Better In Time
xxx
You tell me it gets better, it gets better in time
You say I'll pull myself together, pull it together You'll be fine
Tell me what the hell do you know
What do you know
Tell me how the hell could you know
How could you know
-Lady Gaga, Til It Happens To You
xxx
Outside, a crazy wind storm raged against Avengers Tower. Rain could be heard pelting against the massive glass windows which surrounded most of the building. What also could be heard, was the quiet crying sounding from the communal kitchen on the forty-fifth floor.
Steve Rogers had just showered off from a workout with a newly healed Bucky Barnes in the lower gyms. They'd spent most of their freetime there since returning from Africa; rebuilding their friendship one punch at a time.
Steve hadn't anticipated, as he searched for a post-workout carb intake, to find someone crying. It was nearly two in the morning, and he knew that not many of the Avengers were even in the Tower.
Leaning quietly against the doorframe to the kitchen, he silently took in the scene before him: A woman-Darcy Lewis-sat at the large kitchen table, head resting in her arms as she cried into them. Her legs were crossed on the chair she sat in and she seemed completely huddled into herself. He also wasn't sure if it was due to the fact that her legs were bare, or the fact that autumn had hit with a vengeance, but she was shaking something fierce.
Knowing he couldn't leave her alone in whatever state she was currently in, he unwrapped from his waist the clean sweatshirt he had grabbed from his locker. Walking towards her, he halted before her shaking form.
Taking note that she didn't even take in him standing before her, he spoke softly, "A pretty dame like you shouldn't be freezing in the middle of the night." He ignored the jump that came from her person, holding out the warm sweatshirt to her.
"Wha-what?"
"You're obviously cold, Ms. Lewis. Take this."
She quirked a perfect eyebrow at him, tears still flowing from her eyes, "Why are you here?"
"I just came from a workout with Bucky," he stated. Darcy made an "ah" sound, knowing just as well as anyone who currently lived in the Tower that the Super Soldier was probably on a food hunt.
"Don't let me keep you from leftovers," she sniffed, moving to stand. "I'll just be going."
He shook his head, placing the hand not still holding his sweater gently onto her shoulder, "Ms. Lewis-Darcy, take the sweater."
He could tell by the look of resolve breaking on her face that she wasn't able to say no to his, "Captain" look. It was the blue eyes, or so Natasha told him.
"Thank you," Darcy whispered, taking the incredibly large sweater and pulling it over her head. Even though she had moved back to sitting, he could tell that the sweater covered her nearly to her knees.
Good, maybe she'll stay warm now.
Taking a seat at the table beside her, he cocked his head to the side, "Do you mind if I ask?"
"What's there to ask?" She whispered, tightly wrapping her arms around her knees. Due to her small stature, her entire body was able to be squeezed on the small chair. He could see her small fists squeezing the soft fabric of his sweater in a death-grip.
"Well, for starters, you're crying...alone."
"People can cry when they're upset, Steve."
"I agree, have no doubt on that." He was at a loss for a moment, noticing the defeat that covered Darcy Lewis's face. Gone was the incredibly brave woman he was used to dealing with. Before him now, was the shell of the fighter he was used to.
"What happened?"
She threw a fist onto the table before her. He stayed solid through the event, allowing her to gether aggression out.
"Why is it that when you think things are going okay...life has to throw you a curveball? Not just any curveball either...but a helluva life-altering one?" He saw her pull her fist back against her body, gently rubbing it with her thumb.
"I've always been careful, you know?" She continued softly. "I never go home with people when I'm drunk, I'm usually a stickler for protection, and I can name you every person I've ever slept with. I've always been careful."
He grew slightly awkward at where this conversation was heading, though also incredibly concerned.
Had someone hurt Darcy sexually? Did they leave her in the family way?
"I'm not pregnant," she announced suddenly. At his confused glance, she snorted softly. "I saw the worry in your eyes-it was easy to see where your mind was going." The tears which had temporarily stopped, once against begun to fall. "I wish it were that simple."
