Long time no see!
After being off the grid for over a year, I decided to actually write something. I've deleted most of my fics and changed my username. So now I'm unrecognizable !
This came to me a couple of days ago, so I'm not sure if it's already been done. I've been out of the fandom for quite a bit now. Aghhh someone help, I'm floating away from orbit !
What kind of AU is this? Not really sure... I'll think of a name for it
I should also mention this is going to be mainly a Craig/Kenny and Kyle/Cartman. For the main theme anyway, but there will be a bit on the side too. I suppose you can still read past that (unless you really cant stand either pairing. But everyone loves a bit of crenny, right guys ;);) )
If you're desperate for a quick smut fix (trust me, I'm the same sometim- all the time), I suggest you read a oneshot to quench your thirst. Otherwise, buckle up guys. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Without further ado, hope you readers enjoy this (If it'll get any. Are there as many people in the fandom as before?) !
Chapter One - Welcome To The Forum! Welcome to The ASS! - The Anonymous Social Site, the site where you can converse with anonymous users while keeping your identity unknown! Please enter your username and password..
USERNAME: Butters!
"Dude, the whole point of the site is to keep your identity hidden, retard. Because, you know, that's what anonymous means."
"Then how come you were watching him type his username in then, fatass?"
"Because I knew he wouldn't use an unidentifiable name to go by, Jew!"
Stan shook his head as his two friends (if you could still count Cartman as a friend) continued to bicker. These fights had always been a regular thing, but in recent months it felt more like a daily routine. Stan and Kenny were normally the two stuck in the middle of it all. Sometimes they'd sit together and rock their heads back and forth between the two insulting one another. Other times they'd sigh and walk away from the scene all together and wait for a phone call or text asking where they both had fucked off too. But on the rare occasion, where it got a bit too heated, Stan would have the responsibility of pulling Kyle off of Cartman and Kenny would have the responsibility of pulling Cartman off of Kyle. Although these occasions weren't becoming a rarity anymore.
The first bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. Stan walked with Butters, because he really couldn't be dealing with Kyle and Cartman's bitching right now.
"Just think of the first two things that come to your head and merge them together." Stan suggested, shrugging his backpack over his shoulder.
Butters glanced at Stan then back at his phone. "First two things that come to my head?" The blonde repeated. Through the corridors of the school, he panned his focus through the different surroundings whilst he and Stan made their way to their next class. He really couldn't think of anything apart from his blue jumper.
Blue? Butters thought. That's it, blue! Okay! Blue.. blue.. blue sticky note? He shook his head and tore his eyes away from the notice board. Blue.. Hmm.. Blue locker? He shook his head again. No, that was no good either. So much for sticking together the first two things that came to his head. The school bell rang again, signalling a second warning for pupils to get to class.
School bell. Bell. Bluebell. Bluebell! Butters inwardly cheered as the name danced through his mind. Perfect!
USERNAME: Bluebell!
Error. Name already in use. Why not choose one of the following?
-Bluebell!abc
-Bluebell!69
-Bluebell!235052023
-Bluebell!pfkgcn
Dammit. Butters frowned as he turned into his next classroom, unintentionally ignoring Stan's wave goodbye. The blonde was currently preoccupied by this life changing decision. I'll never remember those two bottom ones! It was a toss up between Bluebell!abc and Bluebell!69. Well.. I suppose sixty nine kind of has a ring to it. He concluded as he clicked on the second option, unaware of the innuendo the name had behind it.
USERNAME: Bluebell!69
PASSWORD: XXXXXX
Account confirmed! You're now one of us! Welcome to the forum.
Butters grinned at the acceptance of his new form of identity. An exciting feeling brewing in his stomach, the Butters began to explore the app. There were several options in the settings menu which included:
1) Choice of chat colour
2) A virtual icon that he yet needed to create
3) A motto.
One of us. The blonde already felt really apart of something and he hadn't even started using the site properly yet. Oo an avatar! Creating a virtual me is going to be so darn fun!
