I was away from humanity for one long week, spending a great deal of time darting between trees and across the thick undergrowth on four legs; my legs trembled like jell-o and my muscles ached as I paced and ran back and forth through the forests, after Sam Uley and his cronies — my new 'pack brothers'. Every part of my deepest thoughts were invaded, my secrets were no longer my own; and so I was forced to work on keeping my secrets to myself.
Jared Cameron, Sam's beta, suggested that I frequently sing in my head, or keep my thoughts focused on the repetitive 'one two three four' of my paws as they hit the damp soil. The pattern of pacing paws was something that was 'favoured' by the other three pack members, I however decided that keeping a song in my head was a far more effective way of keeping my secrets — my thoughts — at bay; unfortunately, not everyone seemed pleased when I had a constant repeat of 'Barbie Girl' blasting through the pack mind.
Embry, I swear to god if you don't shut up I'm coming back there. Paul's growling tone echoed through my mind, seemingly ringing in my ears. Sam chuckled in response, turning his sleek black head to glance over at me as our paws padded against the earth in a perfect formation — like a strict wolf military. According to Jared, Paul was the one that forced everyone to pick up the rhythm, as the repetitive patterns seemed to ease his nerves and calm his mind.
For me, the rhythm was mind numbing — utterly infuriating — and thanks to Paul no one could walk out of time ever again. He seemed to revel in this military precision as our paws hit the dirt beneath us, and his muzzle pulled into a toothy grin as my playing of Barbie Girl faltered and I focused on the rhythm of my feet.
Oh for fuck-
Embry, Sam warned, his alpha tone rippling through the pack mind like a vibration through a still pond. It almost stopped me in my tracks, breaking Paul's beloved rhythm. He sneered, I grinned. Balance was restored.
The plan of the day was to do another unnecessary patrol, pick up a possible scent, follow the scent until we hit a usual dead end, then return to Sam's for lunch and wait for Sam to answer any messages left over the course of the morning. This particular afternoon was the same as it had been for the past few weeks, and as we reached the part of the forest behind Sam's house we phased human, a wave of heat rolling over my body and causing me to shrink to my human form. My bare knees met the earth and I quickly pulled my shorts on, rolling my shoulders as I watched Sam approach me; Jared and Paul striding towards the house as they caught the scent of freshly baked bread and an assortment of cooked meats.
A smile formed on Sam's lips as he stood before me, his arms crossing over his chest, eyes soft with concern. "How did you find patrol today?" His voice was gentle, a thing I'd noticed ever since Paul poked fun at the fact that Sam checked up on the 'baby wolf' ever since I joined. Sam was the fatherly figure of the pack, doing his best to ensure the new pack members were comfortable with the new things around them. Sam's voice had gotten quieter over time once he noticed that Paul was irritating me when it came to mine and Sam's one on one patrol conversations.
I nodded slowly, my thumbs hooking into my belt loops as I lightly shrugged. "It's gotten better, but Paul's counting is driving me insane." I admitted, quickly glancing at the house behind Sam. Jared and Paul laughed from within. A knowing look crossed Sam's features as he grinned at my statement, gesturing towards the house with a nod of his head.
The two of us walked towards the house, my gaze cast to the grass and leaves beneath my bare feet. Sam broke the momentary silence, voice a little louder than before. "Paul's rhythm is something to get used to, but we learned to shut it out pretty quickly." I lifted my head to look at him, his dark eyes gleaming under the afternoon sun as rays of light shone through the gaps in the trees. "Just keep singing like you did before and you won't notice it as much." I nodded a faint, silent reply as our feet padded against the earthy brown wooden steps leading up to the front of the house.
The sliding door was already open, and I felt my stomach growl as my senses were assaulted by the delicious scent of Emily's cooking. A chuckle escaped Sam, the sound rumbling through his chest as he heard my stomach. With a firm hand he clapped me on the shoulder and moved into the house, seeking out his significant other as she stood at the counter, talking to both Jared and Paul as they piled food onto their plates.
Sam moved behind her, sliding his arms around her waist as he pressed a kiss to her hair. A gentle laugh escaped Emily, her face crinkling as she leaned into his embrace. Jared looked up at me from the door, mouth filled with what seemed to be a mixture of bacon and sausage, and waved me in. I let my hands drop from my waist and moved into the kitchen, listening to the sound of Emily's laughter, Sam's whispered words and my own footsteps as I approached the table and pulled out a chair, settling down onto the wooden seat.
"Tuck in, Embry. You must be hungry!" Emily exclaimed, sounding just like a concerned mother as she gestured to the food laid out before me as she gently patted Sam's forearm so he'd move for her. I smiled my reply and nodded, picking bacon and sausages from a plate in the centre of the table, scooping a heap of eggs onto my plate alongside the meat. As I picked up my cutlery and began cutting into one of the sausages on my plate, I watched as Paul shoved meat into his mouth with just his fingers.
I couldn't help it, honestly, but a grimace crossed my features and both Emily and Sam snorted as they watched my expression. Emily crossed the floor and settled down into a chair of her own, taking a seat next to me as she loaded her plate and picked up a knife and fork and turned her attention to me.
