Kidnapped
Due to some disappointment that there is only one story featuring this cross over, I decided to write one myself. From a one piece perspective this will take place during the voyage from Thriller Bark to Sabaody Archipelago and from a Mass Effect perspective will take place shortly into game 2.
I will try to keep things humorous as this is sort of a Shepard torture fic, as he will be portrayed as a straight laced military minded, paragon, hero type, with no time for nonsense. So, no hot irons or whips, just Shepard slowly being driven insane.
The Straw Hats will keep all of their powers, weapons and quirks (in fact I choose to set it pre-time skip because we don't yet know the full extent of their new powers), so they will keep being impossible in every single way.
I will keep certain words and phrases in line with what most manga scanlators do simply because it sounds weird to my ears when people make Sanji use the words "miss" instead of –chwan or –swan, and the word nakama simply doesn't translate properly into English. However ordinary small talk will be in English.
It all started as such a nice day. It wasn't more than a day ago that they left Thriller Bark in high spirits with their newest nakama, and now they were on their way to Fishman Island. The Thousand Sunny carved through the water at great speed, as the Straw Hat crew littered themselves around the deck in various states of resting and relaxation. Nami was currently trouncing Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Franky and Brook in a game of black jack, with herself as the dealer. She was cheating of course, but only enough to keep a profit. If she went too far, they would stop playing and she'd lose more profit than she was willing too. Let them think they could win and thus come back for more.
Zoro on the other hand – not trusting the damn sea-witch not to cheat – had instead challenged Robin to a game of chess. He was starting to think it wasn't his smartest idea. Sure it had all gone well and good in the beginning, but now she was playing him like a fiddle. The amused smile on her face, as she cupped her chin in her hand waiting for him to make his play, wasn't helping either.
And that's when things got weird, even by their standards…
In a flash of purple light a woman suddenly appeared right on top of the chess game, spreading the pieces all over the grass below them and effectively ending the game in a draw. Huh, leaving things to luck still worked out for him it seemed.
The flash of light got everybody's attention at the black jack table; it even caused Sanji to come out of the kitchen before he had finished making drinks for his female companions.
The woman looked down at the table she was standing on, before looking at the two people whose game she had just interrupted. "Oh my, I am terribly sorry. It seems my aim was a little off. Been far too long since I traveled this way," as an apology it was rather lacking, in fact she didn't even sound sorry at all.
The crew just stared at the old lady. She looked to be in her mid 60ies though keeping herself rather well. She was slightly wrinkled sure, and her hair was grey and cropped very short, but the years had been kind to her. The black and white dress she wore was oddly cut however. It didn't resemble any sort of fashion anyone had seen on any of the islands they had visited.
Ignoring the stupor of the people around her, she reached a hand out towards Zoro and talked as if speaking to a child, "Be a dear and help me done from here, will you my boy." Zoro just kept staring, seeming to be as frozen in surprise as everyone else onboard.
That is of course until Sanji jumped from the floor above them and kicked the marimo in the side of the head to get him out of the way. He immediately placed his hand under hers while bowing respectfully to her. "I give you my deepest apologies for that uncouth marimo. Allow me to assist you off of this table ma dame."
The lady gave a little laugh, "My, such manners. So rare in this age," She stepped down onto the chair the swordsman had just been kicked from, and onto the grass flooring. Before Sanji could utter another word to her however, he had to duck under a sword aimed for his neck from aforementioned, very pissed off swordsman.
Before the two got too far into their usual squabble, the navigator put an effective end to it, by hammering a fist into each of their heads. "SHUT UP!" she yelled at them, before rounding on the elderly intruder, "And who the hell are you!?"
The woman raised a single eyebrow and shifted her eyes to the angry red head before answering, "Now, now little miss, there is no need to be rude. I shall explain in due time once everyone settles down a little."
The ships resident archeologist decided to help things along as it didn't look like Nami was calming down any further. "I believe this is about as calm as you will get everyone."
The lady sighed deeply, but nodded her head. "Yes I suppose you're right. Very well, I've been… black mailed, I suppose is the best way to call it, into finding a group of people to help save the universe I've taken residence in. That group is you, for reasons you'll find out eventually. Now with that out of the way, we should get going to the meeting spot I believe."
There was a near unanimous outcry of, "THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!?" Before the navigator barreled on, on her own, "What the hell do you mean 'Help save the universe'!" she did air-quotes and everything.
The long nosed sniper chimed in, in agreement, "Yeah, that doesn't even sound remotely believable," waving the whole thing off with a hand in front of his face.
The old lady sighed in exasperation, rubbing at her temples, "Very well, I'll go into further detail if that'll get this over with quicker. My name is Lenore Alexis, and I am originally from this world, time-period and universe. As a young woman I ate the wormhole-fruit, allowing me to travel anywhere in both time and space. I decided to abandon this barbaric time period of pirates in search of something more interesting. I found that in a different universe, where I decided to settle down with my bondmate and our two daughters, on a small colony world. That peaceful life is now threatened as something or someone has started targeting human colony world. To make matters worse some paramilitary big-shot somehow found out about my devil-fruit ability and has since asked me to help find remarkable people from my old world – this world – to help combat this threat against humanity. That is where you nine come in."
