Disclaimer: I don't own Verperia or any of the character, nor am I making money from it. Just for fun. Also, don't have beta, so apologies for any gramatical errors. English is not my native language, still having trouble with commas and stuff.

Introduction: This little drabble takes place after bossfight with Estelle at the top of the Sword Stair in Zaphias, before going after Alexei to Zaude. Also, I never wrote a prequel to this. Hints about Yuri's one-night stand with Raven are everything there is, but I've always written firsts and they sort of feel all the same to em now, so I wanted a change of pace. I do like to make the characters as realistic as possible, which doesn't always turn out quite right. Hopefully, I did a good enough job, not having written anything in forever.

Please enjoy :)

REGRETS

"Hope everybody can get some sleep."...

Yeah, everybody except him that is.

Yuri sighed as he wriggled in an effort to make himself more comfortable.

It did not help.

He had no idea how long he has been staring into the darkened ceiling. Could have been minutes, though it felt like centuries. His mind was wide awake, even though his body wished nothing more than to simply rest. He was sore in places he didn't even know he had, not having stopped once since Karol gave him a piece of his mind back in Quoi Woods.

Of course Yuri knew it was stupid of him to leave his friends behind, so Rapede's betrayal did not sting as much as it should have when the dog led them straight to him agaist Yuri's explicit whishes.

But he was glad they found him. He never felt happier getting punched in the face, yet his guild's loyaltly made him somehow even more miserable than before.

Yes, Estelle survived in the end and the people from Lower Quarter were safe thanks to LeBlanc and the tweedles, but still...

He finally gave up trying to fall asleep, jumping to his feet with a frustrated grunt instead. He was still angry. Angry at Flynn for being so damn oblivious, when he had Alexei right there in front of him the whole damn time; angry at himself for letting this happen in the first place.

And of course, there was Raven.

For once in his life Yuri made a choice to ignore his instincts against his better judgement. He let himself become soft and the old man played him like a fiddle in more ways than one.

In a sudden rush of fury, Yuri's fist connected with a nearby wall. There was the sound of bones cracking and he felt a jolt of pain shoot from his knuckles all the way into his shoulder, though it probably ought to have hurt more than it did.

Memories flooded his mind, draining the anger out of him and Yuri shivered.

Back then he saw no other choice but to take matters into his own hands. No matter how justified, he did commit murder and the burden of that sin threatened to drag him into the abyss. The second time would have destroyed him entirely, had one person not been there to offer the right words of comfort Yuri couldn't find anywhere else.

The swordsman succumbed easily, and once was enough. Single slip, fleeting moment of vulnerability and he found himself unable to resist the warmth of Raven's touch, the softness of his lips or the skill with which the old man knew exactly where to touch and what to do to make Yuri forget.

And he fell for it hook, line and sinker.

It was only after the events at Baction the young man finally realized why it seemed Raven understood him so completely. When the archer's true colors came to light, it should have brought Yuri to his senses, he knew. However, something in his heart simply broke the moment he recognized the intimately familiar voice that now belonged to Captain Schwann of the Imperial Knights. And it frustrated him to no end that he couldn't hate the man no matter how hard he tried.

It would have been easier to hate him, than it was to loose him.

The desire to beat the old bastard into a pulp again once he walked nonchalantly back in to their lives barely an hour later, as if nothing ever happened, did not at all improve Yuri's sour mood.

Since then the swordsman may have accepted the old man's regrets, but there was a part of him that could never forget. Still, could he perhaps forgive?

This one simple question left him hollow and searching. Would he want to, even if he could?

Unable to answer that, Yuri clicked his tongue in annoyance and looked around. Without knowing how he had gotten there in the first place, he found himself standing at the top of the stairs leading to Zaphias Castle prison.

His hands closed into fists several times, he considered turning on his heels and leaving. What was he going to say if he went to see him again anyway?

But he could not stand this anymore. For better or worse he had to straighten things out before the final battle began, if only just to get closure.

Yuri paused again for a moment as he descended, silently approaching the farthest cell. He could hear two familiar voices as he came close, Raven and what sounded like Rita.

From what he understood from her muttering, she came down here to fiddle with Raven's blastia for some reason that had to do with Estelle. Whatever it was, it did not seem to make the archer feel particularly well to a point, where he became distractingly loudly concerned about being made subject of the mage's experiments.

"Just deal with it for a while, old man! And shut up, I need to focus!" she snapped at him without taking her eyes off her work.

