Philiac

by Rainbows and Twilight

A young Dusk Shine finds his behaviour changing at an alarming rate. His foalsitter Cadenza learns of his distress, and decides to address the colt's 'psychological quirks'. thing is Cadenza might not be interested in helping Dusk R63'd universe, M/M, Foalcon, Crossdressing, S&M, Pet Play Disclaimer: if you recognize something chances are I don't own it.

1. A Shakey Diagnosis

A Shaky Diagnosis

I never understood what everypony thought was so special about summer. I knew that some foals, unlike me, had many things to do when they got out of school. Some of my classmates had lives and friends, ponies to see and relatives to visit. I never had any of those things, and though I was gifted with an amazing home and possessions most would pine for, that only went so far between school years. Almost the moment I got out of Canterlot's School for Gifted Unicorns every year I felt something inside of me go into hibernation, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to the melancholy that marked my lonely summer nights. Compounded by the fact that my sister, Shimmer Shield, had gone away for the summer, I was forced into a near social exile. My parents were gone; too busy to come home most of the time or simply not concerned for my well-being.

I'd done too good a job convincing them of my ability to be independent, and although I was fully capable of functioning on my own, I knew that life during Canterlot's summers was almost comparable to being trapped in purgatory. My house bordered on a mansion, and I was always welcome to any square foot I pleased, all fourteen thousand of them. I wasn't unstable, but the many long nights of loneliness oftentimes grew unbearable, and I'd stay awake for days on end reading until finally passing out on the floor or couch, only to wake a whole day later and repeat the vicious cycle. The whole thing wore on my mental health, as it would any young colt, but little did I know that this summer would be much different from all the others. Instead of being alone as I thought I would be, I'd be joined by the one pony that I thought I'd never see again after Shimmer Shield went away.

Everything began the first day of that summer, with a brisk chill in the air despite the fact that it was almost May. I personally blamed the altitude as I made my way down the massive flight of steps, wondering just how I'd occupy my time without a sister or parents to keep my company. My clean hooves made it hard to grip the polished granite, but a lifetime of living in that strange house had honed my balance to where it hardly bothered me. My father came from behind and set a hoof on my back, then tilted my chin up without a word, another remark about the posture problems I'd been having. He'd been harping on me about it since I spent too many long hours stooped over a writing desk, reading anything I could get my hooves on. Since I had easy access to his library that was more than several encyclopaedias worth of information, and I'd dedicated most of it to memory. My posture was almost constantly sulking, and the fact that I was dreading their departure made it even more pronounced. I only reached my father's neck as he trotted past me, levitating several of his suitcases and traveling bags over and around me as I made my way downstairs at a much slower pace.

The entry hall of my house was a massive glass facade, designed to let light in no matter what time of the day it was. There was a massive domed skylight seventy feet above, and three monolithic windows taking up the North, South and West walls of the hall. Two large staircases led upstairs, and between them were two doors leading to the kitchen, dining hall, laundry room, music room, library and finally a greenhouse before one exited the building onto our near acre of backyard; that is, if it could even be called backyard, of course. It was mostly filled in with cement and large statues, and could be moreover considered one massive hedge-garden more than it could be called a yard. Plants grew back there during the summer that one could hardly pronounce, set with charms that eliminated the need for maintenance or trimming. Up the stairs was a large catwalk, with doors directly in the centre of the wall facing the entrance of the house, and two at either end of the walk, leading to bedrooms, guestrooms, storage chambers and even a large open-air balcony. Despite the home in all its extravagance, I wanted somepony to share it with more than anything. I considered telling my father that as he trotted ahead of me, but decided against it. He grew rather defensive if I suggested that I wasn't being properly cared for.

My mother, her blue coat shimmering, appeared in a flourish of magic just by the front doors, and no sooner could I open my mouth to ask her if perhaps I could invite a friend over did she interrupt me, causing my breath to catch in my throat. I'd wanted desperately to not be alone that whole summer, but such dreams disappeared the moment she began to talk in that formal, apathetic tone of hers.

"Now dear, don't let anypony in the house. The pantry is all stocked up, if you need anything please head next door and ask the neighbors to take you shopping in town. If you need us send a letter with your magic. I know Barbara isn't here to keep you company any more, but I'm sure Solaris is training her and she's having a wonderful time at the castle. Keep busy, and try not to burn the house down using any risky magic." She chirped, all in a few seconds.

My father saw my dejected expression and bit his bottom lip, looking from his wife to his son as if conflicted. If he told her of the obvious melancholy I was expressing he wouldn't get to go on his trip, and if he didn't I'd be miserable all summer. He brightened and trotted back towards me, as I'd finally reached the last step and was ready to hug my parents farewell on their journey.

"Son, do you remember Cadenza?" He asked, setting one of his hooves on my shoulder. "I think, since you don't have Barbara to keep you company, I'll send a letter and ask him for some of his time. He's probably busy, but I know how well you two got along."

