Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its affiliates.
Pairing: Ichigo X Rukia
Summary: In a world torn apart by war, those who survived tried to settle into the remnants of the tragedy. Humans and shinigami alike were all returning to their origins. But can two people who had seen everything to the end find a happy ending in between?
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Going beyond Expectation
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It was all over. The war, the fighting, the bloodshed and the death. Everything was over, for now.
However, for those who were so directly involved with it, the tranquility that came with the end was too surreal. This was especially true for both Ichigo and Rukia.
After going through so much together, the fact that they were now sitting together on the roof of his house were too dreamlike, considering they had only finished mourning the death last week.
However, Ichigo knew the grief was still too fresh for him to move on. Desolately, he gazed down at his hands, at the open palms. His skins were unmarred, and they looked as perfect as they were before he met Rukia, before his skin touched his soul cutter. But inwardly, after such prolong contact with only Zangetsu for the past several months, Ichigo wondered if his hands would be capable of grasping anything else anymore.
And no matter how many times he looked at those hands, Ichigo always glimpsed a brief flash of red staining the perfect skin. Whenever he glanced at his hands, he always caught a brief sight of the red liquid. It never changed no matter how many times he observed to make sure, no matter how many times he washed his hands. He could almost smell the disgustingly familiar metallic scent, and as always, it made him want to vomit.
It was a psychological problem, but it made him physically sick.
"The stars are beautiful tonight", Rukia said suddenly as she gently rested her head on his shoulder, her voice light but tinged with the sorrow that cut into her soul.
Ichigo looked up at the midnight sky and away from his hands, silently thanking Rukia for the distraction. She was right; the constellations of stars were sparkling brilliantly on the cloudless night sky. It was a gorgeous sight.
Ichigo reached for her hand and entangled his fingers with hers, feeling her immediate response as she tightened her hand around his. Ichigo knew they were seeking assurance from each other's presence, because they simply couldn't do without it. The pain was simply too deep.
"Yeah, it's beautiful", he said wistfully, his mind couldn't help but lingered on those who were no longer around to enjoy something so striking, yet so simple.
"There's something I've always wanted to tell you", said Rukia slowly. "But I never seem to get it out".
Ichigo looked down at the petite figure beside him. He could almost guess the words she wanted to say, words that he didn't really want to hear. But he chose not to interrupt her.
"I'm sorry, really, for all the things you've endured until now"
"Don't be", he said shortly, his ever present scowl intensifying. "None of them was your fault".
"It is my fault. If only you had never met me, you wouldn't have to go through any of this", she said in a shattered voice of truth. If not for her, Ichigo could be just like how a human was supposed to be; blissfully ignorant of the anguish of the Winter War. And not the ruined teenager he was now, with the false image of a normal 16-year-old, and barely a shadow of his former self.
"Don't be silly", Ichigo said briskly, clearly able to read through her thoughts. He felt the familiar touch of anger at her words, especially at her strong tendencies to blame herself for every little thing that befell him. "If time were to turn back, I'll still make the same choices and walked the same directions."
"Besides", he added, his tone soften slightly despite his continual scowl, "For me, the thought of having never met you, is just as agonizing. I wouldn't have it any other way".
Just hearing such simple words, Rukia felt her inside tinged with a sense of intense bliss and sorrow that existed in equal measure.
But Rukia knew while he didn't regret meeting her, there were still undoubtedly many things that Ichigo regretted deeply.
Others may not understand him, but she knew Ichigo came out of this ordeal losing a piece of his heart and soul. No matter how peaceful this world became, he could no longer fully be a part of it. Even for her, as a shinigami who had lived so much longer and trained specially for such situations, the sense of loss was so overwhelming; she knew it had to be so much more unbearable for Ichigo, as someone who was never meant to go through such tragedy in the first place.
Telling someone who had seen so much blood and death, someone who had to force himself to kill in order to protect what little he had, to return to a supposedly normal human life was not possible.
Ichigo could no longer mingle together with all that he had sacrificed so much to protect; this town, his friends, his everything. He had simply gone too far beyond expectation.
And now she was going to have to leave him. The prospect tore at her heart so viciously; sending a rippling pain rocking through the very core of her existence, she had to struggle to choke back a cry. A sadness so deep and encompassing settled over her soul, she gave up trying to stop her tears.
"Oh Ichigo", she cried suddenly, throwing herself at him. Ichigo welcomed her diminutive form into his embrace, gently catching and settling her light weight. He held her as close as possible, craving the touch of her skin against his, craving her smell, her everything.
I'm so sorry…
"You're suffering, and I'm not going to be here with you", she said brokenly.
Don't be…
Now that it had all come to an end, everything was going back to their original places. Or more precisely, everyone was returning to where they originally belonged; and this included the two of them. Sadly, for them, that also meant away from each other.
Ask me to stay…
Ichigo tightened his arms around her, as his chin settled on her head. "I'm not the only one. You're suffering too. Everyone is"
I can't…
Ichigo desperately wanted her to stay by his side. But he knew he couldn't ask for something like that. He'll merely be making things harder for both of them. Rukia didn't belong in this world. Even if she managed to get permission to stay for now, she'll still have to leave someday. To live happily with the knowledge of impending separation is not possible.
"I don't want to leave at all! I only want to stay by your side"
Please…
"We'll meet again for sure. After all, I'm still a shinigami representative"
I'm sorry…
Her tears were blinding her, as she sobbed heartbreakingly into his shoulder, "It hurts"
It hurts…everything hurts…
"Yes, it hurts me too", he said, hands trying futilely to dry her tears while holding back his own agony.
I know…I'm sorry too…that I couldn't heal your pain…that I couldn't even make it better…
Ichigo loved Rukia. He truly did, with all his heart. And yet, right now, he hurt too much to indulge in that feeling anymore. While her presence was soothing him, calming his wounded and bloodied soul, it couldn't heal him. Just like he was powerless to heal her.
I wanted to see your smile again…
He knew that this separation would do them well. Maybe the next time they met, there would be less hurt, less pain. To Ichigo, he never believed in the phrase "Time will heal everything". He knew that time won't anything at all. But maybe, just maybe, it'll lessen the burden, and lightened their suffering.
Maybe the next time they met, they would at least be able to greet each other with a smile on their faces.
No matter how long it takes…
Gently, Ichigo pulled away from her, just enough to see her tear-staining face. And slowly, he arched her head towards him. Closing his eyes, he pressed a tender, and yet strangely deep kiss into her lips, tasting the wonderful scent and flavor he knew so well. One that he would never forget.
I'll definitely wait for that time to come…
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There, my first piece of IchiXRuki. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it! I suppose this is the best near happy ending I can give them.
And finally, PLEASE take the time to review. All reviews (good or bad) are welcomed!