But Cartman's previous words echoed through his mind. "Because I knew he wouldn't use an unidentifiable name to go by, Jew!" Ah, yes. Butters had forgotten that this was an anonymous site. If he was going to be able to talk however he wanted to, he wouldn't want anyone finding out about it. Especially his parents..
I have to be completely unknown! Impossibly unknown! I must be the most unknown unknowner that has ever come across this unknown site! He frantically thought as he instantly went for the female avatar look. A hat! I never wear hats! Purple clothing! Haha, they'll never suspect a thing! He laughed out loud, laughing as if he had created some evil genius plan. Too focused on his handheld device, he hadn't acknowledged his math teacher's question.
"Something funny, Mr Stotch?"
Irritated that Butters wasn't was preoccupied by his phone, the teacher marched towards the pupil's desk and held out a hand. "Come on, Butters. You know you're not allowed phones in class. You can have it back at the end."
The blonde flinched at the shadow appearing over the screen of his phone and quickly clicked the home button, fearing that someone had just seen his username. He looked up and that's when he realized it was only his math teacher.. and.. oh yes. Math. He was in class. Muttering his apology, Butters handed over his phone, ashamed for going against the school rules.
At home, Kenny McCormick was lying down with his legs dangling over the arm of the couch and his dented phone in his hands. He decided that after getting pummeled to death by a truck at 4AM in the morning, going to school several hours later wasn't worth it. Why be rushing to make it on time for the school bell (after sleeping through your alarm clock six times) when you could be lying in bed for that extra three or four hours instead? Kenny used the same excuse of "But I have a really weak immune system, being poor as fuck and all." whenever it came to attendance lectures from his tutors at school.
He had been bored ever since he woke up however. Even after the long lie in, it wasn't always worth staying at home and missing all that darn homework.
Actually, scratch that, it totally was.
Predicting the lack of users online at this time, he logged on anyway.
USERNAME: Zero
PASSWORD: XXXXXX
Zero has entered chat room Spawn.
Zero: Yo look who it is
Zero: It's zeeerrrooo!
Zero: ...
Zero: Is no-one online?
Zero: :(
Kenny sighed, gently blowing away the thick strand of hair that was currently in his view. People are boring. He thought, but decided to wait for a reply anyway. Someone would soon find him in amongst the chat rooms.
Meanwhile, Craig pulled out his phone during an informal experiment that was currently taking place in his science class. He loved space and that, but science sucked ass. When were they going to learn about the names of planets and shit? He didn't want to know how the screaming jelly baby takes its effect. This was freshman stuff!
His teacher was too focused on the handful of genuinely interested pupils that had crowded her desk to watch the experiment, which meant it was a perfect time for Craig to pull out his phone and not give a fuck about anything that was happening around him.
USERNAME: 4nicate
PASSWORD: XXXXXXX
4nicate has joined chat room Spawn.
Zero: ...
Zero: Is no-one online?
Zero: :(
4nicate: Don't cry. I am here.
Kenny tore his eyes away from the TV screen to look at the new message. "Oh finally." He muttered through a mouthful of dried and slightly stale bread.
Zero: I am saved ! For a minute there I thought I was going to die of boredom
4nicate: Lol, tell me about it.
Zero: So hows the space thing going ? I heard NASA offered u a place at being a space cadet. That tru? ;)
4nicate: Haha. I wish.
Zero: Don't worry, if u aint got it in you to do so, I could always visit Uranus for u instead ;D
4nicate: Funny. My anus and me are fine where we are thank you.
Zero: And where's that then?
Stan gradually reduced the pace of his jogging speed until he eventually came to a complete stop. Panting with his hands on his knees, he concluded that there was no way he was doing anymore. Five laps was enough. Normally he would have been able to complete the whole 10 lap circuit with no problems at all. But that was when he had Kenny by his side and the bastard had only gone and pulled a sickie so he had no-one to motivate and push him to carry on. Kenny had that good motivational character about himself that Stan really needed in his ears during elite fitness class. The blonde wasn't the best at sports and didn't have a particular heavy interest in it, but he was one hell of a good runner. Cross country was his speciality, so when it came to endurance competitions, Kenny was the man to compete. Between the four, Kyle was probably the fastest, Stan the strongest, Kenny had the best stamina and Cartman was the most tactical. During normal P.E classes, the four worked quite well together.
