Hello! I have been wondering for sometime what was Kanade's perspective to see all that things happened in Afterlife. How she felt about her being enemy with SSS and how she felt about Otonashi. So I decided to write this Fanfiction for it! I am not still confident about this one, so I expect your help to make this better!
Thank you for reading! Hope everyone will enjoy!
Disclaimer: Angel Beats! is owned by Jun Maeda and other respective owners.
That faithful night, you came running down to me. You were just another unlucky teenager in my eyes when I first saw you. I saw your clothes torn and body dusted up in that moonlight. I was quite used to see these kinds of things. You came running down from stairs and started to ask me about this world, Yuri and what was going around there. I was also used to this thing. Anybody who came here will always ask this type of thing. I told you what she was saying is right and you are dead. You looked at me with that confused face. You told me to prove that you were dead. I expected it coming from you since you had enough courage to come to me even when she told you I am your enemy.
"Hand Sonic, Version One."
I attacked you, ruthlessly like I used to attack others. But you asked me to do it. You panicked, but I didn't stop. Blade went straight into your chest, crimson blood spilling out. You lost consciousness in no time. But something was unusual.
Isn't that place where his heart should be? He doesn't have heart? How's that possible?
You didn't have heart. It bothered me to no end.
His heart… where is it…? Is it perhaps… in my body…? So he is that person...?
After our first meeting, we faced each other several times, like in Guild's way, at Operation Tornado, but we were enemies. I wanted to talk to you, but you supposed me as foe, just like others did. I decided to ignore my own wavering feelings and kept being loyal to my duty. But I had to find out more things about you.
Then something unusual happened during Baseball Game. During finals, we were to lose from your team if Hinata had caught that Fly catch. But, you and that new girl ran their, stopping him from catching it. It wasn't accident, you both did it on purpose. I didn't understand meaning of that first. But when I tried to remember the whole scene and Hinata's expressions when ball was coming flying to him, I got it right.
Wasn't he going to disappear just now? Then why did they stop him?
Perhaps these people don't know much about disappearance?
Am I not fulfilling my duty correctly?
That bothered me as well.
Since you had came into this world, things started to make no more sense. After that match, whenever I saw you, I started to get a weird feeling. The way you tried to save him, seemed nostalgic. It felt like something from my past is coming back to me. I wanted to get grab onto that feeling; I wanted to remember more about my past than the thing that someone saved my youth and life. I wanted to know myself better.
Then it was time for tests. I had busied myself in studies, to try to do well and remain at my sense of duty as President. I certainly knew SSS is going to make trouble this time as well. But midst all of it, I got to know your name,
Otonashi.
I was quite happy. Then you asked me my name. It made me happier. I thought your name is really beautiful. But I fell to express myself that time.
And then SSS's plan fell upon me. I knew it was SSS who made me fell in tests somehow and I lost my post as Student Council President. But I didn't have proof and I neither wanted to take revenge. I wasn't angry, but I was sad. I was sulking. Because I figured that you people still didn't know about leaving this world. And that's why you want to eliminate me as I am your enemy and want to live here. I had failed in my duty already. So I decided to not to stop you from making trouble anymore. It will not fulfill anything anymore.
If it's what they get happiness from, I will not interfere…
I just wanted to eat my favorite dish then; but in between all that crowd gathered in Cafeteria, I lost that chance as well. I was loosing every possible chance of happiness initially.
Then one day, suddenly you started to talk to me. I didn't know what to talk about exactly but you weren't giving up. I thought it was little troublesome that time. Then you suddenly asked me about eating in Cafeteria with you. I agreed without resisting as thought I would talk about it to you.
I was enjoying that time with you. Your expression when I ate Mafou Toufu was quite incredible. I wanted to laugh at that time, from my heart, at your innocent reaction. You then smiled and asked me if I liked it that much. I was happy, very happy. It was my first time to be asked by someone about myself. Your kind smile, kind words made my grief disappeared, at least a splitting. I felt like finally I have made a friend, but,
Why does he want to eat with me in first place?
