Disclaimer: I am a female therefore I am not Eoin Colfer, so I do not own Artemis Fowl. *sighs* My life is disappointing…

Hello everybody! I am thebrightestwitchofherage96 and I shall be your guide through this incredible journey. This is my first fanfic so please bear with me. I will update as often as possible and I accept all kinds of comments, good or bad. So, without further ado, I introduce to you the first chapter of But He's My Best Friend!

Chapter 1: Introduction

"BEEP BEEP BEEP!" my alarm screeched. When I opened my eyes to read the clock I found myself face-to-face with my Aunt Holly, and she didn't look too happy.

"Its 7:30," she said with her hands on her hips.

"5 more minutes," I groaned, rolling over and pulling the blanket over my head.

"No, I let you sleep in an extra 30 minutes and you have to be at the studio by 8:30. Get up!" she said as she yanked the blanket (and me) onto the floor. "You better be showered and dressed by the time I am done with breakfast," she called as she left the room.

Oh, my name's Julie Mason by the way. I'm 4'7 with long, curly blonde hair and big, bright green eyes. I'm thin but curvy which means I have breasts and a butt but a flat stomach. I love dancing, singing, and martial arts, which is probably why I'm the biggest sensation above and below the ground.

I live in the underground fairy city of Haven with my aunt, Major Holly Short. She is the only female LEPrecon officer to make the rank of major and she's a pretty kickass aunt if I do say so myself.

I have a lot of other fairy friends too:

First, there is Foaly. He is a centaur and he is a genius. He works the ops booth in the LEP headquarters. He is super sarcastic and we love to banter.

Second, is Mulch Diggums. He is a kleptomaniac dwarf but he really is super sweet and his butt has saved me on more than one occasion. Yes you heard me correctly; his butt has saved mine, more than once.

Then, there is my cousin, Lili Frond. She is one of my best girlfriends and we look just alike, except she's shorter than me.

Now here are some of my favorite mud people:

Juliet and Butler: these are some of my favorite mud people. They are incredibly strong and incredibly nice. Butler may seem intimidating but he really is just a big teddy bear. Juliet is one of the sweetest girls I have ever met, however, she's not afraid to kick butt when she has to.

Angeline and Artemis Fowl I: these are the parents of my best friend and I have lived with them since I was four. They practically raised me. Angeline is like my mother and my best friend and Timmy (Artemis senior, he insists that I call him Timmy) is like the father that I never knew.

Myles and Beckett Fowl: The cutest babies I have ever met. These are Arty's twin brothers and they are absolutely precious! Myles is super smart like his older brother and Beckett is of average intelligence. Myles has these little mold experiments and Beckett is a super talented painter.

And they say to save the best for last. Artemis Fowl II is my best friend. Like I said before, I've known him since I was four. We've been through everything together and sometimes I wouldn't mind being more than friends. He means the world to me and I would do anything for him. Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same about me.

Anyway, I should probably get up. Shaking the thoughts of Arty from my mind, I untangled myself from the comforter and threw it back onto the bed. I trudged toward the bathroom and begrudgingly took a shower. The hot water felt amazing and I was immediately 10% more awake. I got out of the shower, wrapped myself in my favorite, plushy robe and went to my closet. I pulled out my favorite lime green baby tee (that totally shows off my belly button piercing), my only clean pair of black skinny jeans, and the only pair of TOMS I could find (lime green, fortunately). I flounced out into the kitchen and was greeted with a cup of coffee and a now-smiling aunt.

"Just the way you like it," she said beaming. "Two sugars, two tablespoons of creamer and half a cup of milk!"

"Thanks, you are-" I started

"The best aunt ever I'm sure you mean" she said, never taking her eyes off of the stovetop.

I sat at the island, picked up the newspaper and started reading. I know, I'm nineteen and I read the newspaper instead of checking my phone.

"Annnddd I'm done!" Aunt Holly announced thirty minutes later. "Breakfast is served!"

"What are we having?" I asked walking over to the stove and peeking into the pan.

"We are having spinach and cheese omelets with fresh rolls that I baked myself," she announced proudly. I smiled as I glance up at the clock and then I began to panic. I grabbed a plate and starting wolfing down the hot and cheesy heaven that my aunt so graciously concocted.

"Julie dear, if you eat that fast you're going to get indigestion," she said as she calmly sipped her copy.

"In case you haven't noticed," I said through a mouthful of egg. "It's 8 o'clock and you said the studio expected me at 8:30."

She looked at me, then at the clock. She raced to grab her car keys while I dashed to my room to grab my dance bag. "I'm so sorry Julie," she said while keeping her eyes on the road.

"If I had known breakfast was going to take that long I would've woken you up earlier."

"Its fine," I assured her as be pulled into the studio parking lot.

It was 8:25.

I kissed her on the cheek before rushing into the building. As I sailed into the dance studio my manager was already there, tapping her foot with her arms crossed while she glared daggers at me.

"I'm not late," I said, checking my watch. "Its 8:28 so I'm two minutes early." She continued to glare at me as I unpacked my bag.

"Julie, you have to stop barely making every deadline," she said, exasperated "You have to start taking responsibility!"

"Anya, leave the poor girl alone! She has plenty of work to do today." Thank Frond, Adrian, my choreographer, always shows up whenever I need him.

"Alright dear," he said smiling at me "Let's get started!"

We went through the basic routines for my upcoming tour. In three days I was getting to weeks off before heading on tour. Then, I would head to California for the first part of my Believe It tour. We continued moving through the routines until about 7:30 that night. I quickly said my goodbyes and left for Police Plaza.

"Sup everybody?" I asked, walking through the open door of the operations booth.

"AHH! D'Arvit! What was that for Julie? And how did you get in here?" Foaly asked surfacing from underneath one of his tables.

"Sorry," I said, quietly closing the doors behind me.

"Well fine," Mulch said from his seat behind Foaly's desk. "Just ignore me. I understand that you value the centaur's friendship more than mine," he said, adding a sniff for dramatic effect.

"Hi Mulch, how are you today?" I said, not able to hold back my smile

"Wonderful darling," he replied, spinning in Foaly's chair. Foaly stopped the chair as he walked by, much to Mulch's displeasure.

"Holly isn't due back for another 30 minutes," Foaly said, looking over at the clock.

"I know," I said, slowly sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk and looking him right in the eyes. He raised his eyebrows and studied my face. Not finding what he was looking for, he began to type.

"My vacation is coming up in a few days," I began, putting on my brightest smile.

"I'm well aware," he replied while never taking his eyes off the screen.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor,"

Foaly turned toward me and Mulch, who was in Foaly's office fridge, emerged from within and was paying attention.

"Depends," Foaly answered, raising his eyebrows at me again. "What do you want?"

"What I want is this," I replied, smiling, knowing he couldn't deny my request.

What request does Julie want to make? Is resisting truly futile for Foaly? Find out in the next chapter!

Your Humble Servant,

thebrightestwitchofherage96