All These Years
Princess Bemidia
Pg-13
Warning: Includes slash. Not a lot. It's rated pg-13 because they kiss
once.. Wow that's just such a big deal. SS/SB
***
Sirius left the infirmary and went into an empty storage room. He was waiting despite his orders. 'Great Dumbledore's going to kill me.' Just then Snape walked past. Sirius grabbed his arm.
Snape stopped and turned. He didn't look surprised to see Sirius Black standing there. He glanced both ways down the hall and walked into the room. He turned and magically locked the door behind him. "Did you want something Sirius?"
"He's sending you back to Voldemort isn't he?" Sirius crossed his arms. There was no hate or fury in his eyes as he faced Snape now.
"I don't see why it's your buisness." Snape crossed his arms.
"Severus. You let me sit in Azkaban for twelve years." Sirius sighed and leaned against the wall. "You alone had the power to set me free and you didn't." There was still no hate in his eyes. His face only read tiredness. A deep longing to go to sleep and stay that way forever. A longing he didn't show to other people.
Snape's mouth parted slightly. The look was scaring him. He had never seen so much utter defeat on one person's face. "Sirius."
"But I don't hate you. No. You had thousands of people to protect. No. I hate Pettigrew." Sirius allowed himself to sink to the floor. "I understand what you did. Though last year I wonder if what-."
"Sirius stop." Snape closed his eyes. "I apologize for not coming forward and freeing you."
"Thank you." Sirius looked at the ceiling. "And I see you're still loathe to talk about it. But I can't think of a better time than now."
Snape opened his eyes. "Sirius. I couldn't talk about it after school and I can't talk about it now."
Sirius shook his head. "You'll have to. I' not letting you go again with talking. I've made that mistake once. And maybe if you're lucky you'll never see me again."
"Sirius what is that supposed to mean?" Severus looked at him in concern.
"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about." Sirius smiled slightly. "You want to go first or shall I?" Snape looked at him. "I'll go. Let's see. Nov. 4, the first time we kissed. Dec. 10, the first time we slept together." Snape shifted feet and then sat down. "We were in our seventh year. For two years after school we went our separate ways socially, but every night you apparated into my house." Sirius smiled as he remembered. Snape stared at his hands. "And even the year after Harry was born you still found you way sometimes. Including that very night. Hell you had just left my house when Hagrid showed up. But of course none of this means anything to you does it?"
Snape stood up fast and turned his glaring eyes on Sirius. "How the hell would you know? How would you know I loved you?! That I prayed for the day I could tell you that. But I was never able to. I stressed over that every moment of every day for the past 12 years. And now I can. I loved you Sirius Blck. But it's too late now." His eyes closed and he sat down hard.
"I love you too Severus Snape." Sirius smiled slightly.
Outside the door Dumbledore froze. 'What in the world?'
Snape opened his eyes. "Too little too late huh Sirius?" He chuckled softly. "I wish I could change everything that happened."
"Me too." Sirius got up and walked closer to him. "Do me a favor."
"What?" Snape looked at him curiously.
Sirius sat next to him. "Just hold me for a moment."
Dumbledore leaned heavily against the wall. 'There's no way. Oh my god.' He shook his head. 'Leave Albus. Leave." He walked slowly away.
Snape his smile in Sirius' shoulder as he wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him to his chest. "Why? May I ask?"
"I'm terrified." Sirius leaned back and sighed.
"Of what?" Snape frowned.
"The future." Sirius had that look on his face again. He turned slightly and looked at Snape. "Of what's going to happen to you. Of what's going to happen to Harry. Remus. Dumbledore. And I've been running for so long I'm not sure I can run anymore."
"As soon as I can I will turn Pettigrew over to the ministry, and you won't have to." Snape's face didn't betray his feelings but his eyes did. While he had told Sirius that he had once loved him he knew the truth. He still loved him. 'He hasn't changed all that much. He's gotten thinner though. He's probably starving. And he's lost him 'I'm-not-afraid-of-anything' attitude.' Snape held him closer. "I'm afraid too."
Sirius laughed suddenly. "I'm sorry. I know you're scared. I'm just remembering when you told me you were turning spy. And you told me you weren't scared of anything." He pulled away, turned around and faced Snape. He looked at him for a moment, then he stood up. "I've got to go." He turned and pulled out his wand.
Snape stood up. "Wait." He turned Sirius around and kissed him, something he wouldn't have dared to do when they were younger. He pulled back and smiled. "Be careful."
Sirius stared at him for a moment. "Meet me somewhere this weekend"
Snape nodded. "Where?"
"Anywhere. Send me a letter at Remus'." Sirius' eyes brightened.
Snape growled. "I wish you weren't going there."
"I know. I'll pretend he's you when he hits on me." Sirius grinned at the look on Snape's face. "Bye." He kissed Snape quickly , unlocked the door, turned into a dog and ran down the hallway.
Snape smiled and left the storage room in a much better mood.
