Vernon Dursley, The Mad Muggle and The Floo of Doom.
Written by Wendy Holmes
Apologies to Sever Us who did a Severitus Challenge My Dad.
http : groups. yahoo. com / group / aliaseverus /
CHAPTER 1-VERNON DURSLEY
Summer of 1997
Harry Potter had gone to Hogwarts and Vernon Dursley went to the unemployment office. He had not told his wife and son he had lost his job for pilfering [STEALING] from company funds. On the way home he remembered that after Harry had left by the fireplace which had been set up with a floo connection, that just maybe they forgot to close it.
At home Vernon checked out the fireplace. On the mantle was a small piece of parchment with names of places. So Vernon went down to the basement and opened the hidden door in the back wall of the cellar. He had a weapon collection. He liked the feel that guns gave him, even the hand grenades. So Vernon changed into his old military clothing of the militia group he belonged to, 'THE FREAKSTERS'.
A drunken wizard came thru the floo, while Vernon had the gun in his hand. "BOOM" thru the head of the wizard and down he went, dead.
He called up some of his old buddies who were also in the gun club as they called it. It was a para-military organization. His buddies, Henry 'Hank' Thompson, Walton 'Big Bad Daddy' Warbucks and Joe De Sica drove over to see him. He had sent Petunia off for the afternoon to do some shopping. He still had a stash of cash in the hidden room in his basement, a couple hundred thousand pounds.
They were sitting around the living room having a beer. He told that what he was going to tell them, they would not believe, but he had proof. He opened the cupboard under the stairs and out tumbled adead wizard, bullet hole thru head.
Hank was aghast, "What you killed a man, the cops will be after you."
Vernon, "Not likely, this guy does not exist in our world, only the wizarding world. He came thru here looking for someone and threatened me, so I shot him. They are really stupid about us non-magical people. BBD told him there is 'no such thing as magic'. Vernon yanked out the wand, held it in his left hand and said, "pain' and aimed it at BBD, who fell to the floor screaming in agony. Vernon then waved the wand and the pain quit.
BBD was moaning. Vernon then said, 'heal' and BBD was okay feeling quite well. Hank and Joe asked how he did that. Vernon said from what he had read in the Wizarding Worlds, Magic and How it Works, it is the intent of the user. But while he does not have a spell book, he figures he could use his intent and the english words he knew for his intent.
Hank was going thru the dead guy's pockets when he pulled out a sack of gold galleons, which spilt when he tipped it over. Vernon, "Come on, lets go bury him in the basement, before Petunia gets home". They were trowling the last bit of cement in place when Petunia got home.
His buddies stay for dinner. Petunia heads for the bedroom. Down in the basement, the guys get their weapons, ammunition and a few hand grenades. Vernon says "our address here is "THE DURSLEY'S", OKAY?" Hank, BBD and Joe nod their heads. Vernon gives them a small sack of floo powder. He tells them to say the name 'Diagon Alley'. The first thing we have to do is to reconoiter, okay. Here lets put on these ugly robes so we will blend in and not look different than they do.
Vernon and the guys go thru the floo to Diagon Alley to The Leakey Cauldron. Hank wanders over to Old Tom and tells him he is new in town and introduces himself as Hank. Tom gives him directions to the bank.
They exit thru the back of the store, Vernon points the wand at the brick wall and sez, "open" and a witch laughes at him. "You guys must be from Austrailia, eh?" say the young lady. Hank smiles at her and nods. So the witch shows them how to tap the bricks to get the wall to open.
They thank her and head off to explore Diagon Alley. They make a list of the wand shop, floo products shop and the bank, where Vernon can exchange some pounds for galleons. He prefers to buy from the wizards until he learns enough to steal from them.
Hank and Joe enter the bank and exchange a couple thousand pounds for gold galleons. They enter the floo supplies shop and buy several sacks of floo powder. They also buy an general address book for wizarding families. Vernon hides his wand and enters Olivanders with his buddies. They ask for some wands. Ollivander looks them over and says we do not sell wands to muggles, at which time BBD pulls out his pistol with a silencer and sez, 'YOU DO KNOW WHAT KIND OF MUGGLE WAND THIS IS, DON'T YOU."