I brightened and jumped up, wrapping my hooves around his neck. Whereas my mother could oftentimes forget me, he'd always known when I needed something. He chuckled and let me go, standing again and giving me a wave of his hoof goodbye. I waved back, not knowing how long they'd be gone, why they were going or even if they had a reason. All I knew as that this is how it was every summer. They'd go away, leave me there, and only send a letter if they heard something went wrong. Otherwise I could sit in my room and stare at the ceiling for my entire sabbatical, for all they truly cared. At least my father was better than my mother, and he had some sort of paternal instinct. She on the other hoof hardly even knew how old I was, or what school I was in. There wasn't even a word in this language I could use to express her pure apathy for my general existence. It was always Shimmer Shield she cared for, not I. My father would deny it but he was also extremely biased towards his eldest foal.

I watched them depart, my happiness fading as I watched them trot away, until finally they reached the hedge marking the edge of our property, hailed a carriage, and left me until summer's end. I blinked, looking down at my hooves. I wanted nothing at the moment but sleep, despite the fact that I knew unless I lapsed into a coma it wouldn't help the time pass any faster. I could already feel the entropic aura of the house gnawing at me, eating away at my will to do anything but sulk over my misfortune the whole summer. I turned, about to trot towards the library and pull my summer's worth of reading off the shelves before I sighed, shaking my head. Reading wouldn't help me when all I did was commit the same things to memory. I turned and began to trot up the steps again instead, not particularly knowing where my hooves were taking me, only that it was better than stooping over a desk in a musty old library reading over Machiavelli for the seventieth time. I reached the top of the stairs and hooked a sharp right, heading towards my room.

The hall leading down to my room was fully laid with hardwood flooring, and my hooves made hollow clacks as they echoed through the empty corridor. I was about to turn left into my chambers, but a partially opened door caught my eye. I trotted over to the fine oaken threshold to see that somepony had been in Shimmer Shield's room. It was most likely my mother, who had been unable to find something of hers and thus borrowed it from her daughter. I didn't know what I was doing, but in the nostalgic mood I was, looking around my now absent sister's bedroom struck me as something I could enjoy. I opened the door fully to see her brilliantly white carpet, and her queen-sized bed, the curtains drawn tightly around it. The room was otherwise vacant, the walls facing the outside of the house replaced with windows that looked out over our backyard, and slightly into the neighbor's property. Her bright blue interior walls shone and the curtains fluttered lightly as the door displaced the air, leaving me to wonder just how much my sister had left behind. I trotted over to her closet door and opened it, muttering an illumination spell to reveal stacks of old boxes and crates that lined the sides of the walk-in closet.

I blinked at just how much she'd kept from her foalhood, seeing old toys spilling over the sides of open boxes and basic spellbooks littering the floor of the confined space, having fallen over some time after she'd left, with nopony to right them again. I concentrated on what little magic I possessed and cast the orb of light away from my horn to hover a bit over my head, wanting to get a better look at everything she'd left behind. I picked up a few of the books at a time with levitation, learning my limit was about three due to my severely hampered magical abilities. Most unicorn colts had nice, sharp horns that were at least as long as their hooves by the age of thirteen, but sadly mine was half that, and thus all the spells I cast had to be carefully maintained. I mentally kept track of how much magic I was using as I held up the light and levitated the books out of the closet, finishing to trot out and shut the door again.

I smiled as I picked up the first tome; a simple alteration magic guide, one that I'd read when I was seven and mastered in a month. As I combed through the many cracked leather bindings of the spellbooks my mind wandered back to the days me and my older sister would sit on her bed and read together, testing my abilities by making me flip the pages while she narrated along, having me test the spells mentioned in the text every now and again to make sure I didn't just know the motions, but knew how to execute some of the admittedly complex arcane maneuvers. We used to laugh and tell jokes, talk about her teachers and how sometimes she could outshine even the best of her tutors. On other evenings she'd be saddened by a bad test score or annoyed at Cadenza, and I'd let her paint my hooves a lovely shade of mauve to settle her nerves. Along that same train of thought I remembered my mother and father's horrified reactions at her having painted my hooves, and how we'd both been disallowed from entering each other's rooms from that point onwards. I blinked at that; why had they been so upset about that, anyways? We were just doing what we usually did together, and it wasn't hurting anypony. Despite my inability to see why it was a product of stigma, my father made sure I'd scrubbed every bit of hoof polish off by the time I went to school that following week.

I never did anything that fun with my sister again, and we were never that close from then afterwards. Obviously whatever the problem was with a colt having his hooves painted a different colour, it as severe, as I could still hear my father yelling of how improper it was for a young, respectable colt such as I to mar my image by making myself seem ridiculous. I remembered asking him, quite innocently, why he was so upset over something so trivial. He'd roared at me that no proper male would ever go in public with his hooves a shade of purple-pink if they weren't naturally that way. I'd merely nodded my head after that to get him to calm down, not questioning his authority from that point onwards. I brought myself back to reality by stacking the books again and returning them to their proper positions at the back of Shimmer Shield's closet. I was about to shut the door and leave her room when I caught sight of a box of her clothes, and recalled another fond memory, of her having us both dress up as guards and thieves. Sometimes I'd be the thief and others I'd be the guard, and she won almost invariably. Despite that we both had enjoyed playing together, until it was all ruined by whatever crushing social taboo it was for a brother to enjoy the same things as his older sister. I looked guiltily over at her boxes of old clothes, hearing my father's words echo through my head.