Her fingers moved knowingly over a colorful console above his chest at amazing speed, while Raven appeared to barely be able to catch his breath.

"There. Done." Rita exclaimed after few more minutes, getting up as she swiped her hand to close it. Before leaving, she also graciously took a moment to ensure the old man he was in no danger of dying, because she knew what she was doing.

Without thinking how ridiculous it was trying to sneak into a prison, Yuri quickly moved to hide so she wouldn't see him, though he needn't have bothered. Rita being Rita, she would probably fail to notice him even if he walked right past her.

Raven, however, was a different story altogether.

"Come again fer a chat with ol' Raven?" his voice came out after an awkwardly long pause. "I'm flattered."

He appeared to have been waiting for Yuri to come out by himself. After realizing that would not happen, he finally decided to take the first step.

Briefly, Yuri once again wished he had just turned around and left. It was too late for that now, however. He knew, even if he turned tail again, he could no longer avoid a confrontation, only postpone it.

And he did not like waiting.

Walking lazily into Raven's wide-open cell, he hid his face within the comforting shadow of his long, dark hair, which gave him a few extra seconds to think of what he was going to say. The gesture also seemed to have had another side effect.

"Or have ya finally come ta finish me off?" Raven propped himself up with his elbows, certain stiffness in his shoulders.

His voice was playful, though tinted ever so slighly by suspicion and perhaps... fear? After all, he of all people understood exactly what the young swordsman was capable of.

Yuri stopped barely two meters away, resting his hand on his hip as he raised his eyes to Raven's. There was a slight smirk curling his lips, fake as much as it was teasing.

"Can't say I haven't thought about it." he said and found his voice steady, even if his thoughts raced like a wild stampede.

To be honest, the longer the two of them spent together, the harder it was for Yuri to summon the courage to actually do what he came here to do. The same thing happened the first time he had found Raven here earlier that day.

Yuri was not proud of himself, having ran away with tail between his legs then, and he thanked all the deities he knew for all these years of training in the art of the perfect poker face.

However, he welcomed the familiar sight of Raven's expression as the old man grabbed at his chest theatricaly where his blastia was hiding underneath the soft fabrick of his shirt. "Now, now, yung'un, that's just mean, ya know."

However much Yuri wanted to see the old, easy-going Raven with not a care in the world in him, the archer's gaze was as sharp as ever when he looked straight at him. He knew at once this was no simple social visit.

In fact, it has been a long time coming. Raven was not at all sure, if he should be relieved or anxious now that the moment finally arrived; not after their confrontation at Baction, and certainly not after a rather painful reunion aboard Heracles.

Afterwards, he noticed Yuri keeping hius distance from him. Or at least more so than usual, and that was saying something.

He no longer responded to Raven's attempts to lighten the atmosphere and he always seemed to avert his eyes whenever the archer tried to make contact.

Of course, Raven could not possibly hold it against him. He deserved everything he got after what he had done, and more. Especially from Yuri.

"Yeah. But we're still far from even, old man." the swordsman responded coldly, his natural protective instincts kicking in before he even realized it.

Raven cringed with guilt. He knew Yuri well enough by now to see just how much he wanted to say and how he struggled to get it all out.

"You did what you thought you had to, I understand that. But I should have known." the young man frowned, his hands curled into fists. He spoke as much to himself as he did to Raven. "I can't believe I didn't connect the dots, especially after what you pulled to get us through Flynn's blocade."

Raven remembered. Trapped in a narrow cave beneath a mountain, it may have been dumb luck -or perhaps something else- that smiled upon them, when the knights blocking their only way out turned out to be LeBlanc and his men. It was a gamble and Raven risked everything by doing what he did.

Still, the memory of happier time brought a slight smile to his face.

"Shoulda known you'd catch on. Woulda been trouble, if you found out sooner, though."

He didn't mean anything by it, but the damage was already done when he realized he had struck a nerve.

Yuri moved too quickly. Raven had barely time to register it as the young man grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him so close he could feel hot breath on his cheek and steel-cold gaze piercing through him.

"If you think this is funny, Raven, think again." Yuri snarled into his companion's face.

Then, just as suddenly, he let go. His composure, however, had gone and the next time their eyes met, it was him who was taken aback.

For a single moment, from beneath a few loosened strands of jet-black hair, it was Schwann looking up at him.

Then the moment ended and there was just Raven of Altosk.

