Prologue

John looked into Sherlock's eyes, they were still so beautiful, he remembered the first time he saw those eyes. They were full of life and hunger for the world. Now there was something else there and John would rather never know what it was, it didn't matter, he knew that this something else had love mixed to it, and he knew that was all he could ask for that moment, he would ask for love if it was him in Sherlock's place – God, he wished it was him –, to be able to feel love and be loved. So that is what he was going to give to Sherlock. That was all he could give Sherlock.

Chapter 1 – July 17th

"Sherlock?" John called for the third time from the kitchen. He had heard weird noises coming from the end of the hallway and God knows that they could be nothing as well as they could be a dead body to suit Sherlock's experiments. "Sherlock!" John was about to go there and check on him, but he showed up at the door, was he even paler?

"John, I really don't appreciate when you call me that many times. If I did not come is because I was dealing with far more important things" Sherlock said not meeting John's eyes and trying to pretend to be interested in what John had ordered for dinner on the phone once he was too mad to cook after Sherlock had criticized his skills last week. John did not say anything he just stopped cooking and started ordering food, but Sherlock knew he was mad and that this was a slight punishment.

"Should I know what these things were or – The Lord help us – I'm better off in my ignorance?" John asked calmly as he served Sherlock with Brazilian food. Sherlock did not look pleased. Great.

"You better off in ignorance." He took the plate and stared. "What the bloody hell is this combination?" Oh crap. It was a punishment.

"It is Brazilian food, thought you would like trying something slightly different this week... You know, cooked by someone with actual skills." John winked statistically and started eating his rice, beans, steak, fries and salad.

Sherlock breathed heavily and gave it a try in silence. "You know I did not really mean it, I was just comparing you to ..." He stopped himself. The food was good. "Never mind, yes, you suck, order this again every single night."

John threw his head back and stared at the ceiling, his lips in a line. "God I hate you Sherlock." He said without any confidence in his own words, he could not even pretend, Sherlock was his everything.

"You know you don't, and the way you say it without any conviction flattered me and even made me consider that I should spend some time awake tonight because I am..." John stopped him with his hand covering his mouth.

"Don't you dare say you are bored, you have a thousand books, we bought that new microscope and further more if you are that bored you can always clean the bathroom once you made that mess there this morning" John didn't mean it. He was so happy to hear that Sherlock desired him.

"You know that my books and the microscope will never be you, don't be ridiculous, I am trying to flirt here but you are attempting to bring me to say the obvious and kill the mood." Sherlock hated when John tried to bring more of his feelings out in the form of words. He felt powerless because it was something that he was not good at. He hated to be bad at anything.

John laughed and decided to let it be. The rest of dinner was just about murder and odd experiments that John tried to keep away from meal times, but after all, he was married to Sherlock.

Their relationship was something so different from everything John had ever seen, but this was perfect, John was fine about it, he loved Sherlock and, although Sherlock was not good showing it, he knew it was reciprocal. He could see it in every little thing Sherlock did for him, such as the smile he gave to John when he finally fell exhausted beside John in bed, they were both breathing heavily and John was trying to move his way into Sherlock's arms.

"I love you, you know that right?" John said in the dark.

"Yes. I do know John" Sherlock's heart was beating faster, again, something he did not know how to deal with. "And... Ummm." He stopped himself.

"Of course you do, how could you not?" John closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Sherlock's bare chest. "I could never stand losing you again, promise me you won't leave again" John was being needy and acting like a teenager, but, who cared?

"John, don't be like that, you know that I can not promise you that I won't leave, after all I could die in a cab accident, or fall from the stairs and also, I could..." John put a hand over his mouth.

"Remember what we said about going with the flow Sherlock?" John raised his eyebrows in the dark waiting for the answer.

"Pfft." Sherlock stopped for some minutes and John removed his hand. "All that I am saying is I can't promise you anything like that because I could not stand disappointing you." Sherlock kissed the top of John's head. It was rare, but he did say cute things, and he did kiss John on the cheek or the forehead, even on the tip of his nose just to be cute. Sherlock was really trying, he felt like that was what John wanted so he would do it. Anything for John.

"You idiot." John kissed Sherlock again and again until they were no longer thinking about that conversation. John really couldn't stand losing Sherlock, ever. He would fight anyone, anything, he would do whatever in his power and out of it to keep Sherlock safe and by his side, happy. Maybe that is what made everything so hard when everything came flying at them by the end of summer. He could not fight Sherlock to keep Sherlock.