Disclaimer: I don't own any of this.
Minun's Mishaps
By Diana Moon Glampers
Hi, I'm Dana, and this is the story of me and my little buddy Minun.
There I was, sitting in the park eating a delicious sausage sandwich. The caramelized onions, the robust fried green peppers, the toasted bun, the hearty spiced meat… Oh, shit, that was a good sausage sandwich, maybe the best sausage sandwich I had ever had. Minun looked up to me as if to ask,
"Oooh, that looks so good! Can I have a bite?"
Except Minun can't talk, so he only squeaked and squealed.
I grunted in disapproval, but tore off a small piece for him anyway. He was a weak and pathetic Minun, so I pitied him often.
"Here you go…" I said, reluctantly.
Minun gobbled it up like it was the best thing he'd ever eaten. As soon as I took another bite, he pulled on my pant leg, begging for another.
"No, it's my sandwich. I already gave you a piece," I said.
Minun gave me a sad and pathetic look. Every animal does it when it wants something from its master really, really badly. It might have worked on me when I was younger, but now I was immune. Frankly, I was a little annoyed that he thought it would still work.
"You'll have nothing and like it!" I firmly said.
Minun let out a sigh. He knew he had been defeated. Yet, he still gazed longingly at my sandwich. It was getting annoying.
"Why don't you go run in the grass and play with the other pokemon?" I said.
Minun looked at me, slightly confused. Jeez, he was dense sometimes. I pointed to the grassy hills where more energetic trainers were frolicking with their pokemon.
"Go! Go play! Stop staring at my sandwich and go play!" I commanded.
Minun squeaked with happiness and started running around the hills. Finally, I could enjoy my sandwich in peace.
…
…
…
Holy shit. That was a good sandwich. Good to the last bite. The greasy flavors still danced in my mouth. Oh man, I'll have to come here again sometime and buy another one of those sausage sandwiches. Anyway, I thought, Now where the hell did Minun go off to?
I glanced around the park and saw Minun making goo-goo eyes at another trainer's female Plusle. He was circling around her, trying to sniff her butt, trying to act as cute and charming as possible. It was clear the little guy was in love. The little Plusle seemed nervous around him too. I giggled to myself. A devilish idea formed in my mind. I was going to mess with him and humiliate him in front of everyone!
I ran over to Minun and grabbed him by the back legs, holding him upside-down. I slid my arms down a little and had them wrapped around his torso. His tail was all fluffed up from the surprise, leaving his anus and tiny genitals visible for all to see.
I said in my sappiest, girliest voice, "Oh, Minun! There you are! Give me a big hug!"
I squeezed him tight, a little too tight. He gasped for air. I glanced at the Plusle he was in love with. She was giggling and squealing at the sight, pointing at poor Minun's visible crotch. He squeaked and screamed for me to put him down. I abruptly let go and he tumbled to the ground on his face.
As Minun got to his feet, the little female Plusle's trainer came over to me. It was a young boy, probably around 11 or 12 years old, wearing a shorts and a maroon hat.
"Hey, your Minun really seems to have taken a liking to my Plusle!" he said.
"Oh, definitely! It sure is cute seeing him like this," I said, rubbing my hands all over Minun's head to mess up his fur.
The kid shook my hand.
"Hi, I'm Rolf! I'm training to be a Pokemon Champion!" he said.
Heh, I'd bet he greets everyone like that.
"I'm Dana. I'm a trainer, but I'm not really serious about it," I said.
"You wanna battle?" Rolf asked.
"Ah, not today. Maybe some other time. I gotta get going," I said.
"Okay then. See ya later!" Rolf said.
I picked Minun back up, again holding him upside down, and carried him off to my apartment in town. I carried him all the way up to my room and plopped down with him on the couch. I turned on the TV to go watch World Championship Figure Skating. There was no way I would miss something like this! Minun squeaked and squealed and thrashed about with happiness. Even though he couldn't talk, I knew him well enough that I knew what he was saying. He was in love with Rolf's Plusle and was talking about how cute and pretty and smart and funny she was.
"Calm down, Minun. Calm down. I'm trying to watch Figure Skating. Look at that!" I said.
I pointed to the screen as a Gallade and Gardevoir danced elegantly on the ice. The Gallade jumped into the air and spun three times before landing.
