Author's Notes: It's good to be back.

ICMPNH Reloaded

Chapter 1: Gift from a Friend

Somewhere, in that big city that the rebels always go to, in some building that I can't remember the name of, the security guards woke up and began to leave.

"See you tomorrow."
"Not if I can help it."
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing..."
"Right..."
"Hey, look up there!"
"What?"
"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"
"It's a motorcycle!"
"It's Superman!"

"No, it really is a motorcycle."
"Oh, yeah."
"AAAAH!"

Trinity felt the rush of air on her face as she soared through the air. She pushed off her motorcycle and did a triple back flip, and landed on the ground...the wrong way.

CRASH!

"Ow! Son of a...!"

She got up and took out her cell phone.

"I'm in."

She walked into the building and up to the top floor. She opened a door in it and saw an agent in the room. She took off running towards the window and she dived out, the agent following her seconds later.

The agent whipped out his .45.

Trinity whipped out her water pistol. Then, she realised that she had taken out the wrong thing, and took out an Uzi. They began firing at each other in mid-air. Sparks flared from the two barrels as bullets whizzed past the two of them.

The two of them knew that the fight would end soon, and one of them would be dead. Which one would it be? Well, I'll tell you. Trinity.

A bullet flew through the air and shot Trinity straight in the chest. Her eyes began to roll up into her head, and her body began to fall to the ground. And just as she was about to his the ground—

Neo woke up.

"Whoa."

Meanwhile, back in the real world, the hovercraft Nebucadnezzar whizzed through the caverns at full speed. Inside the cockpit, the technician, Link, and the captain, Morpheus, were talking to each other.

"Sir, are you sure about this?"
"I told you, Tank, we're going to be fine."
"I'm not Tank."
"You're not?"
"No, I'm Link."
"Where did Tank go?"
"I dunno."
"I see."

"Anyway, it's just that I'm picking up lots of sentinels in this place."
"Link, I don't know why you volunteered to be on this ship, I don't know why you think that dreadlocks look good, and I definitely don't know who the hell you are, but if you're going to be on my ship, you have to do one thing."
"What's that?"
"Tape 'Blue's Clues' for me."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Fine."

"Oh, and trust me, too! That's another good one."
"Yeah. Whatever."

"Good. Now re-patch the main AC to the hard drives and stand by to broadcast."

Link stared at him. Morpheus groaned.

"Press the blue button and flick the yellow switch," he muttered.

"Yes, sir!"

Meanwhile, in Neo's cabin, Neo sat on his cot, his head down. Trinity walked in.

"Still can't sleep?"
"No."
"What's wrong?"
"It's these dreams."
"What about them?"
"They scare me."
"I have nightmares, too."
"But, these are, like, visions, you know? Like, psychic stuff."
"Creepy."
"Totally."
"Well, I bet these dreams aren't even going to come true."
"Oh, yeah? You're on! 50 bucks they come true!"
"What...? Oh, fine."
"Yes! I am so gonna win that $50!"

Trinity rolled her eyes and walked out of the cabin.

"What is it with this crew and betting?" she muttered to herself.

Back in The Matrix, the rebels were having a secret meting in a dark room somewhere. The captain of the hovercraft Logos, Niobe, was speaking.

"We just got word from the Osiris."
"The Osiris?"
"Yeah, the hovercraft."
"Never heard of it."
"It's from the Animatrix."
"Oh, yeah. You ever seen that?"
"Well, I saw some demos on the website, but I didn't actually buy the DVD."
"Ha. Who would?"
"A loser."

"Who likes to waste money."
"Anyway, the machines are digging down from the surface towards Zion. We must defeat them as soon as we can."
"When will that be?"
"Next movie."
"Aww, man! We have to wait that long?"
"Yes. It's very stupid."
"Totally."
"Anyway, they're coming to kill us."
"Mutha..." murmured Tirant, captain of the Novalis.

"They'll avoid the entire perimeter defence!" cried Soren, captain of the Vigilant.

"How fast are they moving?" asked Ice, captain of the Caduceus.

"Hey, wait a minute! I'm not captain of the Caduceus, I'm captain of the Gnosis! Ballard's captain of the Caduceus!"