'No stallion ever dresses up in a mare's clothes unless he is a mentally ill or too moronic to comprehend what he is doing. I know Shimmer Shield asked you to see if her old things fit you, and she fully intended to give them to you if they did, but I will tell you right now if I find so much as one of her socks in your possession I will personally ban you from the library for a week.' He'd growled at me from across his desk.

I'd always wondered if her old clothes actually fit me, considering she kept all of them. I shook my head, the first sentence of my father's lecture ringing in my ears. That accompanied with the rather stinging hoof across my cheek I'd received upon another transgression of his rules had me fearful of even so much as touching her clothes, let along wearing them. Besides that, I was neither moronic nor mentally ill. Or perhaps I was, seeing as how I felt the urge to reach out and feel the slinky smooth hem of the skirt I'd once tried on, merely out of curiosity. I'd never truly had clothes of my own, seeing as how the only ponies who had any reason to were mares. For some reason or another, the only true thing of mine that I could call clothing, and not some sort of accessory, was a suit I'd worn during a very formal party we'd hosted a few years back. Other than that I'd strutted about as most ponies did, since we didn't expose anything indecent by not wearing anything. Ignoring the fact that I'd been raised to disregard clothing as a whole, I found wearing things to be nice, soothing in a way to know that I could look somewhat different from day to day without constantly altering my style of mane. The sting of my father's hoof on my face came up like a phantom pain, and I shut the door to my sister's closet, not wanting any reason to feel it hit me with such force again.

I left my sister's room, feeling the house sink its cold, depressing teeth into me the moment I left the small beacon of comfort my sister's former residence offered. I entered my own abode, a simple two-story bedroom that had my bed and personal effects on the top floor, with the entire thing being fitted with glass windows instead of outside walls, much like my sister's room was. Making up the lower floor were bookcases taking up every available inch of wall space, with a plethora of storage cabinets and inkwells strewn about on desks from my many late-night study sessions. It probably looked like the final resting place of a peacock with how many fanciful quills I had lying about, and to add the sense of organized chaos were towers of books braced against the walls and sides of desks, even other lower piles of books for structural stability. In all it looked like a scholar lived there, and indeed I did consider myself a student and high-ranking intellectual as I began to set about organizing my abode.

I finished cleaning and organizing a few minutes later, having taken care of it with a mixture of my hooves and magic, it now looked relatively neat compared to the sad state I'd left it yesterday. I sighed and flopped down on my bed, wondering just how miserable I would get to be before Cadenza ever worked out a time to visit me. After Shimmer Shield had left he went back to being a full time prince at the castle, seeing as how she was in guard academy now. She was the head of the mages coalition there, and had been named a captain for her superior combat prowess and strategic thinking, amongst other things such as healing magic, ambush counteracting, bare-hoofed combat, etc. She was, in essence, the perfect guardspony, and she outshone all of her fellows until they finally made her one of the highest-ranking officers they could. She apparently ran the Guard quite well, and her ingenious thinking towards new admissions testing had decreased the number of guards fired by the hundreds.

My mind wandered away from my older sibling's accomplishments and back onto mine, and how meager and scant they seemed compared to her leviathan establishments. I was a student at Solaris' School for Gifted Unicorns, and that ended my list of achievements. I was the class geek, I had spitballs aimed at my ears constantly and I was made fun of for almost everything I did. From the way that I breathed to the way I sometimes tucked my mane behind my ear, the ponies in my class did anything to execute a flaw in my personality. More than a few times I'd been reduced to tears by their verbal abuse, not to mention the times that they'd spent pushing me around in the bathrooms since none of the teachers were allowed in there. In a nutshell I was the pony that wanted desperately to be invisible, to become immaterial for just a while, in order to escape my vulnerabilities. Sadly, that was exactly what I was, vulnerable. I opened myself up for these things when I combed spare locks of my mane behind my ears and sometimes crossed my front legs over each other when talking to other colts. They called me the most awful things, but everything that I did that seemed to egg them onwards was simply part of who I was.

To say nothing for the fact that I was smarter than anypony in my class. Most simply resented me because I decimated any and all attempts to win student competitions. I'd solved problems involving guessing how many jellybeans could fit into a jar before on the first guess, and any and all things awarded due to academic achievement went directly to me almost by default. This lack of variation in my abilities made it so that my teachers excluded me from tests of learning and skill to give others a chance, and whenever I was included I could see the eyes of my fellows trying to burn me with their glares of annoyance. I'd won spelling bee trophies from the time I was just a foal, simply to thrown them into my closet. I didn't want my intelligence any more than I wanted these strange personality tics my parents had done their utmost to iron out of me by the time I was twelve. Now there I was, thirteen, and socially exiled from other ponies until the end of the summer. What good did my intelligence do me at any point in my life? I honestly had no answer.

I faintly recalled the very first time I'd had a teacher stick up for me, and that was the very last time. Miss Telecast had been her name, and we'd grown to be great friends last year. Sadly I was moving on to a grade two higher next school term, and I'd be leaving her behind. I remembered how she'd always give me things marginally more difficult than the others, to keep me engaged and not doing the assignments in four seconds, just to be bullied by the others into sharing my answers. I bristled at the thoughts of how I'd let the same ponies who called me a small-horned teacher's pet read my paper for my answers. I hated how spineless I could be, how little it took to pressure me into doing something that I really didn't even want to do. It was that same lack of will that led me to be in the situation I was, unable to speak up to my parents about how lonely I was because I was afraid they would be upset.

