Title: Weekend
Author: Black Rainbow
Part: 1/1
Archive: here, SDBC, http://angelfire.com/zine2/effoff/slamdunk.html
Genre: yaoi, songfic
Status: completed
Disclaimers: everything SD belongs to Takehiko Inoue. Tokie belongs to me.
Well… I wrote a new fic. Please c&c!! ^^
WEEKEND
SATURDAY MORNING
Sendoh Akira opened his eyes slowly, cherishing the feeling of waking up to a beautiful morning. He could hear the birds chirping outside – it was a long time since he last woke up early enough to hear that – and he welcomed the sight of the sunlight streaming in through the blinds. He shifted slightly, thinking that the morning would be even more perfect if he had someone he loved to wake up to.
But he never seemed to be able to fall in love for long.
Sunrise doesn't last all morning
A cloudburst doesn't last all day
In fact, he held a reputation for being the playboy of Ryonan. How many girls had he dated, only to realize that he didn't care for them? It seemed to him that everyone had such high expectations for him. The girls who liked him only knew him from what they saw on court – and they think they knew everything about him.
/What do they know?/ he asked himself bitterly. /Nothing./
Maybe he feels the way he does because of Tokie. He had been dating her for two months – that's longer than he had dated anyone else before. He thought that she was different, because she never assumed anything of him, she never demanded that he lived up to her expectations. Usually.
*flashback*
"You should've won."
Tokie was staring at him, her long dark hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. She fingered the simple gold chain she wore around her neck agitatedly. /Why do you have to be so laid back about everything?/ she wanted to ask him. /This tournament means a lot to you, doesn't it?/
Sendoh's eyes darkened at that, but he still smiled tiredly at her. "Tokie, it's not like we didn't do our best. Shohoku is just a lot better than they were the last time we played against them. They're a good team – they deserve to go to the IH."
She glared at that. "And you don't deserve it?"
He shrugged. "I never said that. I meant, it's a fair game, and we lost. End of story."
"Sometimes I don't know if you care about anything at all."
/How do you know that?/ he wanted to ask her. /How do you know I'm not devastated by my lost? That I don't blame myself right now?/
"Maybe I don't," was all he said, mumbling. He didn't know what she wanted from him sometimes.
"Akira…" she started to say. Then her face hardened. "You know what, forget it. I don't think I can take it anymore. Why can't you just care about something for once?" She turned her back on him and stormed out of the gym. He stared after her, and shook his head.
/I think my problem is that I care too much/, he thought. /I pretend I don't care… because I want to believe it. Because when you care, it hurts./
*end flashback*
Seems my love is up and has left you with no warning
But it's not always going to be this grey
It wasn't Tokie's fault. He knew that now. Tokie just wanted him to be honest with himself, which he couldn't be. Not even now. It wasn't her fault that he grew distant from her since the match with Shohoku, and it wasn't her fault that he found that like with all the girls he dated before, he wasn't in love.
He closed his eyes and sighed softly, snuggling into his bedcovers.
Then the phone rang.
A little irritated at the interruption of his comfort, he turned to reach for the phone.
"Akira?"
/Speak of the devil/, he thought. "Hi, Tokie. What's up?"
"Well.. I thought that two weeks was sufficient time enough for both of us to get over whatever resentment we have against each other, and so I wondered, are we still friends?"
He smiled. "We will always be friends, Tokie."
"Hmm. I knew that."
"Right." He glanced at his alarm clock (a rather fat cow who moos him out of sleep). "Do you want something back or something?"
"Well, now that you mention it… I kinda miss the books that I lent you. But really, I just called to see if you're okay."
He yawned. "I'm alright. I will be," he corrected. "Tokie…"
"What?" she demanded, her voice high and innocent.
"What do you want to tell me?" he asked, amused. She was always like that, never getting straight to the point. He found the quality charming.
"Okay, okay," her voice came on the other line along with a dramatic sigh. "I'm dating someone else."
"Really?" he asked, interested despite himself. "Who?"
"You'll never believe it."
"Okay, I won't. Who?"
"Are you sure you're listening?"
"Yes, Tokie-san, I'm listening. Now tell me already… who is it?"
"Fukuda."
