Warning: Break up, non-explicit sex, strange relationships, internalized homophobia, jealousy.
Betray My Heart
Gray let out his breath, feeling his limbs become lax. Above him, Natsu had fallen on top of him, the fire mage's forehead was pressing against Gray's collarbone. They remained that way for long moments, Gray noticing that Natsu's lips seemed to be moving, feather-light, against his pec and right above his heart. Gray wondered for a brief instant about it but the post-coital bliss was such that the haze returned quickly and it was forgotten.
But then, Natsu raised, making Gray notice the shift in temperature, it was strange. He pulled out from Gray slowly and rolled to the side, sitting on the bed with his back to Gray.
The ice mage looked at him, feeling content and lazy. But then Natsu opened his mouth.
"Hey, Gray, let's end this." The fire mage said in a toneless voice.
It felt as if Gray had been thrown into an icy lake, without expecting it. The ice mage's whole body went taut and he sat up, quashing a grimace of discomfort.
"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused.
"This. It's over." Natsu said, still not turning around to look at Gray, the voice still strangely uncharacteristic due to the lack of emotion.
"Oi. No. I don't know what you're talking about and I want you to answer me." Gray was glaring at Natsu's back, teeth clenched due to the ire that was quickly bubbling up. "You don't have a right to go and say that. Like that."
"Doesn't matter. It's done. Bye." Natsu quickly rose from the bed, picked his clothes and left the room, closing the door with a soft click.
Gray remained sitting in his bed, confused and bereft.
On the next morning Gray made sure to head to the guild early. He wanted to talk to Natsu and it was probably a good time to clear things up. The nonsense the fire mage had spouted was too sudden and nonsensical.
Sure, they had begun a relationship that was quite physical – Gray couldn't quite remember the first time that one of their squabbles had ended with a sudden kiss, but many other times followed with a growing intensity and physicality – but they talked. They were rivals and friends and, Gray hesitated in saying it, lovers. There was a tiny, immensely small side of Gray that forced Gray to admit (even if only to himself) that he had fallen a bit (a lot) for the irascible flame breath. He didn't like to think of it but it was the truth. And yet, their relationship hadn't gone rotten, they were more in synch and it felt nice to have a body to touch and be touched back. Even if the things they possibly needed to talk about went unsaid, Gray thought that things were in the clear.
So, why now that strange reaction by Natsu?
What had gotten into him?
Gray laid his head in his folded arms, despondently.
He could only wait for the other to come, then they could talk and clear things up.
Gray fell into a vigil-like trance, not completely asleep but not awake either. It was to compensate the sleep he'd missed during the night.
He could hear the din grow, meaning that more people were getting to the guild to have breakfast. But since the table he'd chosen was more towards the back of the room, he was somewhat protected from the main wave of noise. But then, an unmistakable voice made Gray snap into wakefulness. He sat up in his chair, eyes wide and searching, looking for that familiar mop of pink hair.
At long last, he was able to locate Natsu, he was being followed by Lucy and Happy was hovering close by, they seemed to be chatting excitedly.
Gray stood, pushing his chair back roughly.
A few heads in tables nearby turned to look at him but he paid them no mind. He was about to take his first step to go and approach Natsu when the trio, still chatting, headed to a table where Erza was already sitting at. As they came into full sight, no longer hidden by the bodies of the other guildmates, Gray's breath caught at what he saw.
Natsu and Lucy were holding hands.
Holding hands?
Holding hands.
Gray caught himself, gave a step back and sat heavily in his chair. Eyes wide but unseeing.
Natsu was touchy feely sometimes. But, he'd never done that. Hold hands with Lucy?
It doesn't mean what I think it means, does it? Gray thought to himself, the tinge of hysterical denial, the urge to laugh slightly maniacally clinging to him.
The noise of a tray scraping slightly against the table managed to pull him from his disconnected thoughts. He looked up and it was Juvia.
The other mage was looking at Gray with an expressionless mien, and it was slightly strange how she'd approached Gray. However, Gray still had his mind in a jumbled mess so he didn't say anything.
The water mage finally sat down, after a long pause. She placed her hands around the mug, from which small vapours were wafting, looking intently into the dark-looking liquid inside.
Gray opened his mouth, trying to get words to come out.
"They're going out. It's the news of the day at the guild." Juvia said suddenly without preamble. "Apparently Natsu asked her out last night."
Gray's mouth closed with a click, teeth grinding due to the force the ice mage was making.
"Y-yesterday?" he repeated, chocked off.
"Yes." Juvia looked straight at Gray, her eyes unfathomable and making Gray feel even more self-conscious.
"Ah…" Gray cast his eyes down, hair covering his eyes as he extended his hands over the smooth grain of the wooden table. Fingers bending as his nails scraped on the table.
"Juvia is sorry, Gray-sama." The water mage said softly as one hand was delicately poised over Gray's tense one. It was shaking slightly.
"About what?" Gray asked with a snort.