I stared out at the lawn, even at the neighbor's house for a few minutes, only to see that they were gone as well, probably until the end of the summer. Everypony on the block was on vacation, and I was stuck there, alone. I sighed and buried my face in my blankets, wondering if anypony would care if I practiced my destruction spells indoors for once. Most of the time my father advised that I did it out on the patio, but since I was officially alone and couldn't burn anypony on accident, I gave it a measure of thought before I shrugged and decided that it wasn't worth it. I was about to jump out of bed and go to the kitchen for a snack, until I noticed a book I'd never seen before laying on the nightstand. I picked it up and flicked through the first few pages, speed-reading as best I could. It seemed to be a categorized methodology on how to diagnose mental diseases, by what I garnered through reading the synopsis in the front. I was about to set it down when I stopped, looking back down at the book.

'...Unless he is mentally ill or too moronic to know what he is doing.' The words echoed again.

I blinked pointedly, then settled back down onto my mattress. Perhaps... perhaps there was something wrong with me, after all. I began to read in hope that, whatever strange psychological affliction I was suffering from, wasn't in there, and thus didn't exist. I prayed to all the higher deities I knew of that there was nothing wrong with me, and that these strange things I did were merely the result of spending too much time with my sister. I continued reading until I reached a certain part of the book listing psychological disorders dealing with gender, and there it was. Under a very simple listing it said that typically a number of mental diseases could be characterized by a willingness to wear the clothes of the opposite gender, even feeling compulsions to act as a member of the opposite sex unconsciously. It was listed as a member of physiological conditions, and it even said that it was typically caused by severe mental disturbances and chemical imbalances. I set the book down and shook my head; that was ridiculous, I didn't have a chemical imbalance, and under no circumstances had I ever been mentally disturbed. I closed the book and looked at the author and date of print to find that it was written in nineteen twenty-three, over a hundred years ago.

I disregarded the book and pushed it off the edge of my bed, even under the banister that led to the bottom floor of my room. It landed on top of the bookshelf with a clatter and I fought off the words it bore. I branded the words I'd read as misinformation, and threw it to the back of my mind. In no way was anything wrong with me, in any way, shape or form. Or... perhaps, was there? My parents had reacted quite forcefully to my compulsions to act like a filly, and had dealt with it quite harshly. Had they been trying to protect me from some sort of mental condition, to keep it from developing further as one would halt the spread of a virus? I cast a spell and recalled the book to me, opening it again and reading further. It said that the symptoms of the illnesses were almost always social exclusion, heightened intelligence due to more time to themselves, a generally decreased sense of self-worth, a lack of willpower, and overall poor physical condition. It said that unicorns and pegasi were more likely to suffer the ailments listed above, as well as those in poor or peak physical condition, were generally disliked by their peers, spent a lot of time alone, and showed interest in those of the same gender.

I balked and sent the book across the room with my magic, unable to accept any of those things as fact. It seemed to describe me to a cue, and the fact that it even guessed at my social status made it increasingly difficult to not accept these things as fact. I lit my horn and disappeared in a flash of magic, reappearing in the library. I browsed the shelves until I found a much more modern guide to psychology, and pulled it off the shelf hurriedly. I teleported back to my room and threw the massive tome open on my bed, flicking through the pages worriedly. I was genuinely panicked at that point; the fact that I'd been unable to see what was wrong with me until now was pushing me to hysterics, and after I checked to make sure that it was published this year I read the articles on gender-identity disorders. I shook as I read it again and again, memorizing the passage. There it was, written in current language. The correct diagnosis was right under my nose, but I still refused to accept it.

I pushed the book off my bed again, shaking my head. It was all in my head, nothing could possibly be wrong with me. I was about to go and look at another book for further confirmation, but a loud ring of the doorbell snapped me away from my manic, distraught thoughts. I blinked and thought of who could possibly be here at almost noon on a Saturday. I'd been so thrown by my recent devices that I'd forgotten that my father had told me he'd send for Cadenza. I cursed and quickly picked up my books, throwing everything into a relatively neat order before teleporting down to the entrance hall, brushing myself off and tucking my mane behind my ears as I trotted up to the doors. I cursed at myself for obeying that nervous tic and fought to regulate my heartbeat, taking a few deep breaths before opening the door to see Cadenza, in all his royal grace.

I felt myself grow weak in the knees at seeing him for the first time in almost a year; he was a lot to take in that was for sure. From his long-limbed, effortless stride to his sleek frame, he was undoubtedly the most admirable stallion I'd ever seen apart from Solaris himself. Even though his mane and coat were a bright pink he still gave off an undoubtable air of authority, and when he glanced at me I merely smiled and I crossed my front hooves like a starstruck filly, averting my eyes. I mentally called myself a complete mooncalf for acting like that in front of my sister's crush, but it simply couldn't be helped. It was ingrained into me on an instinctual level, and as much as I hated it, he made me feel odd things in unusual ways, which I simply couldn't explain. He and I went back a bit, with him having been my foalsitter for almost a year before stopping, seeing no further reason to watch me after Shimmer Shield left. We were good enough friends, having simply existed in the same space as each other for months on end.

