DISCLAIMER: I do not own One Piece. Warning: Characters could and probably will be a little OOC but oh well, you'll live. Enjoy ;)
"Luffy, why are we in this Podunk town anyway?" Nami pouted. "We have to get on the way. After that run in with Crocodile in Alabasta, the Marines are on high alert and there are rumours of Marines in the area. We should leave." The red head said, trying to reason with her headstrong captain.
"No, we go." was all Luffy said.
Sighing at the rubber man's antics, Zorro decided to help Nami out and join the losing fight.
"Come on Luffy, be smart. The Marines are after our heads and you want to go to shore, where they've been spotted in droves no less, when we're not even desperate for supplies? No. I say we keep going." Zorro said.
"Well I say we go ashore and I'm the captain. Besides, I'm only going to one seedy bar to meet a few people I've been meaning to meet." Luffy shrugged before jumping overboard and onto the docks they'd tied the Going Mary to.
Sighing at his captains antics, Zorro and the rest of the Straw Hats followed their captain to a crappy bar in the middle of the town. It didn't look like much but upon entering though, they were greeted by at least three different pirate crews, one of them a faction from the infamous Whitebeard Pirates while the other two were notable in their own rights; one as famous robbers and strong fighters while the others were just bloodthirsty and crazy…
It was then that the Straw Hats began recognising people, because even if they had never met some of them personally, they'd sure as hell heard of them…
For example, in the corner grinning at them was the familiar freckled face of Ace, his orange floppy hat placed haphazardly atop his head and a goofy grin on his face. He and Luffy seemed to be the only happy ones there though Ace was the least intimidating and that was saying something. He was Portgas D. Ace, Second Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates. Bounty: £450,000,000.
Across the room was a taller man wearing a royal blue suit and a black top hat, goggles settled on the brim. He held his cane with a practiced ease as he leaned against the bar among his crew, blond hair poking out from underneath his hat. He was Sabo the Blue Gentleman, Captain of the Blue Pirates. Bounty: £300,000,000.
Not too far away from the Blue Gentleman was a petite looking woman with long golden blond hair and wide dark eyes. She wore a dark red dress with pants underneath. Her name was Bloody Mary and she was Captain of the Bloody Pirates. Bounty: £800,000,000.
And though he wasn't noticed by anyone, in one of the back corners wearing a green cloak with strange tribal tattoos running down his face was the Legendary Revolutionary, Dragon. The most wanted man in the world. Ever. Bounty: £10,600,000,000.
Not that anyone knew he was there or would even recognize him and yet...
To say the Straw-hats were not comfortable was an understatement. That was, of course, before a whole platoon of Marines ran into the bar, led in by the famous Marine Hero and Vice-Admiral, Monkey D. Garp. After that happened they were just about jumping out of their own skins.
There was a long silence as everyone took in the new faces before Luffy stepped forward and looked right up at the Vice-Admiral, a large grin in place.
"I hear you are a very family orientated man and yet you hardly ever see your family." Luffy chimed. Some of the Marines looked at Luffy as if he were mad. Two of these Marines were Cobi and Helmeppo, who were both now petty officers in the Navy. Cobi, personally, wanted to scream at his pirate friend to run, that he was in a room with some of the most dangerous people in the world. And yet, the rubber man continued on, oblivious.
"Well, since it's your birthday. I brought a family to you. I brought you a grandson," Luffy said, pointing out the famous and deadly Blue Gentleman as if it were nothing. The Pirates and the Marines both gaped in shock, all except their respective captains who watched in anticipation.
"I brought you another grandson, Ace!" Luffy grinned while pointing at the once grinning pyromaniac who was now no longer grinning. The Second Division of the Whitebeard Pirates sat in their positions, gaping at this kid… whoever he was he had balls to be pissing with the Vice-Admiral, Blue Gentleman and Ace. Ace himself was thinking that he hadn't agreed to be put in the firing line like this… or had he? It was impossible to tell with Luffy and his hair brained schemes which brought a new question to light: with his track record of terrible ideas, why had they chosen now of all times to listen to him?
"And I brought me!" Luffy grinned, and much to the shock of nearly everyone in the room continued on to say, "Happy Birthday Grandpa!"
"You… You… You… YOU THREE! YOU THREE DESERVE MY FIST-!" Garp screamed.
"…"
"Evasive action!" Ace cried.