Ollivander, "I am familiar with a gun. Looks like you even have a silencer on it."
BBD, "Yes and unless you sell us a dozen wands you'll silently have a hold in your head." Ollivander is of the opinion he will still have a hole in his head anyways, however he complies. They pay him 4 times the value of the wands so he will keep quiet. Then they TASE him and he drops like a rock to the floor. They drag his body to the back and tie him up and gag him. Vernon takes a hand grenade, removes the pin and tucks it in next to the Olivanders tied hands and gag. So if he moves or tries to get loose, the grenade will explode.
They put a closed sign in the window of the shop and then go off to the book store. They buy grades 1 thru 7 of the spell books. Then they head off to the broomstick store and look it over. They figure they can come back later and just steal the broomsticks.
When Olivanders wife and children come by to see what he is doing an explosion occurs, killing them all. The timing is brilliant. Death Eaters had invaded Diagon Alley when the explosion occurred.
While they are eating some ice cream sundaes, a bunch of death eaters invade the alley. Vernon and his war buddies, whip out their MACH 10'S UZI'S, AK-47's and blow the death eaters away, muggle style while running towards the Leaky Cauldron. Then enter the floo and say quietly THE DURSLEYS' and whoosh they are gone.
They are laughing like heck, thinking the surprised look on the death eaters faces, getting machined gunned to death.. They cannot remember when they had such a good time. They decide they should do some magical training, but where. They decide they should go on down to their old paramilitary camp near Little Hangleton and practice there with both styles of weapons..
After a couple months practicing with muggle weapons and magical weapons ( wands - die, wound, block, trip, fall, float, heal ) they are there one evening when some death eaters a decide to have some fun. Too bad, the death eaters were not bullet proof. They never had a chance against the 20 or so members of the muggle gun club. They were wasted as soon as they showed up on their broomsticks. Some who apparated in set of motion alarms and grenades went off blowing them to shreds. They cleaned up their mess by burying the death eaters after stripping them of everything they had, even their wands, gold, robes.
They find papers on some of the Death Eaters, Avery, Malfoy, Nott, Crabbe, Goyle and someone named Fudge. They find bank keys on them with account numbers. They decide they need to know more about how to get the funds from that bank.
They take some blood from each other the death eaters and put it in several vials, as it may come in handy. They find that Malfoy and Nott have pouches, that when tipped upside down, the gold galleons just keeps pouring out of it, making a huge pile. They tip it back up and shovel the gold back into the pouch. They can exchange it later, after they melt it down. Gold is selling at $330 per ounce of gold on the American Stock market.
Vernon and the guys read the books and learn about port keys and how to set locations. So they buy some GPS devices and list their places by its GPS number. They take pocket watches and set a different destination for each hour on the watch.
Vernon decides it is nearly time to rip off the Wizarding World and they have the perfect disguises, the death eater robes. They use a temporary tattoo on their arms to fake out anyone who would look at their arms, all the unaware that death eaters get killed anyways.
They are practicing on how to fly the broomsticks, but are having some problems. They decide to forego the broom sticks for now, tossing them into the back of their SUV's. They drive towards London and park in a parking lot next to a hotel down the street from Diagon alley. They get a couple of rooms and use a telescope and binoculars to spy on the alley.
Hank and Joe go back to Diagon Alley wearing muggle disguises. They enter the Apothocary and buy a lot of potion supplies, enough to do a awful lot of potion making. BBD and Vernon enter Madam Malkins and give her the measurements for 4 people. They want dragon hide clothing, robes, pants, vests, robes, boots and a hat shaped like a picture of a cowboy hat they give to her.
Back tat the hotel room they go over what they have got or have on order. They have spell proof clothing. They learn spells to block all the spells that wizards would use on them, except for the killing curse.
