RupertGrintKevinClarkObsessed: Here's a little Ron angst that I wrote not too long ago. Enjoy!
Cheers:
Always seen as the wimp, the sidekick, the Weasley. Never thought of as my own person, only part of a group.
Not the leader, not the smart one, just there. The one that follows everyone around, but has no use at all. The poor kid who lives in a shack with 5 million brothers and sisters.
The Weasley curse....
Guess that's why I threw my life away...gave it to alcohol. Bloody alcohol... the drink of the damn blokes who have no reason to live. To get drunk and live in a happy go fucking lucky world. No family, no friends, nowhere to go.
Had friends at one time, guess it was my fault why they left me though. The drink of death and loneliness they should call it.
Had a best mate too...too bad he was the damned hero.
The one everyone called on for protection. br br
The bloody superstar.
And then there was me, I'm no genius, no hero, just a person. Just Ronald Billius Weasley.
I'm just jealous, everyone said. Jealous of all the attention Harry was getting. Jealous of all the praise Hermione's smart thinking got her. Jealous of their world that I would never be a part of...
True, I was good at some things. Chess...but who needs chess? Where was chess gonna get me?
Being a Quidditch Keeper...its not like I was gonna be famous anyway, that was Harry's place.
Never was very smart in school, always copied Hermione's homework, looked at Hermione's paper during tests, even though that didn't work very well with the anti-cheating spells.
Hermione ...damn...one of the other things in my life I fucking screwed over. You see, I loved her. I loved that woman with all of my bloody god-for-saken heart. Merlin, she was beautiful.
Deep brown eyes, chocolate brown curls, curves in all the right places.
I waited... I waited too long.
She was gone, I turned around and she was gone by the time I was ready for her.
Gone...
Maybe that's when I decided to give up on life. After I lost one of the most important things in it. Damn Bulgarian git. But it was my fault. I bet you if I tried, if I actually told her my feelings, she would've left him in a heartbeat. Heck, I know it.
Sorry for being big headed, just need to be sometimes I suppose. Everyone does. Even when your in a hole like me.
I think that one of the reason's I'm here right now, in my flat, drinking down a bottle of fire whiskey by myself, is because I didn't have much self-esteem. Even as a child, I never thought I could to anything. As I said, I was just the Weasley boy.
Seeing all my older brothers grow up and be successful, thinking that I could never be like them, but looking up to them anyway.
Then there was Ginny. My little sister. The first Weasley girl other than my mum. She came, and all of a sudden I was a big brother. I wasn't the youngest anymore. Yeah I was young when she was born, but I felt as if I had a responsibility to her.
Not like my responsibility for my rat, or an animal, but for another human being.
I had to set examples! I had to show little Ginny how life was! And to be there when she was in pain. And to be her shoulder to cry on.
All was fine until she went to Hogwarts...
Until she started dating boys...
Until she became a woman.
She didn't need me as much as she used to. I felt pushed away.
As I sit here and hold the clear bottle to my lips, I wonder what my life would've been like if I had not wasted my life away with this liquor.
Would I be married to Hermione? Would we have little red-headed children that call me daddy. Would they have their mothers deep brown eyes, and cleverness?
Would Harry still be my best mate? Would we take our children to play together in our house? Would we celebrate holiday's at the Burrow as a family?
Probably, but that was never going to happen...
When I think about it, I come to the conclusion that I don't deserve her. What have I done to make myself worthy to be with her? Krum is a damn Quidditch star!
He's one if the people I used to look up to! He deserves her 500 percent more than I do!
Why? That the 5 million Galleon question. Why did I wait so long to tell her how I feel about her? Why did I not go after the one thing I wanted most? Why did I surrender my life to alcohol?
And why am I sitting here feeling sorry for myself for problems that I created?!?!?
Why? Because I'm an idiot , that's why....I'm a mother fucking bloody asshole who's sitting on his fucking ass with a bottle of firewhiskey, thinking about what he could've done with his life instead of doing it.
That's why...yep.
This isn't Harry's fault! He didn't ask to be the bloody boy who lived! This isn't Hermione's fault! She was trying to get me on the right track! This isn't Ginny's fault!
She was just growing up.
This is my fault...
ALL MY FAULT! MINE!
And its too late to even attempt to fix it. I wasn't a great best mate. I didn't tell Hermione how I felt. I couldn't accept that Ginny was growing up and didn't want, or need, to be sheltered anymore.
I screwed up my life and I know it, not because of the alcohol....because of my choices, and my decisions.
I say cheers to myself one last time as I gulp down the whiskey and continue to wonder...
Fin
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