It was then that Ace, Sabo and Luffy all commando rolled over tables and pushed people, Marines and Pirate members of their own and other crews alike, over in a desperate effort to get to the door. It was impressive to say the least. The three moved like a well oiled machine, Luffy's own crew wondering both where and when the hell he managed to learn how to move like that and, more importantly, why the three were running… before remembering that their idiot captain had just pissed off a Vice-Admiral by claiming him and a bunch of random pirates to be his grandchildren and, by default, his own brothers. Yeah, that might have done it.
But anyway, as the three made their mad dash to the door, much to the amusement of their parents (Dragon and the Bloody Mary though no one else knew they even knew each other, let alone were married or did… that or that Dragon was even there in the first place ). Sabo, Ace and Luffy were almost to the door which put them in the middle of the room, the Pirates and Marines having already cleared the area rather than get trodden on like some poor soul two yards back. The three could see the doorway, just a little bit further but… They didn't make it.
All three were scooped up by the monster of a man that was the Vice-Admiral, Garp. All three paled, resigning themselves to their fates as Garp continued to bellow his infamous line…
"-OF LOVE!" Garp screamed while punching the three into the ground. The Marines and Pirates present couldn't help but stare.
It was not a moment later that Luffy, Ace and Sabo jumped back up and glared at the old coot.
"YOU CRAZY OLD BASTARD, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?! WHAT-" Sabo screamed.
"-ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL OLD MAN? WE'RE NOT KIDS ANYMORE! HIT YOUR MARINES, NOT YOUR FUCKING GRANDKIDS! YOU-" Ace cried.
"-SENILE OLD ASSHOLE! THIS SHOULD BE CLASSED AS CHILD ABUSE! IF THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR LOVED ONES I'D HATE TO SEE WHAT YOU DO TO YOUR ENEMIES!" Luffy finished with a bellow.
There was a long silence before all three pirates, two of them captains and one a commander in a prominent Pirate fleet, turned around to look at the Bloody Pirates all packed into one corner behind their captain, all confused and more than a little shock when the three yelled their next line.
"MUM! GRANDPA'S HITTING US!" They bellowed in sync.
Everyone present waited for an explosion. Blood. Pain. Screaming. Death. Something.
Instead, they got the Bloody Mary smiling at the three boys sweetly before saying, no, chastising them… softly! "Don't look at me. He's only my father-in-law, I hold no control over his actions… though it is lovely to see you Garp." she smiled happily at the Vice-Admiral before turning her attention back to Sabo, Ace and Luffy. "Complain to your father." Blood Mary said to the boys.
The Marines and Pirates were nowhere near as shocked as the Bloody Pirates. They were used to yelling, screaming and the fear they felt when dealing with the woman on a good day. To see her smiling (not sadistically) and talking to (not threatening) Sabo, Ace and Luffy like that… it was like hell had frozen over or something.
"What is this, huh?" Some random Marine asked. "Oh let me get this straight. This is some sort of practical joke, right? This is meant to be a family reunion and Bloody Mary is the Mum, Blue Gentleman, Fire Fist Ace and Straw Hat Luffy are the three brothers and Vice-Admiral Garp is the grandpa? Next thing you'll be telling me is… that man in the corner is Dragon the Revolutionary and he's the dad." The Marine said, adding the last part on spontaneously.
There was dead silence in the bar, everyone staring at the guy before Ace gave out a low whistle. All attention was suddenly turned back to the three 'brothers,' who were now all half crouched in a semi circle, giving themselves a sense of secrecy though that proved useless due to the fact that a) they were in the middle of the room, b) over a hundred Pirates from four different crews and a large number of Marines were staring at them and c) of the three, none of them actually put any effort into hiding anything about the conversation. I think. We can't really be sure.
"He was right on the money, wasn't he?" Sabo murmured.
"Yeah, it was actually kind of creepy how right he was… Do you think he was tipped off?" Ace asked quietly, though with the silence of the bar he might as well have been yelling.
"Nah," Luffy stage-whispered, "Dad's way too secretive. He was being sarcastic and just happened to be right."
"So he just took a crack at it and guessed that dad was actually Dragon and this whole shindig was a plot made by us to have a birthday party/family reunion for grandpa without getting hunted down, stabbed, blown up, shot, drowned, whack sacked, beheaded, poisoned in any way, thrown off a cliff, thrown off a bridge, thrown off a tall building… thrown off of anything really as well as getting set on fire, drugged, castrated, trampled or witnessing the most boring game of poker played by a bunch of dogs ever." Sabo frowned.
