Prologue
"If you won't answer me when I'm here, I'll just have to meet you wherever you are," I said and I took those last few steps and I jumped.
Ahsoka, what are you doing? I'm still here!
I gasped and immediately stood up.
I grabbed onto a pole and climbed up it until I reached an opening where I could climb in. I sat there for a minute and tried to catch my breath, but it was to no avail. Lux was still here.
I immediately tried to contact him .I no longer felt the depression that had settled over me. I was happy again. I still felt sad but now I knew that I could find him.
You won't be able to find me, Ahsoka.
His voice startled me again, but I was happy to hear him, though his statement confused me.
"Why not, Lux?"
The Confederacy has placed me in a coma. They also moved me from the prison on Felucia to another one somewhere else. I'm not sure where, but even if I knew I wouldn't tell you.
"Again, why not?" Lux was confusing me and I just wanted to see him again.
I've realized that with me, you'll always be distracted, always wanting to protect me in front of others. Without me though, you can focus on missions and successfully complete them with everyone coming back.
I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. "But Lux, what about us? What about starting a family and that wedding and…"
Don't worry, Ahsoka. When this war is over, I promise that we'll meet again. And don't worry, I'll be careful. I love you.
And just like that, he was gone.
I woke with a start and sat up. I felt my face and lekku. They were covered in sweat.
I caught my breath and thought, How long until I can see you, Lux? How long?
That was the third time this week that I had relived what I had almost done and when Lux had contacted me.
It had happened over a month ago and I still couldn't believe I had almost done what I did.
That, unfortunately, seemed like the only way that Lux would contact me, though.
I was still trying to search for his presence whenever I meditated. I had spent hours researching in the Archives, consulting Master Shaak Ti on feeling energies in the Universe -since she had a special knack for this- and even gone to Master Yoda for lessons on how to become one with the Force. I've always had a hard time with this.
Everything I've tried so far, however, has only driven me farther back.
I still missed Lux, and sometimes I still consider going to the Senate building and finishing the job. But I always remember what Lux said to me and what I said to him.
We'll meet again. Those words will always mean something me, as a sign of promise and hope.