"Whoah! See that, Minun! That was a Triple Lutz! They got some damn good dancers here!" I said.
Minun stared wide-eyed at the spectacle. The Gardevoir and Gallade danced and jumped across the ice. Minun squeaked at me longingly. I could tell he wished he knew how to dance so he could impress Rolf's Plusle. As I watched an evil idea formed in my mind. I smiled wide and we waited for a commercial. Minun knew not to bug me too much when Figure Skating was on.
Eventually, the show cut to an ad for some lingerie endorsed by Elesa, the supermodel from Nimbasa City. Minun started swaying around, trying to emulate the dances he saw on TV. He attempted to spin in mid-air, but fell on his ass. I had to laugh.
"Are you trying to dance so you can impress that Plusle in the park?" I said.
Minun blushed, but he nodded "Yes".
"Aw, Minun, I hate to break it to you, but your legs are too short for you to dance like that," I said.
I poked his short and stubby legs.
"Short legs! Short stubby legs!" I said for emphasis.
Minun frowned. He looked pretty sad now. This was the perfect time to unleash my plan.
"Aw, it's all right, Minun. There are still ways that you can dance. You just won't be dancing like a figure skater," I said.
Minun's face lit up. He squealed with glee.
"Yeah, here's how you do it. You put your hand on your crotch and repeatedly thrust your pelvis, like this," I said.
I furiously dry humped the air in front of me as if I were violating some invisible man with a strap-on dildo. Minun cautiously did the same. He placed his hand on his crotch and furiously thrust his pelvis forward, over and over again. He looked like a moron. It was perfect.
"Yeah, you got it! Girls like Plusle love that! Now, for your next move, you lose all control and wiggle on the floor like a Magikarp gasping for air," I said.
Minun did exactly that and flopped around on the floor. He looked so stupid! I had to bite my tongue to keep from giggling.
"Man, you're good at this! Okay, one more dance move to impress the girl. This is called twerking! She'll go crazy for this. You get down on all fours and put your butt up in the air. Then you wiggle it really fast," I said.
Minun obediently got on all fours and wiggled his butt as fast as he could. The way he wiggled made it look like he was begging for somebody to kick him in the butt.
"Great job, Minun! Tomorrow we'll go back there and you can show Rolf's Plusle your great dance moves! She'll be all over you!" I said.
I knew this would only make him look as stupid as possible. I knew no self-respecting pokemon would fall for something like that.
Minun squealed in gratitude. He gave me a big hug and curled up by my feet. I enjoyed an otherwise quiet evening watching my favorite figure skaters dancing their hearts out.
oOo
I went to the park the next day with my cute little Minun. I went straight for the sausage cart and bought myself another one of those amazing sausage sandwiches. Minun rushed around the grassy hills searching for his beloved Plusle. As he wandered, I found Rolf sitting on a bench drinking lemonade, so I knew his Plusle would be close by.
"Hey, Rolf. Remember me from yesterday?" I said.
"Oh, Dana! The girl with the Minun! Yeah, I remember you!" Rolf said.
I sat down next to him. He saw my Minun running up to Plusle, sniffing her butt and letting her sniff his.
"Aw, they really like each other. Isn't it cute?" I said.
"Ha ha. Yeah," Rolf said.
Minun took a couple steps back and placed his hand on his crotch.
"What is going on?" Rolf said, confused by my Minun's behavior.
Minun began violently thrusting his pelvis.
"I think he's trying to dance for her!" I said.
Rolf's Plusle looked at my Minun like he was crazy. Minun dropped to the floor and convulsed like he was having a seizure. Plusle laughed him.
"Is… is he okay? Is that normal?" Rolf asked.
"Yeah, yeah. He knows what he's doing. Just watch," I said.
As Plusle laughed and jeered at Minun's ridiculous dance moves I could see him getting visibly discouraged. Minun got back on all fours and presented his butt to Plusle. He wiggled it as fast as he could. Plusle walked up to Minun, acting as though his wiggling butt insulted her and gave him a strong, hard smack, right below his tail. Minun yelped in pain. I could see a couple tears forming in his eyes. This was going even better than I hoped.
