Title: Pointless
Author: R.C. Monkeytree
Summary: Y'know, I'm not too sure anymore. But it's something about Buffy, Spike and Cordy all making Angel cry. I don't call this a fanfic. I call it observations made through use of BtVS/AtS characters.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Grave and Tomorrow (Angel).
"How did we get here?" The newly Happy and Life-Lovin' Buffy Summers gazed around the strange room with the distasteful puke-green wallpaper. One second, she was happily, uh… engaged in recreational activities with her boyfriend, and the next thing she knew, she was standing in the middle of the room with all her clothes intact. Thankfully, whatever cruel powers sent her here also took care to send her boyfriend (unfortunately, clothes intact as well) to the same place too.
"Some mystical higher power, no doubt." The newly Ensouled and Poetry-Lovin' Spike answered his love. "Probably have to fight some nasties before we can go home."
Right on cue, two figures materialized out of the ceiling (puke green as well) and dropped to the floor- carpeted with a - you guessed it - puke green color. In case you didn't read the summary, those two figures will turn out to be Angel and Cordelia.
"Angel!" Buffy exclaimed in complete surprise. "What are you doing here?" As if he would know.
"I don't know," the vampire replied stoically- he never replied in any other tone. It's part of the wounded, brooding soul package. Then he noticed the other vampire. "Spike!"
"Angel!"
Buffy saw Cordelia. "Cordelia!"
"Buffy!"
Spike saw Cordelia. "Cordelia?"
"Spike!"
"Now that we've all been properly introduced, what the bloody hell is going on?" Spoken, of course, by Spike because nobody else would use British slang since Angel had long ago foolishly shed his potentially sexy Irish accent for a standard American L.A. accent. Except Giles. But he's not here.
"It's a punishment," Angel said darkly. "We've been captured by demons- and this is our torture. We'll be forced to turn against each other for food and survival."
"No, no, mate. It's a trial - we'll receive our rewards after we've defeated some evil demons."
"I think it's the Powers That Be behind all this," Cordelia said. "They want us to set aside our differences and test our teamwork."
Three pairs of eyes trained on Buffy for the answer.
"Um… maybe the First Slayer's playing with our dreams again?" the slayer suggested.
"The more important question is- why are *you* here?" Angel growled angrily at Spike.
"Well, me an' Goldilocks were shagging each other senseless-"
Angel punched him. Because he and Buffy share an immortal love and he gets jealous or something like that. But then Buffy socked him back because nobody messes with *her* boyfriend. A giant fight was about to break out until Cordelia started glowing white again and separated everyone with her inexplicably newly found demon powers.
"What the hell was that?" Spike asked, bewildered.
"I'm part demon," Cordelia bragged. "I get to help Angel and I also get these really cool glowy-white stuff."
"What's it do?"
"Nobody really knows. But it always comes in handy during tight spots," Cordelia responded. "Actually, it's all just a clever ploy for me to be integrated into the plot and to portray me as an Ass Kicking Female Role Model, so we can negate the non-feminist princess outfit I had to wear last season."
"Spike's good now," Buffy told Angel quickly before he could go Rambo again. "He has a soul."
"What?" Angel's face almost had an expression at that.
"I've got a soul, mate," Spike beamed. "I'm a white-hat now."
"You have a soul?"
"Congratulations?" Cordelia offered. Spike nodded at Cordy, pleased.
"You have a soul?" Angel repeated. "Well, that's not very fair. *I* have a soul! *ME*! I'm the unique, prophesized vampire-with-a-soul-on-a-mission-of-redemption! ME!"
"Now, now, peaches, you've got to learn to share."
"Is the soul permanent?" That's what Cordelia really wanted to know.
"Oh, yeah," Buffy chuckled lowly as she slipped an arm around Spike's waist. "Trust me. We've tested it out."
"Repeatedly," Spike added.
The color of Angel's face resembled nothing less than a tomato.
"B- but- but-" Angel sputtered. "You can't have a soul. I have a soul. That's not fair."