"May I come in?" He asked in his usual calm tone, as if nothing was wrong in the entire world. "Are you okay, Dusk? You look a pale, if I say so myself."

"Oh, um, it's nothing." I stuttered, inviting him in with a wave of my hoof. "I was just, um, reading a bit and lost track of time... I wasn't expecting you to arrive for at least a day or so considering how busy you are." I bluffed professionally.

He obviously saw past my ruse, but knew better than to pry into my personal business. He stepped inside with a smile, taking off his saddlebag and hanging it on the hooks next to the entrance mat. He ruffled his wings while I admired him, sinking down a little lower to the floor in hopes that he wouldn't notice my fawning. He was beautiful, and I admired those wings of his like one would admire the majesty of an eagle in flight. He was eternally composed as he strode a bit further into the house, taking a few things out of his bags with magic and tucking them under his wing before trotting upstairs, hooking a sharp left to go towards the guest bedroom. I didn't follow him, even though I wanted beyond expression to explain to him my recent woes. I turned and headed in the opposite direction, off towards my room to continue my research. This simply couldn't be true, what I'd been reading.

I nearly trotted past Shimmer Shield's room for a second time, but I stopped this time, looking around pointedly. I needed to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this wasn't just some quirk of mine. I opened the door and closed it, locking the solid oak barrier behind me before I trotted over to the closet. I opened it, cast a light spell, pulled out the box of clothes, and began to unfold them. I felt my father's words roaring in my head for me to stop, to cease pursuing this ridiculous task when it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. I ignored the phantom pain I felt where he'd reprimanded me and continued to unfold her clothes until I found a simple pair of her socks, knee length and woolen. I smiled at the sight of them and lifted them up, letting the thick purple and pink colours drink in sunlight for the first time in months. I began to slip them onto my hooves, blinking, as I felt less and less uncomfortable with the scenario. By the time I had the first on I no longer heard my parents scolding me from the back of my mind. By the third it felt... strangely normal to be wearing them, and when all four of my hooves were covered to the knee with the soft wool I felt something warm and comforting in my chest, as if my own psyche was supporting my inexplicable behaviour.

It had all felt... right, in a way. It was as if I'd felt more natural in those clothes than I'd been without them, and I kept them on for a moment longer than I'd intended. I trotted over to the mirror my sister had proper up against the wall and regarded my young, fragile reflection. I smiled at how good they made my legs look, longer and sleeker than normal, as well as highlighting the colours in my mane. I stood on the tips of my hooves and giggled, hopping from hoof to hoof from how giddy they made me, how good it felt to not only break the rules, but also feel instinctually right while doing so. I turned a circle, regarding myself from all angles before the fun of the situation wore off, and the truth set in. My smile fell into a horrified expression, and I tore the socks off, throwing them in the box and pushing it back into my sister's closet. That was it, then. There was something genuinely wrong with me.

Yet... was there? I blinked and began to question something I'd learned in a book for the first time in my life, looking back at the closet where I'd just stowed away every last scrap of my sister's old clothing. I'd felt something... inexplicable, alien wearing her clothes. The more I thought about it, the more I recognized the feeling. It was the same feeling I'd felt back when me and Shimmer Shield were the best of friends, and we would paint each other's hooves and she'd give me her old clothes. It was the same odd, feminine aura I took on around Cadenza, when I'd fawn over him and bow sometimes just to show that I admired him more than anypony else. It was the same feeling I'd always associated with happiness and a sense of belonging, when I could be myself around my sister and use the words I always preferred over simple vocabulary. But now I was faced with an inescapable ultimatum. My parents, society, psychology and everything of the like deemed this as mental sickness, as something horrid and unacceptable. My mind, and my heart, told me that this was entirely okay, and that I could feel as beautiful as I wished.

"Psychology is a theoretical field of medicine, anyways." I said, pulling the box of clothes back out. "It can't hurt... if I only wear them when nopony is around. After all, if a tree falls in the woods and nopony is around to witness it, it basically never happened."

I continued to justify my actions as best I could, continuing to sort through her old things before I stopped, laying back down on the soft white carpet, lost in thought for easily the seventeenth time that hour. It always seemed my mind functioned around that peculiarly prime amount. I knew in my mind that nothing I ever did kept itself a secret, no matter how hard I tried to keep it buried. I also knew that my father, and possibly mother, would beat me within an inch of my young life if they knew what I was doing. If the first time I'd been caught doing these things had garnered me a slap across the face, I cringed to imagine what would happen here, where I was purposefully and willfully disobeying my parents. I could only imagine how badly I'd be punished, forced into basic incarceration in my room, the shelves stripped bare of the books I loved without so much as a writing utensil to be found anywhere, bound inside the room by a lock on my door and a sealing charm to keep me from teleporting anywhere.

In spite of everything I imagined happening, I continued to sort through my sister's things, putting the articles of clothing I wanted beside me and the others back inside their respective boxes. To the untrained eye it would seem almost as if nothing had been taken at all, and soon I had a neat stack of rather crisp dresswear I could adorn myself with while my parents were away and my foalsitter was otherwise predisposed. I clapped my hooves at how my being alone, instead of being the bane of my summer, might just end up being the one thing that helped me bear through it. I still felt the nagging emotional and mental strain of all my parent's scolding at the back of my head, but I was beginning to learn to disregard it as I caught sight of a rather nice school outfit that my sister had worn a total of once, and then never so much as touched it again. I held it up with my magic and smiled, clapping my front hooves together. I'd see how I looked in this, and if it fit I'd most definitely keep it.