"You stopping?" Token asked, briefly slowing down as he passed Stan.
"Yeah, fuck it. I'm sitting this one out. Cover for me?"
Behind him, Clyde had caught up and stopped immediately when he noticed Stan walking towards a group of nearby trees that covered the outer land of the school field.
"We're stopping? What a great idea!" Clyde began to follow Stan, but Token stopped the brunette in his tracks by grabbing a hold of his shoulder.
"He's stopping. We're finishing." Token demanded before dragging his sulky friend away to continue their circuit.
After catching his breath, Stan dropped himself onto the grass and rested against one of the thicker tree trunks, completely out of site from everyone. He pocketed the phone from his dark blue shorts and opened up the app.
USERNAME: StaticMan
PASSWORD: XXXX
StaticMan has joined chat room Spawn.
4nicate. Funny. My anus and me are fine where we are thank you.
Zero: And where's that then?
StaticMan: I just logged on and all I saw was the word anus
StaticMan: Something you're not telling us 4cate ?
StaticMan: Is this a new job prospect on the horizon ?
StaticMan: ?
4nicate: Nope.
Zero: Hahahaha
Zero: He don't like to discuss clientele info with those who aren't willing to pay Static
Zero: Aint that right 4cate
4nicate: Totally.
Zero: See
4nicate: Soz Static, I'm a professional.
StaticMan: Who says I'm not willing to pay?
Zero: Ur wages, that's who
Stan scoffed down at the reply. Zero was a funny user - a pleasant one. Maybe someone he'd like to be friends with in the real world some day. Little did he know, that user was one of his best friends.
It all happened rather quick.. and rather predictable, in fact. Cartman had corrected Kyle's mistake on question five, which was absolutely fine.
Well, fine if it hadn't involved the word "Kike". Kyle, a perfectly reasonable temper brewing within his system, had told Cartman to "Fuck off and mind your own dam business, fatass!". Taking an offense to the redhead's tone of voice and totally disrespectful attitude, Cartman had insulted him again, only this time, he may have mentioned a thing or two about how Jews were no good. A few seconds later, Kyle had punched the brunette in the arm and got an exercise book thrown at him in return. Their math teacher thought the book being thrown was crossing the line and dismissed Cartman from the class.
"Fuckin' Jew." The brunette huffed as he grabbed his bag and left without picking up the rest of his things. Well, his things consisted of a pencil and exercise book. But considering that book was now lying half open next to Kyle's feet, he rejected the option of going to retrieve. Wasn't like it was much use to him anyway.
He trudged out of the school building and decided he was going home. He wasn't up for creating some bullshit excuse to his history teacher on why he hadn't completed that stupid assignment yet. He had more important things to do in his last period.
Cartman shoved his hand into the pocket of his jeans and retrieved his phone. Let's see which assholes are online today. He wondered, scrolling through his phone and clicking the ASS app.
USERNAME: Infinity33
PASSWORD: XXXXXXXXX
True, Cartman could have come up with a more suitable name. Something like, Iwillkillyourfamilytwice, or ASSHOLE101, or Screwyou!, or CartmanCorporations, or NotFATbutHUNKYaf, or even FuckyouKahl. But then everyone would know it was him. He didn't want to go with something too soft either. Something too.. Butters like. So instead, he went for something very unCartmanly like and chose a template. No-one knew it was him and that was the whole point of it. He had his suspicions on who some of the users on the site were, but it was too hard to tell. Everyone was too secretive about their true identity.
Infinity33 has joined chat room Spawn.
4nicate: Soz, I'm a professional.
StaticMan: Who says I'm not willing to pay?
Zero: Ur wages, that's who
Infinity33: Wassup noobs
StaticMan: Lmao shutup Z
StaticMan: Hey finity
4nicate: Welcome.
