Hey readers! Yes, I know I'm already working on another Mortal Instruments story that I need to update, but I got this idea one night when I couldn't sleep and I just had to share it with you all. I do not own anything. Please leave a review!
-Ninjanervana
Clary shot awake with a gasp, her hand instinctively reaching for her stele on the nightstand. The soft light of her witchlight stone illuminated her barely decorated room at the Institute, casting long shadows across the floor. After scanning the shadows carefully, she released her vice grip on her stele, her shoulders slumping. She brushed away her sweat soaked hair from her face, struggling to control her gasping breaths and her racing heart. She glanced over to the nightstand, looking at the time. 1:27 AM. She had barely been asleep for two hours before the nightmares woke her up. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised; she had been dealing with nightmares almost every night since they returned from Idris almost two weeks ago. Just because she was spending a few nights at the Institute while her mother and Luke went to Idris for Clave meetings didn't mean her nightmares wouldn't follow her there. Apparently you couldn't run from the demons in your head. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to try.
Clary swung her feet over the edge of the bed, shuffling toward the bathroom. The cold tile sent a shiver through her body, helping her wake up further, separating the visions of her nightmares from reality. She could feel her lack of sleep catching up to her rapidly; between her physically exhausting Shadowhunter training and her mentally exhausting nightmares, she was surprised that she could still function as well as she had been. Flipping on the bathroom light, she winced as she saw her reflection: her skin paler than usual, dark circles lingering beneath her eyes, strands of her curly, red hair stuck to her sweaty face. She splashed her face with some cold water before heading back into her room, quickly changing into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. If she was going to be awake, she might as well do something productive. Sleep was no longer an option.
Tying her hair into a sloppy bun, she walked through the empty halls of the Institute, her bare feet padding softly against the marble floors. Clary had become so used to the constant noise in the Institute, it was eerie to have it so silent. She easily found her way into the training room, heading over to the punching bag. She glanced over at the throwing knives and targets on the side of the room before deciding against them; with the tiredness she felt, it was probably best if she didn't handle knives. The last thing she wanted was to deal with a bleeding wound.
She shook out her arms before she started punching and kicking the bag like Isabelle had taught her. She easily fell into a quick rhythm, the muffle thuds of the punching bag calming her racing mind. 'Maybe I can exhaust myself enough to sleep,' she thought tiredly.
Clary didn't know how long she had spent punching and kicking the bag, but as a warm hand landed on her shoulder, her first instinct was to turn around, aiming a kick at the person's side.
"Whoa," Jace said in surprise, catching her leg before it connected with his ribs. His gold eyes twinkled in amusement and a bit of pride. He was the one who taught her that kick. "Is that any way to greet your devilishly handsome boyfriend?"
"Jace," Clary panted as he lowered her leg to the ground. As her body stilled, she could feel the waves of exhaustion washing over her, threatening to pull her under where she stood. Her muscles ached in protest from her harsh treatment, the dull pain keeping her eyes open. "I didn't hear you come in."
"Yeah I figured as much when I called your name the first three times and you didn't answer me," he replied, stepping closer to her. His hands reached for her waist, holding her lightly. She smiled as she felt his fingers flex against her skin, feeling his desire to pull her closer. Now that they could finally be together, Jace found it nearly impossible to be near here without touching her in some way. Her green eyes skimmed over his covered chest, down to his pajama pants and bare feet. She wasn't much better than him. "What are you doing up at this hour?"
"What time is it?" she replied, answering his question with one of her own. 'Just like he taught me,' she thought wryly.
Jace's brow furrowed as he watched her, pulling her a little closer. "It's a little before three," he murmured. His eyes roamed her face, lingering on the circles beneath her eyes. "Clary, you look exhausted. Why aren't you asleep?"
"I couldn't sleep," she finally admitted, resting her hands on his shoulders as she leaned into his body. She rested her forehead on his shoulder, her eyes closing. His skin felt cool beneath her heated touch, relaxing her. "I thought maybe a little training would help."
Jace nodded in understanding, kissing the top of her head before pulling away. He wrapped his arm around her waist, leading her out of the training room. "You could have come to me you know," he said gently, a teasing grin on his lips. "I would have told you another bedtime story."
"Hopefully a happier one than last time," she said dryly. "I didn't want to wake you." Clary leaned into Jace's side, trusting him to keep her on her feet and get her where she needed to go. She could already feel herself drifting, her body unable to fight against her constant exhaustion much longer.
"How long have you been having trouble sleeping?" he questioned. "Clary?" he prompted as she remained silent.
"Since we came back from Idris," Clary answered quietly. She looked around as they stopped walking, immediately recognizing the door they stood in front of. 'Jace's room,' she thought as her heart beat sped up. "I just can't sleep."
"Do you wanna sleep here tonight?" Jace offered.
"Can I?" she asked meekly. Even if she couldn't sleep, she didn't want to be alone with the demons in her head.
He nodded, opening his bedroom door to let her in. "If you think you can keep your hands off of me. If you can't, that's fine with me too," Jace replied with a devilish grin.
Clary blushed at his words, rolling her eyes as she walked into his bedroom. His bed sheets were slightly rumpled, the only thing out of place in his immaculate bedroom. She sat on the edge of his bed, suddenly feeling nervous. The only time she had slept beside him was the one night in Idris with their hands barely touching. Now that they were dating, things would definitely be different. She could feel her blush working its way up her neck, her skin feeling hot.
