Johnny Bravo Meets Sonic and his pals
Johnny Bravo was sitting on his lavish living room couch downing grilled cheese sandwiches and drinking chocolate milk. His mama came into the room, stamping her feet.
"You were out past your curfew again!" said Johnny's mama.
"Now, look Mama I always come back at five am, you know that" replied Johnny earnestly.
"Johnny boy, I was dreadfully worried about you, you're supposed to come back before midnight" said Johnny's mom. Johnny's drink spewed forth from his mouth like water gushing out of a fountain.
"But Mama, don't be cruel! Midnight is when the fireworks start! I was eatin' hamburgers! We can't just go on with suspicious minds, Mama give me another chance!" said Johnny. Mama turned off Johnny's TV.
"Mama, I was watchin' the ball game. Mama, after that they're gonna show the Annual Miss Pretty Mama Pageant, Mama! This is the big time! I'm watchin' tv!" exclaimed Johnny.
"Not anymore, you're not!" said Johnny's mom. She continued. "You're going to be BANISHED, to the BASEMENT!" Mom grabbed Johnny's TV remote.
"Hold on there Mama, that's my remote, wha-what are you doin' with that there contraption?" asked Johnny. Mama beamed at Johnny with a wicked grin.
"I added another button. It activates a trap door, leading to our basement" said Johnny's mom.
"Ma-Mama I didn't even know we had a basement" said Johnny.
"I had one installed just for this purpose" replied Johnny's mom. Johnny's mom pressed the green button, sending Johnny down the floor, landing his fat butt smack dab in the middle of the basement.
"Oh man, now I'm gonna go down in history as one of those forty year old men in their mama's basement that stinks! HEY! There's a TV down here!" said Johnny. He saw a TV hooked up to the wall, complete with some DVD's and some old video games and respective consoles.
"Alright, Mama thinks she's so clever, but now I got me my own little man cave" thought Johnny. "And look at this, Sailor Moon DVD's, woah, MAMA!"
Hours later...of let's just say Johnny stuff...
Johnny was asleep, with five large cases of beer next to him. He finally woke up, not remembering any of what had happened.
"Woah, where am I? Looks like I'm in a basement or something. I didn't even know I had one. Have I crossed over into the Zone Where Normal Things Don't Happen Very Often? OH man, Mama must have sent me here to die...forever. It's like that Poe story, The Cask of Mamatillado! Mama's tryin' to kill me!" said Johnny. Johnny started pounding on the walls with his fists.
"Mama, let me out of here. I'm your only begotten son, your only truthful life, Mama set me free please. How am I gonna break free from these chains?" yelled Johnny. Johnny suddenly realized he wasn't chained to the wall, then breathed a sigh of relief.
"Woah, Mama, that sure is good to know I'm a free man. Thank the sweet Lord above I'm still alive, woo. I'll text Carl, he'll help me get out of here" said Johnny. So Johnny texted his friend Carl.
Later...
Carl drove into Johnny's driveway, then proceeded to knock on the door of Johnny's house. Johnny's mom answered the door, accordingly.
"Hello Carl. Johnny is being punished" said Johnny's mom. Carl looked puzzled.
"He's a grown man. Ain't he a bit old for that?" asked Carl.
"He stayed out past his curfew. I don't really need people out there thinking Elvis is still alive! You wouldn't believe how much trouble that causes!" explained Johnny's mom.
"Um, okay!" replied Carl, adjusting his glasses.
"DO NOT...LET HIM OUT OF THE BASEMENT...you can visit him though" said Johnny's mom. Carl nodded. As soon as Carl set foot in the kitchen, Mama activated the trap door and sent Carl into the basement, laughing wickedly.
Later...
Johnny told Carl his situation. Then Carl explained why Johnny was in said situation.
"Mama needs to realize that guys just wanna have fun, huh?" said Carl.
"Yeah. Say, Carl, you've been working on some quantum teleporter gizmo haven't you?" asked Johnny.
"Yes, Johnny as a matter of fact I have. It could probably get you out of this basement, but your mom would send a search squad after ya" said Carl.