Zero: Finty go away ur disturbing this 3 some we got goin on here
StaticMan: LOL, yeah wtf is your problem finity
Infinity33: A 3 way huh? who's the host
Zero: 4cate
Infinity33: Noice
4nicate: Oh, would you look at the time. I must go, I have a plane filled with a bunch of fucks I don't need to catch.
StaticMan: Lol
Zero: 4cate, u don't need a plane filled with a load of fucks coz I'm standing right here bby
Infinity33: Z i dont think 4cate wants to catch any form of disease from u
4nicate: Say no more.
Zero: The only thing he'll be catching are these balls in his mouth
Infinity33: Smoooth
Kyle, now being able to actually focus on his work, managed to complete the list of questions provided by the teacher and checked through them. He probably made some mistakes on the way, but he really didn't care. Cartman had pissed him off and that was enough to allow himself to slack off just a little bit. He leant back in his chair and from his orange jacket, he pulled out his cell phone from the outer pocket and made sure to keep the device hidden underneath his thigh.
USERNAME: brainwaves
PASSWORD: XXXXXXX
brainwaves has joined chat room Spawn.
4nicate: Say no more.
Zero: The only thing he'll be catching are these balls in his mouth
Infinity33: Smoooth
Ah, the regulars. These four were normally in the same chat room along with several others. There were rarely any arguments amongst the users, though there was the odd troll or party pooper now and again. As there was no administrator to control who and what goes on, the only thing users could do to resolve an issue was simply join another chat room or result to talking privately to individuals. Kyle had an on going private chat with the user Infinity33 that'd been going on for months now. They had a lot in common and spoke, not everyday, but it was nearing that way. Kyle also thought Infinity33 would be someone he'd like to be friends with in the real world some day.
brainwaves: Uhh.. did I miss something?
StaticMan: You just missed a live stream of Zero confessing his love
4nicate: I wouldn't really call that confessing.
Infinity33: I would tbh
brainwaves: Lmao, why do I always miss the good stuff?!
Zero: I'll do it again if u'd like
Zero: Listen up everyone, zero is about to get romantic with y'all
4nicate: Is this the part where I throw up?
Infinity33: Lets hear it zero
StaticMan: Yeah don't hold back Z
Kenny was already in the middle of typing a reply.
Zero: I'll start with Static
Zero: I've known u since this app landed so there's only one thing I can rly say
StaticMan: And what's that ?
Zero: Balls deep
brainwaves: LOL
StaticMan: Wow you really weren't lying when you said this was going to be romantic
Zero: Next is 4cate
4nicate: I'm ready and fully prepared
4nicate: For my funeral.
Zero: Ur user name says it all really
Zero: Hit me up, coz I'll fornicate with u anytime
4nicate: Get in line then
Zero: With me, u wont need a line ;) ;)
Infinity33: Zero you should change your username to PIMP
Zero: I tried
Zero: Was already taken:(
brainwaves: Hahaha
StaticMan: Lmaaao. Who's next then Romeo?
Zero: Woa so I've gone from pimp to romeo in a matter of seconds?
4nicate: Now it's trash can
Infinity33: LOL savage
Zero: Ok ok, next is finity
Infinity33: Hang on let me get the lube 1 sec
StaticMan: Siiiiick
brainwaves: Lmao !
Zero: Finity. Boy o finity where do I begin
Kenny pumped his thumbs across the screen with a smug grin forming his lips. He enjoyed having banter with these guys. Assuming they were all male. He actually had no idea. None of them did. By the way these four spoke online, Kenny could sense they were male. But he was never the one for jumping to conclusions. It wasn't like it mattered what their gender was. Or even how they really looked. It shouldn't have mattered and it didn't. However, every user secretly wanted to know what the other looked like.
Curiosity does a lot to the mind when knowledge is limited.
You are like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Oh the things I would do to you. Firstly, I would drop to my knees and beg for you to treat me like your pet. But of course, this is the virtual world so foreplay don't exist. Soz to disappoint. Let's just get right to the fucking then, shall we? Which position you ask? Ever heard of the cheese toasty position? Well it goes a little something like this.. To create a cheese toasty you need the cheese. Grated cheese. You know what sort of rhymes with grating? Grinding. Grinding my ass against your thick, juicy, irresistible, cyber~
"KENNY, GET YER SKINNY ASS IN 'ERE RIGHT NOW!"