As he was already lying in his bed, Sendoh couldn't fall with shock. He did, however, sit up so quickly he almost lost his balance and fell off the bed (which he didn't, but he almost did).
"NANI?"
"You heard me."
Sendoh had an image of Fukuda in his mind… and then the image of Tokie popped up. "Uh… are you sure you're doing the right thing?"
He could almost see her scowling as she said, "What do you mean by that? That he's not good enough for me? Who are you to decide that? What kind of friend are you –"
"Tokie, Tokie…" he muttered into the phone. "Calm down. I didn't mean that he's not good enough for you."
"Oh," she said, mollified.
"I mean, he's always so gloomy and serious all the time, I think your craziness might kill him," he continued, choking off his laughter.
"Akira!"
"Gomen," he said, chuckling. "I think I should get out of bed and to practice now… see you later, okay?"
"Sure," she replied cheerfully. "See you." She paused for a while before adding, "Akira, I really want you to be happy, so I'm going to say this. No offense, okay?"
He didn't reply, but she continued anyway, "I think you should really think about your feelings. I feel like you're trying to ignore everything that's true about yourself, and just be whoever everyone wants you to be. You shouldn't be like that."
Then she hung up.
He replaced the phone receiver, but did not get out of bed. He just yawned again and brooded about what she had said. And remembered the times when they were together. He could see now, that they were always supposed to be only friends; they just didn't realize the fact until much later.
/But still, we had lots of fun/, he thought.
All things must pass
All things must pass away
SATURDAY EVENING
Sendoh left the Shohoku basketball court in semi-good spirits. The one-on- one with Rukawa was much more satisfying than he expected it to be. He had even been generous enough to point out the younger boy's flaws to him. And he had told Rukawa to look out for Kitasawa Eiji.
He stopped walking suddenly. /Ooops… isn't the guy's name Sawakita, not Kitasawa?/ After pondering about it, he shrugged, and continued walking. /Oh, well… Rukawa's a smart boy. He'll figure it out./
The sunset that evening made the sky look completely orange, bursting in different shades, all beautiful. The sun looked like a teardrop against the sky. Smiling at the sky, Sendoh wished that it could be like that forever.
Sunset doesn't last all evening
A mind can blow those clouds away
In the distance, he could see a couple sitting on a bench, enjoying the sunset together. They looked like they believed their love was invincible, like they could fight against anything together.
/I wonder… if Tokie and I didn't break up, would we be watching the sunset together now?/
After all this my love is up and must be leaving
But it's not always going to be this way
"Sendoh!"
The voice that called him seemed familiar, but he couldn't place it. He turned, to see the person who called him walking towards him. His heartbeat quickened, and he told himself that it was only because he was surprised. He smiled.
"Maki Shinichi."
The older boy returned the smile as he caught up with Sendoh. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question."
Maki shrugged. "Kiyota wanted me to come with him – he's visiting his aunt or something."
Looking away, Sendoh conjured an image of Kiyota in his mind. The loud- mouth, wild-haired boy who's always following Maki around. A thought struck him. "Are the two of you going out or something?"
Maki laughed, while Sendoh looked down uncomfortable. The older boy always had a way of making him feel uncomfortable, something no one else have achieved.
"No," Maki managed to answer, still laughing. "He happens to be a very happy heterosexual, thank you very much." As his laughed subsided, he looked at Sendoh, and said, "You still haven't answered my question."
"Oh, I was playing basketball with Rukawa." He smiled again. "And, no, we're not going out either. Although I'm not so sure he's a happy heterosexual…" he drifted off.
"Well, that's a relief to hear."
"What? That Rukawa might be gay?" Sendoh asked Maki incredulously, the smile completely wiped off from his face.
"No, that you're not going out with him." Maki looked at Sendoh in the eye as he said those words, and Sendoh felt a need to swallow the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. "Akira, I've asked you what, three times.."
"And I've told you no three times," Sendoh replied quickly. Too quickly. He flashed another smile, but it faltered when Maki placed his hands on Sendoh's arms.
"Just listen to me," he said quietly.