Minun continued to do his sad attempt at twerking in Rolf's Plusle's face. Again, she whacked Minun across the ass. She looked absolutely pissed off. This time Minun screamed and got to his feet. He ran over to me as I ate my sausage sandwich, crying and squeaking.
"Aw, I'm sorry, Minun. I guess she didn't like your dance moves," I said, patting him on the head.
Rolf looked a little mad too.
"Plusle! Get over here!" he said.
Plusle jumped to attention and ran over to us.
"What you did was a very mean thing! You hurt that Minun's feelings. Bad Plusle! Bad!" he said.
The Plusle squeaked and squealed, trying to defend her actions, but Rolf was still mad at her. Minun was cowering behind my legs, but he poked his head out. He squeaked a few times trying to talk to Plusle. I think he was saying something along the lines of,
"I just wanted you to love me! I love you so much, why can't you love me back?"
Rolf's Plusle calmed down. She walked over to my Minun and planted a little kiss on his cheek.
"Aw, that's so sweet!" I said in between bites of my sausage sandwich.
Plusle apologized to Minun. The kissed and cuddled.
I thought, Crud, this wasn't working out now. I wanted her to think he was a moron, not fall in love with him. Well, that's all right. Maybe I can turn this into something fun.
"Aw, they really do love each other, don't they," Rolf said.
"Yeah, isn't it sweet?" I said.
That was when an idea hit me. I grabbed Minun by the back legs and lifted him up. We all got a good look at his butt and his silly little erection that he got from cuddling Plusle so much.
"Come on, Minun! I got an idea!" I said.
I rushed down to the beach, squeezing Minun tight.
"Minun, we're going to capture a pokemon so I can trade it for Rolf's Plusle! Then you two can be together forever!" I said. Minun squealed in delight as I dropped him face first onto the sand. He got a little bit of sand in his mouth and eyes, but it was no big deal. I laughed a bit as he stood himself up.
The reason I chose the beach was because there was sure to be a lot of water pokemon there, and Minun was such a wimp that fighting things weak against him was the only way he would ever stand a chance.
We strolled down the sandy hills looking for something to fight. We looked around a rocky, gravelly area of the beach most swimmers shied away from. Minun squeaked and jumped, pointing to a red thing on a rock. Sure enough, a large Octillery sat there, daydreaming in the sunlight.
"Good job spotting it, Minun! It' an Octillery! Let's fight it!" I said, enthusiastically.
Minun squealed with joy. Fighting this Octillery meant he could be closer to Plusle soon. I dramatically pointed my finger toward the Octillery.
"Minun, use Thundershock!" I commanded.
Minun's cheeks crackled with negatively charged ions. In a flash, he sent an arc of lightning at the unsuspecting Octillery, zapping it awake.
The Octillery wasn't very happy to be awakened like this. It let out a loud battle cry and turned around to face us. In a mighty burst it squirted high-pressure ink from its face all over Minun. It was the species' signature move, the octazooka.
Minun fell backwards onto the rocks. Ink was in his eyes, in his fur, in his ears, everywhere.
"Minun, are you okay?" I said.
Minun got to his feet and wiped some of the ink from his face. He squeaked as if to say, "That all you got?"
The wild Octillery slithered closer and took aim. It blasted another volley of ink at Minun.
"Watch out, Minun!" I said.
It didn't help much, though. Minun was knocked down again, completely drenched with ink.
"Fight back, Minun! Use Spark Tackle!" I said.
Minun electrified his body and jumped at Octillery. The Octillery quickly slid out of the way. Minun crashed into a pointy rock on the shoreline.
"Ugh! You little loser! Come on, Minun, this is for Rolf's Plusle, remember?" I said.
Minun got back up and tried to use Spark Tackle again, and just like before, the Octillery slid out of the way. Now it was Octillery's time to strike.
I watched as the Octillery wrapped his tentacles around both of Minun's back legs and spread them apart. I wasn't sure if this battle was going awesome or turning sour. Octillery nudged his face beneath Minun's tail and unleashed an ice-cold jet of water right up my pokemon's ass. Minun squealed in pain. He probably felt like he was being violated. I couldn't help but laugh at his misfortune.
I calmed myself down.
"Don't just sit there and take it like you're enjoying that, you little sissy! Fight back! Use Thundershock!" I said.