"I'm grateful that you understand the use of cutlery, Embry. You're going to have to help me teach him a thing or two." Her smile caused dimples to form on her cheeks, and the deep scars on the right side of her face shifted across her cheekbones and jaw at the action. I nodded simply, my lips pulling into a lopsided smile as I swallowed a mouthful of eggs and put my fork against my plate as my right hand continued to grip my knife.
"Honestly Emily, I think if I did that they wouldn't let me hear the end of it on patrols."
After a short while the kitchen became quieter, Jared was staring down at the screen of his phone, texting his girlfriend Kim; Paul was tapping out his usual beat against the table, and Sam watched Emily as she began to pile our plates in the centre of the table. Her posture seemed to change as she inhaled deeply, swallowed and bit down on her bottom lip before speaking.
"Billy called earlier... Said that Jacob's fever is getting worse. It hasn't died down since he came went to Port Angeles with Bella Swan." Her voice seemed ever more like the concerned mother she had grown to be. We all turned to Sam, watching with wary eyes as he sighed and closed his own. He laid one hand over the other and held them to his mouth, resting his elbows against the wood of the table. It was obvious that he was just as worried as Emily.
Phasing for the first time is a painful and traumatic time, especially when a young wolf has no idea what's going on. Perhaps it had occurred to Sam that Jacob needed to be told of what was happening to him, so that he wouldn't be scared as he went through the transition; and as he looked to me it only seemed evident that he was concerned for my safety once he phased.
Ever since I went wolf, Jake had been concerned for my well-being, calling the house, calling my own cell, and trying to come to my house whenever possible. He was turned away the final time when Sam and Paul stood at the door; and it was then that he realised that I'd joined them. He didn't try to call again, and it was obvious that the two of us weren't friends anymore. Under Sam's alpha order I'd been forced to stay away from Jacob, and I'd been forced not to tell him anything about the pack. Why I was a wolf in the first place, no one knew. It was simply evident that my mother was lying about the identity of my father, and seeing as only Quileutes could phase, it meant that my father had to be Quileute.
Sam moved to the phone to call Billy, Jared flanking him and leaving me, Paul and Emily in the kitchen. The room was silent, the atmosphere tense and awkward as Emily rose from her own seat and moved to the counter to start putting utensils away. Paul left in the direction of the bathroom, leaving me at the table, listening to the hushed voices of Sam and Jared from the other side of the house. My hands twitched nervously on my lap as I mulled over the prospect of how Jake would treat me upon joining us.
I attempted to put the thoughts at the back of my mind as I padded towards Emily, helping her put things back in their correct places. She smiled, offering me a quiet word of thanks as I moved the stack of plates to the cupboard. Emily opened her mouth, holding a dish cloth in her hands as she wiped the remaining water off a frying pan. "You're worried what Jacob will do when he joins, aren't you?"
I nodded, allowing a heavy sigh to leave my lips as I turned to her. "What if he doesn't forgive me for being here? The two of us were so set on avoiding the guys, and I just suddenly joined them without explaining. It's bad enough that I'm here anyway, breaking that promise, but the main fact is that my being here means that my dad is Quileute... But what if it's Billy? What if it's Billy and Jake doesn't forgive me?"
"Embry you couldn't help being born with a Quileute father, just as much as you can't help being a wolf. If Jacob can't understand that then you shouldn't waste your energy trying to get him to understand." Her statement hit me harder than I had expected, and I felt my right hand clench against the worktop. A gentle hand was placed on my arm, and my eyes shifted to gaze at Emily as she moved her hair behind her ear with a stroke of her hand.
"You're a kind kid, Embry. I haven't known you for that long but it's obvious how you and Jacob being separated is affecting you. I know you can't see him, and you can't explain yourself, but once he's one of the pack you'll be able to explain everything. He'll understand... Eventually. Just give him time, okay?"
Closing my eyes, I bowed my head, nodding for the umpteenth time that day. "Okay." I whispered, letting out a gentle breath as Emily wrapped a slim arm around my shoulders, squeezing slightly. The squeeze didn't faze me, as her human strength wasn't strong enough to do much to me or any of the guys. I pitied Emily's human strength, as it meant that she could do little to harm one of us if we ever stepped over the line. Between Paul's angry outbursts and my newly phased emotions, Sam did his utmost to protect Emily from any potentially dangerous situations.
Giving my shoulder a light pat, Emily soon smiled and moved back to drying the last few utensils. The silence between us was comfortable, comforting, and I watched the small raven haired woman move from out the corner of my eye, observing the deep dark lines that marred her skin. Those marks, those scars, served as a constant reminder to all of us of how careful we needed to be around humans. They could be harmed so easily — like Emily.
There was one thing I was thankful for though; at least if Jake and I did start beating the crap out of each other we would heal pretty quickly. I was in the middle of considering how long it'd take to break the two of us up when Sam, Jared and Paul entered the kitchen again. Emily and I both lifted our heads to look over at them as they approached. A rather unfamiliar expression was present on Sam's face, whereas Jared seemed rather unsettled.
Paul, however, seemed completely unfazed, as he picked between his teeth with the corner of his thumbnail.
"You're going to Jake's, aren't you?" I murmured, my eyes gazing down at the aged wooden floor. A shadow shifted across the wooden floorboards and I lifted my head to see it was Sam. He nodded once, his face rather solemn as he began to speak. "Billy is sure he'll phase within the next few days, and he thinks that Jacob needs to be told what's happening."
