Things that Go Squeak in the Night
AUTHOR'S NOTE: A friend of mine had this idea for this fic. What if, instead of a Buffy slays vampires fic, Buffy has a little rodent problem?
It's funny in thought, but we'll see if I can pull it off. The Slayer's biggest challenge.. Catching a mouse? This is what happens, people, when you eat a lot of chocolate, put in Season II's dvds and watch them all over again (and a crap load in one sitting. My eyes, my eyes!)
Note: For some reason, it's in season seven, since I'd have to watch what I own again to really get a full grasp on the series. Hopefully I'll write a serious fic someday. I need more Buffy dvd's anyway, so maybe Buffy fics can act as an excuse to buy more! I only own seasons 2, 3 and 7.. thinks long and hard about owning more Buffy Yes, I'll use this poor excuse to own more Buffy! ()
This story is pretty lame, but what do you expect from someone who's practically a virgin at writing Buffy fics? Yeah.. They're much harder to do than I thought they'd be.
"SQUEAK!"
The noise traveled across the living room, rousing the attention of a deep in-thought Willow Rosenburg and a reclining Buffy Summers. The two young women looked around the perimeter in an attempt to see where the sound came from; it sounded like..
"Was that a MOUSE?" Willow asked, jumping up from her spot. "Buffy, could you-"
"Yeah. I'll go and check." She rose from the soft, comfortable chair and sighed, pulling back her rows of light, banana-blonde hair into a knot at the back of her neck.
"Phew.." Willow replied. "Thanks, Buffy. I owe you one. Gotta concentrate and find a peaceful center."
"No prob." She smiled flatly at her chum as she scanned the room for a sudden flurry of grey or a glimpse of a worm-like tail. The girl's lazy. "Did you see where it went?"
"AHHHHH!"
"Dawn!" Buffy yelled, running into the kitchen to where the young, high school girl stood frozen, pointing at a crack in the wall.
"M-m-mouse went.. th-there!" she cried.
"It's just a mouse.." Buffy whispered. "You've seen me slay vampires and you're scared of a teeny little.. HOLY MOSES, THERE IT GOES!"
A small, black clump sped across the kitchen and into the living room; Willow jumped up with an awkward yell as it turned the corner to where she sat.
"BUFFY! Could you.." she screeched.
"...Why is it suddenly my job? Last time I checked, the Slayer's duty was to kill VAMPIRES, not rodents."
Dawn crossed her arms. "So protecting your friends and family from the Black Death isn't considered life-saving?"
"Maybe not in this day and age-"
"Pllleassee?"
Buffy rolled her eyes, snatching up Xander's broom. "ALRIGHT. I'll go after it." Ungrateful sister..
"I think it went in here." Willow whispered. She and Buffy found themselves crouched down in the basement with a broom in one hand and a flashlight in the other.
"When Xander gets back from work, I'll ask him to go buy some bulbs.." Buffy replied. She didn't fear the mouse, but who knew what else was down here.. Scary spiders, or worse.. loose nails.. Why oh why hadn't she bought light bulbs when she had the chance? It was like living in the Dark Ages.
"Hold the flashlight steady, Buff. I can't see a thing."
Buffy rose the tiny, yellow cylindric object a bit higher and allowed it's light to pass over the cracks and crevices. Nothing.
"Do you see it anywhere?" Willow asked breathlessly.
"No.. And why are we whispering? It's just a mouse.."
"SQUEAK!"
"EEK!" yelled Willow. "It-it made a sound!" She clutched at Buffy's arm and hid behind her.
"You're a witch, for crying out loud.."
"A witch who's powers are uncontrollable, remember? I'll blow the poor mouse up.. And maybe the basement too.." Willow accidentally dug her nails into Buffy's flesh, causing the blonde to rip away from the red-head's clutches.
"Remind me to wait until Xander comes home next time we have this problem.. We'll get him to do the dirty work." Buffy replied. Hehe, an excuse to sit on my ass!
