A/N: hi, unlike my fLipPeD, this is a pretty serious story with some pretty deep themes. i've been working on this for a couple of weeks, and i am personally, very proud of this, lol. i hope that you can learn something from this. i highly suggest reading "tuesday's with morrie" its an amazing book, and the most amazing thing about it, is that its a TRUE story. i agree with many of it's themes, and i like to think of myself as an optimistic person. (just ask my friends. once i got 2/25 for my math test, what did i do? i laughed)(this is what my friend actually told me when i told her about my 2/25 paper: well at least u laugh rather then cry, u might as well laugh at those who DO cry while ur at it, u see life on the bright side while the tards out there who cry about it are just babies cuz they cant handle it.) :D so anywayz, i hope you can really learn something here, have fun reading!
btw, tell me if this should be a M, or just keep it T...
Disclaimer: avatar: the last airbender does not belong to me
Silvers of sunlight streamed through the window in the corner of the room. Warm rays of light caressed the propped-up figure on the bed, lost in a sea of blankets. It accented his pale face, bathing it in a serene beam of light. His lips upturned in a placid smile.
The sunlight cast over the translucent tubes, one into his wrist, and another to his nose. One for oxygen, whereas the other fed chemicals to his bloodstream. However, the sunlight missed yet another tube. One that ran underneath the light blue blanket, leading to a transparent tank, one filled with tea-colored urine.
On the other side of the room, sat another figure. Ears deafened by the rhythmically humming of the machine. Emerald eyes, staring into oblivion. Staring into the vast nothing.
Outside, over the sterilized, white walls of the hospital, life was going on. The hustle and bustle of the city continued while inside the room on ward 501, life was at a standstill.
Toph Bei Fong shivered in the icy coldness of the hospital room. She despised hospitals.
They reeked of death and decay, cold and lifeless. The shadow of death lurking in the hallways. Forever ready, always waiting. Waiting to strike, waiting to steal from the innocent.
From the deep within bed, deep, grey eyes slowly fluttered open, allowing the light to enter. He squinted as he slowly came to. From the bed, a hoarse voice croaked out, "Toph…you there?"
Toph's ears immediately perked up, at the sound, and she quickly scrambled over to the bedside, "Hey Twinkles, I'm here."
Toph flashed a smile as she peered over the metal railing, casting a shadow over the bed.
The light filtered behind her, seeping through her ebony hair. A stark contrast to her ivory colored skin. Grey orbs stared into her iridescent, green eyes as he slowly reached out with a weak hand. He took her smaller hand in his and a weak smile crossed his face, and Toph smiled back.
All her life, Toph Bei Fong was a bird in a gold, lavish, diamond-encrusted cage with an enormous, silver lock. The keys to her freedom in the death grip of her parents. Her parents, the puppet masters of the façade she was living in.
Toph was a living lie, a walking contradiction.
Born a Bei Fong, came the fame and fortune. But Toph didn't give a damn about that.
Her parent's "protected" her, shielded her away from the world. As such, her existence was narrowed down to mere rumors, a tightly woven secret, entrusted to few.
As the years went by, the strings holding her, connecting her to the world, slowly, but surely started unraveling. Hanging, perilously thin, threatening to snap.
However, one day, fate decided to smile upon her with kind eyes. One day, fate decided to give her something special.
A gift. Something money could never hope to buy.
Fate gifted her a friend.
That was the day Toph started living.
Truly living.
Toph was a yardstick to Aang. She was as stubborn as the earth and he was as careless as the wind. She was brash and rude, while he was kind and gentle. He liked to make peace, while she waged war.
They couldn't be any more different, but something held them together, and from that, fate forged something amazing. An uncanny friendship was born as the sky bent down and touched the earth.
Two different worlds collided, and harmony broke out. Ying and Yang. Black and White. Two opposites came together and a beautiful story of friendship was woven in destiny.
It was something that was always meant to be.
"H-Hi Toph," Aang laboriously sat upright and he grunted under the effort. Toph looked over him with nervous eyes and she reached over to help him prop up his pillow. A kind act many would not associate with Toph.
Toph would never admit, even over her dead, half-decayed body, but the truth was, she had a soft spot in her heart for the goofy, bald kid. No matter how much she punched his shoulder raw, it was obvious of the affection she held over him. Her heart ached to see him in such pain.
