Chapter 1: Reintegration
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and I'm not making any money here. All ideas are my own.
Warnings: future m/m pairing, language, descriptions of violence, discussions of depression
Pairings: 1x2, background 3x4
There were certain things that made him more introspective than usual. Heero had learned this about himself. The mechanical process of dismantling and cleaning a fire arm, the moment after a successful take off when he first felt the weightlessness of space, or the sleep deprived fuzziness of an all-night stake out. Introspective was the word the Preventer employed therapist used, and he supposed it was appropriate. Generally, his focuses were external. Even six years after the Eve Wars, he was still often accused of single mindedness. The mission. A programing problem. These things seemed, to him, much more deserving of his attention than his own inner workings. And yet, as time progressed, he found himself pondering things the therapist mentioned long after those begrudgingly given sixty minutes had passed.
"Heero?"
Ah, yes. Things like how he should try to stay in the present moment. Self-examination and remaining present seemed at odds to him, but, then again, the inner working of the human psyche weren't his area of expertise. Thus, the therapist.
"I should never let you drink wine."
Right, the present. Another situation that made him reflective was drinking a glass of wine with Relena.
"I'm sorry. I was just thinking."
She gave him a small smile. "I could almost see the wheels turning."
The guests, mostly political officials from around the Earth Sphere, had left the conference building at least an hour ago, and the rest of Heero's security unit had been dismissed some thirty minutes after that. He didn't usually do this sort of security detail, but Relena was an important political figure, and she enjoyed seeing him during her trips to L1. If the shrink was to be believed, he enjoyed seeing her as well. Perhaps that was why he had allowed himself to be ushered toward the booth in the back corner of the conference center's small bar. It wasn't the first time Relena had coaxed him into a drink and what, for him, passed as a conversation.
"I was just thinking about how being around you clears my mind," he told her honestly. Her head quirked to the side slightly, and her eyes narrowed at him, but not unkindly. Amusement? He guessed at her emotions. Understanding the motivations of an enemy came easily, especially if that enemy was intelligent. Calculated moves and countermoves made logical sense, and they were always focused on an end game. Interpersonal interactions were much more difficult. Especially with Relena. He could never quite parse out her motivations.
"Are you sure it's not the wine? That's my main tool for clearing my head at the end of the day." The sides of her mouth turned up, and he decided amusement had been correct. "Do tell though, what have you been bouncing around in that brain of yours that needs clearing out?"
He shrugged one shoulder, a casual bit of body language he was toying around with these days. "Just considering something the therapist said yesterday."
Relena nodded approvingly. "I'm glad to hear you've stuck with it."
"It's not an easy thing," he paused, "You know I was having a difficult time before." He paused again, it was hard to talk about that period. "But I do see how it is making my life more manageable."
"A very logical conclusion Mr. Yuy."
"And it's not like I have much say in the matter. It seems the Reintegration Program is more protracted for some. Myself included." And Trowa. He knew Quatre and Wufei had been cleared from their mandatory course of reintegration nearly three years ago. He supposed having some semblance of a normal upbringing did provide advantages in a few areas.
"I'm sure it's frustrating to be required to participate. I know Duo has said as much."
"Duo?" That was a name he hadn't heard spoken in some time.
"Um-hum." She toyed with her wine glass, swirling the red liquid. "He helped my people with some security issues when I was touring L2 in March. It was nice of him to help out during his time off. I know they don't usually give him much of a break between undercover operations."
"Not much, no." Duo had been undercover on L3 for two years. Heero knew the operation had been successful, he'd seen the reports. The gun smugglers had been mostly small time, but the ring had been large and diffuse. Taking down each band had been time consuming.
"He'll be around here in a few days though, correct?" Heero looked at her blankly. Relena smiled at him again. "That's why he was frustrated I think. He says they want him to focus on reintegration. Something about undercover work preventing his progress." Suddenly she smiled outright and clapped her hands together. Heero though she looked her twenty-two years, dropping the political persona, which often seemed to age her. "I know! I'll be on L1 for another week more. We should all meet up. Quatre will be in for the last few days of the conference. Noin and Sally would be so pleased. And I haven't seen everyone in one place in five years! Not since the celebration after the end of the war."
That brought Heero up short. Had it been five years? There had been a ball on earth. The dedication of some sort of war memorial. He had just started with Preventers, and Une had made attendance mandatory for all of them. Duo had gotten Quatre roaring drunk, and Heero and Duo had ended up in a fist fight after the latter made one too many attempts to persuade Heero to dance with Relena. Heero found himself smirking; that had been a fun night.
"Look at you," Relena was practically beaming now. "You look like you might even come without a formal summons from your boss?"