"It's not. I'm sorry." he said, his voice somber and suddenly lacking his usual accent. He also had some things to say and if Yuri refuses to face the truth, he will slap him with it so he can't ignore it any longer. "But don't pretend this is about anyone but us."

The word 'us' felt like a fist to his gut. Yuri's shoulders tensed and his pupils constricted briefly, but he said nothing.

"I hurt the young lady. I hurt a lot of people." Raven continued. He wasn't afaid to admit it. "But above all others I hurt you. I took advantage of you and did things I shouldn't have done. That's why you're here now, isn't it?"

His whole posture as he stood up, challenged Yuri to deny it. "But I never lied to you. I meant every word I said."

Whether Yuri wanted or not, the archer's casual admission had broken the last dam at the depths of his mind, that kept the memories he tried so hard to forget from flooding in. Once again he could hear Raven's husky voice whispering against his skin; murmured words of praise and promises of pleasure that brought him to the heights of extasy.

Simply recollecting those events awakened something dormant that curled through his insides to nestle below his abdomen. Yuri forced himself not to aknowledge it.

He also remembered Raven's strange reaction, when he tugged at his shirt in the heat of passion. Of course, now he knew it was because the old man didn't want to reveal his blastia - yet another piece of the puzzle he should have put together to get the whole picture before it was too late.

But by then Yuri was too far gone or too drunk on Raven's sweet words to think about anything at all.

And in the end, Estelle paid the price.

His derisive chuckle sliced through the silence between them like a knife. He wanted to believe Raven. He wanted it more than he would ever admit even to himself, but he refused to make the same mistake again.

"Yeah. Sure. Say whatever you want, I'm not falling for that again." he fixed him with a frigid stare. "Your life may belong to the guild, but don't go counting on me to make it any easier for you, old man."

His heart felt like breaking. Words rolled out of his mouth he never meant to say, but he coudn't do it. He just didn't know how to deal with someone who seemed to read him like an open book. Raven was opening wounds that were meant to remain closed forever.

And what followed almost shattered the whole world around him.

"Then, I guess, there is no more reason fer me to go on livin' after all." Raven breathed, his expression blank.

Watching his feet intently for a moment he then swiped his hand to bring up the very same control console Rita had used earlier. Rainbow of colors illuminated his face as he skillfuly entered a series of commands.

It took Yuri far too long to realize wat he was doing, and by then the blastia core in Raven's chest began to darken as the archer's movements became sluggish, breathing more shallow and rapid with each one he took.

"What're you...!?" Without second thought, Yuri shot forward to stop him. "Old man!"

But it was too late. He only managed to catch him as he collapsed.

Insistant pangs of panick spread througout his mind as Raven's body grew steadily heavier. Yuri knew nothing about formulas, so he had no way of knowing how much damage the archer had done to himself. And he sure as hell wasn't going to blindly try to fix it, hoping for the best.

"RIIITA!"" he shouted out of pure desperation, knowing full well it wasn't going to help; they were too far away.

And before he could go get her, Raven might already be dead. But what should he do?

The thought of Raven dying in this dingy shithole right before his eyes threatened to tear him apart. Fear and anger welled up inside him, Yuri felt like beating the crap out of the man for doing this to himself because of him. At the same time, he realized he has never felt this powerless in his entire life and he hated himself all the more for it.

Raven's eyes cracked open to search for their dark countrparts, filled with so many emotions at once he could not possibbly identify all of them.

"Haaaah... see?... Ya do... care" he breathed, managing a grin, despite waves of overpowering nausea and exhaustion. The color slowly drained out of his face.

As those austere, blue orbs fluttered closed again, he went completely limp. And Yuri's brain stopped working at all.

No.

No. No. No. "Wake up, damn you!" Yuri shook him like a rag doll for lack of better ideas. "Have you lost your mind?! You didn't get out of one dungeon so you could die in another, dammit!"

But there was no response. The crimson core of Raven's hermes blastia remained dark and innert, no matter what Yuri did.

Finally, the swordsman gritted his teeth against the icy claw of dread sqeezing all warmth out of his body. Something wet stained his cheeks and his vision became blury as tears trickled down his face. He didn't know what to do.

He didn't know anything anymore.

Afterthought: Yes, I do enjoy killing characters, though I hate it when someone offs my favourites. This was supposed to be short, but words sort of piled up and I ended up spliting it in two chapters. TLDR and all that.

Please don't hate me ;)

Comments appreciated :3