Sendoh glanced at the sky. "Look, I need to get back before night, okay? My parents might almost never come home but my mother still calls to check on me at nights –" he stopped himself, realizing that he was on the verge of babbling incoherently. Another effect Maki had on him. "It's going to be night soon," he repeated lamely.
1 Now the darkness only stays at the night time
It was going to be night… and he would probably be spending it trying not think about Maki, and ending up either thinking about Maki too much or thinking about Tokie again. And he wasn't really looking forward to either.
/Why did you have to ruin today?/ he asked the older boy silently. /Everything was fine until you came along…/
He tried to disengage himself from Maki. Unsuccessful, he became quiet. "Shinichi.. please."
Maki looked at him and sighed. "Alright," he said, a tinge of pain in his voice. "I'll take a no for now…" Sendoh was about to sigh with relief, when the older boy pulled him closer. His heart beat faster. "But first, I want you think about this," he murmured.
Maki kissed him.
Tokie had read a book out loud to him before, and there was this part that always gets him. A kiss about apple pie a la mode with the vanilla creaminess melting in the pie heat. A kiss about chocolate, when you haven't eaten chocolate in a year… A kiss about spotlights fanning the sky and the swollen sea spilling like tears all over your legs. [1]
He thought that that was how kisses were supposed to be, but each time he kissed a girl, it was like placebo. And he had figured that it would always be that way.
Until now.
Maki's kiss – and touch – did not bring back any memories of Tokie, or any of the other girls. It was an entirely new experience, and Sendoh yielded to it almost immediately. Feeling the warmth surging through him, his arms came up to return Maki's hold on him, but the other boy was already pulling away. Sendoh just stared at Maki, breathing deeply, confused.
"That's something you're going to have to deal with, sooner or later," Maki said before he left Sendoh.
Sendoh remembered what Tokie told him that morning. I feel like you're trying to ignore everything that's true about yourself, and just be whoever everyone wants you to be.
When he finally made his way home, he immediately went to his bedroom and climbed into bed.
/Tomorrow/, he thought. /Tomorrow all of this would be forgotten/.
He spent the night staring at the ceiling.
Now the darkness only stays at the night time
In the morning it will fade away
SUNDAY MORNING
He couldn't sleep. He spent the whole night thinking about what happened. Not only last night (although that was what was most on his mind), but all of the relationships he had had before. How he always ended up only wanting to be friends. How all the kisses were like placebo. How Maki made him feel.
He first met Maki at a friend's party when he first entered high school. They were drinking, and somehow, they ended up sitting next to each other on a couch. They started talking about normal things, you know, school, friends, basketball… everything was normal except that they were both drunk. Somehow, he had found himself pushed back against the couch, Maki's hands all over him.
The next morning, he told everyone that he was drunk, that he didn't remember a single thing about the night before. [2] Maki called him and asked him out, but he just said the same thing he told everyone.
/I am not gay/, he had thought to himself then. He knew what his parents would say if they knew what happened. He knew what would happen to his future in basketball if anyone thought that he was gay. So he started dating girls, many of them. And he realized that he couldn't fall in love with any of them.
The next time he met Maki was in the second year, when he went to watch Shohoku play against Shoyo. After the match the older boy had waited for him, tried to ask him out again. And again after he lost the match against Kainan.
He was drunk, he had said, he didn't know what happened. He wasn't in control.
But Maki had kissed him again, and this time, he wasn't drunk. And he knew that he had wanted to kiss the older boy back. And that this time, it wasn't like placebo. And when Maki pulled away, he felt disappointed.
/I like… guys/, Sendoh realized. He looked at the new morning, which felt a lot warmer than yesterday's. This morning, he didn't wait for the phone to ring. He reached out and dialed Maki's number.
Daylight is good at arriving at the right time
No it's not always going to be this way
Tokie was right. He could no longer ignore who he was.
-owari-
[1] excerpt from 'Weetzie Bat' by Francesca Lia Block
[2] that was sort of how Patrick and Brad met in 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky
if you find this fic weird… don't worry, I'm not sure I get it myself. Plus, the song "All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison, which I used for this fic, is actually sort of a break up song… but personally, I also think that it's a get-over-it-and-start-a-new-relationship song…. Well… that's just me…. ^^
I woke up with this song in my head. Go figure….