He gave her a reason to live.
When her world was dark and empty, he filled it with his laughter and uplifting smile. With him at her side, she felt, no. She knew she could do anything. He helped her gain her own freedom. The one thing she craved the most, like an addict after her opium.
He did not break her out of her cage. He knew Toph was independent, so he merely pointed her in the right path, and gave her the strength and courage to do it herself. He stood by her. Not in front, pulling her, not behind, pushing her, but at her side. With her.
When she was with Aang, she knew she was free. She could break the chains that bound her being born a Bei Fong. She could be herself. She could just be Toph. She need not put up a façade that was befitting her society. No, with Aang, she was free to be who she really was, and she finally believed in life. And above the others, they would fly, able to reach in the furthest corners of the earth, spurred on by each other.
He gave her a strength she never knew she possessed. Aang brought out the best in her, and she brought out the best in him. Both complemented each other perfectly. Two opposites together making the wickedest combination conceivable.
"Y-you remember the d-day we met?" Aang managed to wheeze, and Toph nodded her head vigorously. That was a day forever etched into her memory. No matter how much time weathered over it, it would stay vivid and strong.
The most memorable days start just like any other day, but they end phenomenally. You never know how truly amazing it is until you're right in the middle of the moment. Then, before you even realize it, it's over, but no matter how short the moment is, you treasure it. It sticks in your heart, like a seed, it takes root. Inside you, it grows and it thrives unconsciously, when you laugh, when you eat, when you sleep at night, and it becomes a part of you, and it builds you. It becomes you. It's something no one can ever take away from you.
Those are the days you say," Screw gravity, I can fly." They're not perfect days, but they're pretty damn close.
The day Toph met Aang was one of those days.
She could draw the memory from her brain, and relive it as if she was really there. When she closed her eyes, the vivid colors, the familiar smells, all came gushing back to her.
The first thing that came to her mind was, "Who the hell is that geeky kid?" Nonetheless, that "geeky kid" became her friend.
Fate threw her a lifeline, and Toph grabbed on. He was her confidant, her sidekick in trouble, and most importantly, her best friend.
"I remember," Toph smiled as cold nostalgia flooded her, and the pain in her heart, ebbed, even if it was just a bit.
"Good, g-good," Aang smiled is trademark grin, "I still can't forget how girly you looked, w-wear-wearing that dress." Toph chuckled, and against all her natural instincts, the fire in her bones, she held back from slugging Aang's shoulder.
"Wow, you, d-didn't punch me, maybe I sh-should stay sick," Aang gave a soft laugh and Toph retorted as she smiled, "Wait till you get outta that bed, I'll pummel you, and you'll be back in the hospital as soon as you got out."
Aang laughed weakly and he let his eyelids close. Beside the bed, Toph waited patiently. Another word not to be equated with Toph, but Aang managed to bring that out of her.
He could read her like an open book. He knew her inside out, and he knew about all her problems.
No one else knew how close she came to the edge of the balcony, mere steps away from the end. No one else knew the hidden secrets hidden underneath her long sleeves. No one else knew how tempted she was, to just take those seemingly harmless, tiny pills, and just be done with it.
Despite that, she didn't know about his problem. His one little problem.
Aang was an extremely jovial person, a permanent smile, carved into his beaming face. His grey eyes, radiant like the stars in the night sky, able to illuminate even the darkest bowels of the earth. Always optimistic, cup filled to the brim, he glided in the air. He was bursting with life, a vibrant spirit. He was the epitome of human life. He may not have real parents, lots of money, a big, fancy house, but he knew how to live.
After the best four years of her life, she found out the reason behind his baldness.
You see, fate has a cruel sense of humor, because life is a funny thing. One minute, fate smiles upon you with kind eyes, and in the next, it mocks you. It scoffs in your face, its cruel laughter filling you ears until they bleed.
Life is screwed up. Simple as that.
Us humans created fairytales, and fairytales were made to serve one purpose. They are made so that they allow us to escape this world of cold harsh reality, and instead, enter a new world. One filled with magic and wonder, and of course, a happy ever after. Living in a grand castle, the prince and his princess. Living in pure bliss till the end of their time.