"I'm meant to be making attempts at being more social."
"It's settled then," she declared with some finality. "I'll contact everyone and make the arrangements. Now stop nursing that drink will you? I need to get back to my hotel soon. Tomorrow will be an early start for me, so it will be earlier for you I imagine." Heero complied, draining the rest of his glass. She regarded him for a moment in silence, still amused he though. Or maybe something else? "I bet you'll never accuse me of helping to clear you mind again."
"No," he shook his head, "I stand by it. Being around you is like cleaning a gun."
She attempted to look annoyed, but quickly gave in to the smile that played across her face. "Heero Yuy, I do think you believe that to be a compliment."
Heero looked up as the door to his office opened.
"I suppose I have you to thank for this?" Trowa leaned against the frame of his door, glowering at him.
"Don't thank me, I'm sure Quatre is the one forcing you to accept the invitation."
"Hum. I'm not the one having drinks with the Vice Foreign Minister and inspiring her social ambitions."
Heero wasn't sure when Relena had found time to work out the details in the past two days, but after seeing she was secure in her hotel, he had returned to Preventer's HQ to find an email informing him of a small gathering at one of the Winner estates on L1 that coming Saturday. "Quatre's in on it."
"Yes, but being angry with him is too much effort."
"Not my problem Barton." Trowa rolled his head back, looking up toward the ceiling. Exasperation? Trowa was more difficult to read than Relena. "Duo might be there." Trowa's eyes snapped down to Heero's again.
"He's back from L2?"
"That's what I've been told."
"Hum." Heero noted that this was a particularly long conversation between the two of them, especially considering it wasn't work related. "Why do you suppose they clear him for undercover ops and not the two of us?" Well, so much for that.
"He has always had a talent for appearing well adjusted."
Trowa nodded. "Is that what you're trying to do? Appear well adjusted."
"Been spending too much time with that therapist, Barton?"
"Not an answer."
Heero let out his breath through his nose. "I'm just trying to adjust. You and I are both beyond the point of keeping up appearances." There was a short silence; Trowa understood.
"So you'll be there too then?"
Heero nodded and turned back to the report he was composing. Trowa left the office, closing the door behind him.
The report was finished and sent off before he even though to glance at the clock. It was well past midnight, and he was due to meet the rest of the security team at the conference center in five hours to secure the location before Relena and the rest of the conference attendees appeared for the day. At least it was the last day. Quatre had arrived yesterday, and with his security in the mix, Heero had less responsibilities today anyway.
Still, he should head home and get some sleep. The short walk from HQ to his apartment was chilly, but not oppressively so, as the colonial climate controls mimicked the Mediterranean zones from the earth below them. His thoughts turned slowly from work toward the coming Saturday. He wasn't sure how he felt about the social engagement. If other people's emotions were difficult to gauge, he found his own almost indecipherable. During the war, he had said his strategy was to follow his emotions, but in recent years, he'd come to realize that statement was a bit of a misnomer. Certainly he'd been following his instincts and maybe his own internal sense of justice. But following his emotions? No. He didn't really think he'd been doing that. If he had, this whole reintegration issue would have been moot, and he would be cleared by the shrink, like Quatre and Wufei. He'd be out in the field for longer than a few weeks, like Duo.
Duo? He'd always assumed Duo had cleared the program as well. That had to be the explanation for Une's use of him in long term field assignments. He and Trowa had even discussed it briefly two years ago, when Duo had received this last undercover job. Relena seemed to think that wasn't the case though. Heero sighed. Things certainly hadn't turned out the way he suspected they would when we has sixteen. Then again, he had suspected he would be dead. That was an issue the therapist had encouraged him to explore. What would his life mean, now that he hadn't had to sacrifice it for peace? As far as he could tell, his life meant a whole lot of paper work punctuated with the occasional thrill of being sent in on some sort of mission. Usually an extraction, either of hostages or information. Never long term things. Not that his behavior after the war really warranted much trust with long term assignments. He turned his mind from that depressing path. Besides, if he were being honest with himself, he would admit that long term missions were few and far between. The last five years had, indeed, been very peaceful. He only hoped that if his skills were ever truly needed, Une would utilize him. All the more reason to focus on reintegration he supposed. He wanted to be ready.
He disarmed the security system, scanning his palm to gain access to his apartment. He pulled loose his tie, removed his firearm and shoulder holster, and peeled off his suit, leaving it hanging on the back of the desk chair in his room. Apparently he would have to add this to the list of things that made him introspective. Guns, space flight, lack of sleep, Relena's gentle interrogation, and the mention of Duo Maxwell.