Kenny jolted, almost dropping his phone on his face. "Fuck sake, dad." He muttered and stood up. He selected the whole paragraph and deleted it within a second. He typed a quick reply.
Zero: Sorry guys, gotta go
Zero has left chat room Spawn.
StaticMan: Hahaha
brainwaves: Gutted Finity
Infinity33: I am generally upset
4nicate: Looks like you'll have to get your porn from somewhere else rofl.
Infinity33: It's sadly looking that way
"Craig, could you please join the rest of your class mates?"
The raven looked up from his lap and stared blankly at the teacher. The rest of his class were now huddled around a rectangular table on the other side of the room. Where was he again? Oh yes, in school. Oh yes, in class. Oh yes, in science. Oh yes, kill me now. "Huh?"
"If you're not willing to participate in the experiment then there is really no point in you being here."
You're right. Craig thought. But I don't want to get a fucking disciplinary again and my grades are slipping. "Sorry." He mumbled before typing out a quick reply.
4nicate: Duty calls for me too. Catch you guys later.
4nicate has left chat room Spawn.
Infinity33: Duty calls? more like booty calls
StaticMan: Lmao you wish
brainwaves: Hey, did you guys hear about the convenience store that almost got robbed by a couple of high schoolers last night?
Cartman froze. He did hear about that. In fact, he was involved in that incident. Well, a little more than involved. He was there at the eye of the storm. Who the hell found out it was a couple of high schoolers? He had to play dumb.
Infinity33: No? What store?
brainwaves: The one near those old apartment buildings
brainwaves: There's a small convenience store that's owned by some old guy. They attempted to raid it but failed and no-one knows why
brainwaves: Was just wondering if anyone knew why
StaticMan: I think I know the place. My aunt lives in one of those apartment buildings
Stan was lying. He had never been to the place in his life. Well, apart from last night. It was too far away from the main district of South Park so the boys never went there. But those in the chat didn't need to know that.
Infinity33: I wonder why it didn't succeed
brainwaves: Not sure
brainwaves: Maybe the cops got there before they could take anything
StaticMan: Yeah
StaticMan: Or maybe they chickened out
Infinity33: Which high school did they come from?
Cartman glared at the screen. Who the hell found out about that anyway? Was brainwaves Kenny? He had a habit of running his mouth to his friends about shit. And Kenny was still fairly angry over last night.. Cartman took himself back to last night's events..
/Flashback/
"Dude, I swear to God, if we get caught-"
"We're not gonna get caught! Jeez, Kahl, you really need to start scooping that sand out of your vagin~"
"STOP SAYING I HAVE SAND IN MY VAGINA, CARTMAN!"
"Will you both shut the fuck up?" Stan snapped as he pulled into the side of a back alley road. "Is this the place, Ken?"
All four of them turned their heads to the right and saw what appeared to be an incredibly dark alleyway - the only light source emitting from a dim street lamp. This wasn't the nicer part of town. This was the shitty part of town.
"Yup!" He beamed and exited the car. "Stick to the plan guys. All I wanna do is get the money back to my dad."
"Isn't this technically a robbery?" Kyle hopped out of the vehicle, the idea suddenly making him feel uncomfortable.
"It's not stealing if you're taking back what was yours to begin with." Cartman replied, also stepping out of the vehicle, leaving Stan as the getaway driver.
"Right." Kenny agreed, "What he said." He swung the only weapon they brought with them - his brother's baseball bat - over his shoulder.
This wasn't Kenny's problem and he really didn't want to take part in what he was about to do. But his dad gave him no choice in the matter. It was either help get the money from the unpaid drug debtor, who's dad owned the store, or get kicked out of the house along with his sister. He wasn't about to let Karen become homeless over something so stupid.
"Masks on boys." The blonde indicated and pulled down a black balaclava over his head. The others did the same, including Stan. Kenny didn't want to risk any of his friends getting caught.