The fictional tales mock us with their utopian society. It derides us, and tricks us, leading us to believe that there really is a "happily ever after". And we live our life believing that lie. It ridicules us, because the cold hard truth is, this is reality we live in, not some written down fairytale in a leather bound book. This is life.
And life does not have happy ever after. After the best 4 years of her life, just when Toph believed she could have a happy ever after, Aang fell into remission.
Aang had cancer.
The year they met, Aang had just finished fighting cancer. He managed to tread precarious, fine line between life and death and came out on the other side victorious at the mere age of 12.
He went through a lot at that tender young age, but it filled him with wisdom beyond his years. He learned the important lesson of life, and as such, he made a vowed to stay bald. For him, it was a reminder that he was living on borrowed time, and he had to live each day to the fullest.
Even though he was declared cured by doctors, a part of Aang knew deep down in his heart, the cancer was still lurking deep within. Call it intuition, sixth sense, clairvoyance; it was just something Aang felt.
Toph would never forget that day. How could she? No matter how hard she tried to eradicate that wretched memory, it had already fused with her mind.
Ice cream! They were eating ice cream! How she loved ice cream! Now she couldn't even eat it without wanting to chuck up her stomach.
She could remember the lush grass tickling the soles of her feet. The crisp, fresh aroma of leaves wafting through the air, mixing with his ebullient laughter.
Tranquility just before tribulation struck.
A phone call was all it took to throw her life into whack.
After years of teasing him inexorably, she found out the reason why he was bald. Aang would just laugh but Toph would just continue mocking his shiny head. "I'm a…monster." She hated herself. "How could I be so…cruel?"
She could still hear the words, in an echoing crescendo as they taunted her. 6 months. Bald. Cancer. Chemo. Sorry.
She refused to accept it. After all, there was supposed to be a happy ending for her, right? That's what's supposed to happen! Not this…
For the first time in her life, Toph Bei Fong was speechless. She did not have a witty comeback prepared for what hit her. So instead of allowing her brain to process it, she let it in one ear and out the other. She did not want to believe it. No, she could not let her self believe it, so instead, she tucked the feelings away, and buried them under layers of lies. Her own lies.
For the first month, she kept gorging herself on her lies. He'll get better. I mean, cancer! Pfft! Nooo, that can't happen to Twinkles! Nah! No way! The same lies became her mantra.
On the other hand, Aang had already come to terms with his own demise. He was reassured. After all, death is the great equalizer. Therefore, Aang held dear the time he had left, and he drew those close to him and tried to live his last days to the fullest.
"S-sorry, I kinda dozed off on y-you," Aang wheezed as he tediously re-opened his eyes. Toph merely shook her head and laughed, "You're still an Airhead."
It had become hard for Aang to stay awake lately and he had fared better than most other times. Toph squeezed his hand and Aang rasped, "Talk to me."
"Gyatso just left you know. He tried to bring Appa but apparently, the hospitals has problems with dogs." Toph rolled her eyes and Aang chuckled weakly. "S-say hi to him for me, w-will ya?"
Toph chuckled, "Say it yourself when you get outta that bed." Aang smiled beside her, but something in his heart knew…this was it. He didn't have the heart to tell Toph. He just couldn't.
Weeks went by, and eventually, all her pent up emotions came gushing out like a waterfall, and denial gave way to anger.
And all hell broke loose.
"Get the hell away from me! Get away!" Toph yelled more obscenities to the maid, whatersame, she couldn't remember and frankly, she didn't give a damn. She could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins and she punched the wall in frustration.
The blood flew like an open river and she did not flinch, oblivious to the pain as she repeated the action, causing the wall to crack. She turned her fury from the wall and grabbed the nearest projectile. She hurled it and flew through the air. The vase collided mercilessly against the cold, hard, unforgiving wall, smashing in into a thousand shards of ceramic. Another lamp met the same demise as the vase.
She balled her fists and ignored the throbbing pain as she clenched her jaw and furled her brow. She met the gaze of her parents, now in the doorway; jaws open wide, face as pale as ghosts. Without a word, she slammed her window open. The glass cracked, but she ignored it and with the ease of years of practice, she climbed down.