Not even a few minutes later I stood in the rather flattering skirt and undershirt, smiling at myself in the mirror. It was a bright pink that matched the singular lock of mane on my head that bore the matching colour, and the actual skirt itself was pale lavender. I began to think that perhaps my sister had actually bought me those clothes, seeing as how all of them matched me in some way. I did a quick pirouette, admiring how the skirt flared as I turned sharply. I decided on keeping the outfit, and lit my horn to prepare for taking it off. No sooner did I begin to loosen the collar did Cadenza open the door, a key held in his hoof. He didn't see me immediately, but the moment his hoof crossed the threshold he caught sight of me, standing there, crossing my front legs in shame as I struggled to not look in his direction. In private had been one thing, but with him standing there, looking at me as if he couldn't have imagined that scenario in a million years, I felt ashamed. His lips parted, as if he was going to say something, something to express his shock or disgust, to tell me how wrong I was for wearing such things when they not only weren't mine, but also a filly's clothes. He didn't say anything, however, and simply stood there, tilting his head to the side as if he was formulating how to address the situation at hoof. Of course he would be the one to keep his composure in such a situation.

"I'm so sorry Cadenza I wasn't thinking and she always lent me her clothes so since I knew I'd be alone the whole summer I got them out because they kind of make me feel more comfortable like how things were back when we were best friends and we would paint each other's hooves so it makes me more comfortable to wear her clothes sometimes and it makes me feel really pretty and beautiful because most of the time the ponies at school tell me I'm really ugly and nerdy and sometimes it makes me feel better to dress up like this since everypony always thought that Shimmer Shield was really cute when she was a filly -" I said, all in one breath while shutting my eyes, unable to look at him in the face.

I heard him take two long strides and all of the sudden my mind went blank, unable to comprehend what was going on. I could no longer speak, as my mouth ceased to obey my mind, which had no clue what to say in the face of what was happening. I half-opened my mouth, struggling to say something, anything but just simmer in pure silence, but Cadenza kept me from speaking as my tongue went dry. I realized, vaguely, as if through some sort of looking glass directed towards some other pony, that Cadenza was standing over my delicate frame, his hoof underneath my chin as he kissed my horn lovingly. I drew in air, my eyes only half open and rolling skywards, my entire being coalescing to my horn as he flicked his tongue over it, stimulating me in a way I had never been before. A bit of drool escaped my mouth and I exhaled in a way that sounded like a moan, unable to resist him as he drew more of my magic in with his lips. My entire body shook, and I struggled to stay standing as he seemed to draw all of my inhibitions out of me through my horn, manifested into the sparks of pure energy that shot out onto his tongue. I felt something strange between my legs, a heat I'd ever experienced before, one that didn't burn so much as it enticed, urged me to reach down and fuel the fire with a few strokes of my hoof.

Once my mind was nothing but a completely blank slate he drew away, leaving me to shiver and stand there, my hooves spread out in all directions, looking up at him like he was my saviour. He licked his lips, breaking a line of his saliva that still connected him to my horn. I panted helplessly, my mind still unable to work through the vast nothingness he'd left in place of my fears and doubts.

"You look good in those clothes, Dusk." He said in a low voice, putting a hoof under my chin so that I would look up into his eyes. "Most becoming of you... though I must ask why you're wearing them."

I couldn't lie to him, not after the love he'd just shown me. "I-I suffer from gender-identity problems." I stuttered truthfully, knowing how strange that sounded. "Shimmer Shield, she... she treated me more like her younger sister than her brother, so I thought it was natural until my parents caught on. They don't like that I do this when they're away, but it makes me feel... good, deep down. I feel like I'm more at peace with myself when I look the way I feel... I always liked you, Cadenza..." I trailed off.

He smiled and drew a bit closer, and I desperately wished he'd fasten his lips to my horn again. I was addicted to the feeling of mindless bliss that he offered me with his delicate touch, and I wanted nothing more than to not have to think again. He smiled and wrapped a caring hoof around me, bringing my muzzle to his chest as I looked up at him, my breathing still erratic from his generous stimulation. He brought a wing around me and covered me in his embrace, closing out the bright white room I was in so I could experience nothing but his warmth, the soft texture of his coat pressed to my cheek. I nuzzled him adoringly, wanting little more than to give him what he'd just given to me. I felt the heat between my legs growing more pronounced, and almost the moment Cadenza released me I sat down, praying the clothes I had on would hide my excitement. Although I was young, I was learned in biology, and I knew quite well what my loins were doing as Cadenza gazed down at my innocent, vulnerable young body. I blushed intensely as his vision lighted over the hem of my skirt, the simple flick of his eyes enough to convince me that he returned my sudden attraction to him.

"So, Dusk." He said, smiling warmly as he took a seat, lowering himself down until he sat on his stomach in front of me. He was still a bit taller than me, and I couldn't help but flick my tail a bit, if only to alleviate the growing pressure in my nethers. "You say you're more comfortable behaving as a filly... and you suffer from a known identity disorder. You know the first step to finding a solution to something like that it to admit that you have it... you've done that. Now we just have to confirm that the diagnosis is correct by going over your symptoms."

