Just something I was thinking that I wrote down. Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.
I never expected to fall so fucking hard for him. It was supposed to be random late night rendezvouses when neither of us had anyone else on hand. But, in all actuality, I could have had anyone, anytime, I damn well pleased. In all actuality, I wanted him yesterday, I want him now, I know without a shadow of a doubt I'm going to want him tomorrow.
I just keep telling myself to take this at face value. A good (okay, let's be honest here, an amazing and mind-blowing) fuck, then we finish the briefs with clear heads and less tension.
After a year (yeah, I know) of mind blowing fucks, the next, always better than the last somehow, the whole 'face value' façade became a steaming, stinking, pile of horse shit. I was tired of pretending I didn't feel shit (thanks for the…you know), and pretending I wanted him to leave (where the fuck are you going)?
What's funny and really quite pathetic, is that I make a living reading people. Win million dollar settlements because I can call a bluff, and I have a poker face that would put a psychopath to shame. When I hired him, he was an open fucking book; I could detect any lie, truth, false note or crack in his voice. Emotion tattooed on his face. Now? Now, I don't know, I couldn't even make an educated guess. When I look back it's my fault, I rubbed off on him just a bit too much, which at first I thought was a good thing. Now, it's my hard work that's working to my disadvantage. Only he could take my infamous, 'I'm against having emotions, not using them', to heart and apply it absolutely EVERTYHING. Even his personal life. I have no idea where he got that from. I didn't teach him that, at least not intentionally.
I turned him into a hardened lawyer and vicious pit bull and all I want now is to undo it. Turn him back into the adorable, wearing his heart on his sleeve, eager to please, doe-eyed puppy I hired. So…
"Hey…Mike," Harvey says unsteadily into the phone.
"Harvey?"