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You Thought I Was a WHAT?!
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Hope you enjoy. Keep reviewing!
Disclaimer: I do, in fact, own Doctor Who, Angel, the entire city of LA, and your personal collection of books.
(For those who are sarcasm impaired, that was a complete lie. I own none of these things. If I did, I would be making oodles of cash off this fic. I'm not.)
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Chapter 1: Never Insult a Demon or his Books.
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"Okay," Cordelia Chase complained, slamming several volumes on demonology down on the counter. "I know I said I wished I could go shopping more often, but that was supposed to be a hint about my salary – can you say pitiful? Instead, I get sent out to buy books! Dusty, musty, boring old books! Books about gross demons and their grossness!"
The shopkeeper, owner of LA's finest occult bookstore, fixed her with an icy stare.
"I mean," she hastily continued, "no offence. I mean, just 'cause you're a demon, with three eyes, and a horn, and a long slimy tail—" and she gestured vaguely at the features in question, "that doesn't mean I think you're gross, oh no!"
She chuckled nervously. The temperature of the shopkeeper's glare dropped by several more degrees. Its tail had begun to flick menacingly from side to side like an angry cat's.
"You know what?" she told it. "I'm just gonna pay for these and go now, 'kay?"
She treated it to her most dazzling smile. It gave her a smile of its own, even chillier than its glare. It rang up her purchases, then looked more closely at the stack of books. It frowned.
"One," it said in a soft, hissing voice, "is missing."
Cordelia squinted at the pile. "No," she told it, "look. One of three, two of three, three of three. And thank goodness for that, 'cause, you know, back in Sunnydale, Giles had all these, like, fifty-gazillion-volume sets, and then I'd have to carry fifty gazillion volumes back to the office!"
"Yesss," the shopkeeper hissed, bobbing its head in what looked like a nod. "One, two, and three… but all useless without four."
Its tail, which was apparently prehensile as well as covered in slime, snaked past Cordelia. She jumped in surprise, stifling a shriek as the tail returned with a fourth dusty tome.
"Four," the shopkeeper said, "is key. One who wishes to read three—" it bobbed its head at the set of books already on the counter – "must first read four." It fixed her with its three glowing eyes. "Aloud."
Cordelia laughed nervously. The shopkeeper was unnerving her more and more. "Gee, thanks!" she told it. "I'd probably be in big trouble if the über-important books Angel sent me for turned out to be useless!" She handed over her cash. The shopkeeper's tail took it from her and deposited it in an old cash register that was as dusty as the rest of the store, then started rooting around for her change.
"You know what?" she told it, watching the tail with wide eyes and a disgusted expression. "You keep the change!"
She grabbed her books and hightailed it out of the store. The shopkeeper's icy smile watched her go.
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