The Other Novel: The Musical
Scene 1
[Narrator: Welcome to the show, this is the class, class this is the audience.]
(Anna is snapping her gum)
Liz: Will you stop? I'm trying to read.
Rose: Yeah, Anna, stop snapping your gum.
(Anna rolls her eyes)
Anna: (scoffs) When that new teacher gets here, they'll tell me if I can snap my gum or not.
Rose (sarcastically): That'll be the day. When a teacher tells Anna that she can snap her gum, in class.
Liz: I bet you both 3 dollars that the teacher tells Anna she can snap her gum.
(Rose stands up in her chair)
Rose: You're on, Autere.
(Rose and Anna hand Liz 3 dollars)
Anna: Careful, that's my allowance I'm givin' you.
Liz: I know, I know.
Rose: Same thing. That's my only money I'm getting this month. Grandma isn't givin' me any more.
Liz: I KNOW!
(Akyura sashays into the room)
Akyura: Hey! The queen of the Yokomanes is here!
Sonata: Akyura, you are not 'queen' of the Yokomanes, Nikita is.
Akyura: (scoffs) Please. That two-timing snake I call a sister, is not queen of the Yokomanes.
Elantra: Akyura, she's older than you.
Akyura: By what? 5 years. (scoffs) That two-timing, two-faced, snake I call my sister is NOT queen of the Yokomanes. Like she'll ever be.
(Akyura sashays out of the room)
Liz: (to Anna and Rose) I bet you both two more dollars if they start fighting.
Rose and Anna: You're on.
Ivan: I'll bet the three of you 25 cents, each, that the new teacher will yell at Anna first for snapping her gum so loud.
Anna, Liz, and Rose: You're on.
Scene 2
(Gakupo walks in)
Pearl: (whispers to Liz) Isn't she pretty?
Liz: (whispers to Pearl) Her nails are so well done. And perfect eyeliner color. Purple.
Gakupo: Hello. I'm Gakupo Kamui. I'm a male teacher, I'm 25 years old. Any questions about me?
(Liz raises her hand)
Gakupo: Yes, the blonde girl. Tell me your name first.
Liz: My name is Elizabeth Sapphire Autere. And my question is, do you have any kids?
Gakupo: Liz, that's a pretty name. Yes, I have one daughter named Camilla and she's 5 years old. Any other questions?
(Anna raises her hand)
Gakupo: Yes, the girl with a pixie cut.
Anna: My name is Anetta Alicia Snoek. My question is, are you married?
Gakupo: Yes, I'm married. To only the cutest person ever, Kaito. We've been married for, I think, about 7 years now. We got married on January 3rd . Any other questions before I start the lesson?
(Rose's hand shoots up)
Gakupo: Yes, the pink haired one.
Rose: My name is Rose Celia Chalcedony Minaj. When's your daughters birthday?
Gakupo: September 23. Rose, are you by chance related to Nicki Minaj?
(Rose nods, awkwardly)
Rose: Yes, why?
Gakupo: I'm curious.
Anna: (whispers to Ivan) Unless he wants to know how her mother gets her hair so long.
(Ivan rolls his eyes)
Ivan: (whispers to Anna) You are a very sad child, Anna.
(Anna sticks her tongue out at Ivan, then snaps her gum)
Gakupo: What was that?
Anna: My gum.
Gakupo: Ok. Please don't do it again.
Ivan, Liz, and Rose: OHHHHHH! Burned!
Rose: Pay up, Anna.
Liz: Yup.
Ivan: Sorry darlin'. You gotta pay up.
Anna: Y'all have my money. Take it.
(Gakupo clears his throat)
Gakupo: What is this about?
Ivan and Rose: We made bets.
Gakupo: Uh-huh, go on.
Rose: And, Anna lost the bet.
Gakupo: And?
Liz: We get $3.25 each.
Gakupo: No you do not. Give Anna back her money. Now.
Anna: (whispers very quietly to Ivan) Woah, someone's got an attitude on them.
Ivan: (whispers very quietly to Anna) Yup, agreed.
(Ivan's phone starts to play Bonetrousle from Undertale)
Gakupo: Whoever's phone that is, turn it off.
We don't need any other distractions today.
Anna and Ivan: OHHHHH! Burned!
(Anna and Ivan high-five and start laughing)
Pearl: Guys, you might wanna stop. I don't wanna get the teacher mad.
Gakupo: You're right. You don't wanna get me mad on my first day.
Scene 3
(The bell rings, all the students run to the door to get to their lockers, shoving each other)
Rose: I can't wait to hit the diamond after lunch!
Anna: Same!
Ivan: I brought my good glove this time!
Anna: Good, you're gonna need it. Tanska's pitching.
Liz: I brought my metal bat, too!