Author: Black Rainbow
Part: 1/1
Archive: here, SDBC, http://angelfire.com/zine2/effoff/slamdunk.html
Genre: yaoi, songfic
Status: completed
Disclaimers: everything SD belongs to Takehiko Inoue. Tokie belongs to me.
Well… I wrote a new fic. Please c&c!! ^^
WEEKEND
SATURDAY MORNING
Sendoh Akira opened his eyes slowly, cherishing the feeling of waking up to a beautiful morning. He could hear the birds chirping outside – it was a long time since he last woke up early enough to hear that – and he welcomed the sight of the sunlight streaming in through the blinds. He shifted slightly, thinking that the morning would be even more perfect if he had someone he loved to wake up to.
But he never seemed to be able to fall in love for long.
Sunrise doesn't last all morning
A cloudburst doesn't last all day
In fact, he held a reputation for being the playboy of Ryonan. How many girls had he dated, only to realize that he didn't care for them? It seemed to him that everyone had such high expectations for him. The girls who liked him only knew him from what they saw on court – and they think they knew everything about him.
/What do they know?/ he asked himself bitterly. /Nothing./
Maybe he feels the way he does because of Tokie. He had been dating her for two months – that's longer than he had dated anyone else before. He thought that she was different, because she never assumed anything of him, she never demanded that he lived up to her expectations. Usually.
*flashback*
"You should've won."
Tokie was staring at him, her long dark hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. She fingered the simple gold chain she wore around her neck agitatedly. /Why do you have to be so laid back about everything?/ she wanted to ask him. /This tournament means a lot to you, doesn't it?/
Sendoh's eyes darkened at that, but he still smiled tiredly at her. "Tokie, it's not like we didn't do our best. Shohoku is just a lot better than they were the last time we played against them. They're a good team – they deserve to go to the IH."
She glared at that. "And you don't deserve it?"
He shrugged. "I never said that. I meant, it's a fair game, and we lost. End of story."
"Sometimes I don't know if you care about anything at all."
/How do you know that?/ he wanted to ask her. /How do you know I'm not devastated by my lost? That I don't blame myself right now?/
"Maybe I don't," was all he said, mumbling. He didn't know what she wanted from him sometimes.
"Akira…" she started to say. Then her face hardened. "You know what, forget it. I don't think I can take it anymore. Why can't you just care about something for once?" She turned her back on him and stormed out of the gym. He stared after her, and shook his head.
/I think my problem is that I care too much/, he thought. /I pretend I don't care… because I want to believe it. Because when you care, it hurts./
*end flashback*
Seems my love is up and has left you with no warning
But it's not always going to be this grey
It wasn't Tokie's fault. He knew that now. Tokie just wanted him to be honest with himself, which he couldn't be. Not even now. It wasn't her fault that he grew distant from her since the match with Shohoku, and it wasn't her fault that he found that like with all the girls he dated before, he wasn't in love.
He closed his eyes and sighed softly, snuggling into his bedcovers.
Then the phone rang.
A little irritated at the interruption of his comfort, he turned to reach for the phone.
"Akira?"
/Speak of the devil/, he thought. "Hi, Tokie. What's up?"
"Well.. I thought that two weeks was sufficient time enough for both of us to get over whatever resentment we have against each other, and so I wondered, are we still friends?"
He smiled. "We will always be friends, Tokie."
"Hmm. I knew that."
"Right." He glanced at his alarm clock (a rather fat cow who moos him out of sleep). "Do you want something back or something?"
"Well, now that you mention it… I kinda miss the books that I lent you. But really, I just called to see if you're okay."
He yawned. "I'm alright. I will be," he corrected. "Tokie…"
"What?" she demanded, her voice high and innocent.
"What do you want to tell me?" he asked, amused. She was always like that, never getting straight to the point. He found the quality charming.
"Okay, okay," her voice came on the other line along with a dramatic sigh. "I'm dating someone else."
"Really?" he asked, interested despite himself. "Who?"
"You'll never believe it."
"Okay, I won't. Who?"
"Are you sure you're listening?"
"Yes, Tokie-san, I'm listening. Now tell me already… who is it?"
"Fukuda."