My chest ached, my heart skipping a beat as my eyes met Sam's. My fingers twitched as I raised a hand to my head and ran my fingers through my hair, hoping that the action would ease my anxiety. It didn't.
"And you think it'll help help him?" Emily's voice rose above the sound of my breaths and Jared's footsteps as he moved to lean against staircase. Our alpha's head turned as he looked upon the marred face of his imprint, a weak smile curving on his lips. "We can only help that it'll give him an explanation. Even if he doesn't believe it, at least he'll understand more of what will happen once he phases."
Something changed in our alpha's body language, his expression, as he turned to address me. "I want you to be there when we tell him."
I left Emily's dressed in a more presentable red shirt, jeans and a pair of boots. Ever since phasing, Sam and Emily suggested that I should take some clothes from home to have at their house, just in case. In this particular case, the clothes were necessary. In fact, all four of us wore more than the usual cut-offs. Sam thought Jake would be less threatened if weren't bare chested, and I felt more comfortable that way.
Unfortunately, for the few weeks since I phased I'd been wearing just a pair of shorts, and the clothes I was wearing made me feel trapped — and hotter than usual. My shoulders shuddered beneath my clothes, my legs bounced up and down nervously as I sat in the back of Sam's truck, the four of us driving down to the Blacks' house.
"What's the plan?" Paul asked, rubbing his hands together as he grinned up at Sam in the rear view mirror. Sam turned his head, glancing at the back seat before averting his attention on the road once more. "We go inside, me and Jared at first, and you and Embry can wait outside. We'll call Embry when he's needed."
"Why am I here then?" Paul asked, a frown set deep into his features and he gripped the side of Sam's chair and leaned forward. I could hear the grin in Sam's voice as he responded, "in case it gets out of hand."
We pulled up to the little red house, the smell of old oil and grease from the garage filling my nostrils. Looking to the garage I could see the door was shut, something Jake only seemed to do when he didn't plan on going inside; the fading smell from within only seemed to prove that he hadn't been in there for a while.
The truck came to a halt, and I pushed myself to breathe as I stared at the house, watching the curtain flicker as it returned to its usual position. No one spoke a word as we got out, shutting the doors, and listening to the dry mud crumble beneath our feet. Sam told Paul and I to sit on a log to the right of the house with a nodding gesture before he and Jared continued to move towards the front door.
Three knocks on one of the glass panels, seven seconds, and the door was opened. Sam and Jared's hulking frames blocked the entrance, hiding Billy's body from the doorway as he backed away, wheels squeaking as he allowed the two wolves into the house. Paul sat to my right on the weathered log, picking at blades of grass and tearing them down the middle before discarding the pieces and moving on to another.
I breathed deeply, my heart pounding like a hammer on cloth as I listened to the hushed voices from within. Billy's wheels continued to squeak as they moved the short distance to the living room, Jared and Sam following after.
"Jacob-"
"My dad said you had something to tell me." He sneered, his words laced with venom. It was a voice I didn't recognise, a voice I didn't —couldn't — associate with Jacob. "Jacob." Billy warned, his voice tired, drained.
He must have spent hours waiting up at night for something to happen, for Jake to phase. He must have feared for his only son, as Billy himself had heard the pain we went through during the change. Billy saw us all as his sons, almost like Sam did. He looked to guide us through a path he was never able to take. Perhaps he wished for Jake to have a different life, a life where he wouldn't risk his own life to save countless others. It was plain to see that Billy believed phasing was a gift, as tribal elders believed it was a gift from the spirits to protect the lives of our people.
With Jake phasing in the future, it meant that a bonfire would be needed, stories would be told and I'd be viewed as dirt. I was used to the looks of disgust, my mother being from a different tribe, she had a child out of wedlock. Billy was one of the few people that treated me differently, he had always treated me like a son. I just wished that other people felt the same.
Sam began to speak once more, his voice quieter, and I felt myself straining to hear him. The air surrounding the house seemed tense, Paul noticed this too as he shifted forward, his face hard. It had occurred to me that Paul was listening for the signal, Sam's signal for me to make my entrance. Unfortunately, I hadn't been told what the signal was, meaning that I had to wait for either my name to be called, a possible howl, a bark or Paul to tell me to get off my ass and go inside. I was hoping for the latter.
Paul himself seemed to grow tired of waiting after a good five minutes, drumming his fingers against the log in a disgustingly familiar repetitive rhythm. I found myself unwillingly counting to four in my head, no thanks to Paul; yet our waiting and the counting continued for an extended period of time, without a word from Sam or Jared for me to come inside.
"You look like you're going to burst out of your skin or start crying any second now, Call." Paul murmured, a smirk growing on his arrogant face.
"I'm just worried about how he'll take this... I mean, it would have been nice for us all to have been told beforehand. But honestly, I think if we were told what was happening we wouldn't have believed it." I explained, leaning forward and grabbing a handful of grass, ripping a clump up from the roots. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Paul nodding thoughtfully as he picked at the bark of the log before speaking.
"Jake's been taught about this stuff for years, but I doubt he'll believe it really. He'll just think they're stories. I'm hoping he flips, honestly. I could do with a little entertainment." I felt my neck click as I whipped my head around to face him, a firm expression on my face as I stared at him. "Not funny." I grunted, harshly staring down at the grass, watching as a beetle wove its way between the blades. A snort was Paul's response, and he soon threw a handful of bark against my lap, littering my jeans.