*** The entire thing is self explanitory. Hope you enjoyed it. R&R.
***
Sirius left the infirmary and went into an empty storage room. He was waiting despite his orders. 'Great Dumbledore's going to kill me.' Just then Snape walked past. Sirius grabbed his arm.
Snape stopped and turned. He didn't look surprised to see Sirius Black standing there. He glanced both ways down the hall and walked into the room. He turned and magically locked the door behind him. "Did you want something Sirius?"
"He's sending you back to Voldemort isn't he?" Sirius crossed his arms. There was no hate or fury in his eyes as he faced Snape now.
"I don't see why it's your buisness." Snape crossed his arms.
"Severus. You let me sit in Azkaban for twelve years." Sirius sighed and leaned against the wall. "You alone had the power to set me free and you didn't." There was still no hate in his eyes. His face only read tiredness. A deep longing to go to sleep and stay that way forever. A longing he didn't show to other people.
Snape's mouth parted slightly. The look was scaring him. He had never seen so much utter defeat on one person's face. "Sirius."
"But I don't hate you. No. You had thousands of people to protect. No. I hate Pettigrew." Sirius allowed himself to sink to the floor. "I understand what you did. Though last year I wonder if what-."
"Sirius stop." Snape closed his eyes. "I apologize for not coming forward and freeing you."
"Thank you." Sirius looked at the ceiling. "And I see you're still loathe to talk about it. But I can't think of a better time than now."
Snape opened his eyes. "Sirius. I couldn't talk about it after school and I can't talk about it now."
Sirius shook his head. "You'll have to. I' not letting you go again with talking. I've made that mistake once. And maybe if you're lucky you'll never see me again."
"Sirius what is that supposed to mean?" Severus looked at him in concern.
"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about." Sirius smiled slightly. "You want to go first or shall I?" Snape looked at him. "I'll go. Let's see. Nov. 4, the first time we kissed. Dec. 10, the first time we slept together." Snape shifted feet and then sat down. "We were in our seventh year. For two years after school we went our separate ways socially, but every night you apparated into my house." Sirius smiled as he remembered. Snape stared at his hands. "And even the year after Harry was born you still found you way sometimes. Including that very night. Hell you had just left my house when Hagrid showed up. But of course none of this means anything to you does it?"
Snape stood up fast and turned his glaring eyes on Sirius. "How the hell would you know? How would you know I loved you?! That I prayed for the day I could tell you that. But I was never able to. I stressed over that every moment of every day for the past 12 years. And now I can. I loved you Sirius Blck. But it's too late now." His eyes closed and he sat down hard.
"I love you too Severus Snape." Sirius smiled slightly.
Outside the door Dumbledore froze. 'What in the world?'
Snape opened his eyes. "Too little too late huh Sirius?" He chuckled softly. "I wish I could change everything that happened."
"Me too." Sirius got up and walked closer to him. "Do me a favor."
"What?" Snape looked at him curiously.
Sirius sat next to him. "Just hold me for a moment."
Dumbledore leaned heavily against the wall. 'There's no way. Oh my god.' He shook his head. 'Leave Albus. Leave." He walked slowly away.
Snape his smile in Sirius' shoulder as he wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him to his chest. "Why? May I ask?"
"I'm terrified." Sirius leaned back and sighed.
"Of what?" Snape frowned.
"The future." Sirius had that look on his face again. He turned slightly and looked at Snape. "Of what's going to happen to you. Of what's going to happen to Harry. Remus. Dumbledore. And I've been running for so long I'm not sure I can run anymore."
"As soon as I can I will turn Pettigrew over to the ministry, and you won't have to." Snape's face didn't betray his feelings but his eyes did. While he had told Sirius that he had once loved him he knew the truth. He still loved him. 'He hasn't changed all that much. He's gotten thinner though. He's probably starving. And he's lost him 'I'm-not-afraid-of-anything' attitude.' Snape held him closer. "I'm afraid too."
Sirius laughed suddenly. "I'm sorry. I know you're scared. I'm just remembering when you told me you were turning spy. And you told me you weren't scared of anything." He pulled away, turned around and faced Snape. He looked at him for a moment, then he stood up. "I've got to go." He turned and pulled out his wand.
Snape stood up. "Wait." He turned Sirius around and kissed him, something he wouldn't have dared to do when they were younger. He pulled back and smiled. "Be careful."
Sirius stared at him for a moment. "Meet me somewhere this weekend"
Snape nodded. "Where?"
"Anywhere. Send me a letter at Remus'." Sirius' eyes brightened.
Snape growled. "I wish you weren't going there."
"I know. I'll pretend he's you when he hits on me." Sirius grinned at the look on Snape's face. "Bye." He kissed Snape quickly , unlocked the door, turned into a dog and ran down the hallway.
Snape smiled and left the storage room in a much better mood.
*** The entire thing is self explanitory. Hope you enjoyed it. R&R.