Rose: You're gonna need it. Pearl's pitching this time.
Gakupo: Woah, woah. What's this about "hitting the diamond"?
(Rose, Liz, Anna, Pearl, Akyura, and Ivan start laughing)
Rose: (In between laughs) We play baseball after lunch.
Anna: We play hardcore baseball. Not a little kid's game.
Ivan: I gotta go get my football helmet. Hold on.
Gakupo: You don't use a football helmet in baseball!
Ivan: Not the way we play! I'm the umpire!
Anna: And he's pretty good at it!
Gakupo: Why would he need a football helmet?
Pearl: I pitch fast and hard. Real hard.
(Anna, Akyura, Liz, and Rose nod in agreement)
Akyura: I got a black eye for a week, because of Pearl.
Pearl: Well, if SOMEONE was watching the ball and NOT the cutest boy near you, you WOULDN'T have gotten that black eye!
(Anna, Liz, Rose, and Ivan all roll their eyes)
Anna: Let's go! I'm starving and I wanna hit the diamond already!
Pearl: Ok, ok. We'll go.
(3 minutes later...)
Pearl: Ya ready, Akyura TL Yokomane?
Akyura: Readier than ever, Tanska.
(Pearl pitches the ball gracefully, Liz facepalms)
Liz: He's not gonna hit it.
Anna: Really? Ya think so?
(Akyura hits the ball, runs to first base)
Anna: Told ya! Nice hit, Yokomane! Rose Minaj is at bat!
Akyura: Thanks.
(Rose steps up to home plate, barefoot)
Pearl: Ya ready, Miss Minaj?
Rose: I'm ready as I'll ever be, Tanska.
(Pearl pitches)
Liz: Anna, Rose can't hit a fast ball!
Anna: Oh really?
(Rose hits the ball really far, runs to first base while Akyura goes to second base)
Anna: Told ya, Autere! (laughs)
Liz: Yeah, yeah. I know.
(Matsuda walks up with Gakupo)
Matsuda and Gakupo: Can we join?
Anna: Sure! We'll deal ya in.
Rose: Matsuda, ya got your hockey mask?
Matsuda: It's lacrosse for one. And yes, I got it.
Gakupo: How do y'all restart a game?
Anna: We do a round of Mercy. Whoever loses is in outfield first.
Gakupo: Really? I remember that game from when I was in 6th grade.
Anna: (to Gakupo) It's you and me.
(Anna grabs Gakupo's wrists and twists them upside-down)
Anna: You in pain yet?
Gakupo: No- Mercy! Mercy!
(Anna laughs)
Anna: Looks like you, Matsuda, and Akyura are in outfield.
Gakupo: Who's umpire?
(Ivan waves)
Gakupo: Of course.
Scene 4
(Rose, Liz, Ivan, Akyura, Anna, Matsuda, and Gakupo come in from a long game of "Hit the Diamond")
Rose: I can't believe we got 8 innings in! We NEVER get that many innings in!
Liz: Yeah! We usually get 4-6 innings in!
(Anna laughs)
Anna: I agree!
Ivan: I can't believe I got Matsuda out!
Anna: Yeah! I saw that! That was cool!
Matsuda: But did you see the hit our teacher made?
Anna: Yeah! And as first baseman and lefty batter, I say that was an AWESOME hit!
Gakupo: Lefty batter? Anna, you're left-handed?
Anna: Yeah, everyone knows that I'm left-handed. You didn't know that?
Gakupo: I don't usually keep track of what hand my students write with.
Liz: I write with both hands, and bat with both, too.
Gakupo: So you're ambidextrous?
Liz: Yes. Yes I am.
Scene 5
(The bell rings)
Anna: Dang. I have cooking today.
Liz: Same.
Konata: Agreed.
Ivan: I have cooking too. Who's our teacher today?
(Gakupo is standing by the cooking room's door)
Anna and Liz: Of course, why not?
(Anna, Liz, Ivan, and Konata walk into the room)
Gakupo: Ok class, today, we're making a fruit smoothie. Get into your groups and get started.
(Anna, Liz, Konata, and Ivan group together)
Anna: Let's get this Sardonyx act on the road!
Liz: I'll get the dry ingredients. Again.
Konata: I'll get the liquids! Like the milk and such!
Ivan: I'll get the blender set up, so Anna doesn't kill us all, again.
Anna: I won't kill us all!
Ivan and Liz: Yeah, ok Anna. Keep saying that.
Anna: I'll blend the smoothie then!
Ivan, Liz, and Konata: Fine!
(Anna laughs)
Gakupo: Anna, what are you doing standing there? C'mon you have, like what, 12 minutes left.
Anna: (scoffs) Yeah, sure, whatever. Like I'll believe that!
Konata: Lieutenant Anna, watch your mouth.