"Hey, princess. Look here." Raising my head, I raised an eyebrow as I did as he asked; waiting for him to continue.
"You've gotta believe things will be fine. Yeah not everyone believes in faith and that crap, but you've gotta tell yourself that things will be all okay in the end. The only thing that will happen here is that Jake will tell Sam it's bullshit, he'll go all Incredible Hulk; he'll get pushed outside, he'll phase. That's it." A small smile formed on his lips, but this was an unfamiliar smile to me, especially since it was coming from Paul.
This was a Sam smile, one of the smiles he'd give me when we'd finish patrols. Feeling an familiar sense of déjà vu, I tried not to revel in the comfort Paul was offering me. "You're starting to sound like Sam," I looked toward the house, biting down on my bottom lip for a moment, "he'd be proud."
I received another piece of bark for my statement, yet Paul continued to smile before he rose to his feet and looked to the house, his body language changing in seconds. "You're up, champ." He announced, clapping me on the back like a proud father as I stood up. I faltered for a moment, hearing a thud from inside the house; Paul pushed me forward.
"In. Now."
I quickly moved to the house, slowing for a moment to push open the front door. Already unlocked.
"You want me to believe this? You want me to sit here like a good little boy and listen to the bullshit you're telling me?" Jake exclaimed, his voice growing louder. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding as I walked through the kitchen and towards the living room, swallowing hard. I kept my gaze cast to the ground as I grew closer, feeling Jake's eyes on me. I glanced over at him, avoiding his eyes and watching his brows furrow as he moved towards me, his body blurring. His skin was slick with sweat, his face had lost all traces of puppy fat; his jaw hard and angular, his forearms were muscular- hell, his everything was muscular.
"You." He spat, gripping hold of my shoulders and pushing me backwards through the kitchen and out the front door, our eyes meeting the second he formed the idea to raise his fist. I felt a pressure on my eyes, my head as he stared at me, and I stared back. His own pupils were small, angry, his irises almost black as he continued to shake and his punch hit home.
As his fist hit my jaw, and the air echoed with the sound of a breaking jaw, I felt a shiver roll through my body, my entire world shifting. A cold feeling crept over me, like my whole body was falling through an icy body of water, and he was my air. His inky hair fell in a curtain around us as I felt myself fall and my back collided with the concrete, his body hard and boiling against my own cool one. Our heat mingled until it was uncomfortably hot, like I was now sinking through lava.
My soul felt tethered to his and I let out a cry as the two of us shifted, and I watched fur sprout around us, his muzzle pressed to mine, teeth bared as I lay beneath him in shock, listening to him snarl at my quaking form. I gazed into his eyes, letting out a breath I never realised I was holding. My lungs ached as they filled with much needed oxygen.
I hate you. You left me and I-
Jake?
His thoughts were all over the place, his muzzle relaxing as he breathed, his ears held back against his head as he listened to the sounds around us; his dark eyes darting back and forth between me, his paws and the area around us.
Why can I hear you? God dammit, why can I hear you? He asked, his voice a panicked whine as he backed away from me, allowing me to clamber onto my own four legs to face him. My back still ached from the fall, my jaw felt stiff from the possible fracture. I opened my mouth, feeling it crack once again, then a cool feeling trickled down my jaw and blood dripped between my teeth, hitting the concrete beneath us.
He winced, ears flat against his fur covered skull as he listened to the small 'plop' of blood. I wanted to reach out to him, remove the worried wrinkles from his face, but I ignored the need to do so.
This is how we communicate, Jake. You don't have to be scared.
He moved one large paw, flicking a scrap of denim across the concrete. I couldn't tell whether it was mine or his.
You're telling me. He breathed, seeming to sigh as I looked at the littered scraps of clothing around us. Slowly blinking, I turned to look at Sam, Jared, Paul and Billy as they remained nearby, overlooking the situation. The tired look in Billy's eyes was almost worrying, and his skin looked oddly pale, like he was trying not to pass out. Sam had one hand on his shoulder, and he looked over at me and nodded.
I guess now I understand why you left.
Averting my attention back to Jake, I huffed as he lowered his head, doing his best not to look at the other members of our pack as Sam approached and coaxed us in the direction of the woods. We followed, our alpha leading, Jake stuck close to my side, thoughts brimming with images of me before and after phasing, of how he and Quil felt betrayed in finding out I'd left them for Sam.
Do you forgive me for leaving? I asked Jake, gulping as I awaited his response. With a moment or two of silence he responded, padding gently until we reached the woods.
We'll have to see about that. I could hear the grin in his voice, his muzzle was pulled back into an equally similar grin.
Sam phased within moments of us passing the treeline. He essentially went through the basics, informing Jake of his position of alpha, how Jared was his beta; and how we were all pack brothers, and we needed to rely on each other as much as possible to keep a certain level of balance throughout the pack. Jake listened, albeit forcefully, as he grew upset once he found out that he had to stay away from Bella and Quil. My heart ached when he said he couldn't leave Bella behind, that he promised he wouldn't leave her; yet Sam's alpha order prevented him giving in and seeing her.