Whatever nervousness Clary felt, it seemed that Jace didn't. He tugged off his t-shirt, draping it over the back of the chair before pulling back his bed sheets. "Do you want something else to wear?" he offered. "A shirt or shorts?"
She nodded jerkily, forcing her eyes away from his bare chest. "Shorts would be good," Clary answered, her mouth feeling dry.
Jace nodded, grabbing a pair of basketball shorts from his drawer. "Relax, Clary," he whispered as he handed them to her, brushing his lips against hers. "You're safe here. We won't do anything you're not comfortable with."
The tension left her body under his tender kiss, her muscles relaxing. "I'm going to go change," she murmured, kissing him quickly before heading to the bathroom. The shorts came down to her knees, but she felt more comfortable than she had been in her yoga pants. She splashed some water on her face, taking a deep breath before re-doing her hair bun.
A small smile graced her lips as she opened the bathroom door, spotting Jace stretched out on the bed. As he looked up at her, a mischievous grin lit his face, his hand pulling back the sheets and patting the empty space beside him.
Clary forced herself to ignore the butterflies she felt, crossing the room and climbing into the bed beside him. As Jace pulled the sheets up to her shoulders, a soft sigh left her lips. Just being near Jace made her feel a little more relaxed, calming some deep part of her that even she didn't know how to soothe.
"Think you'll be able to sleep?" Jace questioned as he pulled her body close to his, tucking her head beneath his chin.
She wrapped her arm around his torso, her hand brushing down the warm skin of his back. She could feel the faint scars left by previous runes, her fingers tracing the patterns. "I don't know," she admitted quietly. "I've...I've been having a lot of nightmares. I don't even know if I want to sleep anymore. I can't keep seeing those images."
"We can't change whether you want to sleep or not, but you need to," he replied, his fingers carefully loosing her hair from its bun. He raked his fingers through her curls slowly, untangling the knots he found gently. "You're dead on your feet. You need rest to function and train."
"You think I don't know that Jace?" she retorted, her frustration making her tone sharp. She pulled away slightly, her green eyes locking onto his gold ones. "Do you think I want to constantly feel like I'm going to drop from exhaustion? I'm so tired some mornings I can barely drag myself out of bed. Forget about training. Do you think I like having my ass kicked around the room by you, Iz and Alec? I don't have the energy to keep up but I'm trying to, because I want this so bad."
"Clary," Jace said softly, reaching for her hands.
She jerked her hands away from his, backing away from him slightly. She could feel her hands trembling, clenching them into fists as she held them against her chest. "But I can't keep dealing with these nightmares, Jace. I can't, I'm not strong enough," Clary continued, her voice cracking. Once she began giving voice to her sleeping problems, she couldn't make herself stop, couldn't stop the words from tumbling from her lips, no matter how much she wanted to.
"I can't keep watching the people I love die over and over again. Mom, Luke, Simon, Izzy, Alec. I can't keep watching them die because it's my fault. God, Jace, I can't keep watching you die. I can't keep watching Valentine drive his sword through your chest. I can't watch your blood stain the sand by the lake, do you know how much blood there was? And I can't save you, I can never save you. Every night I scream and watch you die before me and every time I feel like there's a part of me that dies too. I feel like I'm gonna lose my goddamn mind watching it happen again and again. I've already lost you once; I can't anymore," she choked out, a sob stifling her words.
Clary didn't know when she had started crying, was unaware of how wet her cheeks had become, but now as her words stopped, her body was wracked by sobs that she couldn't stop. She felt Jace's arms wrap around her, pulling her tight against his body as he spoke to her quietly. She struggled futilely against the raging tide of her emotions; once she let her emotions out, she could do nothing but wait for her crying to stop. She didn't have the strength or willpower to fully contain it again; all she could do was rely on Jace's strength to keep her from drowning in her emotions.
After a few minutes as her sobs died down to soft whimpers and quiet tears, Clary could finally hear what Jace had been saying to her softly as he tried to soothe her. "It's alright, I won't leave you again," he chanted over and over, his fingers stroking her hair.
"I'm sorry," she croaked as she finally calmed down, her forehead pressed against his shoulder. Her hands slowly unclenched, her palms resting lightly against his chest. "I didn't mean to lose it like that."
Jace gently tilted her face up to his, his thumbs wiping the remaining moisture from beneath her eyes. His gold eyes were darkened with concern as he brushed his lips against her forehead lightly. "Don't be sorry," he murmured. "I should be the one apologizing; I should have noticed something was wrong."
Clary shook her head, leaning into his tender touch. "I shouldn't be having nightmares like this. I should be strong like the rest of you," she replied.
"Clary, none of us are dealing well with the things that happened," Jace answered quietly. "It's just hitting you harder than us. This isn't the world you were raised in. You were raised as a mundane; you don't expect these horrible things to happen. You need to give yourself time to adjust; you'll be alright."
"I just want to sleep, Jace," Clary whispered tiredly, her eyes closing. "I'm so tired; I just want to sleep."
Jace pulled her tight against his body, wrapping them in his blanket. "Then sleep, love. I'll watch after you; you're safe now." He tucked her head beneath his chin, his lips pressing a kiss against her hair.
Clary exhaled softly, her eyes closing as she rested her head against his chest. She could feel the relaxed beat of his heart beneath her palm, the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. The feel of Jace laying beside her felt comfortingly familiar; even though they had only spent one night together, she could feel in her heart how right it was to be with him. Jace had already saved her from demons so many times; maybe he could help her fight the ones that haunted her nights. Within minutes she could feel her exhaustion overtaking her, pulling her into unconsciousness as she lay safe in Jace's arms.