As he was already lying in his bed, Sendoh couldn't fall with shock. He did, however, sit up so quickly he almost lost his balance and fell off the bed (which he didn't, but he almost did).
"NANI?"
"You heard me."
Sendoh had an image of Fukuda in his mind… and then the image of Tokie popped up. "Uh… are you sure you're doing the right thing?"
He could almost see her scowling as she said, "What do you mean by that? That he's not good enough for me? Who are you to decide that? What kind of friend are you –"
"Tokie, Tokie…" he muttered into the phone. "Calm down. I didn't mean that he's not good enough for you."
"Oh," she said, mollified.
"I mean, he's always so gloomy and serious all the time, I think your craziness might kill him," he continued, choking off his laughter.
"Akira!"
"Gomen," he said, chuckling. "I think I should get out of bed and to practice now… see you later, okay?"
"Sure," she replied cheerfully. "See you." She paused for a while before adding, "Akira, I really want you to be happy, so I'm going to say this. No offense, okay?"
He didn't reply, but she continued anyway, "I think you should really think about your feelings. I feel like you're trying to ignore everything that's true about yourself, and just be whoever everyone wants you to be. You shouldn't be like that."
Then she hung up.
He replaced the phone receiver, but did not get out of bed. He just yawned again and brooded about what she had said. And remembered the times when they were together. He could see now, that they were always supposed to be only friends; they just didn't realize the fact until much later.
/But still, we had lots of fun/, he thought.
All things must pass
All things must pass away
SATURDAY EVENING
Sendoh left the Shohoku basketball court in semi-good spirits. The one-on- one with Rukawa was much more satisfying than he expected it to be. He had even been generous enough to point out the younger boy's flaws to him. And he had told Rukawa to look out for Kitasawa Eiji.
He stopped walking suddenly. /Ooops… isn't the guy's name Sawakita, not Kitasawa?/ After pondering about it, he shrugged, and continued walking. /Oh, well… Rukawa's a smart boy. He'll figure it out./
The sunset that evening made the sky look completely orange, bursting in different shades, all beautiful. The sun looked like a teardrop against the sky. Smiling at the sky, Sendoh wished that it could be like that forever.
Sunset doesn't last all evening
A mind can blow those clouds away
In the distance, he could see a couple sitting on a bench, enjoying the sunset together. They looked like they believed their love was invincible, like they could fight against anything together.
/I wonder… if Tokie and I didn't break up, would we be watching the sunset together now?/
After all this my love is up and must be leaving
But it's not always going to be this way
"Sendoh!"
The voice that called him seemed familiar, but he couldn't place it. He turned, to see the person who called him walking towards him. His heartbeat quickened, and he told himself that it was only because he was surprised. He smiled.
"Maki Shinichi."
The older boy returned the smile as he caught up with Sendoh. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question."
Maki shrugged. "Kiyota wanted me to come with him – he's visiting his aunt or something."
Looking away, Sendoh conjured an image of Kiyota in his mind. The loud- mouth, wild-haired boy who's always following Maki around. A thought struck him. "Are the two of you going out or something?"
Maki laughed, while Sendoh looked down uncomfortable. The older boy always had a way of making him feel uncomfortable, something no one else have achieved.
"No," Maki managed to answer, still laughing. "He happens to be a very happy heterosexual, thank you very much." As his laughed subsided, he looked at Sendoh, and said, "You still haven't answered my question."
"Oh, I was playing basketball with Rukawa." He smiled again. "And, no, we're not going out either. Although I'm not so sure he's a happy heterosexual…" he drifted off.
"Well, that's a relief to hear."
"What? That Rukawa might be gay?" Sendoh asked Maki incredulously, the smile completely wiped off from his face.
"No, that you're not going out with him." Maki looked at Sendoh in the eye as he said those words, and Sendoh felt a need to swallow the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. "Akira, I've asked you what, three times.."
"And I've told you no three times," Sendoh replied quickly. Too quickly. He flashed another smile, but it faltered when Maki placed his hands on Sendoh's arms.
"Just listen to me," he said quietly.