"Are you sure the last one wasn't caused by the drugs that were snuck into our food?" Luffy asked in hushed tones after moment.
"…Yes…" Sabo frowned.
Sighing at his little brothers' antics, Ace decided to make a point known to the two through a simple enough question. "What about concussions?"
"Huh?" Luffy and Sabo asked. By this point the Pirates and Marines were too busy staring to interrupt the boys. On the other hand, Dragon had left his seat and was slowly making his way unnoticed through the crowds. He hadn't seen his boys in years...
"You didn't mention concussions before." Ace pointed out.
"And with good reason." Sabo said before looking pointedly over at Garp. Ace and Luffy followed the Blue Gentleman's gaze and understanding bloomed.
"Those are unavoidable." Sabo continued before shrugging it off. "At worst, we'll be stuck with permanent brain damage but at least the old man will have some nice memories to forget when he finally goes senile…"
Upon receiving 'the look' from both Luffy and Ace, Sabo quickly amended by saying "more senile… or he falls off the deep end or…"
When they just kept staring Sabo said "When he drops dead…?"
"HEY! YOU UNGRATEFUL BRATS, I CAN HEAR YOU! YOU DESERVE THE FIST OF LOVE!" Garp screamed. He was already half way across the room, a path already cleared through the crowd for him to run, as he ran at the boys. Sabo, Ace and Luffy all paled and muttered "We'll be living vegetables by the end of the night."
The Pirates and Marines watched as Garp came within a few yards of knocking the boys heads when there was a gust of wind through the room and suddenly a cloaked man broke through the crowd and knocked the Vice-Admiral ass over head. Standing up straight again, the man's hood was down to reveal long spikey black hair and tribal tattoos etched into his face.
"Quit it dad, the boys have had enough of your eccentric ways for one day." The man smiled before adding with a snort, "And they wondered why I became a revolutionary. Imagine being raised by that!" he muttered, before turning to his sons.
"Hey boys, how are you?"
"Good." They chorused.
"So, I hear you're all pirates now… nice. You're just like you're mother… only less sadistic hopefully." The man smiled.
"Oh, really Dragon, dear." Bloody Mary called, "Do you find me sadistic? Do you want me to show you sadistic I can be?" she asked as she made her way through the crowd towards her husband while cracking her knuckles.
Dragon paled as he was dragged away. As soon as the door to the bar closed, the screaming started.
Sabo stared at the door a moment longer before leaning closer to his brothers and saying loudly to get over to silence that had fallen over the room and the screaming of his father from outside, "Remember my list?"
"Yeah?"
"I never took mum into consideration. We'll have to take being stabbed, blown up, shot, drowned, whack sacked, beheaded, poisoned in any way, thrown off of anything higher than a one story building as well as being castrated, trampled and potentially crippled off of the 'they won't happen at the reunion' list." Sabo said.
"Potentially crippled wasn't on your list." Zorro called, recalling perfectly well what was on that list. He'd been kind of frightened when he learned that someone like the Bloody Mary and the Blue Gentleman was related to Luffy - it was kind of mind boggling that people so terrifying were related to… Luffy and well, the truth was that it was bad enough when they met just Ace in Alabasta - but a crazy Vice-Admiral for a grandfather and Dragon, the Dragon, most dangerous and feared man to ever live, as a father? I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!?
Looking over at Zorro, Luffy grinned.
"Oh yeah, Zorro's right. You didn't say anything about being crippled. Castrated, yes. Crippled, no." Luffy said to Sabo. Ace stood beside his little brother and nodded in agreement.
"How did you even come up with this 'list?'" Sanji asked through the awkward silence that fell over the crowd of Pirates and Marines, both groups honestly having no idea what they were meant to do now.
"Oh, we know from experience and past reunions." Ace smiled cheerily. Now the crowds were beginning to pale and feel nervous.
"Yeah, didn't it ever occur to anyone here why there was only us three, mum, dad and grandpa in the actual family for the reunion…" Sabo chimed before looking thoughtful. "Hm… But now that I think about it, I also may have left out death via rubber glove, lama and toothpick…" The Blue Gentleman frowned.
Upon receiving several strange looks Sabo, Ace and Luffy looked at each other and visibly shivered before saying at the same time, "You do not want to know."
And there it is! A little messed up with the family dynamics and I put an OC in there but to be honest I don't think it was too bad. Tell me what you think (Though no flames please), ba-bye! :D