I'll Carry You Home Chapter 1: The Angels Never Arrived, a sherlock fanfic

I trudged up the stairs at 221 B Baker Street. People say time heals all wounds, but the hole the Sherlock had left in my heart was irreparable. I had always had somewhat of a crush on the detective something I kept to myself and it wasn't until I lost him that I realized the extent of my feelings. Everyday became harder and harder. Most days I found myself struggling just to get out of bed. It amazed me how much one person could affect another and Sherlock had done just that. I sighed as I entered the flat everything still in the same place it had been the day Sherlock died. I hadn't moved a single thing out of fear I would ruin his memory if I did. I placed the groceries on the table and headed into the sitting room taking note of one minor change.

"MRS. HUDSON!" I yelled feeling myself becoming increasingly annoyed and agitated as I stared at the wall behind the couch.

I listened as her hurried footsteps became louder as she reached the top of the stairs. "Oh…I meant to talk to you about that…"

"WHERE IS IT?"

"I had them cover it up dear."

"WHY? I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE HIS SMILEY FACE WHERE IT WAS!"

"The wall was riddled with bullet holes. It didn't look proper. If you're going to move out and have new tenants come to look at the place it needs to be in tip top shape."

Yes it was true I was actually considering moving out of the flat that Sherlock and I had shared leaving behind all the memories we had made there. Part of my decision was based on my therapists idea that the longer I stay the more attached I would become. I sighed and rubbed my throbbing forehead trying to relieve the sudden pressure that had built up in my head.

"Just…you should have left it or at least consulted with me. I wasn't ready to let it go."

"But you have to let it go John. He's gone."

"I know that." I said my voice cracking. "Can you just go please? Don't touch anything on your way out."

"About that…I did clean out your fridge this afternoon as well." If I hadn't been brought up to not hit women I would have knocked the old bat all the way down the stairs without hesitation. "The head was starting to smell! It permeated the walls and floors everything! People were complaining!"

"What people? I don't smell anything."

"Well you wouldn't you live here."

"Goodnight Mrs. Hudson." I said sternly walking over to the door and slamming it in her face. Honestly the woman had no respect for the dead or Sherlock's things. I stared at the newly wallpapered wall and I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes. I thought back to the day when he had spray painted the smiley face onto the wall before filling it with bullet holes during one of his moments of boredom. I couldn't hold it back and I let all my emotions escape me turning me into a big sobbing mess. I sat down on the sofa and grabbed one of the pillows burying my face in it trying to muffle the noises I was making. I cried so hard my head hurt and the only thing that distracted me from my sob fest was the sound of my cellphone going off. I sniffled and grabbed it looking at the unknown number that flashed across the screen. I had made it a point not to answer calls from people I did know, but considering I had been advertising the flat I could only think that it was a potential tenant for Mrs. Hudson. I answered and tried to make myself sound as calm and collected as possible.

"This is John Watson." The voice that came from the other end of the phone sounded extremely comforting and familiar, but it couldn't possibly be him. Then again as of lately everyone I talked too sounded like Sherlock.

"I'm calling to inquire about the flat on Baker Street."

"Um…yes it's for rent."

"I'd like to stop by tomorrow and take a look at it. Would you mind?"

I shook my head and grabbed my date book even though I knew I'd be free the entire day. I opened it up and stared at its blank pages. "I can fit you in tomorrow at 10 am. Is that ok?"

"Sounds perfect. Thank you John."

Before I could say goodbye I heard the familiar click of a phone being hung up and I did the same. I sat there and looked around the room taking in everything that had belonged to the detective. My heart stopped upon glancing at the skull on the fireplace and I regretted my decision to move. There was only one thing to do. I had to call the man back and tell him the meeting was off. I quickly redialed only to find that the number had oddly been disconnected. There was nothing more I could do and I decided it best if I just went to bed. I got up and made my way to Sherlock's bedroom crawling into his bed and pulling the sheets up to my chin. I took a deep breath the scent of him still lingered and it was the only thing that calmed me enough to help me fall asleep.

The next morning I was frantically trying to think of what I would say to the mysterious stranger when he showed up. "I'm sorry sir, but I've decided not to move. Sorry, but the flat is not for rent."

"That's a shame. I was hoping it would be."

I stopped a chill ran down my spine. I felt my face become flushed at the thought of a stranger listening to me talk to myself. "I didn't know you were there." I turned around expecting to see someone else, but instead the person standing in the doorway caused my very breath to leave me.

"Hello John." He said with a slight smirk in his normal deep voice.

I felt my legs beginning to turn to jelly as I struggled to keep myself up shifting my body weight onto the kitchen table. Words escaped me and my entire body was physically wracked with pain. The sight of him knowing that he was still alive after all this time both stunned and angered me. How could he have put me through this? Did he not realize how much pain this would cause me? He was completely unaware of the agony I had felt these past few months and for him to just show up in the doorway one day with that stupid smirk on his face infuriated me. I found my balance and walked up to him still unsure if he was real.

"YOU STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!" I screamed before slamming my shoulders into his waist trying to push him onto the floor. I hadn't realized how close the stairs actually were and I felt my embrace loosen as he went tumbling head first down the stairs causing quite a bit of commotion. I hadn't meant to toss him down the stairs, but he deserved it and I didn't feel the least bit bad. "I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY FUCKING NIGHT I DREAMED OF YOU HAD NIGHTMARES ABOUT YOU I SUFFERED TREMENDOUSLY! I SEE MY THERAPIST NOW 3 TIMES A WEEK AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT! YOU ARE THE MOST SELFISH DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I SHOULD HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS, BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU STUPID ARSE! YOU AND YOUR STUPID CHEEKBONES, YOUR STUPID HAIR, YOUR STUPID EYES STUPID SCARF STUPID WAY YOU STRUT INTO A ROOM LIKE YOU OWN IT! YOUR JUST SO STUPID!" Panic then set in when I heard him start to moan in pain. "OH SHIT SHERLOCK!" I ran down the stairs tripping slightly on the last two as I kneeled down next to him. "I'M SO SORRY! ARE YOU OK?" The next thing I knew he had grabbed the back of my neck and was desperately trying to pull my face to meet his. The only thing preventing him from doing so was my struggling to free myself. "Sherlock you're hurting me."

Our eyes met and he said three simple words. Three words that made my heart melt into a puddle of nothingness. "I missed you."

The description for the story is based on the song that was playing while I was writing this. I think it describes their relationship somewhat and it's just a really wonderful song.

"We Are Young"

Give me a second I,
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State
My lover she's waiting for me just across the bar
My seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking bout a scar, and
I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you're trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies, you know
I'm trying hard to take it back
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

Now I know that I'm not
All that you got
I guess that I, I just thought
Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let's raise a cup
'Cause I found someone to carry me home

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

Carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
Just carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
Carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
Just carry me home tonight (Nananananana)

The moon is on my side
I have no reason to run
So will someone come and carry me home tonight
The angels never arrived
But I can hear the choir
So will someone come and carry me home

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home tonight