Oh, yeah. Sorry. Okay, let's try this again.

"How fast are they moving?" asked Ice, captain of the Gnosis.

"There! Much better!"

"They're going at about a hundred meters an hour."
"Shit," grunted Ice. "How deep are they?"

"About two thousand meters."
"What about the scans from the Osiris, whose captain's name is Thadeus?"
"One," said Ajax, captain of the Icarus. "They can't be right. And two, why did you say Osiris' captain's name?"
"I dunno."

"Anyway," said Niobe, "Those scans form Osiris could be right."

"But that would mean..." murmured Ajax.

"That'd mean there are a quarter of a million sentinels out there," murmured Kali, captain of the Brahma.

"That's right," responded Niobe.
"That can't be," muttered Ajax.

"Oh, but it can," said Niobe.
"No, it can't," said Ajax.
"Yes, it can!" said Niobe.
"No, it can't!" said Ajax.
"Yeah!" said Niobe.
"No!" said Ajax.
"Yeah!" said Niobe.
"No!" said Ajax.
"Ya-huh!" said Niobe.
"Nuh-uh!" said Ajax.

"Ya-huh!" said Niobe.
"Nuh-uh!" said Ajax.
"Nuh-uh!" said Niobe.

"Ya-huh!" said Ajax, not noticing that he had been tricked.

"HA!" yelled Niobe. "You just admitted it!"
"Aww, crap!"

"Scary, ain't it?" said a voice, coming up from behind them. The voice was from Morpheus, captain of the Nebucadnezzar.

"Morpheus, glad to see you could join us," said Niobe.

"My pleasure."
"No, it's all mine."
"No, mine."
"No, mine!"
"No, mine!"

"Mine!"
"MINE!"
"MINE!"
"MINE TIMES INFINITY!"

"MINE TIMES INFINTY PLUS A MILLION!"

"MINE TIMES INFINTY PLUS A MILLION AND ONE!"

"MINE TIMES INFINITY PLUES 2!"

Morpheus paused.

"Dang it! You always win!" he muttered. "Anyway, with all those sentinels, there's a machine for every person in Zion. That sounds like a machine's thinking to me."
"'Machine's thinking'?" asked Niobe.

"Yeah."
"But, machines don't think. They just...do."

"Well, yes, until AI was invented and the agents took over the world."
"Oh, yeah. That sucked, didn't it?"
"Yeah, totally. Anyway, as you all know, with all of the sentinels everywhere, it has been increasingly hard to find a good place to get together and talk. I'm starting to think that the Zion Book Club was a bad idea."

"You got that right," said Ice. "The sewers are crawlin' with 'em."

"And if Niobe's right," said Ghost, captain of the Ganesha, "In three days, there's gonna be a quarter of a million more."
"What do we do?" asked Ballard.

"We do what Lock told us to do. Evacuate the sewers and hide like schoolgirls in Zion."
"And does Lock know how to fight off 250, 000 sentinels?"
"No."
"Ha."
"I mean—um—yes! Yes, of course, of course he does!"
"Right...and, what is it?"
"Umm...uh...it's...er...it's top secret! I can't say!"

"Of course you can't."

Trinity walked up to Morpheus.

"What are we gonna do, man? I'm freakin' out here!"

"Well, we could stay in Zion and do as Lock said, or..."

"Or?"
"Or...we could stay behind and break the rules."
"Oh, god. Goodbye Matrix, hello Harry Potter."
"No, it's in case the Oracle tries to contact us! One of the ships should stay in the Matrix just in case!"

"But, that would mean letting you disobey a commander's order," said Ballard. "We can't let that happen!"
"Oh, come on!"
"No."
"Oh, come on!"
"No."

"Oh, come on!"

"Oh...fine. You can stay."
"YES!"

Author's Notes: Yes, I looked up the corresponding ships with the names of the captains on the internet. That's why they're so exact. Hey, this is my first A/N that isn't at the beginning or end of a chapter! Cool!

A man walked slowly towards the door of the building the rebels were in. He knocked on the door. The guard, Corrupt, opened the slot in the middle. Coincidentally, no one had trusted Corrupt since Cypher snapped (well, with a name like Corrupt), so he was in a bad mood.

