The hatred of Isabella Swan

Part one

Ch one:

I am alone now.

Hello my name is…. Oh who gives a care? I am completely meaningless. My life means nothing and it never will. Oh well here it goes…..

I know now that Jacob who made the hole in my heart smaller doesn't care now. He left me just like him. Except the difference was he doesn't tell me but I know. Now I hate them both. How I long to be able to destroy the fabrics of their lives like they destroyed mine. I stand here in these very woods that he left me in. I feel it the irrevocable heat that triggers this but somehow I whish Jacob cares I really do. But he doesn't. I must head home knowing that the moon will rise. Why do I note this when it means nothing to me. Nothing does anymore. If there is one thing that I know is that my life will only revolve around the few strands of meaning that I have left.

. The cold air felt good against my skin. It played with my hair tossing it back and forth as I walked outside deeper into the forest. I did not want to stop. Deeper and deeper I went. Not caring at all what will happen. I feel it the change in atmosphere. I hiked until I reached my destination.

The meadow that Edward showed me once was there again. I could see the impression our bodies had made on the grass. I was disgusted with the shape Edward had left. I kicked at it and stomped on it. I even tried to destroy it. I imagined it was Edward and I gained satisfaction from it. I went so far as to spit on it.

This was the spot he had told me he loved me. He had lied. I had fallen for that monsters game. Edward had made me discover my heart but he had ripped it again. Jacob had mended it only for a little while and my hearts pieces fell.

I looked at the moon which held the only solace for my tattered heart. I loved it, the moon. It reminded me about the eerie beauty that can happen. All I ever wanted was love and all I ever got was a shattered heart.

Warmth spreads through me and I lie down where I once sat. I let my crescent decide the fate that I have. And I do something I haven't done for thirteen years, I cry. I do it softly so no one can here me even if they were there.

The burden of my life I don't want to carry. I could end it here and be rid of that weight. But what good would that do for me? It could not possibly make me forget the pain my life has given me. It could only lead to end less suffering of my heart and my soul.

The moon seems to talk to me telling me of the meaning of my life. But I don't believe it. I never could. A mere mortal I am who is easily broken. What good am I to the world if I just make it cry?

It tells me in reply that I mean so much to it. It would not let me die when I am worth so much more. It even goes so far as to tell me tat I am not mortal.

I tell it that it is wrong about me. I tell it that I am human and nothing more. I tell it that I am worthless and should not even be noticed because of my imprudence.

But it doesn't listen and won't hear of it. It says to wait and see what I am. It tells me I am special. It tells me that I am just as important as it to the world.

But I ask it why? Why am I as important as it? Why do I exist in this meaningless life? Why could I be possibly worth something?

And it tells me it will show me. That all I need to do is wait an hour or so and I will know why.

I tell it that I have time. That all I have is time. That all I can do is waiting like water, patient and willing.

So I sit there in that meadow remembering the past that so often haunts me in my own dreams. I remembered when Edward saved me from being killed by a car for his own selfish needs.

He told me how he didn't think he could take it if my blood was spilled. He didn't want me to get hurt. He lied. That day the real I died. Only my ghost was left for him to shatter and break.

I have no satisfaction in my heart from knowing this. The only thing that I have is the pain. The pain of knowing that I have been broken follows me.

I remember when he left me. He left me in these woods to die. I had even tried to follow him. How silly and stupid that had been.

I remember that I cried. I cried for what? Did I cry for him? No. I don't know why I cried but I know it wasn't for him. It could never be for him.

I even remember him threatening me. He told me. Asking me how I could love such a monster as him. And honestly I don't know how I could love such a monster as him.

I remember James, the vampire who tried to kill me. I wish he had. He could have saved me from the fate that Edward gave me.

I remember his mate Victoria, the woman that wants to kill me. I wish she would do it soon. I wish she would save me from that pain.

And recently I remember Jacob. How he had made the hole where my heart should be smaller. I wish it didn't end but it did.

And he broke me again. He broke the little piece of my heart that I had left for him to break. He had made the hole even bigger than it originally was.

I know now that I can never love again. I can never love someone because of the hole where my heart should be.

It will prevent me to have the audacity to love again. It would prevent me to let anyone into the hole of my heart.

And I know if I let anyone in the hole will get bigger. That is the constant reminder of my mistake of loving someone.

But still I whisper in the wind knowing that no one will hear it, "Why must I love those who will hurt me the most?"

No one answerers my plea. I don't care. I have known all my life that no one will answer me. No one will.

Because I know, I am worthless. No matter what others say I am worthless to myself.

How could I have meaning if I cannot stop myself? I cannot stop myself from the stupidity of the human race and the stupidity of myself.

How can one love if one knows it can end? That is the real question of fate. The real question that you know it will end.

You know that everything ends. That nothing is forever. No matter how hard you want it to last you know it will not. You know that if you could live forever your love possibly couldn't.

Just as my love dies. My heart and soul both have died. There is nothing left of the poor creature that you call Isabella Swan.

I have watched things die before. I have watched flowers turn brittle. However, I have never watched anything live forever.

I sit cross-legged on my impression. I pluck the single flower that grew beside it. I think of Edward and I crumple the flower and its delicate petals.

The wind comes and takes the flowers remains with it. I watch the flowers tiny petals float with the wind. I feel jealous of it.

It can end with happiness and love but I can end with only the bitterness and hate that life has given me.

Never mind my own worthless thoughts on my life. I must continue the sad story that I am telling.

The wind picks up around me. It begins to sting my already wet face. It seems to be laughing at me and my own stupidity.

I close my wet eyes. They do not need to see to know. The wind goes even faster still. It pushes and pulls on my hair.

The wind seems to trigger the moon. The moon begins to speak to me. It sings to me. It tells me that this is how I will end.

But I tell I don't want to go and it asks me why. I told it I have unfinished business and need to stay. I need to avenge my own life.

And I tell it how I can't do this without its help. It tells me that it will mark me as one of its own. So I tell the moon it has a deal. That was when my real life started and when I was finally known as Bella Swan.

The wind picks up even faster. The moon seems to shine on my face where my forehead is. It traces itself there. I run my finger on it. The exotic shape of a crescent was what I felt.

And if I looked in a mirror I would know no one could see it but me. I also know that my eyes will be different. Maybe they would be cruller and full of color. I am changed.

And I never want to hear the sickening words I love you again. I never want to hear Isabella Swan again because she no longer exists.

I live for the moon and it lives for me. It will help me stop the beating of my own heart and it will start my rein of blood.

This ancient blood feud will start by me. I will kill all who deny me my own right of revenge.

I smile. I can start it now. I can start the revenge of Isabella Swan and become Bella Swan.