Meanwhile, Voldemort is asking Rookwood where Malfoy and the other members of the inner circle are and Rookwood says the last he heard they were going to go torture some muggles. Voldemort tells him that they must have picked on the muggles in Diagon Alley, because wizards do not use machine guns to kill wizards like the ones who were killed in Diagon Alley.
Voldemort sez, "Now which muggles hates wizards enough to come into the wizarding world to hunt wizards? The muggle is mad who would do that." Rookwood drops a note off at the Daily Prophet and the legend of the Mad Muggle strikes the Wizarding World.
Meanwhile Vernon, Joe and Hank have gone to the Ministry of Magic. They enter thru a secret area, by going thru Fudge's office connection. They check to see how floo connections are made and how they are kept open or blocked or taken offline.
While their they take anything else they can think of, including a time turner and a booklet on how to use it. he first thing they do it test it out against a muggle bank and steal a few million pounds. They walk into the bank tuesday morning and rob it, then switch the time back to monday afternoon and walk out of the bank with their satchels stuffed full of pounds, as they exit the bank door they trip off the portkey and go to Vernons basement where they divide up their loot. They decide that to keep the tax man away they should set up a business.
They decide that maybe they should cater to the wizarding world, because of the W.W., they now have the means to rob banks and get away with it. After they have robbed a dozen or so banks from Ireland to Scotland to Wales, they decide to take it easy for awhile.
They start up an export and import business. They trade with the Russian Mafia and get some nukes at 5 million per. They set it up for a short timer. Having sent a hand grenade thru the floo to someone named Weasley, they know that sending a hot weapon thru the floo works fine, especially after it is sent, you take your place offline for a while, so that there is no return address.
So they arm the nuke and send it thru the floo network to an address known as the RIDDLE MANSION. Voldemort sees something come thru the floo. He looks at it and sees a message, "COURTESY OF HARRY POTTER". He lifts up the message and KA-BOOM his mansion is vaporized and so is he, along with half the people of Little Hangleton, several miles away.
The parchment which was charmed to be almost indestructible, floats upward leaving a message in the sky, HARRY POTTER WAS HERE. Vernon added that touch so his nephew would get the blame.
The next day in the times, there is a bug article about some terrorist organization that set off a nuke in Little Hangleton. There appeared to be a message in the sky above the blast. It said, "ARR POTTS ERE" which was a symbol of an irish organization. So now people hate the I.R.A. Known IRA members in Ireland are dragged from their homes and beaten to death.
In the Daily Prophet are the headlines, Harry Potter uses the most powerful spell ever. It kills all the known death eaters, Voldemort and unfortunately half the population of Little Hangleton, which is both a muggle and wizard enclave.
Unfortunately the Minister of Magic cannot be located. His office appears to have been broken into a there are several missing items.
Previously that night, Harry and Ginny were losing their virginity with each other. He was 16 and she was 15. The following morning Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione are reading the Daily Prophet. Hermione mentions that the picture of the explosion looks like a nuclear blast, not of any spell casting.
Professor Dumbledore waves at Harry and tells him to come with him to his office. Percy Weasely is there with several Aurors to arrest Harry. Harry says he can prove he did not do it. Percy ask how in the heck he could prove that. Harry looks at Percy and sez, "Ginny, Unicorns will no longer go near her, at least not since last night." Percy is outraged, "WHAT? YOU SEDUCED MY BABY SISTER. YOUR ARE SO DEAD." as he aims his wand at Harry. He is stunned by Dumbledore, stupefy.
Harry tells Dumbledore that Hermione said that the smoke in the sky from the blast looked like a nuclear explosion. Dumbledore is wondering who would use a nuke, other than a muggle. Then he remembers the mad-muggle articles. He looks at Harry and sez, "Harry, how much does your uncle vernon hate wizards?"
Harry, responds, "As much as Voldemort hated muggles."
End of Chapter 1
Chapter 2 will be written and posted when I see some reviews.