The members of the Straw Hat crew looked more than a little skeptical, and again it was the ever outspoken navigator that spoke, "Okay, let's say we believe all of that, as impossible as it all sounds… Why us, and why should we even agree to do this in the first place?"
Lenore simply smirked, "Why you, is rather simple, I originally went a few years into your future the first trip back, and by coincidence happened upon your crew, which showed me it had to be you, but you'll figure that bit out on your own. No spoilers after all. As for why you should do this – my dear girl, who ever said I was going to give you a choice?" With that statement, the old woman snapped her fingers as a massive portal of purple light descended over the ship, and rapidly engulfed the entire thing, all the way down to the sea level. Once the lightshow was over, the proud vessel The Thousand Sunny was completely void of human (and reindeer) life.
Commander John Shepard was a rather large man, standing good 185 cm, and weighing in at around 88 kg, he made an impressive figure. With his cropped hair and well pressed officer's uniform, it wasn't hard for even for strangers to recognize him as a career military man.
He had just exited the elevator on his way to the ships cockpit, having just come from a talk with his newest recruit Jack, a convict he had just rescued/broken out of a high security prison/slave trade station. It was complicated… Either way, what she mentioned about his current 'employers' was only re-affirming that he was making a deal with the devil here. However if what The Illusive Man had to say about The Council and The Alliance was true, then this deal with Cerberus was the only way to save Earth's colonies. Then of course there was the whole thing about his resurrection, which he didn't really like thinking about much.
For now though, he needed an ETA on their arrival to the Faia system, as they had just left the Ismar Frontier's Relay system; Aquila. Honestly, he was coming up to get it personally mainly to see a face of one of the three people on the ship he knew he could trust completely.
The rest of the crew probably wasn't so bad, hell he'd say he liked more than a few of them, but complete trust so far was reserved for Garrus, Chakwas and Joker. It was good being able to see one of them when doubts started nagging in the back of his head.
Joker must have seen him coming, as the moment he stepped on the bridge, Joker turned his chair and said, "Hey Commander, glad you're back, but keep an eye on that last one. We can only hold so much crazy."
Shepard gave a chuckle before changing the subject, "What is our ETA for Zorya, Joker?"
"Expect 3 hours till we're in orbit Commander. You know as long as we don't get attack or some other crazy thing happens," was the helmsman's joking reply.
"Heh… Yeah I'd like to avoid being spaced again if at all possible," he really, REALLY, would prefer not getting spaced again, EVER, if he had to be honest.
Shepard had planned to leave and see how the rest of his team was holding up, but before he could tell Joker to keep up the good work, he was interrupted by the ship's AI, "Shepard, 9 unauthorized life forms, have just been detected on in the cargo hold."
Shepard's face and voice hardened in an instant as he turned towards the orb that represented the disembodied voice, "Inform the team get armed and meet me in the elevator. Do you have any readings on what's attacking us?" It was never a great idea to step out of a confined space with a Krogan right outside the door.
"Yes Shepard, 8 humans and a reindeer," came the response from the serene voice.
Getting the information, he hurried towards the elevator. It wasn't till he was halfway down the bridge the last bit of information truly hit him and his face contorted into confusion. The intruders had brought a reindeer? Why? How? That made no sense what so ever. It would have to wait thought, Jacob and Mordin was already at the elevator, holding a shotgun and a pistol respectively. Jacob was even nice enough to grab him his assault rifle.
Two floors down and five more people picked up, the elevator was more than a little cramped. It didn't help Garrus and Grunt were as big as they were, nor did it that Jack actively growled at Miranda and Mordin that were pressed up against either side of her. Still he needed to relay the information he had before they got out.
"Okay listen up people, we've got 8 human intruders and a reindeer. The moment the doors open up I want your guns on them, but do NOT open fire. I want to know how they got onboard and what they want here, got it?" Getting a positive reply from all of them, though some were more reluctant and lax that he would have preferred, he continued: "Zaeed I want you to keep an eye on the reindeer, would hate for it to bump into something and cause a panic." That part was harder to say with a straight face.
"Why the fuck do they even have a reindeer with them in the first place, it make no goddamn sense." Came the gravely reply from the old mercenary.
"I have no idea, but it makes me think they might not be here to attack us. Still, I'm not taking chances and going in there unarmed. Now get ready!" Was the last thing Shepard said before the door opened.
Every Straw Hat was on the floor when the lights went back to normal. Whatever the hell had just happened to them was in no way a pleasant experience. The only person still standing was their kidnapper Lenore looking thoroughly unamused at their groaning on the floor. "Oh will you all stop being so dramatic, it is not that bad."