Quil on the other hand was expected to join us after a while, and so he was slightly happier after hearing that particular fact; yet his thoughts were fixed on Bella, even once Sam showed him the incident between him and Emily, the incident that caused her to be scarred for the rest of her life. He showed Jake her scream, the way his claws tore through her flesh, the way blood trickled down her skin. He showed him the anger he felt, the pain that followed after, the sadness once he realised what he had done. It wasn't used to scare Jake, it was used to warn him.
The slightest mistake could ruin a human's life, and that was something Sam didn't want to happen. None of us wanted it to happen. I watched as a shudder passed through Sam's sleek black fur as he then closed his eyes, showing his life with his marred imprint; how he'd kiss her scars and watch her sleep, whispering apologies to her when he thought she was sleeping. You would have thought that he killed Emily, but to Sam it was like he had; he could have killed the most important person in his life — his imprint.
As I mulled the word over in my head, I felt my stomach churn, my heart thudded painfully loud and I looked towards Jake; whereas Sam looked at me.
Embry, phase. Now. He ordered, causing a shudder to roll down my spine as I moved further into the woods, shutting my thoughts out from Sam and Jake for a short moment before I phased. I let out a laboured breath as I knelt beside a tree, covering my junk with my forearms. It immediately occurred to me that mine and Jacob's phasing ruined the clothes we were wearing at the time; hence the flicking of the fabric back outside the little red house.
"Oi, princess!" Paul called, whistling slightly as he approached. I lifted my head and held out an arm as he threw a pair of shorts in my direction, soon catching them. I murmured a word of thanks and turned away, Paul averting his gaze as I pulled the shorts on, groaning as they hung loose on my hips. A snort sounded from Paul, causing me to glance at him with a raised brow.
He held his hands up, rolling his eyes. "Not my fault you're so skinny. They're Jake's. Billy got me to get a few pairs... for obvious reasons." I nodded once, understanding and joined Paul as he began to walk back towards the house, his hands in the pockets of his worn jeans. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, seemingly searching for the words he needed to ask. "Sooo... Sam made you phase pretty quickly."
"How do you know?"
"Eh, he growled, Jared and I both noticed so he went to you guys and phased in just as you phased out." He smirked at me, stopping at one of my destroyed boots. "Smart enough to take his clothes off before they got ruined, though." He kicked the sole of my discarded boot and the rubber went hurtling across the lawn.
"Couldn't help it." I murmured, huffing as I took in the shredded clothes and footwear. Mom's gonna kill me.
Paul stopped walking, he turned to face me and lowered his head, speaking in a low, soft tone. "Why did he make you phase though?" I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat, harshly biting down on my bottom lip as I shook my head; encouraging Paul to drop the subject. "Hey." He placed a hand on my shoulder, and so I met his gaze and I watched something change in his eyes as my shoulders slumped. His eyes shifted as they scanned mine and he then looked behind us, into the woods.
This unspoken information seemed to tell him everything he needed to know, and he seemed gentle — almost caring as he spoken again. "He didn't forgive you, did he?"
I frowned at his question and immediately found myself lulled back into a sense of security and secrecy as I realised that he didn't know my new secret, he was completely unaware. I relished in that particular feeling, the feeling of escaping reality. Sam knew exactly what happened, and I desperately hoped that he wouldn't admit the truth to Jake or the rest of the pack.
After returning to Sam's with Paul, I made an immediate beeline for the bathroom, locking myself in the yellow and cream room; seashells from First Beach adorning the windowsill. I changed back into my own clothes, seeking out my bag in the spare room. The cool porcelain of the bathroom sink warmed quickly under my heated palms and I desperately wished to cool myself the second I began to think about Jacob again. Lifting my head, I stared at my own reflection in the mirror, watching my eyes blur with tears that I refused to let go of.
I found myself mouthing words to my reflection; 'I imprinted.' My heart painfully pounded in my chest as I remembered the way his pupils dilated the moment I imprinted, his eyes swimming with emotions... At least I was sure it was imprinting — Sam himself seemed like he realised it too.
Did it mean I was gay? Was something wrong with me? Imprinting was to ensure that a wolf received his perfect mate, someone that he could produce the best offspring with and strengthen the chance of passing on the gene. It wasn't like Jake and I could have a pup in the den. Where the hell would the baby come out of? Would I be the mom? Would Jake go out and work and put food on the table while I looked after a litter of pups?
For a disturbingly long time I pictured myself standing before a floor length mirror with a swollen stomach, smiling as Jake returned from work, kissed my cheek and pressed a firm hand to my stomach. I frantically shook my head, expelling the thoughts. "You're losing it, Embry." I whispered to myself, allowing my head to gently thud against the mirror before me.
I didn't think being gay was wrong, I supported it. I supported the idea of two people coming together and loving each other; it was a god given right. There had been times when I stared at Jake a little too long in the locker rooms... or I accidentally let my eyes linger on his lips as he licked them as he was talking, but that's something that everyone's done... Right?
Unfortunately I couldn't convince myself that everyone had an accidental gay experience, and splashing water on my face and neck seemed to be the only way of bringing myself back to reality. That only lasted for approximately three seconds. My constant groaning and the splashing of water for half an hour in Emily's bathroom probably wasn't a great plan considering I was in a house with four other wolves who were all probably thinking that I was failing to get rid of a raging hard-on. Which I certainly wasn't.