Minun let out a jolt of electricity from his tail and stunned the Octillery. He used this chance to pull himself from Octillery's grip and jump away.
"Great job, Minun! Now use Agility!" I said.
Minun darted around from rock to rock as Octillery tried to spray him with ink again. Minun had become too fast to hit. We were at an advantage.
"Come on, Minun, let's finish it! Use Spark Tackle!" I said.
Minun howled with fury. Negative ions flooded his body. With all his strength he rammed into Octillery and unleashed his full attack. The Octillery screamed in pain, and yet somehow, even after absorbing the full power of Minun's strongest attack, he still stood firm. Octillery grunted and wiped the dirt from its face. Now it was angry.
Octillery grabbed each of Minun's limbs with one of each of its tentacles and pulled them away from each other. Minun was pulled spread-eagle in front of Octillery, struggling to break free. The suction cups held him too tight. Octillery turned its face to Minun's little dick and sprayed icy cold water onto it at high pressure. Minun squealed in pain.
"Come on, Minun! You can do this! Use Thundershock!" I said.
Minun let out another burst of electricity, but it only stunned Octillery a little. This was a very tough Octillery. It tightened its grip around Minun's arms and legs, and with one of its remaining tentacles, began to… um… caress Minun's dick.
"Aw, what the hell is this?" I yelled out.
Minun squealed in horror.
"Out of all the Octilleries out on the beach, we just had to get the most perverted one!" I yelled.
I saw Minun moan and scream as Octillery caressed Minun's now erect penis. He probably felt like he was being molested. That was when I got an idea, an idea so stupid it might just work.
"Minun, forget about Thundershock, use your penis power! Use Thundercock!" I said.
Minun channeled the negative ions to his fully erect penis and blasted electricity straight into Octillery's eyeballs. Octillery screamed in pain and stopped molesting my Minun. He was slumped over, tired out.
"All right, this is our chance! Pokeball, go!" I said.
I tossed an empty pokeball at the weakened Octillery. It absorbed the pokemon almost immediately, with no resistance from Octillery at all.
"Woohoo! We caught it! Great job, Minun!" I said.
Minun was panting from all the fighting. He bent over to try and hide his erection.
"Come on, little guy. Let's get you to a pokemon center," I said, rubbing some of the leftover ink from his fur.
Minun nodded in agreement.
"Maybe we can get you a nice cold enema while we're there," I joked.
Minun looked at me, absolutely pissed off that I would suggest such a thing after getting all that water squirted up his butt already.
"Only kidding! Only kidding!" I said.
We went home after visiting to the pokemon center to relax for a while. We kept calm and watched Figure Skating Championship the rest of the day. Minun was pretty happy since this was the first time he'd won a battle in months. The little guy was curled up on the couch next to me. I stroked his fur.
"Hee-hee-hee. We're gonna have some fun tomorrow when we meet up with Rolf and his Plusle again," I said.
Minun let out a soft but excited squeak.
Oh yes, we are going to have lots of fun. I thought.
oOo
We went to the park the next day and, as expected, Rolf was there. He must come here every day.
"Hey, Rolf. Sorry I ran off so abruptly yesterday. How's it going?" I said.
"I'm doing okay, I guess," he said.
"Now, two days ago back when we first met, you challenged me to a pokemon battle right?" I said.
"You want to battle? All right!" Rolf said, pulling six pokeballs from his belt.
I gave an awkward laugh and took out my two pokeballs, one with Minun inside, the other housing Octilery.
"Rolf, I only have two pokemon," I said.
"Aw man! That wouldn't be fair if it were your two against my six," he said.
"Well, how about a doubles battle then?" I suggested.
"Ooh, that's great! Let's do it!" Rolf said.
Rolf took a pair of pokeballs out.
"Go, Plusle!" Rolf said.
Plusle excitedly ran to his side from some nearby bushes. Perfect. I thought.
"Go, Pupitar!" Rolf said.
He opened up one of his pokeballs and out popped a pupitar, a bug-looking blue thing. I'd never seen one before, but I knew they were tough.
I reached for my two pokeballs.
"Go, Minun! Go, Octillery!" I said.
