matter. That idiot had been ejected from the building…painfully. Next, another patient decided that today was the day he would feel her up. He was admitted for a broken leg a month ago, and now that he decided to be a pervert, he was now comatose due to the ass-kicking she gave him when he groped her ass. So imagine her surprise when she finally left the hospital to get some lunch when she heard Naruto's voice from down the street. Deciding to see what her best friend was up to, she caught him cupping his breasts and complaining about the lack of her own. Suffice to say, she was not happy.

"So Naruto, what do you have to say for yourself?" Her voice was eerily calm as she put her hands in her white lab coat and began to put on her black gloves. "And pick your words carefully, because the next time you see me is when I'll be bringing you back to life after I cave your face in." Sakura smiled sweetly as if she had just been giving a bouquet of flowers.

"Wait Sakura!" Naruto suddenly said as he put his left hand forward to halt her advance. Naruto's face suddenly took on a serious expression as he looked her in the eyes.

"W-what is it Naruto? As Sakura stammered and blushed lightly at the intense look he was giving her.

"Can you wait like 10 minutes?" Naruto stated as he turned around to point at the fresh bowl of ramen that was just placed on his spot by Ayame. Naruto's expression returned to his normal sheepish one as he explained his reasoning. "Ramen is best eaten hot after all!"

Sakura's jaw-dropped as he ignored her raising anger, and began to eat his food with a smile on his face. "NA~RU~TO!"

"Well it was worth a shot" Naruto thought to himself he turned around to face a red faced Sakura. "….Just please, not the face."

*WHAM*

"…..It's always the face!"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It was almost noon before Naruto finally left Ichiraku, with Sakura right next to him. After giving him a black eye, Sakura decided to spend her lunch with him, and vent about her day. After lunch, Sakura then followed Naruto towards the Hokage tower, after he told her that Tsunade had requested his presence at 12. She told him that she needed to see the Hokage anyway, so they might as well go together. As they walked up the stairs of the tower, and greeted the secretary in front of the large oak doors of the Hokage's office, Naruto made motions indicating that he planned to kick down the doors before storming in. Sakura quickly put a stop to that plan.

"What the hell are you Baka!?" Sakura hissed loudly as she grabbed Naruto back the back of his jumpsuit preventing him from carrying out his previous intention of kicking down the door.

"Well, I was about to make a dramatic entrance until you ruined that. Thanks a lot Sakura-chan." Naruto grumbled before giving his teammate a sour look. Sakura merely gave him a blank look before she first knocked on the door, and then opened it like a normal person.

Tsunade was at her desk playing with Tonton when she noticed her guests. "Ah Naruto just on time. And no dramatic entrances today?" She smirked as she watched Tonton run towards Naruto who scooped her up. "And Sakura, what are you doing here?"

"Good afternoon Tsunade-Sama. I just saw Naruto after getting some lunch, and he looked like he could use the company, so I came."

Naruto jaw dropped after he heard the lie that came out of his friend's mouth. "But that's not what you… Argh dammit that hurt!" Naruto hissed as he removed Sakura's hand from pinching his side. Then Naruto's face took on a knowing look as he gave Sakura a one armed hug. "If you just wanted to spend some time with me, why didn't you just say so?"

Sakura started to blush as she began to splutter out an excuse. Fortunately for her Tsunade decided that now was the best time to start the meeting. "So if you guys are done with… well whatever you guys are doing, there is a reason why I called you her Naruto." Tsunade laughed as she saw Sakura's glare in her direction.

"Ok, whatcha call me down here for Baa-Chan?" Naruto asked as he removed himself from Sakura, and began petting Tonton.

"Well Naruto," she continued as she ignored his nickname for her, "I want you to join ANBU"

"….. You want me to what now?"

So that's it for the first Chapter. This is also my first Fanfic, so any kind of review is appreciated. This story was Inspired by Shezza's Life in Konoha's ANBU. If you get the chance you should read that. It's a beautiful mix of a fantastic storyline, and comedy. This fic, will focus more on humor, but If enough people want a more serious storyline, and my humor is dry, then I'll focus more on the story. Till next time.