After dabbing at my face with a hand towel, I eventually forced myself out of the bathroom and downstairs into the kitchen, wearing just a pair of my own cut-offs, my chest bare, and I watched how all of the guys in the room shifted awkwardly. My descent was just enough time to get a proper look at Jake, and he looked back at me. His eyes seemed to quickly scan across my body — my chest. He was now without a shirt, seeming even more muscular than before, but all his hair was gone. He lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine and I watched as his cheeks darkened with a blush. I blinked, convincing myself that I didn't just see Jacob Black blush like a lovesick school kid.
"Your hair..." I whispered, slowly stepping towards him, my right hand forming a fist at my side. Hair was sacred to a lot of natives, hence why Jake had it as long as he did. His now shortly cropped hair allowed a better look at his angular face, the muscles in his neck and shoulders. A weak smile appeared on his lips as he ran his hand through the now short strands, his cheeks losing their red colouring from his blush. "Emily cut it for me... I think I look pretty good." I opened my mouth, attempting to speak, yet a voice cut my off.
"With all the moaning and groaning you were doing in the bathroom, I expected you to look like a mess when you came down." Paul quipped, his forearms resting across the dining table as he smiled up at me, offering me a wink. I lifted a hand, flipping him the bird, a smile curling onto my own lips as I blinked at him and sat down on the chair across from Jake. A small clatter sounded from the door; Emily soon stepped inside, a dustpan and brush in her hands.
After putting the objects away, Emily approached the table, nodding at Jacob as she addressed me. "Did a pretty good job this time, don't you think?" A smile pulled at her lips as she looked over at her handiwork. "With more pups joining you'll be having to open your own salon, Em." Sam chuckled, his eyes shining with love and admiration for his fiancée. Once again, I found myself pondering over something; if I'd ever look at Jake the same way.
"As long as there's no more imprinting or whiny kids, I don't really mind." Paul stated, grinning at me from across the table. He then looked to Jake, a mischievous expression forming on his face. "What about you, pup? Imprinted on anyone we know?" I felt my heart sink at his words, watching as Jake raised a questioning eyebrow. He soon looked to Sam, frowning at our alpha. "What's imprinting? I heard Embry mention it earlier when..." His voice trailed off, sentence unfinished. For the briefest second Sam looked my way, noticing my discomfort.
Unfortunately, imprinting was something that was explained to us all as the pack grew. It was supposed to be rare, yet glancing from Sam and Jared, and thinking of myself, it seemed as if imprinting certainly wasn't rare at all. After waiting with bated breath, Sam responded to the question as he shifted in his seat. He rubbed at his chin for a moment or two before he then began his explanation.
"Imprinting is viewed as a rare thing amongst packs such as ours. Imprinting is where you find your soulmate — your perfect match, your mate. An imprint is supposed to be a thing that allows two people to support each other. It was supposed to be a way of passing on the gene, our gene." Sam looked to me again, just a small movement of his eyes, like he was simply looking around the room.
"As time changes, imprints do too. It's supposed to benefit both people in the relationship, whether it's sexual, romantic or platonic. The wolf who imprints becomes whatever the 'imprint' needs."
"Like love at first sight?" Jake asked, his eyes wide, shining with a rather interested expression. I found myself hoping he wasn't wishing to imprint on Bella.
"It's not love at first sight, really. It's more like... gravity moves. When you see them, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. They are. And nothing matters more than them. And you would do anything for them, be anything for them... You become whatever they need you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother."
I refrained from gulping as Jared and Paul frowned deeply, seemingly picking up on Sam's use of 'they.' The first talk we all had on imprinting involved 'she,' not 'they.' I was expecting everyone to look at me, like I'd given out some kind of scent, or as if I'd stood up on the middle of the table and admitted to the world that I had imprinted on Jacob Black. No looks were thrown my way, and I was almost grateful for the lack of attention.
There was one person who watched me though, Emily. She stood against the counter, having moved once the imprinting explanation began. Her eyes met mine, and I was sure that my eyes, my expression, gave me away. A part of me thought I'd see disgust in her eyes, that she'd tell me to get out of her house, yet she didn't utter a word.
"Does the imprint feel it too?" Jake asked, his voice soft as he fiddled with his fingers. Sam's face seemed blank for a moment, yet the expression was gone as quickly as it had appeared as he then responded.
"Well from what we've seen so far, Jared's imprint felt it," he looked up at Emily, "but Emily didn't." He offered his fiancée a weak smile and she soon joined him at the table, wrapping her arms around him as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Once again, Emily looked to me, a smile growing on her lips. Not another word was spoken as Sam leaned into Emily's embrace and he blinked slowly as he took her in.
Jake watched them, Jared and Paul spoke to one another, and I watched as a smile found its way to Jake's lips; he then uttered the very words I was hoping he wouldn't speak — the words I never thought I'd be so affected by. "I wish I'd imprint on Bella." He murmured, turning to face me, his smile still present. I let out a choked sound, feeling my heart in my mouth, my gut aching as if I'd been hit through my abdomen with a bowling ball. I felt winded, my eyes filled with tears. All eyes were on me as I sat there, struggling to breathe.
Paul came to my aid, a firm hand on my back as he laughed. "Swallow and breathe at the same time, Call?" He patted my back, and I found myself breathing again as I swallowed and wiped my eyes. "I guess I did." I forced a laugh, my voice straining to be heard as Paul gave my back a final pat. My eyes met Jake's, my heart beating at a more regular pace as a warm feeling flooded through me as his piercing gaze met mine.