"Bleedin' broken record," Spike sighed. "I've got a soul. Deal."
"But I have my own show!" Angel said desperately.
"Wah, wah, wah, boo, hoo," Spike mocked. "You sound like Dawn."
"But I'm unique!"
"Hmm… no, you're really not," Spike shook his head. "I mean… I was even a better evil vampire than you were. I'm the one who killed two slayers."
"That is true," Cordelia nodded. "You didn't really do much when you were evil except *try* to kill Buffy."
"Even Drusilla," Buffy gagged at saying her name, "killed a slayer."
"Well, I wasn't trying!" Angel said defensively.
"Right."
"Uh-huh."
"I believe you," Cordelia patted his arm.
"I wasn't!"
"Plus I could love Buffy without a soul." Spike wasn't helping the situation, but it was sure a lot of fun to watch Angel's face turn a shade of green.
"And he could have sex with her," Cordelia said.
"Repeatedly."
"Ooh, and he has a soul now!" Buffy said.
"A permanent soul," Cordelia added.
Angel looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"Well… I have Connor!" Angel said triumphantly.
"Whose mother was an evil vampire," Spike scoffed.
"Who locked you in a cage at the bottom of the ocean," Cordelia said.
"Plus, Spike's way more paternal with Dawn and he's not even related to her," Buffy smiled sweetly.
"I have cool hair. There's a lot of gel in it!"
"Hello?" Spike gestured to his way cooler Billy Idol platinum blond hair. All messed up, post-coital like it was in Intervention and thus making him look *really* hot.
"I have a cool car?"
"I have a motorcycle."
"I have a tattoo!"
"I've got a sexy, dangerously looking scar in plain view."
"I've got… my coat!"
"Oh, please!"
Defeated, Angel slumped to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He may have been crying, but by then Cordelia was too busy gossiping with Buffy about how Willow tried to kill everybody and Xander's a hero and blah, blah, blah; and Spike's off in the corner smoking because even though he has a soul now, he's still all cool and rebellious and not brooding and boring.
After five hours, a door magically appeared on the side.
"Look, we're free!" Buffy cheered happily. Now she could get back to naked Spike and guiltless sex, because he had a soul now. She grabbed Spike and dragged him outside to find the nearest flat surface with some privacy.
Angel was still sitting on the floor. Cordy probably should've ditched him, but then, she's all loyal and in love with him and everything. Plus, he has to drive them back to L.A.
"Oh, Angel." She enveloped him in a gentle hug, comforting him. "It's okay."
"This sucks!" Angel said eloquently in his usually poetic way. "Spike does everything better! This is so unfair! I was first and I tried harder! I've moped and brooded around for centuries and then he just swoops in with a permanent soul and he gets to be with Buffy." Angel stuck his bottom lip out petulantly and beat his feet against the floor. "I don't see why I should even bother. He'll probably be redeemed and get shanshued or become human or whatever before I do."
"You still have me, Angel."
"In a couple of years, you'll probably go on his spin-off and be *his* love interest."
"I wouldn't do that to you, Angel," Cordelia promised. Well, not unless they were paying her well to be on the show.
"Maybe I should just give up. He can take over. He probably will eventually, anyway."
"Angel! Don't say that!" Cordelia seized him by his hulking shoulders and stared into his eyes. "If there is no great glorious end to all this, if - nothing we do matters, - then all that matters is what we do. 'cause that's all there is. What we do, now, today. People shouldn't suffer, as they do. Because, if there is no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness - is the greatest thing in the world."
Angel blinked.
"Okay, you just so totally stole that entire thing from what I said to Kate Lockley in season two."
Cordelia shrugged innocently.
"Hey, I just want to get out of here. It's been five hours without a bathroom. I'm kind of starting to have an emergency here."
"All right, all right," Angel got to his feet, grumbling.
Cordelia linked arms with him and led him towards the outside world, full of love and redemption and fluffy puppies and shit.
"What the hell were we doing here anyway?"