"Yeah, that's a shame. A darn shame. Would be nice if that device of yours could send me into another dimension. Just for a day, you know? To get away from it all. A dimension full of hot babes" said Johnny. Carl smirked deviously.
"You know Johnny, that might be possible. All I need is to re-align this flux capacitor with the portable warp booth..and..YES! It's perfected!" said Carl. Carl realized he was late for his sci-fi nerd convention.
"I'm late Johnny, I gotta go, sorry!" said Carl, carelessly leaving his dimensional travel accelerator on the floor.
"Woah, Mama, the fun that I could have with this piece of rubbish" said Johnny. Just then Mama came down with Little Suzy.
"Little Suzy wants you to set up the Sega for her" said Mama.
"OH, MAN, no way am I gonna do that. I got somethin' way cooler than a Sega...oops my bad" said Johnny hiding the incredible tesla-esque device behind his back. Mama left Little Suzy and went back upstairs. Little Suzy begged Johnny to set up the Sega over and over. So finally, he agreed.
"Here ya go!" said Johnny, plugging in the last few cords. "Now all it needs is one of those lil game thingies, Sonic the Hotdog"
"It's Sonic the Hedgehog" said Suzy, correcting Johnny.
"Whatever" said Johnny, feeding the Sonic cartridge to the Sega machine. He turned on the machine. Nothing came on.
"It just needs some good ol' fashioned Bravo sweet talk. Hey lil Sega, you're gonna start up for sexy Johnneh B, right?" said Johnny, using his rapid unnatural arm movements to attempt to win over the Sega's heart to no avail. Finally, after two whole hours of this, Johnny realized that one of the key components, one of the crucial wires had not been plugged in. He couldn't find a wall outlet. So he plugged it into Carl's machine, foolishly. Suddenly Johnny saw a flash of white light. The Sega came on, and Little Suzy played Sonic, not even paying mind to the fate of Johnny Bravo. Johnny's particles disassembled, and he was warped out of the basement into another dimension!
ON PLANET MOBIUS:
Sonic was sitting under a tree eating chili dogs. He looked up in the sky, as he saw a large figure looming forward.
"What's this gonna be? One of Robotnik's traps?" Sonic wondered. But as he got a closer look with his binoculars, he realized it was a tall overweight blonde man wearing sunglasses. Johnny landed right smack dab on the ground of Planet Mobius, sending Sonic's picnic supplies sky high. Tons upon tons of chili dog making materials landed on Johnny's head. Johnny licked the chili off his cheeks, smiling.
"Woah, mama! Tasty!" said Johnny. "That ain't nuttin' but a chili dog! Yum!" he added.
"Um, hi, I'm Sonic. Who are you?" asked Sonic.
"My name is Johnny. Johnny Bravo, Johnny B, oh yeah, that's me" said Johnny in a boastful prideful tone.
"Nice to meet you. We don't have too many problems here, except for Robutnik's swat butts chasing us sometimes" said Sonic.
"You folks have problems with butts chasing you?" asked Johnny, confused.
"No, robots. Heh!" laughed Sonic.
"You ain't nothin' but a hedgehog, runnin' all the time you ain't never caught no robots!" sang Johnny.
"You like my chili dogs?" asked Sonic.
"Like em? I love em. Mind telling me where I am and why you ain't nuttin' but a hedgehog that likes chili dogs instead of an attractive supermodel in a bikini?"
"You're on Planet Mobius. Um, where do you come from?" asked Sonic.
"I-I come from Planet Earth. I got stranded here after some kind of accident with a dimensional travel gizmo" said Johnny.
"That can happen. There must be a corresponding Chaos Emerald that was powering that device enabling you to come here" said Sonic.
"I-I-I know about chaos and emeralds boy but what in the name of Sweet Mama almighty is a chaos emerald?" asked Johnny. Sonic laughed.
"A chaos emerald is simply an emerald that powers interdimensional travel devices. Every dimension has one hidden somewhere. That's what connects the dimensions and enables travel between them. Think of it like a railway system powered by rocks. If you can find the right corresponding chaos emerald, you should be able to return home" said Sonic. Johnny saw Rouge the beautiful bat-girl flying overhead towards a mountain.