It should have been an easy job. Exploit the owner's son for being a methadone addict, threaten them, get the money and go. The small store had no CCTV. It was a privately owned business that stabilized just enough income to support the family. But somewhere along the way, Kyle and Cartman decided that it was the perfect time to have a dispute.
"Okay, nobody fucking move!" Kenny called out as the three clumsily barged through the back entrance of the shop. Neither of them knew what to expect, but it did look a little stupid when the only person in the shop was a 15 year old looking black kid standing behind the counter. The blonde blinked at him, feeling as though the baseball bat was slowly turning into an inflatable. The boy stared back at the other three, completely unfazed by the fact that this was supposed to be a burglary.
"..Dude, I thought your dad said this was owned by a Hispanic and his methy son?" Kenny felt Cartman's voice echo through his left ear.
"He did. Look, leave it to me." The blonde whispered back before taking a step closer to the clerk.
He cleared his throat and hoped for the best, "So, uh.. are you the guy that owes me money?"
Cartman scoffed "Well he's not gonna fucking say yes, is he?"
Kenny shook his head and huffed in annoyance. Cartman was supposed to be the muscle. So far he was being a pain in the ass. He ignored the comment made by his unhelpful friend. "Look, I don't care about your little sob story, okay? If you don't give me my fucking money, I'll.. I'll break your fucking legs off."
"Wow, that's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Kyle spoke, the compassion really showing in his voice. He received a harsh look from Kenny and a scoff from Cartman.
"You're such a fucking idiot."
"Hey, shut the fuck up, fatass."
"Well stop being so fucking soft then! 'That's a bit harsh'" He mocked, "Do you even know where we are and what we're doing?"
"Yeah, but we're not a gang of god dam mobsters, Cartman!"
"What do you suggest we do? Walk in with bunnies on the leash, ice cream cones on our heads and threaten him with water pistols?! This isn't Butters' wet dream, Kahl!"
"Fuck you-"
"Guys!" Kenny hissed, more pissed off at the pair than they were at each other. "Stop arguing, for fuck sake!"
"Well he started it!" Kyle exclaimed, pointing to the masked brunette.
"What do you mean, I started it?!" Cartman snapped, pointing to himself as he took a step closer to Kyle. "You're the one being a fucking Jew about everything!" He argued, gesturing an index finger at Kyle.
"Stop belittling my people!"
"I'm not! I'm belittling you!"
"Well stop!"
"I'll stop when you stop giving me a reason to!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kenny blew. He had enough. This was, by no means, sticking to the plan. His friends had just pissed him off. The only time Kenny needed them to do something and they couldn't even handle a simple task. Well.. simple enough.
Both Kyle and Cartman paused their argument for a moment and tore their death stares away to look at their irritated friend. Why was Kenny so angry for? According to Kyle and Cartman, this was perfectly normal. The blonde didn't regularly get angry at his friends, so whenever he lost his temper, it was usually important. The pair decided to comply for once and keep quiet until Kenny had breached the deal.
"Sorry 'bout that," The blonde apologized, gritting his teeth and turning back around to face the stoic clerk. What was wrong with this kid? This was a heist. Sort of. He should be startled! Angry! Shocked! Scared, the least. "Um.. where were we?"
The kid blinked and refused to respond for a good 10 seconds. He eventually replied in a very calm (too calm for Kenny's growing anxiety) manor. "Uh.. I think you got the wrong place. I heard you say somethin' about this being owned by a Hispanic and his son? Ain't no Hispanic ownership here. Shop's owned by Mr Chewstone."
Kenny frowned. What this a trick? "Mr who?"
"Mr Chewstone." The boy repeated. "Old fella. In his sixties. He a good guy, man. I wouldn't have him down as a meth addict though. He has no debts. Shit, not that I know of anyway."
Kenny paused. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Did the guy move? Did he sell up and fuck off out of town like the others usually did when they owed Stuart money? It was obvious by the response that this wasn't the right guy. The only alternative option was to take down this place instead.
It was an idea..
No. Kenny thought. He knew his parents needed the money to pay off their own debts, but he wasn't about to ruin an old man's life. To an innocent boy who only worked here. Fuck it, he'd just have to earn the money some place else.