Sendoh glanced at the sky. "Look, I need to get back before night, okay? My parents might almost never come home but my mother still calls to check on me at nights –" he stopped himself, realizing that he was on the verge of babbling incoherently. Another effect Maki had on him. "It's going to be night soon," he repeated lamely.
1 Now the darkness only stays at the night time
It was going to be night… and he would probably be spending it trying not think about Maki, and ending up either thinking about Maki too much or thinking about Tokie again. And he wasn't really looking forward to either.
/Why did you have to ruin today?/ he asked the older boy silently. /Everything was fine until you came along…/
He tried to disengage himself from Maki. Unsuccessful, he became quiet. "Shinichi.. please."
Maki looked at him and sighed. "Alright," he said, a tinge of pain in his voice. "I'll take a no for now…" Sendoh was about to sigh with relief, when the older boy pulled him closer. His heart beat faster. "But first, I want you think about this," he murmured.
Maki kissed him.
Tokie had read a book out loud to him before, and there was this part that always gets him. A kiss about apple pie a la mode with the vanilla creaminess melting in the pie heat. A kiss about chocolate, when you haven't eaten chocolate in a year… A kiss about spotlights fanning the sky and the swollen sea spilling like tears all over your legs. [1]
He thought that that was how kisses were supposed to be, but each time he kissed a girl, it was like placebo. And he had figured that it would always be that way.
Until now.
Maki's kiss – and touch – did not bring back any memories of Tokie, or any of the other girls. It was an entirely new experience, and Sendoh yielded to it almost immediately. Feeling the warmth surging through him, his arms came up to return Maki's hold on him, but the other boy was already pulling away. Sendoh just stared at Maki, breathing deeply, confused.
"That's something you're going to have to deal with, sooner or later," Maki said before he left Sendoh.
Sendoh remembered what Tokie told him that morning. I feel like you're trying to ignore everything that's true about yourself, and just be whoever everyone wants you to be.
When he finally made his way home, he immediately went to his bedroom and climbed into bed.
/Tomorrow/, he thought. /Tomorrow all of this would be forgotten/.
He spent the night staring at the ceiling.
Now the darkness only stays at the night time
In the morning it will fade away
SUNDAY MORNING
He couldn't sleep. He spent the whole night thinking about what happened. Not only last night (although that was what was most on his mind), but all of the relationships he had had before. How he always ended up only wanting to be friends. How all the kisses were like placebo. How Maki made him feel.
He first met Maki at a friend's party when he first entered high school. They were drinking, and somehow, they ended up sitting next to each other on a couch. They started talking about normal things, you know, school, friends, basketball… everything was normal except that they were both drunk. Somehow, he had found himself pushed back against the couch, Maki's hands all over him.
The next morning, he told everyone that he was drunk, that he didn't remember a single thing about the night before. [2] Maki called him and asked him out, but he just said the same thing he told everyone.
/I am not gay/, he had thought to himself then. He knew what his parents would say if they knew what happened. He knew what would happen to his future in basketball if anyone thought that he was gay. So he started dating girls, many of them. And he realized that he couldn't fall in love with any of them.
The next time he met Maki was in the second year, when he went to watch Shohoku play against Shoyo. After the match the older boy had waited for him, tried to ask him out again. And again after he lost the match against Kainan.
He was drunk, he had said, he didn't know what happened. He wasn't in control.
But Maki had kissed him again, and this time, he wasn't drunk. And he knew that he had wanted to kiss the older boy back. And that this time, it wasn't like placebo. And when Maki pulled away, he felt disappointed.
/I like… guys/, Sendoh realized. He looked at the new morning, which felt a lot warmer than yesterday's. This morning, he didn't wait for the phone to ring. He reached out and dialed Maki's number.
Daylight is good at arriving at the right time
No it's not always going to be this way
Tokie was right. He could no longer ignore who he was.
-owari-
[1] excerpt from 'Weetzie Bat' by Francesca Lia Block
[2] that was sort of how Patrick and Brad met in 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky
if you find this fic weird… don't worry, I'm not sure I get it myself. Plus, the song "All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison, which I used for this fic, is actually sort of a break up song… but personally, I also think that it's a get-over-it-and-start-a-new-relationship song…. Well… that's just me…. ^^
I woke up with this song in my head. Go figure….