"Yeah?"

Corrupt looked through the slot and saw that the man had drove up in a car. The car's headlights were still on, and the light against the man silhouetted him, and Corrupt couldn't see what the man looked like.

"I'm here to see Neo."
"Okay, one sec."
Corrupt turned from the door.

"Neo!" he called.

"Yeah?" called Neo from the basement.

"Someone's at the door for you!"
"Who is it?"
"I dunno! Some guy with a bad American accent!"

"Oh, tell him I'm not there!"
"Okay!"

Corrupt turned to the door.

"Neo can't come to the door right now. Can I take a message?"
"I just wanted to give him this. A gift for setting me free."
"Sure. Fine. Whatever. Wait, free from what?"

"From being an agen—"

The man stopped himself suddenly.

"Uh...from being an...agein' man. Uh, yeah, that's it. He gave me a youth potion and it stopped me from ageing. Now I'm not an agein' man anymore! He...he..."

Corrupt stared at him.

"Okay, whatever."
The man handed Corrupt the item. The man smiled and began walking towards his car.

"Naïve human," he laughed to himself.

"Who's naïve?" asked Corrupt.

"Um...no one..."

"Uh-huh. I'm gonna close this slot now, and then I'm gonna walk away."
Corrupt closed the slot, and then he walked away.

Neo came up to him.

"Corrupt, who was that?" asked Neo.

"How did you know someone was here?" asked Wurm.

"Who are you?" asked Neo.

"Wurm."
"And, the audience knows that...how?"
"I dunno. Larry and Andy just figured they'd assume I was another guard named Wurm."

"I see."

"The guy wanted me to give you this," said Corrupt, handing Neo something that he thought he'd never see again—Agent Smith's earpiece.

"Get out of here. Agents are coming."
"They are?"
"Yes."
"I bet they're not!"
"Um...I'd say 'you're on', but I've already got four bets going on with Morpheus, three bets going on with Link and two bets with Trinity, so my hands are kind of full."
"Aww..."

"Anyway, scram."
Corrupt and Wurm walked off.

Three agents burst through the door.

"There he is," said one of them.

"The Systemic Anomaly."

"Hey, wait for the Architect scene, man."

"Sorry. Anyway."
"We can take him."
"After all, he is."

"Only human."
"Why do us agents only speak in sentence fragments and never talk for more than 3 seconds?"

"I don't know. I never really."

"Thought about it. Me."
"Neither."

"Let's do."

"This thang."
The agents ran at him.

Johnson launched an uppercut at him. Neo leaped down and scissor kicked Johnson in the chest. Jackson jumped over Johnson and lunged at Neo's face. He headed for a chokehold, but Neo blocked him with an arm hold and sent a shoyruken to the side with his other. Thompson ran up and shot a backwards roundhouse at him. Neo ducked and kicked him with a reverse backspin, and then I have no idea what I'm saying. I just put a bunch of verbs and fighting moves into this paragraph. All you really need to know is the Neo did a lot of kung fu and the agents were knocked out.

Meanwhile, outside, in the parking lot, two men walked up to each other. One of then was the one who had given Neo the earpiece, Agent Smith.

"Well, that went as expected," he said to the second man.

"Yes," said the second man.

"Sentence fragment!" yelled Agent Johnson from inside the building.

"Shut up!" yelled the second man.

"It's going exactly as before," said Smith.

He smiled at the second man.

The second man looked, sounded, and acted exactly like Agent Smith. In fact, the second man was Agent Smith. There were two of them now.

"Well, not exactly as before," said the second Smith with a smile.

"You dare contradict me?" snapped the first Smith.

"Well, I was just—"

"NO ONE DISAGREES WITH ME!" roared Smith. "DIE!"

"Oh, crap," muttered Agent Smith.

Author's Notes: Like usual, you read, you laugh, you review. Me? I'll just wait until Warner Bros. comes around with a 3-picture deal.

Hey, the first chapter of both my stories have ended with an agent muttering "Oh, crap." Let's see if I can do it for Revolutions!