The crew slowly got to their feet, each of them holding either their churning stomachs or pounding heads. Traveling through whatever the hell that lady made sucked. Before they could lash out at her with angry remarks, a hissing sound was heard from the side, right before the thudding sounds of boots on metal floors and guns being cocked.
The Straw Hats reacted on instinct alone. Luffy, having landed the closest to the sounds, turned towards the new people entering the large room they were in. A second later he was flanked by Zoro on his right, Sandai already in his right hand and Shusui just starting to peak out of its sheath. Sanji fell in on Luffy's left and in front of Lenore, eyes on his hands that were working on lighting a cigarette. Franky followed up behind Sanji, cracking the knuckles of his left hand in his right. Behind his large mass Usopp and Chopper had sought refuge, though Chopper yet again had only the side of his head hiding behind the cyborg. Robin still standing in her spot slightly behind the gap between Luffy and Zoro, simply turned her head towards the commotion, a calculating look going over the 8 new threats to the crew, while her hands slowly inched upwards to a ready position, Nami inched closer to her, slipping her Clima-Tact out from its holster under her skirt. It was however the movement of the 266 cm tall skeleton that moved to Sanji's left side while drawing his sword from his cane, which seemed to draw all the attention. Every single one of the intruders stood in varying degrees of stupefied shock.
It was Lenore that seemed to bring them out of it however, as she asked: "Which one of you is Commander Shepard?"
The crop haired man with the slight clip in his hairline was the one to respond, "That's me. Who are you and what are you doing on my ship?"
Before she was able to answer the question, Luffy interrupted her by waving hand high in the air while shouting, "UH! UH! I KNOW! I KNOW!" At Shepard's nod towards him, the pirate captain continued, "My name is Monkey D. Luffy, and we were kidnaped by her!"
He had finished with the largest grin Shepard had ever seen a hostage have on his face, while pointing out said kidnapper. Come to think of it, it might have been the biggest grin he had ever seen anyone have on their face in general. Didn't help him much though in finding out who they were or why they were on his ship in the first place. The redhead seemed to agree with him though as she hammered her pole over his head while screaming at him.
"That doesn't explain anything you moron!"
"But Naaaaamiiiii, it's true!" the newly introduced Monkey whined at the girl Shepard accurately guessed was Nami, while running his hand over his head to alleviate the pain.
"That doesn't matter!" She screamed at him, "They still have guns, and I for want do NOT WANT TO GET SHOT AT TODAY!"
The green haired guy with the swords gave an unimpressed snort, before voicing his opinion: "What, are you scared of a few guns just because they look a little weird? It's not like we can't take them."
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" This Nami girl seemed to be getting angrier by the second, and Shepard figured it was better to head this off before shots got fired over a misunderstanding.
"Tell you all what, if you lower your weapons we'll lower ours. That way no one gets hurt and you can explain what you're doing here on my ship. Does that sound like a fair deal?" As he asked he motioned his crew to lower their weapons with his hand as a gesture of good faith.
The intruders seemed to slowly do the same, before everybody had their weapons tucked away completely. The moment everyone was done, Lenore stepped forwards and in front of Shepard, "I better explain before anything else goes wrong. I believe you are acquainted with The Illusive Man, correct?" At Shepard's nod, she continued. "Very well, I was asked to gather you some remarkable fighters for your fight against this threat to our colony worlds, and now I have. Anything further he asked that he be allowed to explain himself."
Shepard turned his head towards Miranda, "Any of these people fit the description of someone from our profiles?"
"No, we should head up to the debriefing room and ask what this is about. Most of the dossiers where put together months in advance, Garrus' was the only one that was less than a week old before the start of the mission," was her intrigued response.
"Right, we'll have to do a few trips to get everybody up properly though. Grunt and I will take up 4 of them up first. Miranda, you, Jacob and Mordin take 3 on the 2nd trip. Garrus, Jack and Zaeed will bring the rest got it?" he spoke the plan lowly between his crew, and got a nod from them all. As he stepped towards the intruders, Garrus and Miranda followed behind him.
"Okay everyone, my name is Commander Shepard as you may have heard. I suggest we take the elevator and have a little conference with The Illusive Man who seems to have wanted you all here and clear it up. The Elevator is a bit small though, so we'll go in groups, Miranda and Garrus here will show you the way to our debriefing room," Shepard did his best to sound friendly and get everything to fall into place without any unnecessary bloodshed, and it sort of worked.
The Blonde of the group spun his way over in front of Miranda, grabbed her hand delicately before pressing it softly to his lips, and a torrent of pleasantries exited his lips. "Ah, mellorine! Such great fortune I have to be allowed to feast my eyes on such a rare, delicate beauty. I will happily let you guide me wherever you wish!"
All he got was a raised eyebrow and a "Charmed, I'm sure," and with that the trip up to the CIC deck began.