Minun and Octillery emerged from their pokeballs ready to fight. A small crowd formed around us to watch the battle. It wasn't uncommon for trainers to battle in this park, and people always loved to watch a good battle.
"All right, let's go! Plusle, zap that Octillery with Thundershock!" Rolf said.
Oof. He's starting this out rough.
"Minun, Octillery can't take that kind of attack! Throw yourself in front of Octillery to protect him!" I said.
Minun looked me in the eyes, an exasperated expression on his little face, as if to say, "Really? What kind of strategy is that?"
Still, Minun obeyed and threw himself in front of the thundershock. He squealed in pain. It was a little cute, actually.
"Octillery, time for a counterattack! Use Octazooka!" I said.
"Octazooka? Is that even a real move?" Rolf said.
We ignored him as I dramatically pointed at Pupitar. Octillery sucked in a little bit of air and then blasted a strong stream of black ink into Pupitar's face. Pupitar reeled backwards from the attack.
"Yeah, we're actually doing pretty good here! Come on, Minun! Use Thundershock on the Pupitar!" I said.
Minun's face charged with negative energy. He unleashed a bolt of lightning. It did nothing. Pupitar just sat there, still trying to shake the ink off his face.
"What? How can this be?" I said.
Rolf laughed.
"Pupitar's a Rock type. He doesn't get hurt by electric moves," Rolf said, smiling.
Crap! I swore it looked like a Bug type! Oh well.
Rolf pointed at my Octillery. "Pupitar, use Rocket Tackle!" he said.
Pupitar built up some compressed air from within its shell and blasted itself across the ground, straight into my Octillery. Octillery didn't seem to mind. He just unsquished himself and sat back up. I guess blunt force doesn't hurt as much when you have no bones.
"What? That should've got 'em! Fine then, Plusle, use Lightning Tackle! Take that Octillery down!" Rolf said.
"Oh no, not again! Minun, protect your partner! Block the blow with your body!" I said.
I was actually enjoying seeing Minun get hurt like this. It was funny.
Minun threw himself in front of Plusle. A sad look crossed his face as the girl he loved rammed into and electrocuted him. Plusle didn't seem too happy to have hurt Minun either. An evil smile crossed my face. Pupitar is immune to Minun's attacks, so his only choice is to hurt Plusle. He has to beat up his girlfriend! Oh this is too good!
"Minun, strike back! Hit that Plusle with Thunder Punch!" I said.
Minun was ready to cry now. He looked at Plusle and squeaked softly, probably apologizing to her for what he was about to do. Minun's fist crackled with electricity. He looked away, unable to watch as he was forced to hurt his beloved, and quickly slugged her in the face. Plusle screamed in pain and fell backwards. Minun had actually hit her pretty hard.
I looked over at Octillery. He was wrapping his tentacles around Pupitar, trying to find the bug-rock-whatever-the-hell… He was looking for Pupitar's butt, if Pupitar even had one. Pupitar looked disturbed. He clearly knew Octillery intended to violate his anus.
"Um… Yeah, keep it up, Octillery! Use… Constrict! Yeah, that's a move! Constrict!" I said.
Rolf didn't appear to understand what was going on with Octillery and Pupitar.
"Pupitar, don't let that Octopus crack your shell. Use Harden!" he said.
Ha, he wants Pupitar to get hard… While my Octillery was trying to molest it.
I couldn't help but laugh.
Rolf looked back at Plusle and Minun.
"Come on, Plusle, it looks like we won't get to zap Octillery unless we knock out that Minun. Use Thunder Punch!" Rolf said.
Plusle's fist crackled with positive energy. She punched Minun square in the crotch. Minun fell down and cried. Plusle looked genuinely sorry for doing that to him.
"Yeah, almost there! Finish it off with Body Slam!" Rolf said.
Reluctantly, Plusle jumped up and did a flying elbow drop onto Minun's head. Minun was out cold. He had fainted.
"Crud! Now it's just Octillery. Come on, we can do this, Octillery. Use Octazooka again!" I said.
Octillery pumped out a huge amount of ink all over Pupitar. It seemed to be coming from both ends, ink from his mouth and… whatever the hell that thing under hit tentacles was. Butt? Penis? Some kind of combination? I don't even know.