Willow nodded in agreement.
"I still don't see anything.."
"Me neither.." Willow whispered. "Careful now.. There might be more of them."
"Oh great.."
"Hey," Willow laughed, "think of it like this; you're boldly heading into a world that no Slayer has gone before; mouse-hunting!"
"Yeah, reaaal important there, Willow."
The girls finally gave up when they gained no more sight of the mouse.
"Pass me those taters. Yeah, daddy likes."
Buffy raised an eyebrow as she handed the bowl of mashed potato's to an obviously starving Xander. Maybe it was a guy thing.. She shrugged it off.
"So, anything interesting happen today?" Xander asked, digging himself a helping of steaming, white potato's.
"Well, I got an A on my math test," Dawn replied, "Willow is learning to control her magic, and Buffy couldn't catch a mouse."
Buffy bared her teeth in warning at her little sister. "Dawn, remember what we talked about earlier?"
At the expression on the teen's face, she'd forgotten, apparently.
"Well, I guess you won't be getting that extra 4 dollars on allowance then." Buffy chirped. She too took a helping of mashed potato's while Dawn stared at her dumb founded. Yep, she'd remembered; "no mentioning the mouse and, as if by magic, you'll be four dollars richer". The things Buffy would do to spare herself from trifling embarrassment..
"Wait a minute, a mouse?" Xander asked. "Where is it?"
Buffy nodded to the basement. "Down there. Why? Scared of a little squeaker?"
Xander laughed nervously. "Uh, no."
Buffy rose her eyebrows. "Uh huh."
"Hey, I'll prove it. After supper, I'll go and... Ohhh K.. What just went past my leg?"
Willow stifled a snicker.
"Buffy..? Was that your foot?"
"Nooope."
Xander had went pale all of a sudden. "Dawn..?"
The teen shook her head in reply.
"Don't think it's you Will, since you don't cross that road anymore."
Willow shrugged. "Not me, but thank you for noticing."
Xander went even paler. It could only be..
"SQUEAK!"
Everyone but Buffy stood up and yelled in surprise. Buffy beckoned for the broom; looks like she was going to go on another mouse hunt.
She sort of felt sorry for it.
Buffy didn't like to admit that, but once upon a time, she'd been a rodent for an hour or two, maybe more. To snuff out the critters life.. She kind of felt sad about the whole ordeal. Poor thing.. It's only crime was living.
But it's living in MY house, Buffy thought, clutching the broom, and it's not paying any bills or rent. That's very rude of it. For that, it must pay with it's life.. Hm, maybe I should think about the others too.. I wonder how they'd fair under my broom of death. She smiled at her pathetic attempt at a joke. Real nice, Summers.
She looked around the living room with broom cocked overhead. How she was going to kill it.. She didn't know yet. Maybe squash the poor thing into a little, flat stain; that made more sense.
I'm a Vampire Slayer, for cryin' out loud, she thought to herself, but I've been reduced to mouse-hunting.. This and counseling; what kind of gal am I becoming nowadays? Too much stuff to do!
It was true; on top of everything she was expected to do, including hunting rats, vampires, demons, etc..
"Hey.."
"AHHHh!" screamed Buffy, rounding on Xander and smacking him upside the face with the broom. He looked at her with a disoriented expression.
"Oops, sorry.. You scared me." Buffy said, laughing to herself. "Didn't know it was you.."
"Do you THINK the mouse could talk, Buffy? What are you on? I want some of that.."
"Reaaal funny. What's up?"
"Nothing, except I probably have a big, red mark on my face." He paused. "I don't, do I?"
Buffy shook her head. "No. You had to have something to ask me."
"Oh.. Yeah. I was wondering if you caught the mouse yet."
Buffy rolled her eyes and groaned loudly. 'If I had, I'd have mounted it on the fireplace on a little, gold plate-thingy and danced around it like an Amazon, screaming in victory. No, I haven't, Xander."
She continued to search the living room until giving up again.