"I'm antisocial, I like to dress up in my sister's clothes, and I cross my hooves around handsome stallions... like you. I brush my mane behind my ears when I'm flustered, I like the colours pink and purple and I like to be as feminine as possible if the situation permits it." I said, reeling down the list.

"You seem quite sure of yourself, Dusk." He said, nodding and looking me over hungrily. "There's only one symptom you have yet to express to me, though... do you like to experience pleasure as a mare does?"

I squeaked and closed my back legs, shivering. I didn't know if I wanted to take that step yet, considering how long we'd known each other. I was afraid that it would ruin our relationship, but Cadenza suffered no such inhibitions as his horn lit, pulling me closer by the collar of my shirt. I let myself be dragged over to him until I was standing directly next to his face, my muzzle to his as he grinned merrily. I blushed and my horn lit, sparking a bit from how sudden his advances were. All of the sudden he had a hold of my hooves, and just as suddenly he was holding my front legs up in the air, forcing me to dangle by my front hooves and stand on my hind legs. I bit my bottom lip as he held me there, reaching out a hoof and using it to feel my waist, tracing a line from my mid-chest to the end of my thigh. I began to breath heavily again, my tiny stallionhood stiffening at his touch. He was holding me to where I had little other choice than to expose my full body to him, and I nearly fainted as he kissed my neck. I kissed him in return near the base of his horn. He smiled and let magic run through it, letting me know I had permission to service him in whatever manner I pleased. I took his long, pristinely smooth horn into my mouth and suckled on it gratefully, moaning as his magic set my nerves on end, causing me to squirm in ecstatic futility against his bonds.

He kept his magical shackles around my front hooves as his lips lowered, finding the nape of my neck and biting it ferociously. I yelped into his horn, my member twitching, but a sudden force on the back of my head kept me from pulling off and protesting his bestial expressions. He bit me again and again, almost drawing blood by the third time. I knew I'd have marks, but the spots where he'd sunk his sharp teeth into me burnt with new fire, fuelling the inferno that was growing between my legs. I wanted him desperately to touch me; that was all I knew I needed, just one little graze of his hoof over my head and I'd go off, have my very first orgasm right into my sister's old school outfit. He smiled and parted his lips from my body, leaving me to dangle in his magical grip while he observed my reaction. I fought fruitlessly against his magic, wanting to wrap my lips around his horn again and his lips to meet my bare skin. He saw my desperation and grinned, smirked down at the colt he'd managed to drive almost to his hooves in just one afternoon. I wanted him desperately, but he still didn't move, and soon I was on the brink of tears. He sat there and observed how I reacted, excited and desperate for relief more than anything else in the world, a small lump under my skirt telling him quite plainly that my body ached for relief. His magic gripped my front hooves and turned me around, to where I was long longer facing him.

I realized with horror that the windows had been open throughout the whole foray, and that I was standing, dressed as a school filly, my stallionhood erect under my clothes, completely exposed to anypony who wanted a look at me. I shook in fear as I thought of the neighbours, what they might think was happening if they just looked over at me, dangling helplessly but begging for attention from Cadenza. I'd look like a servant, something the older stallion was using for his own pleasure, all the while I was just offering myself like a main course. All of the sudden I felt a hoof on my flank, and I yelped loudly, unaccustomed to being touched in such a way.

"P-please... the windows are wide open... anypony could see us. I'm b-begging you Cadenza, at least shut the curtains." I pleaded, but his hoof began to trace circles on my loins through my silk underwear, using the tip of his hoof to nudge at my tip before, cupping me, them parting my jewels to nudge at the base. I was so red from pure shame my cheeks weren't my natural purple. "I-I'll be a good filly for you, I p-promise, but I don't want somepony to see us like th-this..."

"You say you like being treated as a filly..." Cadenza whispered, his magic snaking up my thigh, eventually seizing a hold of my lingerie. "... But I think it goes so much farther than that."

He slid the silken elastic down my legs until they were at my hooves, and I was biting my lip out of pure shame. If anypony saw me then I'd burst into tears, but somehow the risk of being seen made it all the more exciting. The demeaning nature of my situation for some reason turned me on even more, and I nearly felt myself ejaculate down my back legs right then. He smiled and lifted my skirt, exposing my taught flanks and young, limber tail, which I willingly raised so that he could feast his eyes on any part of me he wished. He moved the skirt aside in front of me, exposing my young, undeveloped stallionhood to any and all who were looking at us through that bedroom window. I wanted to cry and tell him to do more at the same time, the pure embarrassment singing my dignity and provoking my body even further. He planted my hooves to the floor and I felt a spell cast on my legs, taking all the energy out of standing. I didn't even have to keep my hooves to the floor; it was as if invisible ropes had bound me around my midsection, and I was dangling in the air in front of him.

"A-are you sure, Cadenza?" I asked, on the verge of succumbing to his seduction, tears forming in the corner of my eyes. . "I'm only thirteen, and my parents will already be so upset about my problem that this will only m-make things worse..."

"I think that you have many, many more problems aside from this little identity crisis." He cooed into my ear, standing up to his full height. "I think you have a bit of an affinity for abuse as well."