"I see, that makes sense, sorta!" said Johnny. "Cept, I might not wanna go home!"
"Why is that?" asked Sonic.
"Who's that pretty buxom bat mama? Will she go out with me?" asked Johnny.
"I don't think you can trust her" said Sonic. Johnny paid no mind to Sonic and began running through the fields, calling out to Rouge, and flapping his arms like an insane chicken. Eventually, he hit his head against a tree, and fell to the ground, finally catching Rouge's attention. Rouge was quite perplexed indeed. She scoped out Johnny's location and swooped down to take a look. She rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her slender hips.
"Just what are you doing?" asked Rouge. "I'm busy," she added. Johnny wiped the stars away from his eyes, and woke up out of his trauma induced trance. Rouge put her hands in Johnny's hair, rubbing his scalp to help him recover.
"You alright, big fella? Need Rougie to give you some nice hot tea or anything?" asked Rouge.
"My name is Johnny Bravo, miss and...I-I couldn't help but notice you, and you couldn't help but notice me. Let's notice each other some more" said Johnny.
"Let's...not! I hope you feel better, but I'm..busy!" said Rouge walking away. Johnny pulled on her leg, not letting her leave.
"No, wait, will you go out with me?" asked Johnny. Rouge turned her head and looked into Johnny's eyes with sympathy and pity. But mostly pity.
"You really need to learn how to talk to a lady don't you hun?" said Rouge.
"If you teach me how, and then I say the right things, will you like me?" asked Johnny. Rouge laughed, then thought to herself that perhaps Johnny's stupidity and gullibility could come in handy to aid her mischevious plans as a jewel thief.
"Tell you what, big boy, if you get me a chaos emerald, I'll give you a reward you'll never forget!" said Rouge, winking at Johnny.
"W-oah MAMA, what do I need to do?" asked Johnny.
"You bring me a chaos emerald. I already told you. Can you read a map?" asked Rouge, handing Johnny a map.
"Um, yeah, sure lil mama I can read a map. Says here I have to go to the Floating Island" said Johnny.
"That could be a problem, you're just a wingless human and I'm a superior beautiful bat! Here, I'll take you there" said Rouge, lifting up Johnny.
"You could do me another favor though! I have a slight problem!" said Rouge.
"What's that, pretty mama? No problems here, this feels good!" said Johnny.
"Lose some weight! So it's easier to carry you" replied Rouge. Rouge carried Johnny all the way to the Floating Island, and deposited him there with a sheet of very simple instructions.
"Don't mingle with the natives, if you have to fight anyone off, just use your brute strength, don't let anyone turn you into a robot, be wary of the Sonic Underground, and Johnny? Come back to Mama Rouge in one piece" said Rouge, kissing Johnny on the cheek. Johnny blushed, then set about his merry ways. He eventually encountered Knuckles the Echidna, guarding the Master Emerald.
JOHNNY VS THE RED TERROR...no puns intended whatsoever.
"Listen you big red bully, my name is Johnny Bravo and you'd better give me that glowing diamond of chaos or else I'll tear you limb from limb" said Johnny.
"First of all, it's an emerald, and secondly, NO ONE COMES TO MY FLOATING ISLAND BUT ME!" said Knuckles. Knuckles began burrowing into the ground, sending tons upon tons of dirt onto Johnny, blinding his eyes with mud. Then Knuckles punched Johnny in the face, sending him smack dab against a tree. Then Johnny got up, ate one of Sonic's chili dogs, and doubled up his fists. He punched Knuckles, then kicked him in the groin, and stole his gloves. Then Johnny began digging and found a smaller gem, similar to a chaos emerald but different. He placed it on Knuckle's head, pulled out a hammer, and wacked it, making Knuckles unconscious. Johnny found a strange device buried in the ground next to where the small gem was. It looked similar to Mama's tv remote. On it was attached a small post it note that read:
Robotnik's Portable Roboticizer, Never to be used again, stolen from Robotnik AKA Dr. Eggman in the year 1998:
Johnny was curious if it still worked. He pointed it at Knuckles, bringing him back to life, turning Knuckles into a robot.