Pupitar wasn't taking being covered in ink very well. The ink seemed to be causing it pain… Or maybe Octillery's tentacles just found its butt hole. I couldn't tell from all the ink everywhere.
"Come on Pupitar! You can break free! Use Power Jump!" Rolf said.
Pupitar built up more pressurized air and then used it to leap high up. Octillery's suction cups held firm and kept Pupitar earthbound.
"Great going, Octillery!" I said.
At that, Octillery slammed Pupitar down into the ground. Pupitar was knocked out.
"Oh man, not Pupitar! Well, I still have Plusle here. Come on Plusle, charge at the Octillery. Use Thunder Tackle!" Rolf said.
Plusle rammed right into Octillery and electrocuted him. Octillery was stunned.
"All right, now finish it off with Thunder!" Rolf said.
Before any of us could react, Plusle called down a bolt of lightning from the sky and hurled it like a javelin into Octillery's face. Octillery was zapped pretty badly, but he still stood firm. I was impressed
"What! It's still there? How did he tank that hit?" Rolf said.
"My Octillery's the baddest ass around! Come on, Octillery, use Octazooka!" I said.
Octillery let loose a volley of ink at Plusle. She evaded the attack, and bent down, ready to strike.
"Great job, Plusle. Hit that Octillery with another bolt of Thunder!" Rolf said.
Plusle called forth another bolt of lightning and zapped Octillery. Octillery squirmed and wriggled for a moment after the attack.
"Now finish it! Again!" Rolf said.
Plusle threw one last bolt of Thunder at Octillery. My pokemon could take no more and fainted.
"Yeah! We won! Great job, Plusle!" Rolf said.
I took out my purse and handed Rolf some prize money.
"Well, I gotta take Minun and Octillery to the pokemon center," I said.
"Yeah, Pupitar got busted up too. I'll go with you," Rolf said.
I picked up my fainted pokemon and lugged them down the street. Rolf followed closely behind. We handed our pokemon over to Nurse Joy, who was happy to fix them right up.
When we got them back, Plusle and Minun were outside of their pokeballs, getting kissy-kissy on the hospital countertop.
"That Plusle and Minun really seem to like each other," Nurse Joy noted, smiling.
"Yeah, they really do. Say, Rolf, would you be interested in a trade? My Octillery for your Plusle?" I said.
Rolf thought this over for a moment.
"Plusle, is this what you want? You want to live with this woman and her Minun?" he asked.
Plusle looked back at Rolf, a little sad, but nodded and warmly embraced Minun.
Rolf turned back to me.
"What about Octillery? Is he okay with this?" Rolf asked.
I looked at Octillery, who was on the floor, peeking up Nurse Joy's skirt.
"Yeah, he'll love hanging out with you," I said. After all, travelling with Rolf meant more battles and more orifices to invade for him.
Rolf handed me Plusle's pokeball. I handed him Octillery's.
"It's a deal! Come on, Octillery. Let's go fight some wild pokemon to see what you can do!" Rolf said, running off with Octillery close behind.
"See you guys around!" I said.
I scooped up Plusle and Minun and put them both in my purse, which they just barely fit in together. It was cramped.
I carried the two of them back to my apartment. Figure Skating was coming back on TV soon. Plusle and Minun hopped onto the couch and started hugging.
"All right, Plusle, welcome to Casa Dana. The main rule is to shut up when I'm watching TV," I said.
Plusle cheered with happiness. She cuddled Minun and snuggled close to him on the cushions. Minun smiled too. I'd never seen the little guy so happy before. I just had to ruin the moment.
"Wow, Minun. You and Plusle sure do love each other. Of course you know why I REALLY got her, right?" I said, with an evil smile on my face.
Minun whimpered while Plusle obliviously continued cuddling.
"You two have opposite charges. That means I can do this!" I said.
I picked up my little electric rodents and rubbed their tails together. Minun's negative body surged with Plusle's positive energy. Plusle's positive body surged with Minun's negative energy. They both yelped in shock. I cackled like a maniac. They moved away, but their tails were now stuck together, since opposite ions are attracted to each other.
"This is too good. Now I can play rude jokes on both of you! Hee hee hee!" I laughed.
Plusle let out a nervous squeak. Minun held her to comfort her. We had so many fun times ahead of us.
The End