Author: R.C. Monkeytree
Summary: Y'know, I'm not too sure anymore. But it's something about Buffy, Spike and Cordy all making Angel cry. I don't call this a fanfic. I call it observations made through use of BtVS/AtS characters.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Grave and Tomorrow (Angel).
"How did we get here?" The newly Happy and Life-Lovin' Buffy Summers gazed around the strange room with the distasteful puke-green wallpaper. One second, she was happily, uh… engaged in recreational activities with her boyfriend, and the next thing she knew, she was standing in the middle of the room with all her clothes intact. Thankfully, whatever cruel powers sent her here also took care to send her boyfriend (unfortunately, clothes intact as well) to the same place too.
"Some mystical higher power, no doubt." The newly Ensouled and Poetry-Lovin' Spike answered his love. "Probably have to fight some nasties before we can go home."
Right on cue, two figures materialized out of the ceiling (puke green as well) and dropped to the floor- carpeted with a - you guessed it - puke green color. In case you didn't read the summary, those two figures will turn out to be Angel and Cordelia.
"Angel!" Buffy exclaimed in complete surprise. "What are you doing here?" As if he would know.
"I don't know," the vampire replied stoically- he never replied in any other tone. It's part of the wounded, brooding soul package. Then he noticed the other vampire. "Spike!"
"Angel!"
Buffy saw Cordelia. "Cordelia!"
"Buffy!"
Spike saw Cordelia. "Cordelia?"
"Spike!"
"Now that we've all been properly introduced, what the bloody hell is going on?" Spoken, of course, by Spike because nobody else would use British slang since Angel had long ago foolishly shed his potentially sexy Irish accent for a standard American L.A. accent. Except Giles. But he's not here.
"It's a punishment," Angel said darkly. "We've been captured by demons- and this is our torture. We'll be forced to turn against each other for food and survival."
"No, no, mate. It's a trial - we'll receive our rewards after we've defeated some evil demons."
"I think it's the Powers That Be behind all this," Cordelia said. "They want us to set aside our differences and test our teamwork."
Three pairs of eyes trained on Buffy for the answer.
"Um… maybe the First Slayer's playing with our dreams again?" the slayer suggested.
"The more important question is- why are *you* here?" Angel growled angrily at Spike.
"Well, me an' Goldilocks were shagging each other senseless-"
Angel punched him. Because he and Buffy share an immortal love and he gets jealous or something like that. But then Buffy socked him back because nobody messes with *her* boyfriend. A giant fight was about to break out until Cordelia started glowing white again and separated everyone with her inexplicably newly found demon powers.
"What the hell was that?" Spike asked, bewildered.
"I'm part demon," Cordelia bragged. "I get to help Angel and I also get these really cool glowy-white stuff."
"What's it do?"
"Nobody really knows. But it always comes in handy during tight spots," Cordelia responded. "Actually, it's all just a clever ploy for me to be integrated into the plot and to portray me as an Ass Kicking Female Role Model, so we can negate the non-feminist princess outfit I had to wear last season."
"Spike's good now," Buffy told Angel quickly before he could go Rambo again. "He has a soul."
"What?" Angel's face almost had an expression at that.
"I've got a soul, mate," Spike beamed. "I'm a white-hat now."
"You have a soul?"
"Congratulations?" Cordelia offered. Spike nodded at Cordy, pleased.
"You have a soul?" Angel repeated. "Well, that's not very fair. *I* have a soul! *ME*! I'm the unique, prophesized vampire-with-a-soul-on-a-mission-of-redemption! ME!"
"Now, now, peaches, you've got to learn to share."
"Is the soul permanent?" That's what Cordelia really wanted to know.
"Oh, yeah," Buffy chuckled lowly as she slipped an arm around Spike's waist. "Trust me. We've tested it out."
"Repeatedly," Spike added.
The color of Angel's face resembled nothing less than a tomato.
"B- but- but-" Angel sputtered. "You can't have a soul. I have a soul. That's not fair."