But the boy continued, "But I think the place you're looking for is the convenience store round the block from here. Think the guy that owns it goes by the name of Carlos or Cristobal or something like that. I go in there sometimes for a coke slurpee. To be honest, the place's a bit run down and-"
Kenny zoned out after the first sentence. Round the block from here.. God dammit, we're at the wrong fucking place! Stan, you fucking idiot!
"Fuck!" The blonde interrupted. "Wrong fuckin' place. Come on, let's go." He began to turn around and head back to the door they came through, but insisted on apologizing to the boy first. "Sorry about this, dude, didn't mean to get the wrong place. It's just my fucking driver fucked up the location."
The 15 year old looking boy shrugged it off. "Look, it's cool, I get it. It happens." That was a big relief. But then he added a little detail, "But I gotta admit, when you first came in, I was a bit startled, so I pressed the emergency button underneath here." The three looked down at the counter where the kid was tapping. "I mean, you seem pretty cool, but the cops are sorta on their way. Don't worry, though. I ain't no snitch. Secret's safe with me." The clerk patted his chest, indicating that this whole ordeal was going to be taken to the heart and all the way to the grave. "But for real, homie, you better leave. Like right now."
The three stood there, unable to process the information properly. The boy seemed so relaxed that maybe they should have just taken the money from here in the first place..
As if on cue, distant police sirens started to wail in the background. It took them a while to understand that those police sirens were for them. That the cops were coming. Coming for them.
Back in the car, Stan had his feet up on the dashboard, a suitable radio station finally chosen and a dirty magazine in his lap. He had to waste time somehow. Might as well spend the time observing Kenny's most favourite artifact.
"Boob job.. Boob job. Definitely boob job. Boob j-" He paused and tilted his head and magazine to get a better angle. "Yeah. I'd say boob job."
He jolted as the sound of all three doors opened. Before he could even look and analyze the situation, Kyle shouted from the back seat, "Go! Let's go, let's go!"
The car doors all slammed shut at the same time and Stan noticed how frantic they all were. He turned the keys in the ignition and sped away from the back streets and onto the main road. "What the hell happened? Did you get it?" He asked, confused. It looked as though they came out empty handed.
Cartman got straight to the point. "Good job, asshole."
Stan looked insulted. What the hell did I do? He thought before receiving a light punch to his bicep.
"Yeah. Great fuckin' job, Stan! You had one job. One fuckin' job! I asked y'all to do one simple fuckin' task and you couldn't even do it right! Ya'll really fucked this up for me and now I'm gon' get my ass kicked! Fucking-" Kenny vented, taking off the balaclava and revealing a very messy mop of blonde hair. "Wrong fuckin' place my ass." He mumbled, combing a hand through the slightly damp strands of hair. What a nightmare.
What? What did he mean wrong- Oh. "Oh." Stan spoke out loud, the realization sinking in. Shit, my bad. He shamelessly confessed. He hadn't had any second thoughts when he saw the place from the front. A convenience store was a convenience store. What was the difference? Though, he wasn't about to admit that out loud. Not to a currently pissed Kenny anyway.
But Kenny wasn't as angry as he was making out. In fact, he was glad they got the wrong place. He didn't want to do this sort of thing. Especially not for a living. He was a good person. Well, for the most part. He just wanted his parents to stop being assholes and get real jobs. But life wasn't as simple as that, clearly.
"Sorry, Kenny." Kyle confessed after a long while of silence.
"Yeah, me too." Stan followed, almost instantly.
"Same here, dude." Cartman, also apologising. The three knew how much this meant for Kenny and they all knew how much he desperately didn't want to go through with it. The three knew the blonde more than anyone else, so when he asked them all for help, it was genuine that he needed them.
Kenny leaned into his seat and sighed. "S'fine guys." He calmly accepted their apologies and turned to look out of the window.
By now, they had all removed their masks, but it was after some time when Cartman had come up with a suggestion. "We'll go again tomorrow night. This time, we'll make sure Stan gets the right place. Isn't that right, Marsh?"