"Sorry, Jake." I breathed, offering him an embarrassed smile. He returned my smile with one of his own, but he raised an eyebrow at my words.
"You're apologising for choking?" His voice was gentle, confused. A short laugh left his lips as he leaned forward and laid his hand over mine as it rested against the surface of the table. The action almost caused me to choke for the second time, yet I found myself wearing a smirk that mirrored his and I laid my free hand over his, gently patting the back of his hand. "Love you too, Jake." I winked across at him, feeling the heat from our bodies mix together and make my heart pound for a moment or two.
It pains me to say, yet our fun gay time didn't last long. Jake grew uncomfortable — not with me — but with being there, in the house, with the guys and Emily. The small talk on wolf duties and hunting vampires caused him some obvious discomfort. Unfortunately, Paul broke the not so gentle news to him that the love of his life — Bella — was with a vampire, one of the Cullens. I watched him mentally piece together the things he'd been told about them, or how Bella had been involved in numerous 'accidents' that he now understood to be vampire related. With his anger beginning to show, only our alpha could encourage his older members to drag him from the house and away from Emily.
"Jared, Paul, take Jacob on a short patrol. Show him the ropes. He needs to blow off some steam." Sam's voice resonated throughout the room, causing Paul to groan in response. Jake frowned, eyes meeting mine. "What about Embry?"
"I need him to help me with something. He can join the longer patrol tomorrow." Paul, Jared and Jake all rose to their feet, moving towards the door. I followed them closely, touching Jake's wrist as he passed the doorway to the front of the house. He stopped, turning his head to face me as both Jared and Paul proceeded down the steps. I felt his anger leave him, his expression softer and his pulse calming.
I averted my attention back to Jake once the other two guys were on the grass, moving to the tree line to the left of the house. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" Jake flashed me an awkward grin, seemingly uncomfortable with having to patrol with Paul and Jared, but he was thankfully calmer than before. He nodded once, offering me a wry grin.
"I'll hold you to that, Em."
His grin left my sight as he jogged down the steps and across the grass, the muscles on his back rippling with every breath — every movement. Turning back, I jumped, Emily stood in front of me, a knowing look in her eyes; her eyebrows raised as she sported a wry grin. "Tea, coffee?" She asked, her arms crossed over her chest, hip held out to the side. I offered her a small smile, feeling my cheeks heat as I replied, "Coffee, please."
The small black haired woman before me nodded, and gestured towards Sam for me to follow him through the house. My feet felt heavy as I followed him, almost jumping as Emily slid the glass door shut. If I had learnt anything from spending time at Emily's, a closed door meant privacy away from anyone else.
"Take a seat." Sam's soft voice was something I was used to at this point, as he treated me more gently than both Paul and Jared. Looking into his mind when we were phased, I could see that Sam didn't pity me at all, he just wanted to do his best to help me; as well as the other members of the pack.
With both of us seated, Sam's forearms resting on his knees as he blinked across at me, we began the dreaded conversation. "Now, it's pretty obvious what this conversation is about." Sam stated, stretching out his fingers as Emily entered, placing a tray of hot beverages on the table before taking a seat next to Sam. I nodded in response to his previous statement, watching as Emily smiled and spoke herself.
"Now we've dealt with this together," she looked to Sam, "and we dealt with this when it came to Jared and Kim. Now Embry, we need to make sure that you yourself are aware that you imprinted."
I nodded, letting out a sigh as I ran my hands through my hair and sucked in a breath. "You have to admit it, that's the first step to getting anywhere with an imprint." Emily clarified, she reached for her coffee, encouraging Sam and I to do the same. Clasping my mug in my hands I allowed the hot liquid to slide down my throat, the taste of coffee dancing through my tastebuds. After the first mouthful, I placed the mug back on the tray and bit down on my bottom lip, rubbing the back of my neck to force myself to speak the words that the wolf so keenly wished me to say.
One breath, ten ticks of the clock and another mug placed on the tray, and I finally spoke. "I imprinted on Jake." I announced, feeling a warm sensation wash over me. Grins were planted on Sam and Emily's lips, and I found myself offering back a grin of my own, yet I still felt anxious as hell as I continued to sit there.
"Well, at least the first step is completed." A motherly air surrounded Emily, and I found myself feeling more comfortable, more relaxed.
"Does this make me gay?" I asked, a nervous laugh escaping me as I clutched my mug again, no longer feeling the comfortable heat that I did before phasing. Silence fell upon the living room once more as the two older people in the room considered their replies.
"Perhaps... That's if the relationship between you two is physical. Even then you could bisexual." Came Sam's reply. A wave of sadness seemed to pass over Emily, and Sam and I watched as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat before she then spoke. "As far as we know, Embry, you're the only LGBT person in the tribe. I'm not saying you are, but imprints are usually romantic from what we've seen. The situation could be different for you. There could be others, there could be people in Forks that are gay and they're not out yet... It just means you're going to struggle to go to someone for advice if that's what you need."
Emily took the time to look to her fiancé, Sam's voice rather strained. "You see, the problem with you imprinting on Jacob is that we can't look through any records about it. Whether the imprint between you two makes you friends or boyfriends, people within the tribe may look at the situation in a bad light. There's still a heavy set of ideas when it comes to being gay in the tribe, that's why it's so uncommon.