"Juvia has been watching Gray-sama for a long time." The words gained some strength, making Gray look up at her. "She has noticed a lot of things."
"But… you…" Gray began.
"Juvia can see. She knows. She also likes to think of different outcomes." Juvia's hand curled around Gray's before letting go, returning to its previous position cradling the mug. She looked away and then at Gray again.
The ice mage frowned, looking towards where Juvia had been looking at.
Natsu was looking at him.
His expression was closed off, he was sitting between Lucy and Happy but focusing on Gray instead of on the conversation.
Gray glared.
"I'm here to help, if Gray-sama wishes to."
Juvia's words were unexpected and made Gray turn at her, taken aback.
Juvia was looking back at him, a slight tilt upwards on the corners of her mouth.
"Come with me." Gray stood and grasped Juvia's hand, taking her outside in sure strides, unmindful of the stares he left in his wake, and the glare thrown by Natsu that he could feel burning into his back.
Once outside the guild, they headed to one of the gardens by the river, the one nearest from the guild.
Amid the green trees and protected by the rustle of the leaves, Gray and Juvia sat under one large tree, silent and looking at the river.
"Were you being serious about what you said?" Gray asked quietly after a long time.
Juvia paused, looking at her intertwined fingers in her lap. Then she looked at Gray.
"Of course, Gray-sama. I would not joke about such a thing." Her eyes became half-closed as she replied, lips pressing together into a thin line.
"But, it's not right. You're offering to help me but what's your gain?" Gray mused out loud, frowning. "I don't want to use you."
"Juvia wouldn't mind helping you." Juvia was now kneeling and looking at Gray with an intense look. "Even if it began like that. At least Juvia would have been there for Gray-sama." She bit her lower lip.
I wonder if she wants to say something more. Gray mused.
"I'm sorry, but I'm a grown-up and will manage to get over this without messing with anyone." Gray decided.
"Why?"
"Huh?" Gray turned and looked at Juvia, seeing that her eyes were beginning to brim with tears, clouds beginning to form overhead.
"Why? Is Juvia not enough? Hasn't Juvia proved worthy enough already?" One fat tear slid down her cheek.
Droplets of rain began to fall.
"N-no!" Gray knelt before her, grabbing her shoulders before pulling her against his chest, into a hug. Absently, he noticed that his shirt was gone. He cradled the back of Juvia's head, hand plunged amidst the soft hairs, and let out a weary sigh. "It's not that." He near-mumbled against her ear, as if telling her a secret. "I just don't think that it's right that I start anything with, well, you when I'm not sure of having sorted whatever it was with… Natsu."
Juvia's arms curled around Gray's torso too, holding tightly.
"Juvia knows." She plunged the nails of her right hand on Gray's shoulder blade. "And it's okay. Didn't he also move on? He was with Lucy." Her voice seemed to lighten as she uttered her last sentence.
Gray looked up and realized that the clouds had disappeared. Slowly he extricated himself from Juvia. He sat down, crossing his legs and holding the water mage's hands in his own.
"But how would we be, if we went forward with this?"
"Juvia would like to be closer to Gray-sama." She said earnestly, looking pleased at their joined hands. "And she knows that Gray-sama is still confused but, little by little, she will help and some feelings hopefully grow."
"So, are you sure about what you're doing? I'm very unsure about all this." Gray ended lamely.
"Don't worry, Gray-sama. Juvia knows what she's doing." She finished with a smile.
Gray looked at her and gave her hands a squeeze.
It was answer enough.
Strangely, spending time with Juvia between missions proved less strange than expected.
They fit, in an oddly symbiotic way.
Having Juvia there allowed Gray to get distracted from Natsu, but still with the usual group at the table. Meals were fun, even if both he and Natsu shied away from each other, their interactions being finished pretty quickly, when they happened.
There were some rumours in the guild about them being in bad terms but since they still interacted and behaved, for the most, nobody said anything. They didn't even have to pretend to get along for Erza's sake. Now there were no more rows with lots of damage to the guild and a huge lecture accompanying it.
Everything was going quite well.
Gray would have his moments, every now and then, but be snapped out of them by Juvia, a comforting hand curling around his arm and anchoring him in reality.
And Gray did do his best to try something with Juvia. They would be together for large amounts of time, go on dates.
Gray enjoyed kissing Juvia, her lips were soft and reacted playfully under his mouth. She had a certain way of giving herself to him that felt refreshing to Gray. He was used to the push and pull, the playful fights that imbued themselves in everything that he and Natsu did.
It wasn't long before things became more intimate.
Still, the strangeness wouldn't leave Gray. He enjoyed and was turned on by Juvia but, deep in his mind, he couldn't help himself from drawing comparisons.
As his hands ran down Juvia's soft and voluptuous figure, he would wonder about planes of muscle being missing, wonder about a hardness hidden inside instead of the gentle curves.
