Title: -untitled-

Author: Feral Geek

Genre: Angst. Songfic

Warning: okay, contains light slash of the mcshep type, don't like? Don't like? Don't read, this is also my first fan fiction here, and is un-beta-ed, please review, constructive criticism is welcome. Please don't kill me because it sucks so bad. If someone would like to be my beta, please e-mail me!

Disclaimer: I don't own SGA or the characters, wish I did, but I don't, all I have is a little Steve!plushie, and you can't have that. The song is My December by Linkin Park.

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

He could see Carson's mouth moving, but couldn't hear the words. Everything was muted save for the low buzz that seemed to have filled his mind as the edges of his vision blurred and the infirmary faded to gray, and all he could see what blood.

Sheppard's blood.

John's blood.

He had seen it all before, the other bleeding, injured, but never this bad.

This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

He was still unaware of his teammates around him, of Elizabeth and Carson asking questions, their voices only added to the buzz, and all he could think about was what had happened, and even then the events were hazy.

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to you

Something had happened back on that planet, a place where the native peoples were still primitive, and were worshiping an ancient device.

Not that they had known.

But they had not stopped to think, simply locating it and studying it, which was fine. But things had started to go down hill when he had asked Sheppard to try and active it.
The colonel had barley even reached out to it, about to touch the device, when they had been attacked.

It was totally unexpected, and Rodney could barley remember even seeing their attackers until the scuffle was over.

It had been brief, a few shots fired and they were gone, taking their wounded with them. But those few minutes had been enough.

Sure, they were all wounded, but all thoughts of themselves were forgotten as Sheppard's inert form came into view, eyes slightly glazed, blood soaking into his shirt. From his chest protruded a javelin-like weapon.
It was all they could do to keep him up as they made way for the gate, the whole time Rodney calling for a medical team.

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need

At first he had been vocal, voice tight, panicked as he tried to explain to Carson what had happened, but he had fallen silent when they reached the infirmary, and had seen them hooking John into machines, trying to fix him.

It was so strange, to see him so still…even at easy, resting, John had always seemed alert, energetic.

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed

Vaguely Rodney realized that he had begun to refer to the colonel as John, instead of Sheppard as he had always done. For a moment he tried to understand why, but suddenly it did not matter to him, as a gentle tugging interrupted his thoughts, and the infirmary snapped back into focus.

"If fine." Rodney snapped, slightly startling the others, Rodney, with his hypochondriac nature, was often paranoid about even the slightest injury. However the good doctor did not back off, eventually talking the slightly dazed scientist into taking a seat, where he once again feel silent, lapsing into thought.

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed

Still his mind was on John…Sheppard…Colonel, Rodney did not even know exactly what the think, except that suddenly it felt like there was a void in him somewhere, the edges of the blackness festering, like a gaping wound.
Broken, alone, scared.

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

Days slowly passed, and McKay spent much of his free time beside his fallen teammate, leaving only to work, or if one of the medics sent him away to sleep, or to get food. Even then he did not want to leave, but as the days wore on, it grew harder and harder to make him leave for those reasons.
He was afraid the Sheppard would never wake up, he had to be there, if something happened…

It scared him, that thought.

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

Atlantis was the only real home that Rodney had known for years.

It was home, because this was where John Sheppard was.

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

-fin-

please, review!