Anna: Got it, Colonel Konata Chi Yokomane, I'll watch my mouth.
(Konata rolls her eyes)
Scene 6
(Everyone walks back into the classroom)
Matsuda: I just got back from music. We watched Purple Rain, the movie, not the song.
Anna: How was it? I saw that movie before.
Matsuda: It was amazing! I can't believe a song got turned into a movie!
Gakupo: Did you watch Purple Rain? I remember when I watched that. I watched it the day Prince died. I was crying for a week.
Anna: Really? You did?
(Gakupo nods)
Anna and Matsuda: Cool!
Gakupo: I was in 6th grade at that time. I was at home, then it came on the news. I immediately started crying. Speaking of which, where's the rest of the class?
Anna: They're stragglers. Even Ivan's a straggler. Which is not normal for him. He was on cross-country last year.
(Ivan runs into the room, out of breath)
Ivan: (in between breaths) I'm here.
Scene 7
(Anna raises her hand)
Gakupo: Yes, Anna.
Anna: I have one question about you. Is your hair naturally that long or were you built that way, because you're a Vocaloid?
Gakupo: (sighs) I was built that way. With long hair, blue eyes. I was 18 when I retired from being a Vocaloid. I retired because I was getting married in 2 years.
Matsuda: Can you tell us about your wedding?
Akyura: NO.
Gakupo: Sure, why not?
(Akyura grunts loudly in protest)
Gakupo: It was January 3rd. Everyone I knew was there. Luka, Meiko, Miriam, Lola, Leon, and even Sweet Ann. Then the music started. It was P.S. I Love You by Gackt, Ms. Morgan's pick. I looked down that aisle, nervous. Ms. Morgan waved at me from where she was sitting. Kaito was already waiting for me. I took a deep breath and started walking. I kept walking, hearing people crying because it was so beautiful, even Leon was crying. I ended up at the end of the walkway. Then I was lawfully wedded to Kaito. It was snowing outside. Then I went to get a drink of Pepsi, and then Ms. Morgan, your music teacher, slapped me on the back and said, "You did good, Kamui. You did real good pickin' someone like Kaito." I said, while trying not to choke on Pepsi, "Thanks, Kenna. That means a lot." Then our song, When You Love by Sinead O'Connor started playing. She walked me over to Kaito. That was the song I heard on our first date. I said to Kaito, "Isn't the song you played on our first date?"
Kaito nodded. That's all I remember.
(The class is crying into tissues, even Akyura)
Anna: So touching!
Ivan: Agreed! I was crying at the part with the song Ms. Morgan picked.
Konata: I was crying at the part where Luka was sitting there to support you.
Akyura: (scoffs) Whatever.
Rose: Akyura! You're so mean! You ain't gonna be hittin' the diamond today if you keep this up!
Akyura: Sorry! I wanna hit the diamond today! I really do!
Rose: That's exactly what I thought.
Anna: Y'all are pathetic.
Ivan: Exactly.
Scene 8
Anna: Wow. Just wow.
(Rose is showing Anna a picture of her mom in the music video of her song, Only, Rose is trying not to snicker)
Pearl: (snickering) What is she, a peacock?
Matsuda: (laughing) Or is she in a crow costume?
Akyura: (laughing) Or both a peacock and a crow?
(Elantra smacks Akyura upside the head)
Akyura: Not funny.
Elantra: Well, you shouldn't make fun of Rose's mom! How would you feel if someone made fun of you, Nikita, Saikou, or Mimi?
Akyura: I would feel terrible. Well, Saikou wouldn't care, Nikita would beat that person up, and Mimi would ground all 14 of us.
Anna, Rose, Pearl, and Matsuda: 14?!
Akyura: Yup. There's 14 of us.
Sonata: I am NOT naming all 14 of us!
Konata: Agreed.
Elantra: What Konata said.
Matsuda: In my opinion, Rose's mom looks like a peacock and a crow mixed together.
(The whole group starts to laugh)
Rose: Y'all are right!
Pearl: (to Matsuda) See? Told you.
Matsuda: Yeah, yeah.
(The bell rings)
[Narrator: It's the end of the day. The children proceed to walk out the door.]
The next day...
Scene 9
Anna: (to Ivan) And then, my mom says, 'Anna, it's Epiphany, it's a Dutch holiday.'
Ivan: But's it also celebrated in Russia and Ukraine!
Anna: I KNOW THAT!
(Gakupo walks in whilst the two are arguing)
Gakupo: I came in at a bad time, didn't I?
Anna and Ivan: Yes!
(Matsuda and Pearl walk in while Gakupo runs out of the room)
Matsuda: Did we come in at a bad time? Pearl: Should we leave?
Anna and Ivan: Ya think?
End of ACT 1