"Bleedin' broken record," Spike sighed. "I've got a soul. Deal."
"But I have my own show!" Angel said desperately.
"Wah, wah, wah, boo, hoo," Spike mocked. "You sound like Dawn."
"But I'm unique!"
"Hmm… no, you're really not," Spike shook his head. "I mean… I was even a better evil vampire than you were. I'm the one who killed two slayers."
"That is true," Cordelia nodded. "You didn't really do much when you were evil except *try* to kill Buffy."
"Even Drusilla," Buffy gagged at saying her name, "killed a slayer."
"Well, I wasn't trying!" Angel said defensively.
"Right."
"Uh-huh."
"I believe you," Cordelia patted his arm.
"I wasn't!"
"Plus I could love Buffy without a soul." Spike wasn't helping the situation, but it was sure a lot of fun to watch Angel's face turn a shade of green.
"And he could have sex with her," Cordelia said.
"Repeatedly."
"Ooh, and he has a soul now!" Buffy said.
"A permanent soul," Cordelia added.
Angel looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"Well… I have Connor!" Angel said triumphantly.
"Whose mother was an evil vampire," Spike scoffed.
"Who locked you in a cage at the bottom of the ocean," Cordelia said.
"Plus, Spike's way more paternal with Dawn and he's not even related to her," Buffy smiled sweetly.
"I have cool hair. There's a lot of gel in it!"
"Hello?" Spike gestured to his way cooler Billy Idol platinum blond hair. All messed up, post-coital like it was in Intervention and thus making him look *really* hot.
"I have a cool car?"
"I have a motorcycle."
"I have a tattoo!"
"I've got a sexy, dangerously looking scar in plain view."
"I've got… my coat!"
"Oh, please!"
Defeated, Angel slumped to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He may have been crying, but by then Cordelia was too busy gossiping with Buffy about how Willow tried to kill everybody and Xander's a hero and blah, blah, blah; and Spike's off in the corner smoking because even though he has a soul now, he's still all cool and rebellious and not brooding and boring.
After five hours, a door magically appeared on the side.
"Look, we're free!" Buffy cheered happily. Now she could get back to naked Spike and guiltless sex, because he had a soul now. She grabbed Spike and dragged him outside to find the nearest flat surface with some privacy.
Angel was still sitting on the floor. Cordy probably should've ditched him, but then, she's all loyal and in love with him and everything. Plus, he has to drive them back to L.A.
"Oh, Angel." She enveloped him in a gentle hug, comforting him. "It's okay."
"This sucks!" Angel said eloquently in his usually poetic way. "Spike does everything better! This is so unfair! I was first and I tried harder! I've moped and brooded around for centuries and then he just swoops in with a permanent soul and he gets to be with Buffy." Angel stuck his bottom lip out petulantly and beat his feet against the floor. "I don't see why I should even bother. He'll probably be redeemed and get shanshued or become human or whatever before I do."
"You still have me, Angel."
"In a couple of years, you'll probably go on his spin-off and be *his* love interest."
"I wouldn't do that to you, Angel," Cordelia promised. Well, not unless they were paying her well to be on the show.
"Maybe I should just give up. He can take over. He probably will eventually, anyway."
"Angel! Don't say that!" Cordelia seized him by his hulking shoulders and stared into his eyes. "If there is no great glorious end to all this, if - nothing we do matters, - then all that matters is what we do. 'cause that's all there is. What we do, now, today. People shouldn't suffer, as they do. Because, if there is no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness - is the greatest thing in the world."
Angel blinked.
"Okay, you just so totally stole that entire thing from what I said to Kate Lockley in season two."
Cordelia shrugged innocently.
"Hey, I just want to get out of here. It's been five hours without a bathroom. I'm kind of starting to have an emergency here."
"All right, all right," Angel got to his feet, grumbling.
Cordelia linked arms with him and led him towards the outside world, full of love and redemption and fluffy puppies and shit.
"What the hell were we doing here anyway?"