Susan:
Grief can do terrible things but while it can tear you apart it can also do good as well. It was grief that helped me to remember. I don't think anyone has ever regretted anything as much as me. I made terrible mistakes in my life time and I want people to know about these mistakes so they don't follow in my footsteps. This is my story after Narnia:
"Could you wear anymore make up?" Lucy asks. She looks at me in a different way than she used to. As though she is scared that I might explode at any moment.
"Yes, I could actually," I reply coldly.
"Don't snap at Lucy like that Su," Peter says angrily. I pull a face at him and turn my head away quickly.
"I think she looks nice," Edmund says in my defence.
Edmund was always standing up for me. Whenever I came home after going out however late it was Edmund would always be "Just going to bed." I never really appreciated him looking out for me. I should have thanked him but instead I always replied coldly. I think he understood me. After all he had once been in my place. Narnia changed him like it changed me. But unlike me he's a better person now. He's not as selfish and he doesn't tell as many lies as he used to.
"Go away Edmund," I snap at him.
"I was only trying to…" he starts defensively.
"Well I don't need your help!" I say, before storming out the door, slamming it as loudly as I can behind me. I hear Edmund calling after me but I don't stop in till I am out of sight of the house. Then I break down sobbing. I love my family more than anything but I am breaking it apart. I try to act happy, to hide behind my makeup but the only way I can do that is by distancing myself from them. By distancing myself from them I feel I am distancing myself from Narnia and that's what I need. It is time to accept that I belong here. I was just getting used to that fact before I went back to Narnia and that's when I meet Caspian.
I was selfish and arrogant. Distancing myself from them didn't make me forget instead it made me remember more. My family was the barrier keeping the grief out but I let it in. None of the others made my mistake they confined in each other, talked about Narnia and it helped them. I thought that they were making a mistake by talking about it digging the wound deeper and deeper in knowing we could not return. I hated Aslan for doing this to me. Where was he in this world? He had abandoned us. There was war and death everywhere.
I stand there just out of sight of the house for almost half an hour cursing. Cursing my family. Cursing Aslan. Cursing Narnia. I hope it will make me forget but instead it makes me remember.
Caspian, I remember him so well the way his dark eyes sparkled in excitement before a battle. The way his lips felt when they touched mine. I loved him and I don't think I could ever love someone in the same way ever again. Time works differently in Narnia and I realise by know he could be married or really old or even dead.
I come home at 3 o'clock in the morning. Edmund is there. "Just going to bed" as normal. Mum gave up staying up for me every night a long time ago but I don't believe Edmund ever will. I enter my room that I share with Lucy and stumble around in the dark getting ready for bed so I don't wake her. Me and Lucy used to be so close and now that relationship has been broken and it's all my fault.