I wanted ask, but I was afraid that it was out of pity. I didn't want to be pitied; neither had I wanted you to disappear, not now. Before I can say anything further, New President Naoi appeared there. I realized my mistake of eating food at wrong time. He imprisoned us for that. Time went by and I finally told you that you'll disappear if you befriend me. You seemed shocked, you seemed sad, for my sake. It made me feel happy. Then you said that whole SSS is in danger. You said only I can save. You said you trust me and are relying on me. You didn't have any idea how much those words meant to me. I fought only for those words.
I saw your new side on battlefield that day. You saved Naoi; you told him that his life was not fake. You helped him letting go of his regrets. You were doing what I supposed to do. Your place was changed in my eyes that day.
Then everything almost seemed like a dream to me; you tried to make me part of your group, you told me you were not going to disappear. You told me we all were friends. I was happy, very happy. Then you told me your given name,
Yuzuru.
It was beautiful as well, just like you.
Then that treacherous accident happened. My clones went viral. Yuri was one to blame, but it was my fault as well for using that software. But that time also, you came for me. I was going unconscious when all those clones were merging in my body, but I felt you hug me and your voice calling out for me. It was so painful, was beyond my strength; but you were by my side. I knew I'll be alright. I fought hard. I wanted to come back as myself. I wanted to thank you.
When I regained my senses, you were sleeping near my chest. Your expressions seemed peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you. So, I tapped on your head, but you woke up. You were quite thrilled that you remembered about your death. That time, it made sense why I was feeling like that; why you remembered your past. I was assured that the heart in my body was yours. But then you said you no longer had any regrets. It scared me. I thought you were going to disappear. But then you asked me what I was doing here. You wanted to help me. You wanted to become my partner. I became happier.
The events that took place after that have most special place in my heart. Our working together was fun. I was doing a good deed, that also together with you. We had to fight together as well, but I was glad that we were fighting not to destroy anything but save something. Working for Graduation ceremony was like my dream come true. When Yuri thanked me, I felt like I have completed my task here.
Everything that happened since your appearance here, good or bad things, I have had enjoyed them. Even though they were bad things, sad things, painful things, they felt real for first time. They seemed to be making more sense. They made me feel alive. I don't want to forget anything. At last, it was the time I spent with my "Friends", the time I spent with you.
That evening after Graduation Ceremony was my last moment with you was what I was thinking, but before everything should start or end, I wanted to thank you… I wanted to thank… But then you said,
"Say Kanade, I want both of us to stay here, will you stay with me?"
You said you want to help other people who will come here in future and show them right path to disappearance. You said that might be your purpose for coming here. But it wasn't for me that way. I thought you were here to fulfill my regret, I became confused.
Why did you come here after all?
Answering your question was hard for me.
I still have to thank him though…,
Was only thought going round and round in my head.
"I want to be with you forever, I now I will be okay that way because…"
You seemed restless due to my silence, hesitated while talking. I walked down the stairs. I was thinking selfishly, but then I heard those words.
"Because I love you… I love you so much…"
You hugged me tight. It made me feel edgy.
So easily, you said it...
At least now, I have to say it…
But I can't… If I say something I'll disappear…
"Why won't you say anything?"
"If I say something I'll disappear… If I tell you how I honestly feel I think I'll vanish…"
But I spilled everything out. I talked about how you remembered your death, how your heart is still beating in my chest, how I am fulfilling my regret of not thanking the person who gave me my youth now. You heard everything carefully, believed in me. I am so grateful to you Yuzuru.
I love you Yuzuru…
"I love you Yuzuru… Thank you for everything…"
"Kanade! Please don't disappear…!"
Your voice went hoarse, you hugged me even tighter. But I couldn't help it, my regret was fulfilled.
"Truly and deeply, thank you for giving my life to me."
Yuzuru, I still feel like those words weren't enough to express my love and gratitude towards you. And I failed to stay with you too. I am really sorry, but it seems like we have to do certain things before meeting again, because I know it is our only destiny; Our only destiny is to meet again and stay together. I won't leave your side again, have faith in me. Thank you again for ending my wait, thank you again for everything. I will love you forever.
Please review!~