I'm not quite convinced about this one. It's something that came up right after I finished reading some Cowboy Bebop fanfics. Tell me what you think.
Inevitable
Coming back had always been inevitable.
He just pretended he didn't now, but he pretended way too long, and now, the reason for his return wasn't precisely what he expected it to be.
Something had gone wrong. Something had gone terribly wrong while hunting a bounty, and now Jet Black was dead.
He is at a bar on Jupiter when he hears it. The infamous Black Dog has died; the famous bounty hunter. He cannot believe his ears. "It can't be… it can't be" he keeps repeating to himself.
He thinks about Faye when he gets on his ship, and he thinks about Faye while he searches for the Bebop; was she dead as well? He finds the idea unbearable.
He finds the ship in Ganymede. Deep down inside, he knows it's a bad sign, but refuses to believe it. It's been so long since he last felt he was dreaming, and it hadn't, by any means, felt like that. He was the one who was supposed to die first.
The first thing he sees while he lands is Faye's ship. He gets off his ship and rushes inside the Bebop. Everything is deadly silent. He looks around; everything is just the way he remembers it, and somehow, he feels insulted.
He looks for Faye everywhere and anywhere. He finds her in the control room of the ship. She is hugging herself, staring through the large window, absently.
The dusk light confers a distant aura on her; nearly unreal. She looks so frail.
He stands there for a while in sheer silence before she takes notice that someone else is there. She looks at him unseeingly; her eyes are empty and her expression blank. She approaches him slowly, stopping right before him. He holds his breath when she places a hand on his cheek and caresses it gently.
She doesn't insult him or slaps him. When she sees him; when she actually sees him, she hugs him as if her life depended upon it. She holds him as if she is about to faint; as if she is begging him to save her.
He is taken aback by her attitude, but hugs her back nonetheless. He can sense all her pain. It's overwhelming.
He doesn't want to know the why and how of Jet's unexpected death. He just embraces her.
That's a side of Faye that Spike would have preferred to remain in the shadows.
Things change abruptly though. She starts giving him the cold shoulder.
He notices she is taking sleeping pills. She does it every day, every night, every couple of hours, and he feels powerless. He doesn't know what to do; how to help.
She tosses and turns and talks in her slumber; she sometimes even cries. He knows she is having nightmares nonstop every night, but she doesn't let him anywhere near, and that infuriates him. He feels useless, just watching her self-destroy.
"You have to eat something" he tells her once, twice, many times, but every time she refuses and asks him to leave her alone.
He secretly fears that one day she won't wake up.
One night, he enters her room quietly. She is like always, lying on her bed. She doesn't move or say anything, but shifts position, turning her back to him when he tries to meet her eyes.
He places a hand on her shoulder and she jerks away from his touch when she feels the contact. He should have known; nothing was ever so easy with Faye Valentine. He knows she is punishing him.
"Why don't you leave once and for all?" she tells him bitterly. He doesn't reply because he doesn't have anything to say to that, but for some reason, her words sharp as a knife pierce his soul.
"I can't leave you like this" he thinks, but doesn't put it in words because he knows she won't believe him; why would she? After all, he has left her before.
He comes back hours later to see how she is doing, and finds her sleeping soundly. She looks so peaceful. However, he can tell she's sad; her expression is that of anguish and pain. He hates to see her like that, so vulnerable and broken. It's heart wrenching. He never thought he would feel that way towards her.
He reaches out for her face, but hesitates before finally brushing away some strands of hair from her eyes. Unconsciously, he starts stroking her hair tenderly; why is she acting like that towards him? Had he really hurt her that bad when he left? So much that she didn't even want him there despite Jet being gone forever?
He recalls her words "... this was the only place I could go." It all makes sense now. Jet was all she had left, and he feels almost jealous that she doesn't consider him that way, but then, he remembers that he let her believe he was dead.
Guilt starts creeping over him.
When she wakes up, he's there, wide awake. He is sitting on her bed, staring into nothingness while smoking a cigarette carelessly. She feels like crying.
"I'm going to give Jet my last goodbye" he informs her and stands up. She remains there, lying on the bed. Seconds before Spike leaves, she catches up with him and tells him she wants to go as well. He feels some sort of relief; she's gonna be ok.
As soon as they scatter Jet's ashes in the sea of Ganymede, they go back to the Bebop
Hours later, they are both lying on Faye's bed for she asked him to stay with her that night; is the first night since Jet died that she's able to get some sleep without taking sleeping pills.
Spikes stares at her. He feels his chest ache; what had she done in her past for her life to turn out that way? He suddenly knows what he has to do. He has to stay by her side. He has to protect her. He doesn't want her to suffer anymore. With those thoughts in mind, he drifts off to sleep.
It's dark when he opens his eyes again; it's chilly. It takes him a while to remember where he is and why, and he notices that is raining by the sound the water droplets make against the window. He then notices something else… Faye is gone.
He gets up in haste, suddenly filled with worry. Her ship is still there, so she can't be far. He is right; she's standing near Jet's ship, just standing, letting the pouring rain fall freely on her.
He gets nearer slowly, cautiously, for he fears she might run. She is crying.
"I'm sorry" she says out of the blue "I wanted to feel something real." Spike steps closer, not really knowing why. She leans forward, rests her forehead on his shoulder wearily. He hugs her, tightly. "I'm real," he whispers against her hair "and I'm not going anywhere" he tells her and she starts sobbing softly. They stay standing under the rain some more minutes before Spike decides it's time to go back inside; he doesn't want her to get sick.
Her breathing has evened; she's falling asleep. Spike places both of his hands on either side of her waist and lifts her to take her inside.
They are both lying on her bed again. Faye's sleeping; she always seems to be sleeping when Spike is around. Her head is on his chest and he has his arms around her. She feels safe in his arms, and he knows it; he feels safe in hers as well. He wasn't aware that he didn't feel safe before… that, until now. He tightens her grip on her subconsciously
"I saw him die," she says, startling Spike. He thought she was sleeping. He can hear her heartbeat; it makes him feel at ease; "He was shot and I… I couldn't do anything" she whispers. He feels sorry for her. He knows how that feels. He has experienced that many times before, and he doesn't want her to go through that again; that's why he is staying; to prevent something to happen to the only person he has left in this universe. He knows now, that he wouldn't be able to stand it.
He pulls her closer to him; he needs to feel something real as well. He feels her wet hair and hot breathing against the skin of his neck. It feels right. Perfection amidst all the desolation.
This is how it should be. This is how it should have always been, but Jet had to die for him to realize that. How absurd.
He spends the night thinking about the whys of life; he finds no answers. He never lets go of Faye. He can't.
Rain keeps falling outside.
Staying away from her had never really been an option. For one reason or another, coming back had always been inevitable.
Thanks for reading!