"When I was younger I remember Billy teaching some of us about how tribes would treat any gay or gender variant people, and they actually acted pretty positively to these cases. They would celebrate these particular people, as they were viewed as being more spiritual than many other people in the tribe. There's been cases before of the French coming over and being horrified at how many gay people there were, and how men would dress as women, but Natives would accept and celebrate these people. They respected them."
I found myself frowning, Sam's explanation seemingly jogging a memory I had from some years ago. It was around Father's Day, and I remembered going to the Rec centre to make gifts for our dads. The gifts were typical things; painted mugs, bird houses and handmade jewellery. Personally, I didn't want to go to the centre, I couldn't see the point in sitting around and making something for a father I didn't know — but I went for Jake.
Jake picked a blank mug, planning to paint a river scene with salmon passing up stream. The idea was great, wonderful, it was just a shame that the same couldn't be said for Jake's handiwork. A toothy grin was plastered on Jake's face for what seemed like hours as he painted away at the mug. I sat there for the whole time, watching kids giggle over the things they were making their dads. I smiled at the right moments, doing my utmost to seem amused and content with watching Jake paint his mug a dirty blue; not wanting to seem too critical of his masterpiece.
Deeming his mug finished, Jake moved to the restroom, leaving me to stand outside with his work as it dried. I was close to uttering a prayer for Jake having to wait so long in line to wash his hands, yet my prayer was forgotten when Leah Clearwater came through the door to my left; her little brother Seth's hand gripping tightly onto hers. A wide grin grew on Seth's mouth when he saw me, and so he began to tug at Leah's hand and pull her in my direction.
Leah's long black hair whipped around her shoulders as a breeze picked up, the weather being warm enough to forget a coat. She wore a grey cardigan over a pale blue shirt, her thin legs shrouded in denim jeans, a pair of black boots on her feet. Seth wore a pair of red shorts, his chubby legs stuffed into a pair of black sneakers, and a thick hoodie covering his torso. "Hey, Em!" Seth exclaimed, deep dimples on his cheeks as he grinned up at me. Leah herself merely laughed as her brother pulled her to me, yet I caught the roll of her eyes. "Hey, Seth, Leah." Leah nodded, a small smile on her lips.
"You waiting for Jake?" She asked, letting go of Seth's hand as he did his best to pull away. He chose to stick close to her side, though, probably being aware of the trouble he'd get himself into if he strayed too far. "Yeah, he's just waiting to wash his hands. He got 'em covered in paint." I explained; Leah snorted in response.
"Good luck with that, the line's huge." She quipped, pulling herself up to sit on the railing just to the side of me, Seth and I still standing. A tug on my hoodie drew my attention away from Leah. "He made Billy another mug, right?" Seth piped up, doing his best not to be ignored throughout the conversation as he gestured to the mug in my hand. I nodded a reply.
Leah watched me with a rather odd expression, seeming sad when she realised that the mug wasn't mine; I didn't have a dad to celebrate the day with. Later on in the week, when Father's Day arrived, Billy had received his dirty salmon mug from Jake, along with cards from Rebecca and Rachel. He hugged Jacob, telling him he loved the mug, and so he placed it beside the mug Jake had made him the previous year. "Getting better each year, son." He stated, grinning with pride as he stared at the poorly painted salmon. The mug was honestly a piece of crap, yet he loved it.
"Embry didn't make anything because he's boring." Jake stated, rolling his eyes at me. The happy expression Billy was wearing faded as he swatted at his son, frowning across at him. "You know why Embry didn't make anything." He tutted, looking to me and offering me an apologetic smile.
"If you ever want to make something and give it to me, you can. You and Jake are close enough it wouldn't surprise me if you two got married and made me you father in law." Billy laughed at his words, creases forming at the corners of his eyes as Jake pulled a face and I blushed.
Looking back to the present, I focused my attention on Sam as he pressed on. "As time's gone on, a lot of our kind have changed their views on a lot of things because of white people and how they viewed the world. Think back to history class, how in the eighteen hundreds Native kids were taken away from their families and raised with Christian values; they had their hair cut, they were given white names. They were 'civilising' them. White history has impacted us more than we know, and this is one example of that."
With a smile Emily rose from her seat and moved to the seat closest to me, placing a careful hand on mine as it rested on my knee. "What Sam's trying to say is, if we were currently alive during the eighteen hundreds and before then, there'd be a greater level of acceptance. But what you need to understand is that we accept this, Embry. Whatever you choose, whatever Jake chooses, we'll support you both. We're still like the Natives all those years ago that celebrated being gay, celebrated the two-spirited people. You have our full support, and we'll help you whenever we can."
Emily's words warmed my heart, and I could only hope that she wasn't right — that people would all accept the possible relationship between the two of us so that any awkwardness or abuse could be avoided. With a squeeze of my hand, like earlier, Emily then looked to Sam before averting her gaze back to mine, her dark eyes full of empathy and something I believed to be acceptance.
"There are tribal elders that won't accept this, but if Jacob decides that he wants to remain as friends, or that he wants to be with you, Billy should be supportive of your relationship. Yes, he's wanted Jake and Bella to be together for years, but if he realises that you've imprinted then he should overlook that, and instead he'll show you his support."