I moaned and nodded, pushing myself back towards him, wanting him more than my mind could handle. I looked back and made drowned in his beautiful blue irises, staring into his eyes and letting my lips part, my mouth watering so much in anticipation that a bit of my spittle ran down the corner of my mouth, the rivulet dripping from my cheek to the pristinely white floor. He smiled and positioned himself over me, kissing my neck just before biting it with so much force a trickle of blood ran down my nape and carried onto my chest. My only reaction was to whimper and push myself back again, fighting to grip the stallionhood that I wanted desperately to clasp in my nethers. At first I thought he was about to oblige, but before I could so much as exalt his name I saw a blur of movement that was the thrust of his hips, and the world erupted in a plume of multi-coloured agony. I couldn't tell which way was up and my eyes refused to open, only fluttering a bit, further ruining my ability to rely on my senses. A bit of my own blood dripped down my back leg and began to stain the carpet, the sheer grotesqueness of the red against stark, marble white bringing me back to reality.

The very first thing that I felt was stinging, mortal pain from under my tail, where Cadenza had formally done me the honours of spreading my walls for the first time, as well as tearing open the skin all along my ring. He moaned and thrust hurriedly, and I pushed back on him obediently, knowing he'd want me to further his pleasure. The blood did a good job of freeing up my passage, because not even a few moments later did he moan and fill me with a long, heartfelt orgasm, whispering my name into my ears as he stooped over my far smaller frame, getting in every drop before drawing his long shaft out of me. I whimpered as my bruised, torn ring met the air for the first time after having my virginity taken, and I reached down to touch myself as a small stream of the stallion's seed ran like a river out of me and onto the carpet, mixed with the blood that still seemed to be flowing forth from my ripped skin. I moaned and stroked my own delicate member, the pain mixing with my pleasure in a bittersweet mixture somewhere near my taint.

I gasped in a high pitched whine and came onto the floor, still suspended midair by Cadenza's spell, the only thing I could possibly do for support was to curl my hooves and gasp my foalsitter's name, my tail lifting and begging for treatment from him. He answered my prayers by trailing his hoof down my flank before seizing a strong hold of my member and stroking me, all the while his magic inserted something else into my body through my ring. I moaned and bit my bottom lip, feeling something cold and soothing flow through my entire stomach as he slowly healed me, stroking me and cooing pleasantly how well I'd done. I flicked my tail against him and panted, looking back at my foalsitter with my tongue out of my mouth, like a pet wanting his owner's attention. He smiled and continued a steady pace, only moving his hoof against my soft, semi-erect member as fast as he healed me. My ring felt better then, and the red liquid that had once run unfettered down my inner thigh was drying to my coat.

I came for a second time, though in a very relaxed manner compared to the first, a small stream of my prepubescent semen flowing out and dripping to the floor pathetically. I closed my eyes and whispered Cadenza's full name under my breath, feeling as if I could have been there forever, simply moaning and feeling my foalsitter's soft hooves on my erection. Before I knew it, though, it was over, and he withdrew all of his magic. I landed on the floor, my legs almost failing to bear my meagre weight after all the abuse I'd been through in just a few short minutes. He opened the curtains on the bed, and his horn flashed, cleaning me up in an instant. No more blood stained the inside of my thigh or pooled right in the nape of my neck; every cut and scrape he'd put me through during his feral release had healed up, and my clothes were once again pristinely maintained. I crossed my hooves and looked over at the silk undergarments he'd discarded, which still had an ample amount of my pre lathered onto the front of them. He smiled and gave another meagre flick of his vast magical reserves, causing them to disappear and appear on the nightstand, folded neatly. He nodded for me to follow him as he carefully hopped up onto the mattress, settling in before patting the space in between his outstretched legs.

"Care to take a nap after being such a good little filly?" He asked, opening his wings invitingly. "You did quite well for your first time... you didn't even scream when I pushed inside. You'll be a little more flexible in your femininity next time, so you should be able to take me without any sort of nastiness arising like the skin breaking."

"B-but I thought we were trying to help cure me?" I asked, not knowing if I even wanted to be cured. "That was the whole reason behind that, right?"

He smiled deviously and again churned the air with his wings, inviting me to lie down. "As I said during my... examination, I think this goes far deeper... you might be suffering symptoms of psychological recession, for all I gained from that session. Your... inexperience made it hard to pinpoint exactly what was wrong with you, especially since you kept promising that you'd do whatever I pleased as long as I shut the curtains. Despite that you got much more excited when I brought it up, so... you also willingly offered yourself to me, so that might be severe nymphomania, partnered with instinctive submission instincts. In all, we should call it a day and try again tonight... it'll be much more... Conclusive by then what you're suffering from. Now hop up here, my hooves get cold if I don't have somepony curled up by them... if you want to be by my hooves, of course." He smiled, his hoof brushing over his now sheathed member.

I smiled meekly and went where he directed, settling down in the space between his thighs before curling into a ball, my muzzle resting directly next to his large, well-endowed stallionhood. He closed his eyes, tired from his strain and the sudden release at the end. I yawned in accordance with his gestures and nodded, signaling that I was quite ready for a midday snooze as well. I'd closed my eyes and was about to drift off when his member brushed lightly over my lips, and I couldn't help but plant a kiss on the tip before I fell into a hazy, post-coital nap.