"Heeey, I was wanting to watch that, Willow! Turn it back, turn it back!" Dawn hopped up and down in the couch in protest as Willow continued to press the remote long and hard, scanning each and every channel with bored disinterest.
"Willow! Turn it back!"
"Wait a sec, Dawny." Will replied. She returned to the channel; MTV?
"Nothing says Mainstream Slutty Overload quite like Britney Spears gyrating her hips on national television." Buffy announced as she plopped beside Willow. "Will.." she teased. "You have a big, goofy grin on your face. Staring much?"
"Shh." Willow said.
"Ew, change it." Dawn said. "I thought they'd have the Real World on, or something."
"Yay.. Can't wait." Buffy replied sarcastically.
"SQUEAK!"
"AHH!" Willow's grin disappeared as she swung her legs upon the couch, accidentally hitting Dawn upside the head. "It's back again..!"
Buffy groaned. This thing was starting to become really pesky. She picked up the broom again and continued to search for the mouse.
"Buffffy.. Kill it this time. We're trying to watch tv."
Yeah, the almighty television rules my household, Buffy thought. I'm glad they're not this "enthusiastic" about hunting along side me, or I'd probably be six feet under by now... Again.. For the billionth time.
"I feel like Nancy Drew." Buffy said. "I'm unraveling the clues on where Mr. Mouse is gonna travel next. He's a clever little sucker; he's evaded all of my 'battle tactics'."
"Just KILL it already!" Dawn cried. "It might crawl on-"
"DON'T finish that sentence, Dawn!" Willow warned. She shivered at the thought. Buffy cocked her head at the woman; she could deal with a lot of nasty ingredients for spells, and she even had Amy as a pet rat at one point. What had gotten into her?
I'm betting she doesn't want to have to hunt the mouse herself.. Traitor.. They're all plotting against me!
"Here, mousey mousey mousey.. I'm not going to hurt you (unless you come on out), so come on out. Pleaaase? I'll give you a nice, big piece of- OH CRAP!"
The mouse sped by her feet suddenly, causing her to tumble off balance and land straight on her ass. She looked around to see if anyone had seen her. Why had her Slayer reflexes failed her that time? Shame on them.
I'm starting to wonder if there's any point in all of this. Maybe if I let it come to me.. No, don't think it's that stupid.. Or maybe it is. The thing has a death wish to try and piss me off.
She picked herself up off the ground and continued to search for the mouse.
"Oh great; I'm gonna have Genie in a Bottle in my head all night long now.. Thank you VERY much, Christina Aguilera." Dawn groaned, unfolding the bag of chips. "Hey! Quit channel-surfing! I want to watch that, Willow.."
Willow groaned. "But it's so obnoxious. Can we turn it over to USA and watch Xena?"
"We already have our own Xena; why would we want to see another?"
"You have a point.. But Buffy doesn't really strike me as a Xena type."
Dawn cocked an eyebrow. "She's a girl and she kicks people's-"
"Dawn! Don't finish that sentence!" Willow said in protest. They all still saw her as an innocent, little girl apparently.
Buffy entered the room with broom still in hand. She still hadn't caught that pesky mouse.
"I officially give up." she announced. "Screw the damn mouse, and turn it to something else. I don't want to watch horny teenagers act like a bunch of idiots on tv."
Willow looked around the room. "Hey, I got an idea.. Let's get Xander to go kill it."
Buffy's eyes brightened. Oh yes; condemn the male to the fate of the Mouse Killing!
Dawn bopped her head to the song on television before Willow changed the channel, resulting in the young woman jumping on the red-head and wrestling the remote out of her hands out of exasperation, and Buffy joining in on the wrestle because without a mouse to hunt, she was bored out of her mind (and who wants to see horny teenagers act like a bunch of idiots on tv?)
And so, Xander Harris was condemned to the fate of the Mouse Killing! But did he ever kill the mouse?
The End (because I can't think of anything else.)
End Note: Yeah. I know. It's weird. shrugs