"What is it? I'm a pretty good secret keeper...if you need to vent about something."
"Why do you care?" She demanded, staring intently into his own eyes. "Why are you even bothering with sitting with me? I'm a mess!"
He shook his head, "You aren't a mess, Darcy."
"You don't know what you're talking about, bud. This is all a mess, and you can't tell me otherwise!"
"I can take your anger, Darcy. I can take your sadness. Thing is, I don't like seeing people I care about crying at two in the morning. I understand that something is a mess, but you have to help a man out here."
She looked at him for a solid minute, lips wobbling. Finally, a sigh escaped her lips. Reaching underneath the sweater she had borrowed from the soldier before her, she retrieved a piece of paper from her pocket.
"Here, take the fucking paper."
Ignoring her language, he got to work unfolding the paper. His eyes were immediately assaulted with endless lines of medical jargon. HPV? LSIL? Colposcopy?
"What is this?" He peered at Darcy cautiously, "Darcy?" He asked, confusion completely evident on his face, "I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"About three months ago I was diagnosed with something called HPV. With HPV, it can either be the type that could lead to cancer, or it can give you warts. It's an STI, Steve."
His eyes widened, him finally understanding, "I take it there isn't an injection you can get with this one...not like some of the others?"
Darcy snorted almost comically at that, a wry smile covering her face, "Yeah...I wish it was that simple." She glanced down at her hands a moment, trying to find her words, "My strain that I contracted was pre-cancerous. Due to a heavy workload at my doctor office, I wasn't able to see how progressed my HPV was until this morning. I was kind of hoping it would have cleared-it can do that you know. I was told my HPV was LSIL initially, which pretty much means "nothing to worry about", or so my stupid doctor told me. LSIL is on the low-grade of concern."
"It didn't clear, did it?"
She shook her head, "No, it didn't. They found out with a Colposcopy procedure...and a biopsy...and a few other tests that I have Cervical Cancer. I found out this fucking morning! This fucking morning! Fuck!"
He refused to let the sadness show on his face at that moment, knowing that Darcy wouldn't need his pity right now. "Did they tell you anything about treatment?"
"I spoke to Doctor Banner as soon as I found out. It isn't his area of expertise, but he has a friend at one of the hospitals here in New York who is apparently pretty fabulous at saving women and their cervixes. With how progressed my cancer is, they say I have good chances at going into remission."
"That's good news though, isn't it?"
"I have perpetual bad luck. I don't have a lot of faith in any of this." She once again beat her fists on the table, anger evident on her face. "This isn't right! This wasn't supposed to happen! I was fucking careful!"
Standing up abruptly, Steve moved the few feet that separated them, "Come here."
"I beg your pardon?" She questioned, mid-fist smashing against the table.
He reached for her arms, untangling them from her body with little resistance. Reaching under her armpits, he lifted her to her feet. "I'm going to hug you, alright?"
"You don't have to do that-omph!" Instantly, Steve had wrapped her small five foot frame with his much larger one. "Why are you hugging me?" She questioned, sniffles still occasionally leaving her body. The anger she was feeling was causing small tremors to occasionally rock through her form.
"People in pain are allowed hugs. After the day you've had, you're allotted quite a few of those hugs in fact. Heck, I'm sure you could even convince Tony to hug you." She giggled at that, shaking her head against his body.
"To answer your earlier question," he said softly. "I did need to hug you. You aren't alone in this, Darcy. We're a family here...all of us."
Two surprisingly strong arms wrapped around his torso, followed by a nose being pressed firmly into his pectoral, "Do you promise?"
"Through everything, Darcy. Just have a little faith, okay? Until we know otherwise, you're going to get better."
You have to.
xxx
This is a very special story for me. Please be kind in your comments if you choose to review-HPV can be a very sensitive topic for many.
I'm happy to be back writing again, and I truly missed you all in Fanfiction-land.
-Tegan Malfoy