And she ran. She didn't stop running until her legs buckled underneath her. She crumpled to the floor, panting. She slammed her fist on the ground, causing the blood to trickle once again.
"Toph!" The voice of Aang, of all the people in the world, cut through the still night air. Toph stood up and turned around, drawing a gasp from Aang.
Aang could see the fire in Toph's eyes. It was anger. Pure anger. Aang felt a huge knot in his stomach, and he felt like hurling, and this time, it was not because of the chemo. Toph's hands were caked with dried blood, and fresh blood was dripping from her re-opened wounds. Her hair was out of her usual bun, her bangs covering half her face, and her face…her beautiful face. Toph's face was stained with tears. The bloodstains mixed with her tears, standing out on her light green shirt. Her face was contorted, showing her wrath.
"Hi bastard," she jeered, and she laughed, sending a chill down Aang's spine.
"You! You're a fucking BASTARD! Do you know that Aang?" Toph sneered, pointing her finger at Aang, and she gave another sinister laugh. She took a small step towards him. One small dangerous step after another, till she was face to face with Aang.
And she slapped Aang across his face, hard.
To Aang, it hurt more than all the chemo he went through. It hurt even more than the cancer. He felt his heart being ripped out of his chest, and it was being stabbed, again, and again, and again.
"Toph…please, stop." Aang's voice cracked. He couldn't stand this. He grabbed her wrists. "Don't touch me! Get AWAY!" Toph struggled, and she tried to break free. "Toph…please, for me…stop." Aang's voice was soft and Toph could feel the emotion coursing through his words. Toph froze. She looked up, and stared into his watery grey eyes.
Aang took advantage of Toph's hesitancy and he pulled Toph into an enormous hug. Aang leaned against Toph as he nuzzled his cheek on her hair and he just held her tight.
That was when Toph lost it.
The tears fell freely, and with each drop, she felt her anger slowly ebb away, only to find herself bargaining. Bargaining with sadistic fate for Aang's life. "Aang…p-p-ple-ase…d-don't d-d-d…please don't go. I'll…I'll…I'll do anything, please. You can't…y-you j-just can't." Toph managed to mutter as she let the tears fall into Aang's shoulder, and she hugged his waist, afraid to let go, as if he would just float away right there.
"Toph…you know I can't do anything." Aang sighed and hugged Toph tighter. "I'm sorry. I'm sooo sorry Toph." Aang whispered as his own tears rolled down his cheek.
Aang placed his right hand on Toph's chin and tilted her face to meet his eyes. Toph stared into Aang's iridescent, grey eyes, which only made her cry harder as she looked away. Aang smiled through his tears, and gently, he thumbed Toph's raven hair out of her eyes, and pushed them over her ears.
"It's not the end of the world Toph," Aang smiled weakly, gazing deep, emerald eyes. "C-close en-en-enough." Toph replied, as she tried to stop the tears streaming down her face., "C-can I ask y-you s-some-something Twinkles?"
"Yes?" Aang asked breathlessly, as Toph forced herself to stare into Aang's eyes, "Aang…tell m-me, are you…yo-you g-g-g-gonna, d-d-d…" She just couldn't place the words, "Aang" and "die" in the same sentence. Toph tried to control her wavering voice, but to no avail. She took a deep breath and let out, "You're not going to make it, are you?"
Aang cupped Toph's face serenely, soft rays of moonlight accenting her face. As Toph regarded Aang, she swore she saw anguish cross his face, only to be replaced with calmness. It was a look of peace and tranquility.
Aang held her gaze as he whispered softly with a crestfallen smile, "Sorry Toph, but this is life."
With that, for the first time in 4 years, Toph felt alone again. Aang wasn't gone yet, but she could already feel the empty void he was going to leave her, and it broke her heart.
She was overwhelmed with waves of frustration, the feeling welling up inside her, suffocating her from the inside. The feelings that had evanesced when Aang came into her life returned with a vengeance.
To Toph, the worst part was that she couldn't even do anything. She was stuck at the sidelines, a mere spectator as she watched Aang fade cell by cell in front of her eyes. Never in her life had Toph felt so weak and helpless.
And so, Toph cried.
She cried for what could've been, what should've been, and what would've been if Aang didn't have cancer.
