Noora normally hated dreams, they were filled with voices and faces of people she would rather burn from her memory. But she didn't care about them this night. Her mind was filled with vivid images of lush forests filled with high swaying fir trees and endless beaches with crashing waves. The breeze mussed her dancing hair and her lungs reveled in every deep and salty breath. Her footprints twirled in circles and the sand crunched between her bare toes.
«Noora» and again «Noora»
She was spinning and spinning faster with ever turn while the blues and yellows mixed into an indistinguishable stream of colours before her eyes. Her body lost balance but instead of hitting the sand, she slumped into a soft mattress and bundles of sheets.
«Morning» a mumble against her ear followed by a light kiss on her forehead.
She narrowed her eyes to lessen the sudden flood of light numbing her brain. A groan fell from her lips and she stretched the muscles in her neck to relieve the tension. The white turned to shapes and morphed into the subtle shades of creams and greys that were William's bedroom.
The realization sent her mind tumbling but before her body could follow the onset of panic cooking in her head, strong arms pulled her close. She recognized William's hoodie and the dark bits of his hair sprawled on the pillow next to her.
«You slept well?» the softness of his words stole a sigh from her.
Wiping the sleep from her eyes, her hands brushed away the left over sand and tangled strands of blond hair from her face. Beside her William studied every of her sleep drunken movements and his lips spread into an impossibly wide grin when her gaze found his face. The messy pieces of hair falling onto the pillow and his warm eyes suited him better than they should, Noora acknowledged.
Completely disregarding his question she lost herself in the little features in his face she hadn't bothered to notice before and missed in their dark kisses last night. He was handsome, not that that accounted for anything but she questioned how she hadn't seen it before now. She had been so dead set on hating William and making him fit into the cut out version of the asshole she had needed him to be, to bother with any even slightly redeeming quality.
Of course, his sweet smiles and charming words didn't detract from the inexcusable things he had said to Vilde, but they certainly made it harder to despise him for it. Following William home may have been a mistake but there was no way to make undo it now and a bigger portion of her than she would like to admit, didn't want to. The kisses still made her stomach flutter at the thought of his soft touches last night. She envied her carefree self from yesterday and blood heated her cheeks when her attention fell from his attentive eyes to the curve of his cheekbone and landed on the grin spreading his lips.
Noora was too aware of the fact that she should get up, check the time, which was bound to be later than usual for her Saturday mornings, and get dressed in her own clothes. She definitely shouldn't nuzzle her face deeper into the feathery pillow and give William the reveling smile she did. Certainly shouldn't have allowed him to kiss her than either.
«I should go.» she half heartedly mumbled the words against the hot skin of his neck.
«Stay» he offered and pressed a trail of kisses along her jawline.
She didn't refuse. Instead her fingers trailed down his chest and played with the cords of his sweater.
«How long have you been awake.» Noora pursed her lips.
He was fully dressed, in casual clothes, and he rested on top of the duvet. His fingers combed through her messy hair and placed on last kiss to her cheek before pulling her into a sitting position.
«I still owe you breakfast, you left too quickly last time.» William threw her a content grin and Noora barely had time to raise her eyebrows before he hopped off the bed and disappeared into the kitchen.
She had been right last time in thinking he wouldn't let her leave without a fight - or in this case eggs and bacon - if she hadn't slipped out of his bed in the early hours of dawn. The smells spreading through the apartment were in fact heavenly and the grumble in her belly confirmed her dire need for something edible.
Discovering her dead phone from the night stand, she forced her reluctant body out of William's dangerously comfy bed and tied the very big pare of sweatpants around her waist to keep them from slipping down her bare legs.
William greeted her with an overly joyous smile and nodded towards the set plates on the kitchen table.
«You really weren't kidding.» she bit the grin spreading on her lips.
«You don't have a lot of faith in me.» William elegantly slipped the eggs onto their plates and took the seat across from her.
«Well, a guy like you doesn't exactly inspire trust.» she watched him poor them each a glass of orange juice.
«What kind of guy is that?» he shook his head slightly, flicking his hair away from his eyes and gave her the most innocent smile.
Fuck, the way he looked at her made it increasingly harder to argue her formerly bullet proof case.
«The kind that has slept with half the school.»
«Ouch» William faked outrage and popped a bit of egg in his mouth, clearly contemplating his answer. «We didn't sleep together though.» The banter thrown across the table morphed into something more serious and the small crease in his brows made her swallow.
«And we never will.» she stated and sensed her mouth go dry as Williams eyes studied every hint in her eyes proofing the jest behind her words. But she did mean them.
«Okay»
«This here» Noora gestured with the fork between them «us, it doesn't exist.»
«Okay» his half hearted replies certainly didn't make it easier to find the right words to convey the confusion running ramped inside her head.
«You think a few charming smiles and breakfast will make me change my mind about you.» he almost laughed at that but bit it back in favor of not irritating her any further.
It had been foolish to stay the night and the way he had slightly turned his head to the side waiting for another insult to come his way only proofed the false impression she had given him. Kissing him felt good - better than good - but that meant nothing. People their age hooked up all the time and it never equaled a deeper relationship.
«I thought this was the phase were we lie in bed and laugh and eat breakfast together.» he tried to suggest with a casual tone, that wasn't a hundred percent honest. «Not fight» William added.
«But there is no we, no us.» the desperation forced her voice up an octave.
He studied her and she could see the disappointment seeping though the cracks of his faltering smile. It wasn't honest, all an act on his part. She repeated it over and over in her mind. Her fingertips traced along the rim of her juice glass to preoccupy her mind with something else than his firm gaze.
«I like you.» he had put his cutlery down and reached one hand out across the table. The weight behind his words made them echo in her ears and drew a shiver across her arms. She refused to listen.
«That changes nothing.» she carefully crossed er arms and rose her chin to give point to her statement.
He had most likely said the same words to countless girls before her. None of this meant anything and she wasn't stupid enough to fall for this shit. To her own dismal, she felt the tears growing heavier with every passing second of silence.
Noora was being ridiculous, and part of her knew it. But it was easier to refuse that last night had meant anything at all, than to acknowledge the hoard of contradictory feelings and voices buzzing like fireworks in her head.
«And you like me.» he carefully continued and Noora found herself staring back, completely dumbfounded.
The denial already rested on the tip of her tongue but before she could spit the words out, she felt Williams hand curl around her own and her mind combusted into a thousand sparks.
«I don't want to hurt you.» his thumb drew circles across the pale skin on the back of hand. «You don't have to do anything. You don't have to say anything, but please don't tell me that all of that yesterday meant nothing.»
She shook her head, not exactly sure what part of his statement it was directed at.
«No, I just» she bit her lip «this is too much, I need some time to think and …» her voice faltered again.
Not thinking was what had gotten her into this situation in the first place. There was much to sort through, and she couldn't do that here, in William's apartment with his eyes that saw far beyond the uncertainty of her slumped shoulders.
There was no way she could remove the stray tear without it catching William's attention, so she half turned her face from his and wiped it away with the seam of the borrowed sweater.
«You're too smart for your own good, you know that?» his lips curled into a smile and she felt her hand relax in his. «I didn't mean to pressure you.»
«I know» she squeezed his hand. «I'm sorry.»
«I can drive you home, if you want. And you can text me whenever you feel like it. Okay?»
«Okay» the smile on her lips grew and so did the warmth in her chest when William reached across the table to place a kiss on her lips.
«I'll text you.» Noora loosened her seatbelt and pushed the car door open.
«Good» William hummed against her lips.
If this was what it took to be with her, he gladly settled for a promised text message; and he would make sure to always keep some pre-made chocolate milk in the fridge.