Subj: (no subject)
Date: 12/26/00 4:12:48 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: RaeLiv
To: RaeLiv


Of Poultry and Pixies


Disclaimer: (sighs heavily) If you honestly don't know the drill by now, I ain't repeatin it for ya. Go copy and paste someone else's disclaimer here. They all say basically the same thing anyway. Only thing I gotta mention is that the Pixi Stix Girls ARE partly mine, they also belong to my best bud Morpha. This is a long standing joke between her and I, and I just felt like sharing it with the world. Names are the same cuz the G-boys don't need protection. And with a name like Blue Fire, you'd better believe that flames aren't gonna bother me in the slightest. (grins) Okay, that's done, have fun!


Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, Mr. I-can-self-detonate-without-tearing-my-clothes-and-be-on-my-feet-battling-a-month-later, was currently giving his best Death Glare (tm) to what had to be the most devious, sneaky, terrifying enemy he'd ever faced. Said enemy was completely unfased by his I'm-so-mad-I'm-almost-shooting-sparks-from-my-eyes-glare. In fact, it seemed rather unimpressed, to the point of it's slowly oozing pink water on the counter. Heero narrowed his eyes. If it had had a mouth, he was sure it would be laughing at him. He slowly raised his weapon, bringing it down with a resounding 'SPLAT!' onto the offending thing. He lifted the tenderizer...and sweatdropped. The baka chicken didn't have a mark on it.

Heero growled: he was starting to get frustrated. For the past hour or so, he'd been trying to turn the unappitizing slab of chicken breast into a meal for five hungry boys, himself included.

"This is all Duo's fault" he mumbled to himself.

Duo had left all the other food sitting out all night, otherwise Heero would be heating up leftover ramen noodles and pocky for dinner. But, since the food HAD been out, it's delicious smells had wafted throughout the house: right to Trowa's bedroom. The other boys were always careful to put sharp objects and food away at night, due to Trowa's sleepwalking. They'd first discovered he slept walked when Quatre got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and came across Trowa juggling knives and assorted porcelian vases. Poor Quatre had startled Trowa into waking, and had had to perform a rather spectacular display of acrobatics to catch all the expensive vases. But anyway, Trowa's sleeping mind had realized that there was something good to eat in the kitchen, and had dragged him down here to eat all the food. Heero growled again, lifting the chicken and plunking it itno a bowl containg shake-n-bake bread crumbs. Why was chicken so hard to make??

Duo grinned maniacally as he guided his on-screen gundam through it's latest fight. This Playstation game rocked, especially since it had Deatscythe in it! A loud clatter from the kitchen caused him to jump a bit, spilling pepsi all over the carpet.

"Uh oh, Q's not gonna be too happy bout this!" he moaned. He unfolded his legs and stretched a bit, heading towards the kitchen. His first peek into the dinner making process left him rolling on the ground, gasping for air, while Heero alternated between glaring at first him, then the chicken.

"He...He...Heero! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your wearing an APRON!!!!!!!"

"Shut UP, baka! Get in here and help me with this chicken!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!!! (gasp) Fuzzy...pink...apron! "

Heero slowly advanced on the hysterical Duo, meat tenderizer in hand.

"Duo..if you don't stop laughing and get your ass over here, I'm going to serve YOU up for dinner!"

Duo subsided to low chuckles. A mad Heero was a dangerous Heero, and besides, he'd rather eat than be eaten.

"Okay, Hee-kun! Whatcha makin?"

"Chicken."

"What KIND of chicken? Fried? Baked? Nuggets? Spicy? Plain? Stips? Broiled?"

".....the kind where you put it in a pan until it isn't raw anymore."

Duo sweatdropped. This was gonna take some work...

Quatre carefully opened the door to his mansion, making sure he didn't drop any other his bags. Since Wufei was meditating, Trowa was in bed with a stomach ache, Heero was making dinner, and Duo was 'busy', he'd been nominated to do the grocery shopping to replace all the food that had been eaten last night. He slowly made his way to the kitchen with the food. He sweatdropped when he walked into the room.

"Duo! Why is the chicken WHITE?? Whay did you DO to it???"

"Would you CHILL? It's supposed to turn white!"

"Chicken is supposed to be brown!!!"

"I KNOW, but first it turns WHITE, OKAY??"

"Anou...guys?" Quatre broke in. "I got more food..." he sweatdropped again. They were to busy arguing to pay attention to him. "I'll just...leave this here..." he backed out of the kitchen.

"Okay, hand me that orange, Heero."

"Orange? We're making chicken!"

"I know that! This is a new recipie I saw on tv! Just...slice that orange up, okay?" Duo sighed. He and Heero got along just fine...outside of the kitchen. Cooking seemed to bring out the worst in both of them. It didn't help that Heero's nerves had already been stretched to the breaking point before Duo even entered, and that Duo himself had a very short termper. He flipped the chicken over. 'I hope it IS supposed to start out white...' he thought.

Heero grinned. Finally, something he was good at! He skillfully brought the knife down again and again, slicing the orange as per orders. 'This isn't so bad' he thought. 'Maybe now I'll be able to make a nice dinner for Blue Fire...' He got so absorbed in dinner plans that he forgot to watch what he was doing. When he finally looked down, he sweatdropped.

"Anou...Duo? How thin did you want these slices?"

"Pretty thick, they're supposed to be flavoring for the chicken. Why?"

"...do we have any more oranges?"

Duo glanced over at the cutting board, then did a double take.

"Geez, Heero! I said slice the orange, not turn it into pulp!" He poked the quivering orange mass. "It looks like jello!"

Heero glared at the orange stuff. " Then let's serve it as jello. I'm sick of cooking"

Duo sighed. "Ya know what? So am I. Let's just put all this stuff on plates and pass it off as a gormet meal."

Heero smirked. That was the best suggestion he'd heard all day.


Quatre fidgeted nervously as he stared at the food on his plate. If he decided to believe Heero and Duo, then he was eating Chicken Cordon Bleu and orange jello. If he didn't belive them...then he would swear that this was just a lump of white chicken and orange pulp.

"Maxwell! Yuy! Why are there no honorable mashers??" Wufei demanded, earning himself two glares.

"Look, Woofers, if you want mashers, you make 'em yourself." Duo growled. "Heero and I are done cooking."

Quatre sighed, and took a tentative bite. His face turned green.

"Anou...Duo? Heero? I'm...kinda full. I'm just going to go to bed...." He picked up his plate and ran to the kitchen sink, dumping it all. Trowa decided to follow Quatre's lead. After all, he WAS pretty full from his impromptu midnight snack. He bade the others good night and left. After exchanging quick glances, Duo and Heero decied they'd rather not taste their creation, and left Wufei to eat his dinner.

Wufei shoved a bit of the 'jello' onto his spoon. "Hmph. How bad can it be?" He muttered, taking a bite. He soon found out.



Okay, I wrote this in like twenty minutes, so it ain't that good. (shrugs) It also isn't written in my usual style, so it might seem a bit weird to anyone who's actually read any of my other stories.

Heero:...I'm not THAT bad a cook....

Blue Fire: Just takin a little creative liberty there, darlin! Live with it!