And once again, she found herself close to the edge. Steps away from the end. The hidden secrets slowly returning as she donned her long sleeves. The tiny white pills sitting on the table, tempting her resolve.
Toph felt like the same little girl caged in by her parents just before she met Aang,
It was hard for her to come to terms with Aang's ailment, but like everything else Aang did in her life, Aang helped her cope.
Even if it was the last thing he did.
"Aang…can I ask you something?" Toph bit her lower lip as Aang's eyelids opened up at the mention of his name. He had a feeling he knew what was going to come, so he braced himself.
"Aren't you afraid of…you know…." Toph's voice quivered as her hands started to tremble.
Aang looked Toph in the eye and the corners of his mouth turned upward into a smile.
"See! I don't get how you can…smile! I mean...seriously! You have cancer! And you're smiling!" Toph frowned as she knit her brows together and sighed exasperatedly, "How can you always be so…happy?"
Aang gave a soft laugh, unperturbed. He gazed into Toph's jade eyes as spoke in a soft voice. "Cancer can be something b-beautiful if y-you let it be. Thanks to cancer, I k-know when I'm going to die. Since I know what's coming, I've been able to l-live the last 6 months of m-my life fully. I'm thankful that I can die peaceful in a bed, not yelling or screaming in terror as I burn in a car crash. These 6 months, I've been able to prepare myself so I c-can go in peace. Toph, these 6 months have b-been the best of my life, cancer or no cancer."
Toph kept silent, and Aang spoke again, "This is life. We're mortals. I've come to accept my cancer. You s-should too. There are just th-things in life that happen, and you can't do anything about it. You can't change the facts, but the thing you can do is choose how you choose to act upon it, how you look at it."
Aang continued smiling, "You know, it was my cancer that brought us together. That day we met…I j-just came out of the hospital. That's why I am thankful for my c-cancer. It brought me you. I just…have one last thing to do before I'm at peace." Aang's eyes shimmered, and he began to speak again, but Toph cut him off.
"Aang…I…I just want to say thank you. Thank you for helping me with my problems. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for understanding me. No one has ever really understood or really cared about me till I met you. The best day of my life was the day you came into it. I'm sorry for always making fun of you and hurting you…but I guess that's just my reflexes. I feel…safe when I do those things, I'm sorry if you ever took it the wrong way, but that's the way I am. You gave me strength and courage to do thing I could never imagine my self doing." Toph couldn't stop the tears as they came trickling down her cheek as she tried to keep a brave front, "You gave me a reason to live."
Aang smiled, tears brimming in his own grey eyes, "Toph, death ends a life, n-not a relationship. Love is how you live on even after you die. I'll b-be there for you. Always have, a-always will. I w-want to die in peace, knowing that I have nothing left to say. Y-you should never let the fear or failure or rejection stop you from d-doing what you want to, otherwise you will live your life forever wondering, "What If?". So Toph Bei Fong I want to die with you kn-knowing, this.
Toph held held her breath as Aang enunciated his words with tenderness, "I love you. I always have, always will."
Before Toph realized what was happening, she felt the hot breath of Aang on her face mere seconds before their lips connected. For that few seconds, the world faded away, the two in their own world. A world where fairytales and dream do come true. A world where a happy ending awaited them.
Aang pulled back and left Toph agonizing over the short, yet oh so sweet kiss as they were both thrown, spiraling back into our cold harsh world of reality.
Toph smiled through the tears that stained her face, "I love you too."
In that moment, Aang knew he could die. He could die and he wouldn't feel any regrets. He was at peace. In fact, he could already hear fate banging on his door, but he ignored it, choosing instead to hang on. Hang on just a little longer.
"Move over Twinkles," Toph order Aang as she hauled herself onto the bed. Aang chuckled as he moved to the left, allowing Toph to join him. Toph rested her head on Aang's chest and Aang wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't go now…not now…he would never be able to forgive himself if he were to let go with Toph in his arms.
He could feel Toph slowly doze off as sleep overcame her. He was fighting the incessant urge to close his own eyes, but he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to open them, so instead, he watched. He watched Toph enter dreamland, and as Toph slept, for the first time in months, she had a smile on her face.