"You will obey me, Johnny the B! It's as easy as pie, just repeat after me!" said Johnny Bravo.
"I will obey you Johnny the B! It's as easy as pie, just repeat after me" replied Knuckles. Johnny foolishly repeated.
"I will obey you Johnny the B! It's as easy as pie, just repeat after me" said Johnny. Knuckles was now convinced that he was in fact the real Johnny Bravo.
"You must obey me. I am Johnny Bravo!" said Robot Knuckles.
"Oh, okay!" said Johnny.
"Get me an iced tea!" said Robot Knuckles. So Johnny fetched Robot Knuckles an iced tea.
"That's better. I feel good" said Robot Knuckles.
"Hey wait a minute, you're the servant, I'm the master" said Johnny. Johnny reprogrammed the Knuckles bot to obey him, and together they lifted up the Master Emerald.
All the natives were in shock, and the Sonic Underground sprang from under the surface of the island to defend the Emerald.
SONIC, MANIC, AND SONIA! THE TRIUMPHANT SONIC TRIO!
"Hey, you can't just take that emerald! We're sworn to protect it from any evil" said Sonic.
"I bet he's working for Robotnik" said Sonia, Sonic's sister. Johnny was very confused.
"Hand it over!" said Sonic.
"Woah woah little munchkins, I-I didn't mean to cause any harm. And didn't I see you before? Or are there two of you?" asked Johnny.
"I'm one of Sonic's ancestors. But I have his same name" explained Sonic.
"Oh, I see" said Johnny.
"We're on a quest to look for our mother!" said Manic.
"Yer lookin' for yer mama? Who are you three?" asked Johnny.
"We're the Sonic Underground. If you prove yer cool and let us have the emerald back, we'll let you join!" said Sonic.
"I don't wanna join no sonic underground. It might hurt my chances of becoming president, and besides, my girlfriend needs this emerald!" said Johnny. Johnny ran for his life, but the Sonic Underground followed in hot pursuit, along with Robot Knuckles. Johnny took a leap off of the floating island, and landed right on the ground, the master emerald shattering into a million pieces. Johnny started crying.
"Oh no, now Rouge will never get my gift!" said Johnny. Suddenly, a chaos explosion happened as a result of the emerald shattering and Johnny ended up in yet another strange dimension.
Johnny found himself in a strange Atlantean looking city. He saw a sign that read "The City of the All Powerful Great Wishing Waterfall"
Johnny got down on his knees in front of the Waterfall, and wished. He read that he would get two wishes.
"I wish the Master Emerald had never shattered, and I wish I had given it to Rouge the Bat and that I was back on Mobius!" said Johnny. Johnny was instantly transported to Mobius, where he greeted Rouge with the Master Emerald.
"Way to go, Johnny. Now I can give it to Eggman! Mwahahaha!" said Rouge.
"Who?" asked Johnny.
"Never mind that," said Rouge, putting her arms around Johnny. "You're gonna get to come to my place to have a little fun!"
"Oh, MAMA!" thought Johnny. Rouge carried Johnny to her place. But when they got there, it was nightfall.
"Are we gonna sleep together?" asked Johnny.
"Yeah, that's your reward, handsome!" replied Rouge. But much to Johnny's amazement, he saw that Rouge's home was a cave. And she was sleeping upside-down on the ceiling. And expected Johnny to do the same. So Johnny tried it. And found himself falling headfirst into a stalagmite. He made his second wish, that he would be back at home watching TV with his mama, and that he had never disobeyed his curfew. However, he was tempted to return to Sonic's dimension someday for the hell of it. Those were good chili dogs.
We leave you with a song, parody of You Ain't Nothing but a Hound dog by Elvis Presley:
You ain't nothin' but a hedgehog, running all the time
You ain't never caught no robots, and you ain't no friend of mine.
They said you were real fast, well that was just a lie
You ain't nothin' but a hedgehog, you ain't no friend of mine.
The End...for now