Stan gripped the steering wheel. Not out of anger, but out of guilt. He really fucked up. "Yeah. Promise I wont fuck it up this time, Ken." He offered a sympathetic smile to his friend sitting in shot gun.
"We'll do it properly." Kyle joined in.
"Strategically." Cartman added.
"Exactly." The redhead nodded, "I've got a plan. Cartman and I will go in first and you follow through shouting your thing. It depends how many people are in there, but I doubt there will be many people considering it will be early hours of the morning. So when you-"
"No." Kenny cut in. He didn't want that.
"...Huh?" Kyle took a slight offense to his friend's firm tone. He hadn't even fully explained his idea yet. But there was no need to in Kenny's eyes.
"I said no. I want Stan with me. After the stunt you both pulled in there, I don't want you two anywhere near each other."
Cartman shrugged. That was fair enough. Kyle was offended by that comment, but only by a small degree. Having the two apart was probably a better idea. Scratch that, it was a better idea.
"Okay." Kyle said slowly, "So Stan and I will go in first-"
"No." Kenny interrupted again. "Stan and Cartman will go in first. No offense, dude. It's just Cartman's a bit of a tank, that's all. Might need him."
"..I see." Kyle replied. Now he was offended. He wasn't some weak ass punk that couldn't defend himself if anything were to happen. And what did he mean by might need him anyway?! It was a tiny shop owned by some middle aged man and his meth addicted son! He folded his arms and decided not to say another word. Getaway driver? More like fucking baby sitter. He rambled to himself.
After agreeing on where to meet, they all parted ways after Stan dropped them all off at his house. It was his way home where a small sized company vehicle came blasting into the side of Kenny's body. The blonde's body was thrown meters into the air before splattering all over the concrete road, dying almost instantly. He could have sworn that truck came out of no-where. Serves me right for jaywalking. Kenny's last thought lingered and just as he was drifting into unconsciousness, he took one last look at the truck and from the corner of his eye, he read in thick bold lettering, the words "Chewstone's Convenience Stores!"
"You've got to be fuckin' kidding me."
brainwaves: Maybe the cops got there before they could take anything
StaticMan: Yeah
StaticMan: Or maybe they chickened out
Infinity33: Which high school did they come from?
brainwaves: Dunno
brainwaves: It's probably all fake anyways
StaticMan: Yeah
StaticMan: Probably
The bell signalled the end of the school day. Phew. Kyle thought as he folded his book. Time to go home.
brainwaves: Anyways, I'm off. See you guys later.. though maybe not tonight because I've got a date. [Hand wave emoji]
On the field, Stan picked himself up from his hiding spot and began to head back to the changing rooms. Time to go home and have a repeat of yesterday. Only this time, he wouldn't fuck the location up.
StaticMan: Bye bwaves
StaticMan: I'm out too. Going to a concert with my friends.
brainwaves has left chat room Spawn.
Infinity33: Have fun
StaticMan: !Static out!
StaticMan has left chat room Spawn.
Cartman opened the back door to his house and stepped inside. Time to get ready for a heist. Sort of. Not really, but that sounded much cooler than rob some guy that has a 400 dollar drug debt from Kenny's dad that also has a drug debt of god-knows-how-much.
Infinity33 has left chat room Spawn.
There is no-one left in this chat room.
quicksecs has entered chat room Spawn.
quicksecs: YO YO
quicksecs: fuck, did I miss everything?
quicksecs: oo a concert?!
quicksecs: i wanna come/!/!/!/!
quicksecs: well have fun, static
quicksecs: oh shit, theres a mysterious towel talking to me!
quicksecs: gotta go!
quicksecs has left chat room Spawn.
There is no-one left in this chat room.
Clyde pocketed his phone and gladly took the joint that Tweek had offered him. "Wanna get high?" The twitchy blonde said in a croaky voice. The pair laughed at the inside joke before proceeding to do just that. Get baked.
Only really occurred to me that this may be confusing to read at some points.
I didn't want to completely differentiate how the characters act online to how they act canonly(?). I wanted to keep that familiarity there
We shall meet again. Peace !