Authors Notes: My working title for this fic was The Conversaation - yes the worst title for a fanfic ever!!! I just didn't know what else to call it. I only changed the title as I re-read it before uploading it, I just couln't handle posting something with so lame a title.
As always, please please please let me know what you think.
Spoilers: Female Trouble
Scare
"Logan?" Max called as she stormed into her friend's penthouse. She kept calling his name as she searched through his apartment, terrified at what she might find. She entered his study and her fears were confirmed as her eyes fell upon a gun. There was a noise behind her so she turned and saw Logan entering the room behind her. Max dashed to him and threw her arms around him, relief like she had never felt before coursing through her body.
"I thought…I was so scared. The ambulance." Both Max and Logan were surprised at her voice; she sounded like a small, lost child.
Logan grabbed Max's head and the thought 'clinging for dear life' briefly ran through Max's head.
"It's okay," Logan whispered and Max closed her eyes, grateful for hearing so and the relief, fear and sadness she felt caused her to be in the verge of tears.
They released each other from the embrace, gazing into each others eyes for a moment, before Logan wheeled himself away into the study.
"There was a little accident upstairs. Mrs Marino fell down. Bathroom sink overflowed." Logan, with his back to Max, put his gun and ammunition in his drawer. Max silently watched and he could feel her gaze on his back.
"Is she okay?" Max asked softly. But she wasn't really asking about Logan's neighbour. Logan, who knew her better than she realised, knew what she was really asking, but still using Mrs Marino as their front, he turned and answered, "yeah, she'll be fine."
Max slowly smiled at her friend.
~*~
Max silently closed the door, careful not to wake her sleeping roommate. She walked into her room and shed her jacket. She sat on the edge of her bed and lent over to take her shoes off.
It was just after 3am. Max had spent all night on the space needle after seeing Jace off. She celebrated their anniversary and thought about her life after Manticore and her life with Logan. Max suddenly froze. When did she start thinking that? She sat up with a confused expression on her face. Since when had she segregated her life like that: life at Manticore, life after Manticore and life with Logan.
And what would that mean if her earlier fears were correct and Logan had killed himself. Where would that leave her?
Max bent down and quickly retied her shoes, grabbed her jacket and walked out the door.
~*~
Max silently creeped into Logan's apartment. There was no noise so every sound she made echoed in her ears. She slowly and carefully walked to his bedroom and pushed the door open slightly and could see his sleeping form in the large bed. She opened the door fully and went to gently close it, but with an echo of a smile on her face, she slammed it shut. Logan stirred.
"How dare you, you bastard," she said calmly but loudly.
"Max?" Logan asked groggily. He had had plenty of visions of Max walking into his bedroom at night, but none of them started like this. "Max, is that you?"
"Yes it's me. What the hell were you thinking?"
Logan turned on the light and sat up, reaching for his glasses. He put them on and confirmed, yes Max was in his bedroom at, he glanced at the clock, 3.30 in the morning. "Max, what's going on? Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm okay. No thanks to you."
"Max. What are you talking about?"
"You really have no clue, do you?" Logan shook his head seriously. "Okay, let me lay it out for you. You were going to kill yourself tonight. You were going to leave this world. Leave me and Bling and Eyes Only and everything. What the hell were you thinking."
Logan looked away from Max to outside his window. He really didn't want to talk about this with Max, and even if he did, he was too tired to coherently form any sentences. Max finally moved from the doorway of Logan's bedroom and walked around to the other side of his bed, blocking his view and forcing him to look at her.
"What do you want me to say Max?"
"The truth. You owe me that much."
"Alright then," Logan began, crossing his arms and looking intently at Max. "Yeah, I was going to do it. You have no idea what its like for me. Being in that chair 24/7. Having to rely on others just to go about my daily business. Not being able to properly protect 'the downtrodden'. Not being able to help you when you need me. I didn't want to live my life like that," he concluded, shifting his gaze back to the view outside.
"So answer me this. How are you going to help the downtrodden at all if you're dead? You saved one life today. Mrs Marino could have been lying in that bathroom for days if it hadn't have been for you. And what about me huh? Did you even think about me at all?"
Logan's eyes darted to the beautiful, wounded creature in front of him. How could she think that? "Of course I thought about you."
"Oh I doubt it," Max interrupted. "Did you think about what I would do without you? I mean, when we first met, you wouldn't leave me alone. You pushed and pushed until you were a permanent fixture in my life. You just wouldn't let it go. So I let you. I let you into my life. And you became one of my best friends. One of the only good things left in this god-forsaken world. And then you were going to leave me in it all alone? I mean, life sucks. It sucks for you, it sucks for me, it sucks for everyone. But for you to even think that you-"
"Max," Logan said softly, stopping her rant by placing his hand over hers. He gently pulled her down onto the bed so she sat next to him. But he didn't let go of her hand. "Max, you are the only thing that kept me in this world. You will never have any idea what it feels like to be live like this. Where everything you do in life takes that extra effort. But you saved me." Logan turned away, not wanting to confess what he was about to say, but he knew he had to tell her. He owed her that much. But he was terrified at what might happen after. "I was…I had the gun to my head, ready to pull the trigger. But then I had this flash in my brain. It was of you. You were the one to find my body. You had this look on your face, one I had never seen before. You were in such pain, and I had been the one to cause it. And I hated the thought. I couldn't bear to hurt you. So I didn't go through with it. It was almost like, you were here with me, watching over me. My guardian angel. Well, more like my dark angel."
Logan turned to Max, surprised at how long he had been rambling and what he had just told her. When he looked up at her face, he saw a single tear silently streaking down her cheek. He released her hand and brushed the tear away, not saying anything for fear of breaking the calm. While Logan was caressing her cheek, Max whispered, "you scare me like that again, I'll kick your ass."
Logan smiled, his first genuine smile in the longest time. "I don't doubt it."
Max smiled back at her friend, amazingly relieved. She was confident he would be okay. They had each other, nothing could stop them.
Logan leaned forward and kissed Max's cheek softly then wrapped his arms around her small frame. He whispered in her ear sincerely, "I'm sorry Max."
"Make me some breakfast in the morning and I'll forgive you," Max replied, her humour finally returning.
"You got it," he grinned as he released her.
"Mind if I crash?"
"I was hoping you would. But the guest room isn't made up."
"I was hoping it wasn't."
Logan raised an eyebrow at her, and she laughed at him and stood up off the bed. She took off her jacket and shoes and left them on the floor. She climbed up onto the bed and jumped over Logan and dived under the covers. Logan smiled to himself as he took off his glasses, turned off the light and lay back down. He could feel an arm sneak over his stomach and he instantly reached for it, caressing the arm and hand until they both fell asleep.