Aang bent over and kissed the top of her head, and he breathed in her scent. Her earthly scent, it reminded him of the spring leaves and he smiled. The humming of the machine that supported him was the only sound in the whole room, and Aang contemplated his own life.
The hours passed as visiting hours drew to a close, and Aang held no complaints over the life he lived.
"Toph, w-wake up, you have to go." Aang whispered softly as he gently shook Toph.
"A-aang?" Toph rubbed her eyes as she came to and she suddenly sat upright facing Aang, "Oh my gosh, I fell asleep! I'm sorry!" Toph could feel the tears returning to her face, and she started to panic.
Aang laughed weakly as he grabbed her wrists, "It's ok Toph. I had a fun time watching you drool over me," Aang breathed, "You've gotta go…v-visting h-hours are over."
Toph gave Aang a hesitant look, but she jumped down from the bed. Suddenly, a weird feeling overcame her. Call it intuition, sixth sense, or clairvoyance; it was just something Toph felt, and it compelled her to say with a heart-felt smile, "Thank you for everything Aang."
Aang grinned at her, "No, thank you."
With that she bent over and drew Aang into a much longer kiss, and as she pulled away, she whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too Toph Bei Fong."
She finished packing her things, but as she stopped in the doorway. Somehow she knew in her heart, this was it. This was the end, so she stood in the doorway as she whispered into the cold still air of the hospital room, "Good bye Aang, I love you." She took one last pain filled glance at Aang, who grinned at her, and she left, choking back tears.
With every step she took away from Aang's hospital room, Aang felt fainter as he slowly slipped into the darkness, with one last, agonizing breath, he whispered, "Good-bye Toph."
When he was with Toph, he knew he couldn't go. Only when she had finally left, did he succumb, and only did he allow himself to rest. Death had already been hankering since the day started, but still had unfinished business to attend to.
Now Aang just felt tired. He wanted repose, and now he knew he could die without regrets.
And so, Aang felt his arms go limp as he let his eyelids close the final curtain on his life, and he fell into eternal slumber, a smile on his cold lips.
Unknowingly, he had flipped to the last page of his book, and closed another chapter in Toph's.
Tragically, it was no fairytale ending for either of them, but like any story, fairytales do teach us something; they have lessons. And Toph learned the greatest lesson of all.
She learnt how to live.
Toph Bei Fong stepped outside the white, sterilized walls of the hospital with her heart at peace; with acceptance. She glanced upwards and as a gentle breeze blew her way, and she swore she heard Aang's laughter floating in the air. She whispered softly, the tears in her eyes brimming as the air laughed into her face, like a kiss on her lips, "Thank you Aang, good-bye. I love you."
Up above her, in the air, Aang whispered back, "You're welcome Toph, I'll wait for you. I love you, I always have, and always will."
"never take life seriously, no one gets out alive anywayz"
A/N: I just want to dedicate this story to all those who had to experience first hand, or as a spectator, cancer. it's a very tragic thing, but sadly, its also very true. i am very lucky to have not known anyone personally who have cancer, but im still young, so im sure one day i will. but i just want to extend my condolences to anyone who have experienced it. im truly sorry for your loss(sorry for sounding cheesy...) but i think that there are people out there who just make the best out of this, like aang in this fic, and if i ever get cancer, (which i hope i don't) i would like to take it bravely like aang, or like morrie (in the book). morrie is like the person everyone should try to emulate, because they make the best out of their situation, great story. while i was writing this, i was listening to lots of angels and airwaves (you gotta check them out) and in literature we've bee learning about spiritual vs materialistic values. i mean, this world we live in right now, its like a rat-race society we often forget the most important things in life. so after reading this, i hope you go out there and tell your friends that you love them! and your family! and that special someone!=]
live life to the fullest, not all of us will be lucky to die when we're old, or know when we die. so live each day as if it were your last! don't let anything hold you back from fulfilling your dreams!
special shout-out to pink-promise! thanks for kind of betaing this, and if you would've gone online instead of underground shopping, you could've helped me with a better title! (check out her stories, they're awesome, but she writes for inception =( at least i made her watch avatar, hehe)
this writing style is tedious for me, and i wanna know if you thik i should write more of these kidna stuff...
so review...PLEASE! :D