A.N.: Another funny oneshot to entertain you while waiting for Little wooden man. I'm still working on that, I'll post it whenever i'm finished with the next arc.
Why did I ever want this job?
Uzumaki Naruto was sitting in his office, contemplating the unfairness of life. When he had finally made Hokage, the youngest ever, his greatest dream (beside dating Sakura and endless supply of free ramen) was accomplished and his life should have been wonderful. Except that it wasn't.
His first clue was when he walked into his new office. The desk was completely buried under mounds of paperwork. 'Tsunade baa-chan must have been slacking,' he thought and went to work. It had been torture, but he wasn't one to give up. It was his nindo, he kept repeating like a mantra to prevent crying. But then his new secretary came and carried in more. It was all he could do not to bang his head on the table.
Next came the meeting with the Council. 'How did the Old man and Baa-chan ever deal with them,' he wondered. No answer came. He suffered through the entire session without murdering anybody and then went to his office where new piles of paperwork awaited him. Ninja bureaucracy was tough.
As time went by, more and more points on his 'Why I want to be Hokage' list were crossed off. He mentally ran through it again.
1) Everybody would acknowledge me. He already had acknowledgement and admiration before, he didn't need any more of it, and the people he dealt with most of the time, namely the Advisory council, would be nice to him about a year after Kakashi-sensei gives up reading Icha-Icha, e.g. never.
2) I can order everybody around. The Council quickly got him out of this delusion and ordering around snotty whiny genin wasn't as much fun as he imagined. If he described it, he would sound like Shikamaru.
3) I have a cool hat. It kept falling into his eyes.
4) I have cool robes. That damn thing itched and when he tried to wear something under it, it got uncomfortably hot. And he even wasn't allowed to dye them orange.
5) I have a giant stone portrait everybody would see. The sculptor completely botched it. If it didn't have the whisker marks, he wouldn't have recognized himself.
6) I'll never have to do D-ranks again. Paperwork was much worse. He probably should classify it as E-rank or even F-rank. He wasn't paid enough for that crap.
So in-between paperwork, Council meetings and more paperwork, he consoled himself with the last item he hasn't crossed of yet.
7) I'll never have to chase Tora again.
It was then when a knock on the door sounded and his secretary poked her head inside.
"Lady Shijimi is here to see you, Hokage-sama," she announced in a professional tone. Naruto somehow refrained from crying out loud. There were people he wanted to see even less than the Fire country daimyo's wife, but he couldn't currently recall them.
"Send her in," he ordered with a sigh. It was not like he could just let her wait in vain, however tempting that was.
The matron entered his office and she had even more fat, make-up and perfume on her then he remembered. When he took a closer look at her, he realized there were indeed worse sights than Lady Shijimi walking into his office, namely Lady Shijimi clutching Tora walking into his office. The cat was squirming frantically, trying to escape the deathgrip threatening to smother her in the woman's large bust. He felt a brief pang of sympathy for the animal. He plastered a smile on his face and hoped it wasn't too obvious it was fake.
"What a pleasure to meet you, Shijimi-sama," he greeted.
"A pleasure to meet you too," the noblewoman replied. "Isn't it amazing how far have you gone in just a few years, Hokage-sama? I still remember you as a young genin, about that tall," she motioned with her hand. Tora used the brief opening to escape. It jumped like a real Tiger, heading straight at Naruto's face. His hand shot out with lightning speed and grabbed the escapee by the scruff of its neck. 'Got you,' he thought with grim satisfaction. He got much better since his genin days, some cat stood no chance against him now. Tora had a different idea. It scratched at his forearm and when that failed, it peed. The young Hokage was so startled he let go.
It was a long time before he managed to get Lady Shijimi and her hellcat out of his office. He sighed deeply and surveyed the damage. Paperwork was scattered everywhere, some of it torn, other covered in splashed ink from when the cat-demon had toppled his ink bottle. He didn't even want to think about the telltale yellow spot on his previously pristine robes. Did he really felt sympathy for that furball? He was sorely tempted to order its assassination, but then he would have nothing to torture obnoxious fresh genin with. Hi sighed and went to straighten the mess that used to be his office. This was going to be a day from hell and it wasn't even noon.
Why did he take the job anyway?