As Gray would press inside Juvia, the feeling was different, wetter and the delicate arms and legs that curled around him were a whole different cage of sorts. Long nails still ran down his back but the voice calling at him was too high-pitched, the hair that was spread out in his pillow was too long and not in the right colour, even the scent was something that at some point became too sweet, that spicy musk being amiss.
Still, Gray did his best to bury those comparisons, to bury himself in the pleasure that he could bring himself and his partner. And, he did a good job at it, Juvia was always left sated at the end, curling against Gray's side, still not right in the place to cuddle. And Gray would throw an arm around her, close his eyes and try to empty his mind.
Gray was having breakfast, the usual busy affair. Lots of noise and voices crossing over, the clattering of the cutlery and the odd bit of food being thrown as well as the scent of delicious food wafting around.
Gray excused himself and left the table, exchanging a glance with Juvia, followed by a small headshake. It was fine.
He could feel the water mage's eyes on his back as he headed towards the bathroom. He had a fleeting thought while crossing a slightly more secluded area but didn't pay any mind.
His business done, he was returning to the table when he had the sudden sense of danger, jumping back and his back hitting the wall.
"What the-?" he let out a curse in a hiss. Looking up he saw who the person was. "What are you doing here?" He said with half-contempt.
"I wanted to talk to you, ice brain." Natsu said, a scowl in his face. He wasn't looking directly at Gray but every now and then he would give a quick glance in his direction.
"Hm, tough luck. I don't have anything to talk to you." Gray replied between clenched teeth. He resumed his path, or tried to for when he tried to push past the fire mage he was harshly stopped by a hand curling around his forearm. Tightly.
"What?" Gray glared at Natsu.
"Stop that." Natsu growled, his tone of voice low and threatening.
"Stop what?" Gray asked, taken aback. He didn't understand what the other meant.
"What you're doing. You shouldn't." Natsu continued in the same tone, letting his hand be shaken away.
"But I'm not doing anything! Did you hit your head or something? Is your brain more melted than usual?" Gray replied, voice raising slightly. "Besides, you don't have anything to do with what I do or don't. You lost any right."
"It was the right thing to do." Natsu counteracted, the frown darkening.
"I don't care." Gray said sharply. "Now, let me go back. Juvia's waiting for me." Gray attempted to push past the fire mage once again.
"But I don't want you to." Natsu replied, stubbornly.
"Ah! You really have some gall. First you… ah! Fuck it. You're not worth my time." Gray shook his head.
"What we were doing was wrong." Natsu finally said.
"Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?" Gray squinted at Natsu, confused.
"Me and you. I… realized and heard that it's wrong." Natsu mumbled. "So we can't do anything."
"Wow, you're stupid." Gray said sarcastically. "Besides, since when do you care about what other people think?"
"I don't! But it depends on the people. I heard them talking about it and how it was gross." Natsu continued his tirade.
"I don't really care about who you heard but, that was a really shitty thing to do. Not only to me but, to Lucy? I don't know what you're playing at but you're not acting like that Natsu I know." Gray's lips were curling in distaste.
"I am!" Natsu all but shouted, grabbing Gray's shoulder tightly. "But I haven't been feeling well about this and I still like you, Gray. I just…" he lowered his head, his tone of voice becoming slightly beseeching.
"Seriously, Natsu. What the fuck?" Gray shook his head in disbelief.
"Gray…"
"No! Natsu. What the fuck? Why didn't you say anything?" Gray said in a tightly controlled voice. "I mean, why didn't you tell me anything? We could talk about it before you went and did that!"
"I wasn't sure if we could talk…" the fire mage said in a subdued tone.
"Why wouldn't we?" Gray threw his arms up.
"We never talked about anything. I didn't think we could? Those weren't the rules." Natsu said with a defiant look. "We didn't even talk about what we had."
"Well, I didn't think we had to talk. But you have a point." Gray conceded. "However, I don't think that this is the right place to do this." The ice mage snorted at their location.
"What do you want to do, then?" Natsu jutted his chin up.
"Meet me at the park near the guild. I don't know why I'm doing this, I guess that some of your stupidity has rubbed on me after all." Gray said with a roll of his eyes. Finally pushing his way past Natsu.
What am I doing? He asked himself as he returned to the table. He felt like slapping himself.
A/N: So I was listening to a song called "Betray My Heart", by Pythia and, I don't know, just wondered how it would be if one of the boys' hearts were betrayed, what would happen. I guess that the bunny that was born decided to answer that, though in a probably overly dramatic way, I guess. I wonder if the boys would be talking (which would most likely avoid that something like this happened) or if they would be acting like in this fic. Well, I went the overly dramatic way, even if I'm not completely pleased with how this ended up.
I also kind of wondered about leaving this as a sad oneshot but since I'm a sucker for happy endings (or, bitter-sweet ones), there will be a second part.
Many apologies for the characters' characterizations, I tried to treat everyone with respect.
The story's unbetaed.
Feedback would be welcomed.